One More Day

(Chapter Three: From This Moment)

"They think I'm crazy," Elliot said aloud in the dark and empty bedroom.

He sat alone curled up in the corner leaning against the wall listening to the thunder and watching the rain slide down the window pane in the blue of the moonlight.

"You disagree?" she asked in a soft and almost motherly voice.

"I do," he said as another tear slid down his cheek, so sure that he was about to have a breakdown.

"Elli…"

"No," he snarled turning his head to look at her laying across the bed. "I….I'm not! I'm not crazy because I lost the one woman I ever really loved. I lost my partner and my best friend and the only person to ever know who I really am! God, I don't even know anymore. The only thing I do know is that you're gone. I'm not crazy, Olivia. I just miss you so Goddamned much!"

She exhaled and rolled onto her back to stare up at the ceiling. She tipped her head back just over the edge of the bed and let her hair dangle down as she stared at him upside down. Elliot however, avoided looking at her completely.

"I don't suppose there is any way I can change your mind?" she asked waiting for him to look at her.

"Change my mind about what?" he asked still staring through the thin lace curtain into the stormy night.

"Don't be coy. I know what you're thinking."

"You don't."

"I do El," she said with a soft laugh. "I come from inside of you. I am here because of you. I am you. What you think, I think. And what I say, you think also."

"Stay out of it," he snapped almost angry with her.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I wouldn't be here if you didn't need me."

"I don't need anything anymore."

"If that were true…."

"You would be gone?" he asked finally raising his head to look at her.

"Do you want me to go?"

"And if I did?"

"Then I'm gone. But there is no coming back. Once I leave, I am gone for good. You can't change your mind."

"There's the door," he said stubbornly.

"Ah," she said staring into his blue eyes, "it isn't that simple. I leave when you don't need me anymore."

"I don't."

"Obviously you do or I wouldn't be sitting here right now. You are focusing too hard on the wrong part of the problem. You can't do that or you will never find a solution."

"I have a solution," he said running his fingers over his hair. "The only way to get you out of my head. I can't bring you back. This is the only way to fix this."

"It wont fix anything!" her voice was stern now and he stared at her.

"You think what I think, remember? So shut your mouth!"

She stared at him and blinked waiting for him to realize the way he had spoken to her.

"What about the kids?" she asked.

"They'll be alright. They have their mother to look after them."

"What about the victims? The abused children and….and…." she stopped as he watched her getting frustrated with him. "You really are a selfish bastard! You know that?"

"I don't know what else to do, Liv. I can't make the pain stop. I can't help you. I am not any use to anyone anymore."

Olivia glared at him with tears in her eyes.

"I know I let you down," he said softly.

She moved across the room to sit in the floor and watch as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Elliot tossed a handful of prescription pills into his mouth and finished off a glass of water. He sat the empty glass on the corner of the envelope he had left on the night stand, beside the now empty pill bottle and laid back in the bed waiting for sleep. He closed his eyes and held tight to Olivia's pillow, the smell of her sweet perfume still lingering in the air as he drifted off to sleep in her bed.

Olivia sat crying in the dark with her back against the wall waiting and watching for him to draw his last breath.

The next morning Elliot opened his eyes to stare at the blinding sunlight through the window across the room. His head was pounding and the alarm clock on the dresser was blaring. He groaned in pain pulling a pillow over his face as he reached down pulling the plug from the wall.

"Get up Stabler!" she shouted kicking the foot of the bed. "We are going to be so late! I cannot believe you are still in bed!" she growled as she stomped back down the hall toward the kitchen. "I'm getting coffee," she yelled, "You have five minutes!"

Elliot groaned again as he moved the pillow from over his face. He squinted and stumbled into the bathroom for a handful of aspirin. He splashed his face with cold water and stared at his reflection in the mirror. This was not what was supped to happen at all. He was supposed to have ended his life last night, taking away all of the pain. Yet somehow here he stood with the worlds worst hang over, feeling like a jack ass.

Wait a minute, he thought as he looked around the room. This was his bathroom. That was his shower and….

"Elliot!" Olivia snapped pushing open the door to hand him a coffee mug. "I wasn't kidding! Cragen is going to kill us if we are late again!"

This was his partner standing here staring at him naked in his bathroom. Elliot couldn't move. All he could do was stare at her. Even pissed off, she was so beautiful. But was she real?

"Earth to Stabler! For God's sake put some pants on!"

"Pants….yeah," he said with a nod stumbling back into his bedroom. "Liv? What the hell happened last night?" he asked walking out of his closet buttoning his shirt.

"I was about to ask you the same thing. You look like Hell."

"Thanks," he said as she lost all patience and tied his tie herself. "I mean how did I get here? And where did you come from?"

She stared at him with a strange look for a moment then shook her head.

"I have no clue how you got here. I left the bar at ten o'clock last night and you guys were still knocking them back. I don't know how you got home. As for me, I came from my apartment this morning. Where I waited for half an hour for you to pick me up for work. It was supposed to be your day to drive, remember? I didn't have anything to do with any of this," she said pointing at the trail of his clothing across the room and his boxer shorts crumpled beside the bed. "You didn't think that we….?"

"Oh, no! No. I just wasn't sure if you knew what time I got in last night," he said still not sure of what was taking place here, but trying to keep it cool.

"Your breakfast," she said handing him the travel cup. "We are so late, Cragen is going to kill us!" she said as Elliot followed her out the door.

They rushed up the steps of the courthouse and into the courtroom just as things were getting started.

"Maybe they wont notice," Elliot whispered holding the door for her as she rushed inside to take their seats.

Just before they sat down, the doors slammed shut drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

"Yeah El," she whispered as the room began to settle once more, "I don't think anyone noticed."

"Sorry," he said softly straightening his tie.

Elliot spent the next three and a half hours staring at Olivia across the bench where they were seated. A few times she caught him staging at her and gave him a look. Elliot would quickly turn the other direction and act as if he hadn't been seen.

Their time in court was long an boring and he could maintain no focus on what was going on around him. Elliot was still trying to piece together the events of the night before and figure out how the hell he ended up here today.

"Detective Stabler?" Alex repeated staring back at him as Olivia nudged him with her elbow.

"Yes," he replied raising his head to stare at the look of panic on Alex's face.

"Would you kindly take the stand?" she asked.

Elliot stood up and made his way to the little boxed seat beside the judge. He was nervous as hell and had no clue what he was even testifying about. Luckily Alex managed to guide him through most of his testimony and he survived the morning.

That afternoon Elliot sat supposed to be doing paperwork, but again all he could do was stare at his partner.

"Elliot, are you almost finished with that?" Olivia asked as she reached for the paper he had spent nearly an hour filling out.

"Yes," he said clearing his throat and watching her.

"This is good. Except you forgot to date it," she pointed out laying it back on the desk in front of him.

Elliot picked up his pen and put it to the paper, but just before he began to write, he stopped.

"Olivia, what is today's date?"

"December thirtieth," she said giving him a strange look.

"December thirtieth," he mumbled. "Two days before the accident. It hasn't happened, yet."

"Elliot, what in the world are you talking about?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking out loud, I guess."

"What is going with you? You have been acting strange all day? And why do you keep staring at me like that? It is a little creepy."

"Isn't it?" he mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just, I can't believe you're real," he said laying his hand on hers.

"Of course, I'm real. Are you sick or something?" she asked feeling his forehead.

"I guess I just had a really bad dream. But I'm awake now, right? And this is real? All of this. And you are real?" he asked standing and cupping his hand on the side of her face as he stared into her eyes.

"I'm real," she said softly staring back at him with loving eyes.

She placed her hand against his and lowered it from her cheek.

"Maybe you should think about cutting back on the drinking," she suggested.

"I just quit," he replied.

"Seriously, are you alright?" she asked and he could tell she was worried.

"I am now," Elliot said with a smile.

Olivia smiled back at him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I was starting to worry about you."

"Don't worry, Liv. Everything is going to be okay, now. I promise," he said wanting so badly to kiss her. "I am here and I am going to be here for a long, long time. We both are. I'm gonna make sure of it."

Olivia tipped her head to one side not really sure of what to think.

"I am going to protect you, Olivia. From this moment on."

Elliot watched her reaction as tears slowly slid down his face.

"El," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him, "you're scaring me," she whispered softly.

"You don't have to be scared," Elliot said kissing the top of her forehead.

"In the eleven years we have worked together….I don't think I have ever seen you cry," she said wiping away his tears with her thumb. "This must have been some dream."

"It was a nightmare," he said as she leaned in to hug him again.

Elliot just held tight to her for a moment, almost afraid to let her go. So scared that if he opened his arms she would just disappear.