One More Day

(Chapter Seven: Out of My Hands)

Elliot could feel the sting of salty tears as they ran over the gash under his eye. He stood silently in the hot steam of the shower watching the pink tinged water circle down the drain as it carried her blood away. He had done everything, everything he could think of to save her and still he lost her.

He closed his eyes tight remembering the last few moments before the crash. He was so sure that switching places with her would have changed the way this would all end. So sure that she would be safe from harm and that if someone were to perish in that wreck, it would be him.

He sat nervously waiting and watching. Paying close attention to the sights and sounds around them. Then suddenly there is was. The green blur of the SUV appeared from out of nowhere.

Elliot drew a deep breath as he turned to look Olivia in the eye.

"I love you," he blurted out knowing they only had moments left to share together. "Don't you ever forget that," he said and she looked confused.

"El…." she barely got out as the SUV struck his side of the car spinning it around on the icy street before slamming into it once more on the drivers side.

Things were dark for a few moments and Elliot could hear the screaming of the sirens as they approached. He opened his eyes to see that the squad car they were traveling in had bee struck a third time at full speed, flipping it over and sending it skidding across three lanes of traffic on it's roof.

They were still inside the car. Elliot turned his head to see his partner dangling there upside down in the drivers seat, not moving.

"Olivia?" he called to her reaching to feel for a pulse. "Liv, it's going to be alright. I'm gonna help you," he said shifting to knock out the remaining glass from the passengers window and crawl out of the car.

He hurried around to her side reaching through the broken glass to unbuckle the seatbelt that held her in place. Elliot caught her as she dropped from the seat and onto the roof of the car. There was glass and ice everywhere and the area was filling with smoke from the cars involved in the accident.

Olivia coughed a little and opened her eyes.

"I've got you," he said softly pulling her away from the car and sitting with her on the street.

"I think I hit another car," she mumbled still a bit dazed.

"They hit us," he explained. "Two of them."

"Is everyone alright?" she asked as he raised his head to look around them.

"It looks like most of them are up walking around. There is an ambulance on the way, I can hear it. You just have to hold on. Just a little longer," he said choking back tears.

"I think I'm alright," she assured him. "But I hit my head pretty hard and it hurts a little when I breathe."

"You should take it easy. You probably shouldn't be talking."

"Elliot, you are bleeding," she whispered raising her fingertips to touch a gash under his eye.

"It's fine, really. Just a scratch."

"You should probably have that stitched up."

"I will, I promise. Hush now," he whispered trying to keep her calm.

Olivia stared up at him for a moment and smiled. Elliot noticed her breathing became more shallow and he could see the pain she was hiding in her eyes.

"It's snowing," she whispered forcing a smile as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Elliot smiled, but said nothing.

"What you said in the car…." she began.

"Liv," Elliot said shaking his head. "You shouldn't talk."

"I love you, too," she whispered softly and he pulled her closer to him and held her tight.

"I have always loved you," he confessed. "From the first day we met. In the squad room. Do you remember?"

Olivia smiled with foggy eyes as she gazed at him.

"I remember," she whispered.

"You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I didn't even know you yet and already I was in love with you. And that love only got stronger with each day that passed. I should have told you a long time ago. I should have found some way to let you know."

"I…I knew," she whispered.

Holding her tightly in his arms and staring lovingly into her beautiful brown eyes, he had confessed his love for her. Olivia blinked softly, trying to mask her pain as she raised up just a little and pressed her mouth to his. Elliot listened as the sweetest voice he'd ever heard whispered softly to him those three little words he has waited so long to hear.

"I love you," she breathed before giving him one more tender kiss.

Olivia's eyes fluttered softly leaving little butterfly kisses against his cheek.

"El," she gasped as she drew a jagged breath and he knew that she was trying to say goodbye.

She laced her fingers between his and squeezed his hand, her eyes never leaving his.

"It's okay," he whispered in return knowing she was bad off and fading fast. "I understand," he sobbed cradling her and rocking her in the safety of his arms. "I understand," he choked out once more as he felt the warmth of her last breath against his neck.

Her forehead was laid against his shoulder and her eyes were closed. She looked like an angel sleeping in his arms. But Elliot knew in that moment that he had just felt her life slip away. He kissed her softly.

"I am so sorry Liv," he whispered as he rocked her motionless body in his arms and broke down.

"I am so sorry," he repeated now opening his eyes in the steam as the water ran clear for the first time in nearly twenty minutes.

Elliot shut off the water and climbed from the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and moved his hand across the mirror to remove the steam. There, behind him in the glass, stood his angel.

"I am so sorry," he repeated once more as she smiled at him.

He turned to stand face to face with Olivia's ghost once more.

"I tried."

"I know you did," she replied with a warm smile.

"I did everything I could think to do. I switched places with you. It should have been me. You should have been safe, it should have been me. I was ready to die for you."

"I know."

"It isn't fair."

He watched as she moved forward slowly and placed her palm against the gash in his swollen cheek.

"I'm fine," he replied wincing in pain and pulling away as she brushed her fingertip over the wound. "I got bumps and scratches and you lost your life. It isn't fair."

Olivia pressed her lips together as she took a seat on the countertop and just let him vent.

"I promised you I would protect you, that I would keep you safe. And I got you killed. It was all my fault."

"It wasn't you fault. Maybe it was fate."

"Bullshit!" he snapped as he stormed from the room.

She stood in the corner of the bedroom and watched as he slammed the door and moved his arm across the dresser sending everything on it crashing to the floor. Elliot growled, then made a fist and punched the mirror.

"You are going to hurt yourself," she warned.

"I don't care! I don't care about anything anymore if I don't have you!"

"El…."

"No! I don't want to hear it! Just don't talk to me anymore if you can't tell me a way to fix this!"

"You can't fix it. I am gone. It is over, it's done now. And there isn't anything anyone could have done to stop it. Don't you see? Some things are just meant to happen a certain way, for whatever reason. And changing the events does not mean that you can change fate. You tried. And at least this time…."

"What? This time, what?" he snapped.

"This time I knew how you felt about me," she said softly.

"But I didn't change anything. I still lost you. And I am still stuck here in this Hell without you," he replied turning to stare out the window into the cold gray of a blizzard evening as it closed in on them. "Unless…."

"Unless, what?" she asked tipping her head at attention.

"Give me another chance. Give me one more try. I wasn't successful this time, but I did make progress. Just give me one more chance. I promise you it will be better this time."

"It isn't up to me," she replied shaking her head.

"But you could put in a good word for me or something, right? All I need is one more day. One more shot. I can make this work, I know I can."

"Elliot, I have nothing to do with it. I am merely a figment of your imagination. I'm not sure how this works. I am not even sure how this thing between you and I works. It just happens."

"It just happens? I don't think anything just happens. You are here because I need you. Because you feel me. To help me. To help me, help you. That is why you are here. And what good would it do for me to sit around talking to myself if I can't change the things that have gone wrong? I have to have just one more chance. I will make a difference, I will make you see…"

"See what?

"I will make you see how much I love you. I will protect you. And I will save you from this awful mess that fate seems to be torturing us with. I can do it, Liv. I know I can. I just need one more day."

"What you need is to put that bottle down and get some real dinner," she replied pointing to the whiskey bottle on the night stand. "Hurting yourself is not going to help me, Elliot. Take care of yourself. If not for you, then do it for me. If this crazy plan of your's works, I'm gonna need you around to take care of me."

Elliot cupped his hand against the side of her face and gazed into her eyes.

"So you will help me?"

Olivia raised her hand and placed it over his.

"I am on your side. But like I said, this is completely out of my hands."

He traced her full red lips with his thumb, then leaned forward to kiss her tenderly.

"I won't give up on you," he said as he leaned his forehead against hers. "I will never give up on you. I will keep trying, reliving the most painful day of my life over and over again until I find a way to save you. I promise. Because I love you and I need you. You belong with me."

"And you wouldn't let a little thing like death separate us," she replied with a smile.

"I will find a way for us to be together."

That night, Elliot couldn't sleep. Instead he laid awake staring at the ceiling thinking of all of the things he would say to her and do for her if he could only have one more chance. He tossed and turned, haunted by the fear of not getting that one more chance. The horror of waking to find that he was stuck here and the reality was that this time she was gone for good and he would never hold her or touch her or kiss her again. He laid wide awake for what seemed like days….then he woke up.

He stumbled into the kitchen and made his morning coffee. He stared out the window into the snow, still falling from the night before. He couldn't stay here alone today. He had to get out of here, out from between these walls and somewhere where he could still feel her.

He locked his apartment door and climbed into the back of a cab staring out the window at all of the things that reminded him of her as he made his way to the precinct. Living without her wasn't only going to be painful, he thought to himself, he wasn't even sure it was possible.

Elliot tossed a handful of bills through the window as he climbed slowly up the steps and made his way inside. He stood there for a moment staring at her empty desk. He could almost see her sitting there, like she did every day before. And like all of those other days she would feel him watching her and she'd raise her head and smile that beautiful smile at him. Then they'd both turn away shyly and ignore the feelings they held inside.

He could almost hear her soft voice as she spoke his name.

"Elliot?"

It was so real, he thought raising his head at attention as he heard it once more.

"Elliot?"

He turned around to see her standing behind him.

"I said if we don't get going we are going to be late," Olivia repeated as he stared at her.

"Liv?"

"I see you've been hanging out with your old pal Jack Daniels again," she replied straightening his tie. "You reek of booze," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Let's just hope they don't put you on the stand until tomorrow. Maybe the Judge won't smell you from across the room."

He watched as she pressed the button for the elevator and bit her lip nervously.

Elliot took a deep breath as he stared at her.

"Liv?"

"Yes?" she asked turning to look him in the eye as she smiled.

"I am so glad that you are alright," he said hugging her tight as the elevator doors opened and the people inside walked around them.

"Thanks. I think," she replied suspiciously. "You have got to stop drinking," she said as she stepped inside and he followed as the doors closed behind them.