I'm sorry that things aren't going as smoothly as they should on posting but the world seems to be working against me. I'm in the process of moving cities, so packing a house that we've lived in for nearly twenty years, it's been a scream to do so. I'm going to keep this short so you can get peeks into various minds, I hope you enjoy a look into certain minds and I hope you don't mind some snooping on Bella's part. Also I have a challenge in mind, but I want to write the reward before issuing the challenge, so my question to you is what type of outtake would you enjoy? I'm planning on doing it in EPOV, but what scene so far would you enjoy so far and please don't ask about me doing a EPOV for this chapter as I must keep some secrets. I was thinking Edward's first day at Forks High and finding out about Bella's pregnancy. But what would you like to see? Enjoy!

You could say things got awkward after we left the river walk, Edward, always the perfect gentleman, helped me into the car and then slid stiffly into the drivers side, he keep both hands on the wheel, his knuckles white from the clutching.

And here, I thought we'd made progress with the walk down memory lane and our little talk.

I sighed as we drove the hour back to Forks, I watched the scenery pass by as blurs because Edward drives like a maniac. I could hardly make out the green blurs as tree's or grass.

I may have ended up falling asleep because next thing I realized was that my door was being opened and Edward was extending his hand to help me out.

As soon as I was out, he dropped my hand and waved towards his neighbor, giving her a flirtatious smile. I'd have been jealous if she'd been young and hot, but Mrs. Gerald was knocking on ninety and could hardly hear an air horn if it was blown next to her ear, but she was nice, Edward told me that she'd brought food over when he'd first moved in.

My hand felt weirdly empty as we made our way into the house, at the door, I prepared myself, just in case Edward swooped me up and carried me over the threshold.

He didn't, thankfully, I was way to big for him to lift me over, coupled with the fact that he and I weren't married in the tradianal sense.

Married... Edward adn I were married, as in live together, raise a child together, sense. Does this mean we'd have to share a room? Sleep together? In ever sense of the phrase?

"Bella?" Edward was looking at me in concern. "Everything okay?"

"Fine," I muttered and retreated to the nursery, where my new twin size bed was set up, the closet had my clothes stored in there and my undergarments in the dresser, along with a few of the babies things.

Seeing everything in there, it was too much and I felt dizzy, making my way to the bed, I set down and put my head between my legs as the feeling passed. Then I laid down and stared at the ceiling, losing track of the time.

A knock came at the door, Edward poked his head inside.

"Hey, kiddo," Edward smiled sadly, as if he was upset with the way things were progressing tonight. "I, uh... I'm heading out for a few hours, something um... came up that I need to take care of. I'm sure you wanted to spend tonight together, but this can't wait."

"It's fine," I sighed, not even looking at him, because I knew his thing meant he had a date, with a girl, I didn't miss the stumbles in the sentence, the uh's and um's, and it damn near broke my heart, because my husband was already cheating on me. "Have a good time."

"Bells," Edward mumbled, sorrow passed through his eyes.

"Really," I promised, hoping the unshed tears that were forming in my brown eyes didn't slip down my face at that moment. "It's fine."

Edward nodded and a few moments later, I heard the close and I was completely alone.

I could feel the emptiness of the house, the weight of the loneliness was nearly crushing on my body as I laid in my twin bed, in the room that my daughter would one day call her room at her daddy's.

I was struggling to breath and knew I needed to calm down before having a full blown panic attack, so I got out of the bed and wandered around the house, searching for somehting that would take my mind off the crushing lonliness.

The bookcase seemed like a good place for a book worm like myself, so I skimmed through the books that lined the shelf two deep and two high. Edward's taste mirrored my own, with many classic's, he also included mystery, a genre I hadn't picked up yet, but I might just try.

My eyes continued their search for something, a leather bound journal type book caught my eye and I grabbed it, thinking it was a classic, but the first page surprised me.

Property of Edward A. Cullen, Jan. 2002-Dec. 2002

I knew I shouldn't, I knew it was invasion of privacy, but that was ten plus years ago and I really needed to figure out what made my husband tick, how I could get on his good side.

Maybe just one entry?

Jan. 1, 2002

Sleep over at Jasper's, he's in town for the holidays. He's meet a girl by the name of Alice in Forks, says that she is the girl he's going to marry, than he asked me who I wanted to marry, what would my ideal women be like.

Hell if I know. I'm only fourteen, nearly fifteen, I'm way to young to be thinking marriage.

Of course there are some cultures, where I could already be a father and married with three wives. I shudder to think about being married already, I'd never survive.

Of course, his talking got me thinking, what type of girl would I like to settle down with, who would I enjoy growing old with.

She would have to enjoy reading, I'm a nerd when it comes to reading and even though I'm a sports nut, I've always enjoyed a good book. She needs to be fun loving, wild yet restrained, know when to let her hair down. I refuse to have a girl with a stick up her ass.

Family is a big importance, even though my fahter says that conciving will probably be hard for me because of some stupid test he ran on me and my spearm count is low, seriously, only my father would run a test on his son. I want kids, though. If I can't concieve natuarlly, I'll adopt, if I have to be a single father, so be it, I will love my child, or children, no matter what they look like or how they act.

Of course, I need a women who's a freak in bed...

And I'm going to stop reading right there, because I'm not about to think of my husband like that, that's just disturbing.

March 29, 2002

I wish that Jasper lived here year around, but sadly he's really enjoying Forks, he asked Alice out after he returned to Forks and they've been going strong, but he promises taht we'll do the college route together, I laughed, college is still four years off, he said only four years off, it was time to start planning.

I went over and stayed at Aunt Renee's this past weekend, because my parents were out of town and they didn't think I was mature enough to stay home alone. Honestly, I think I am, but I'm never going to pass up an opportunity to visit Renee and Bella and be the man of the house, and Bella's hero.

I can't believe that Bella is seven already, it seems like just yesterday that Renee and Charlie brought her home and she sleep and shit and nothing else. Now, she astounds me with her knowledge of the world.

She reads, quite well actually. She read to me while I was over there. She loves picture books still, but I didn't mind and I laughed as she tried to read with different character voices.

Then she surprised me and went to Jasper's room and grabbed a chapter book and begged me to read a few chapters to her. She pleaded with her big brown puppy dog eyes and I couldn't say no, how can you turn down a little girl as cute as Bella.

Then she surprised me even more when she snatched the book from my hand and started to read, I'll admit that she's going to have to work hard to get to that level but for a first grader, I was proud. Her smarts will only be out shined by her beauty someday if her cuteness is an indicator.

I'm sure that Jazz and I will be beating the boys off her with a stick, a job we've already agreed to when she came home and announced that Josh Henry kissed her in the school yard during resess. Jazz and I spit shook on it and everything, no boy is getting close to Bella while we are around.

Cue teh sappy piano music in my head, but visually the shudder from the fact they had doen a spit shake on beating the boys off me when I was seven.

Of course, he got one thing right, my beauty does out shine my smarts, I got the cutest guy I know into bed and concieved my mirical with him.

Oh, how I wished I could have been a fly on the wall during Edward and Japser's teen years, I'm pretty sure that was fun times for them.

Not that I really cared at the time, I was to wrapped up in my own life, the drama that a seven year old thought would end her world.

The cutest boy she knew didn't recognize her. Edward saw me as only a little sister type. I hated it, I wanted Edward's attention and there was only one way to get it and I wondered if the next journal entry I picked at random chance would hold the way I gained my brother's best friend attention.

Oh, my little Bella, she's so funny. I know that she knew the work but she acted dumb just to get my help. Not that I can say no to her, she's so cute.

Jasper agree's that she will be a stunner when she grows up, my chest hurts when I imagine her walking down the aisle towards some unknown man, she wears a white wedding dress and her father is giving her away. Jasper and I are there, it will be a beautiful wedding, one that she'll never forget.

But for now, she needs to get her head into her studies so she can go to college and do everything she wants to do before she get's married and starts a family. I know that she's going to do amazing things.

Todays little adventure in learning included mathmatics, not her strong point, I'll give her, but to me, it's easy and I'm hoping I didn't come off as pushy when she asked, but I know she was doing basic multiplication easily yesterday.

Opps... Bella's back, so I'm going to stop writing, so she can read to me, can't let my little girl down, or she'll never trust men and I want her to have that white wedding soemday, to a man she loves.

Yes, I'll admit taht I dumbed things down just to gain his attention, I mean, have you meet the guy? Even at fourteen, when he could apparently write really well, he was cute. To some degree, I wish my emotions hadn't been running rampant the night that I crawled into bed with him, but on the other hand, I'm glad beause I'm linked to this amazing guy for the rest of my life, even if our marriage didn't work out, I had this amazing reminder of our one special night.

That one special night, could be our only special night, because, apparently, I mgiht be the wife, but I'm not enough to keep his attention and he ran off to another girl, no, I'm a girl, he wants a women.

I put the journal back, thankful for the small look into my husbands mind, maybe if I searched more, I could find something that would clue me into why he fleed from me, on our wedding night of all nights.

Scanning the dates, I noticed that the first journal entry was the day I was born. I wonder why that was.

My phone vibrated, forcing me from my thoughts, I found a text message from Rosalie.

You lucky bitch, I swear I hear the screams from your new home all the way at my place.

I sighed, internally screaming, because I might have been forced into this marriage, but I really wanted a normal wedding night, because maybe I was being selfish, but my husband, my newly stated in law husband had ran to another women.

I didn't get any wedding night happiness, any Friday night, nor Saturday, I wasn't even sure Edward came home until I peeked into his room late Saturday morning and saw him sprawled out on the bed, the sheets bunched around his waist, his torso bare and I admit that I'm weak and ogled my husband for a few moments before he moved and I went to find breakfast.

"Morning," Edward said as he came into the kitchen while I was pigging out on toast.

"Sup?" I said through my half chewed food.

Edward just laughed at me as he took a drink of orange juice, shaking his head at me, making me feel like he still found me a child, than I remembered last night.

"Where did you go last night?"

"Don't worry about it," Edward shot me a crooked smile that said there was more to the story than I was going to find out.

I internally rolled my eyes at him, trying not to show emotion that I was upset that he'd left me on our wedding night.

"Hey, I forgot, I'm going to be locked in my room tonight, I've got some work to do before Monday. Also I have an idea for orchestra I want to run by you," Edward said as he went on to explain the idea to me.

Then he went to his room and left me to my own devices for the day.

So I called Jason, feeling lonely and wanting male company, then leaving and going to his place to hang out.

Jason may or may not have gotten his wish and made out with me but guess what? I'm not about to kiss and tell you what happened while there for the four or five hours that we hung out.

Let me just tell you that if Edward could screw a women, I could make out with a guy.

Speaking of my cheating husband, he was still locked up in his room when I got back to the house that was now mine and my daughters home.

I sleep in the nursery again, and Edward was gone when I got up on Sunday, so I lounged on the couch until an unexpected phone call came through.

"Hello?" I asked as I picked up the phone early Sunday evening.

"Bella, darling," my new mother-in-law, Esme Cullen, smiled into the phone.

"Hi, Esme."

Esme has been my second mother since I was born, she and my mother first meet years ago, when Jasper was three, I've never been told the story of how they meet, I just assumed that it has something to do with Jasper and Edward meeting at school, or something, but after learning what I learned, maybe there was more to the story.

I know that Esme and Carlisle, Edward's father, moved to Forks when Jasper was three, and after learning what I've learned, I assumed that Edward's parents where still newlyweds. I always figured that's how Renee and Esme meet but the conversation my mother-in-law wanted to have would finally bring me out of the dark.

"Carlisle and I are so sorry that we couldn't attend the wedding," Esme sighed and I could hear the sadness in her voice.

"It's fine, it was just a small courthouse thing."

"Yes, but it's my only son's marriage, I promise that I'll be better. How are you and the baby?"

"Good, she's kicking a lot, so I guess things are doing well."

"I just wanted to check in. Bella, can we talk?"

"We are, Esme," I laughed, I heard a giggle come from her end.

"I mean about something serious," Esme said, still laughing slightly.

"Sure," I said, wondering if she'd say that she had never wanted me as a daughter-in-law.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yea," I gulped.

"Oh, sweetie, don't freak out, this isn't bad," Esme chuckled. "I assume Edward informed you that I'm not his biological mother."

"Your his mom, not his mother," I confirmed.

"Yes, that's what he always says. A mother always worries over who their child will end up with. I'm sure that for little girls it's slightly different when having to win over the fathers, I'm pretty sure your father was ready to arrest Edward, but I worried that Edward would end up with that bitch Tanya," Esme surprised me with her choice of words towards Edward's ex-girlfriend. "I detest her, Bella. Edward never told me why they split, just that he ended things. I worried he wouldn't find another girl, but when he called me and said that you were pregnant and he was the father, Carlisle and I jumped for joy.

"Do you know how our families meet? No, I'm sure you don't. When we moved to Forks, shortly after Carlisle and I were married, I was still grieving over the loss of my first son. I started to attend support circles. Carlisle, even though he didn't know my baby boy, came with me, to support me in any way he could. That's where we meet Renee and Charlie. Your parent's had lost a baby around the time we'd moved to Forks. Did you know this?"

"No, my parents told me that they tried repeatedly after Jazz was born," I said. "I assumed that they probably loss a baby or two. I know that it eventually lead to their divorce. Mom wanted another child, dad wouldn't put their hearts in pain again if I didn't survive."

"But you did. Your mother and I dreamed that you and Edward would get together, even though the age gap was a few years. Sweetheart, this is something that your mother and I have dreamed of for years, even Charlie admitted that he'd rather have you with him than any other guys. Probably why he forced you into this arangement."

I couldn't bring myself to tell Esme that her son had already left me for another woman. We talked for a while longer before she hung up.

I didn't hear Edward come in again that night, I wasn't sure how long I could put up with this from him if he wanted this to be a real marriage and not a shame.