I think the whole town turned out for my fathers visitation, it was Tuesday night and after a miserable day at school, which I'd ended up in the band room, back were they keep the flags for the flag team, curled up and crying, I wasn't in the mood to see each person, shake their hand, hear their stories about Charlie, hear the condolences, hear the good wishes for my baby. I just wasn't in the mood and my family knew it.
The good thing about Edward being my brother's best friend for their entire life, was that his mother and father were our second family and Carlisle had been good friends with Charlie and they had drove in from Seattle, where Carlisle was currently the chief of staff at Seattle Community Hospital, to be with us.
My own mother and step-father, who I loved like a real father, flew in as soon as Jasper called them, Renee and Charlie had still been on speaking terms when Charlie passed, Renee called what they had friendship, so had Charlie, they were co-parents, working together to raise two, sometimes three, if Edward was included, children to the best of their abilities.
Then there was Alice and Edward, our spouses. They both knew how we'd be feeling today, Alice hadn't pushed to dress me up, she simply gave me a bag with a black dress and let me get ready on my own. Edward stood by me the whole time, holding my hand, kissing my head when he noticed I was getting worked up, hugging me when he could. He was always close and that made me happy, to know that he would be there for me.
A few of the guy's friends flew in from their old school, Angela, Rosalie and Emmett set in the pews, they would drag me to them every once and a while and make me sit. Angela and Rosalie had been my strongest support at school today, one of them was constantly with me out in the hallway, when I'd finally ditched and ended up curled in a ball in the music room, Rosalie and Angela had ditched with me and set in front of the door, growling at anybody who tried to enter, save for Edward.
Rosalie had dropped her snarky attitude, only bringing it out for comic relief and in all the years that I'd known her, she'd never let her attitude drop, for anybody, so I felt privileged to get to see that side of her.
"How you doing?" One of Charlie's co-workers asked.
"I'm doing okay," I replied. "Just a day at a time."
He nodded and moved on, I took a deep breath as Edward kept his arm around me, squeezing lightly. Next in line was one of my non-orchestra friends, Jessica Stanley, who had seen Edward a few days into the semester and had been crushing on him, hard.
"Hey, Bella, Mr. C," Jessica smiled sadly at me, then batted her long eyelashes at Edward. "I'm really sorry about your loss."
"Thank you, Jessica," Edward said professionally and something, some monster inside me roared at the girl in front of me, she was trespassing on my territory.
"Thanks, Jess, I really appreciate you being here," I tried not to snarl at her. Today was all about being polite.
Jessica moved on and Edward glanced over my head and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Rosalie got up and came over to get me. She led me to the pew that her, Angela and Emmett were sitting in and forced me to sit down.
"Can I just go home?" I begged, my eyes were starting to droop, I was getting really tired.
"I know, sweetie," Rosalie cooed as I laid my head on her shoulder. "Let me see what Edward thinks."
Angela got up and went to Edward, probably explaining the situation and he came over, sitting down in the pew in from of me.
"Babe, you feeling okay?"
"I'm tired, I'm ready for bed," I admitted.
I'm pretty sure, if he hadn't let me leave then, that I'd have curled up on the pew and fallen asleep right then and there. Emmett probably would have thrown his jacket over me and they would have let me sleep.
As it is, Edward just about carried me out of the funeral home, there was still a small line of visitors. We'd said that visitation would be over at seven, but it was already eight-thirty and the line was still nearly out the door.
I guess that comes from being the Chief of Police for a small town.
Angela, Rosalie and Emmett stayed the night at Edwards, that way they could man handle me into going to the funeral the next morning if I decided I wasn't going, which, as I stared at my closet, was looking like a great idea.
I didn't know what to wear, I wasn't sure what to wear, nothing looked right for my father. He'd always been laid back guy, he had always enjoyed jeans and a button up, but I was sure that my jeans and a nice top wouldn't work for today.
I thought about a sports jersey, I wasn't sure how many times I'd come home over the last seven months and found Charlie crashed on the couch, ESPN playing on the television. If I wore that, I'm sure Alice would have a fit.
Finally, I gave up, I just collapsed on the ground and pulled my knee's up to my body, as far as they could with my expanding belly. I cried, I just let the tears come freely as I stared up at the closet, the only thing on my body was my underwear and my robe, I couldn't pick something to wear. How did one pick something to wear to their father's funeral?
I'm pretty sure I set there for some time, because I finally heard footfalls coming down the hallway, I'd also come to the conclusion that I was pregnant and I couldn't get off the floor and I had to much pride to call for help. Not today, not now, I just couldn't call for help, I'd struggle for hours before I gave up and called for help.
"Bella," Edward's velvet tones came from outside the door. "Honey, we need to get going."
"Bite me," I growled, hoping he didn't come in and see me in my misery.
"I'm coming in," Edward said.
"That's what she said," I giggled, apparently, my mourning had hit a new level.
"Bella," Edward said as he saw me on the floor, still in my robe, tear strikes down my face and I was laughing hysterically. "What happened?"
I shrugged as I laughed, more tears poured out of my eyes and I laughed.
"I don't know what to wear," I laughed.
Edward moved to help me up but I locked my arms at my side, still laughing. He didn't stop as he found purchase under my arms and lifted me up and back onto my feet, when they refused to support my weight, he dragged me carefully over to the bed and called Rosalie and Angela.
I heard the clack of their heels as they knocked on the door. Edward told them what had happened and I laughed harder, then I felt a warm sensation between my legs.
"I think I pissed myself," I giggled, I started to worry about my insanity, why in the hell was I giggling so much, I'd never been a giggling girl.
"I smell it, Bella," Edward said. "You have to calm down. Your father would hate that you're acting this way today."
"My father's dead, asshole," I screamed, "he died and I wasn't there to protect him, I was being a child and having a childish sleepover with my best friends. I'm a child, barely eighteen and I'm married to an idiot who forced me to marry him, who doesn't love me, who doesn't believe in love, who only married me because of his child."
"Edward," Rosalie hissed. "Get out, you've just invoked the wrath of Bella and trust me you don't want to be around for this, otherwise you're going to get even more upset and I can't deal with you two sparing at the moment."
Edward nodded and left, not before I threw more words at him.
"You made me love you, just so I could have my heart ripped to shreds, my father was stupid for letting me have the choice to marry you, you were stupid for pushing. I hate you, Edward Cullen!"
"Bella," Rosalie crouched down to my level to look me in the eyes.
I could hear the rasp of the hangers and Angela looked for something for me to wear.
"Bella, come back to us," Rosalie keep eye contact with me. "Come on, sweetie, we have to go today, we have to, love, I can't be there by myself, I can't do this without you, baby. I love you and I know you need this, to say goodbye, the town needs this, to say goodbye."
"Kiss me," I pouted. "You say you love me, so kiss me, make me forget all my problems. The great Rosalie can have any guy she wants, I want to understand why they flock to you. You're pretty, I get that, but you say I am to, the guys only wanted me because I'm your best friend. So, prove to me why the guys flock to you and not to me. Kiss me because I never get kisses from my husband."
Yea, I'm not sure what was going through my mind when I asked my best friend to kiss me, maybe I was officially going off the deep end, maybe she'd call the people in white coats and have me carted off, maybe she'd laugh at me, in all my misery. I never in a thousand years expected her to actually kiss me.
It wasn't harsh, it wasn't soft, it was right, equal parts hard and soft, he hand locked behind my head, her fingers tangled in my hair. Her tongue darted out and asked for entrance, which I granted and our tongue dueled, my hands tangled in her blond locks.
"Damn it, you two," Angela threw something at our head.
We broke the kiss and saw black pregnancy pants on my head, a deep purple pregnancy top on Rosalie's.
"What the hell happened?" Angela asked.
"She kissed me," I said.
"She asked me too," Rosalie said, still looking dumb founded.
"I saw that," Angela muttered. "Why?"
"She wasn't coming back to us," Rosalie admitted. "I was losing her and when I found something to pull her back, I took it. Ang, she had to be in her head for today, she wasn't. Now, can we get her dressed?"
Rosalie left the room and I changed my underwear and then Angela helped me get into the clothes she'd thrown at me. Rosalie came back in and pulled my hair up into a high pony tail and then we headed down stairs, were there was no sight of Emmett or my husband, Rosalie must have told them to go on, that she'd get me there.
Instead of one eulogy, people got up and reminisced about their friendship with Charlie. Jasper had asked me to talk, but I wasn't sure I could. Jasper glanced at me as he started to make his way up, silently asking if I wanted join him, I shook my head.
"Charlie loved Bella and I, he put up with my stupid antics all the time, normally it was my best friend and I that got into the trouble, but Charlie would never do more than ground us, yes, he would ground both Edward and I, he had permission from his family. Recently, Charlie gave Bella an option, which she took, I'm surprised at how she did it, but she's done it and she shows grace and maturity beyond her years, even if she's still only eighteen. She didn't realize that Charlie had all the faith in the world that she could make it work. I'd been talking with dad just a few hours before the break in and he said that he was proud of Bells for what she's done, what she's doing and how she's going about it with the grace and maturity. Bells, he loved us more than we'll ever know, as a parent, Charlie loved us more than anything, more than his silly fishing trips with Billy, more that Edward, we were his children and he loved us. He also told me that he couldn't wait to meet your baby girl, you've picked her name now, Charlene, Charlie after him. I'm here to tell everybody that he'd be more than proud of all that you've done, these people out here, he loved them and was proud of his town, but to him, he was happiest when it was the three, or four if he like Edward that day, of us. Goodbye, dad. I love you."
I was crying, this stupid pregnancy was really fucking with my hormones. I got up and realized that I had to say something, he was my father.
"I'm Bella, Charlie's youngest and only little girl," I said, wiping the tears with the tissue up on the podium. "As you can tell, I'm seven months pregnant, I'm only eighteen, when Charlie found out, he was furious, he didn't speak to me for a week. I felt like a failure at life, I'd always strived for his approval. My mother, I love her dearly, she's a bit scatterbrained," I smiled at her, she smiled back. "I've always had her approval, his I had to gain. I worked hard to gain it. I showed him I was an adult. I did more chores and I found a job. When I finally did, he rewarded me by letting me be a kid again, I partied, I hung out with my friends. Then I started senior year and the father showed up," apparently my verbal filter was gone today because what I said next could cause the town to go into an uproar. "It was my brother's best friend. I'd known all along that he was the father, but I'd lied, to save his skin, he's a teacher, I'm a student, see. He was still in college when we conceived our baby. It was consensual. Charlie threatened to slap the cuffs on Edward's wrist, but Edward begged Charlie not to, instead, Charlie laid a different plan out, I didn't even try to fight it, why should I, I needed to grow up, I needed to be a mother to my baby girl. I have to grow up, I have to be a mother to my baby girl, that's what Charlie tried to teach me, he was teaching me how to be an adult, a loving parent and I love him for all that he's taught me, that's why I am naming my little girl after my father."
I turned and found my brother right behind me, together we went to the casket and placed a hand on it and silently said out goodbyes to our father, tears streamed down both of our faces.
"I love you, dad," I muttered.
The baby kicked my ribs as I cried.
"Charlie loves you, too," I whispered, Jasper grabbed my hand and squeezed it.