A/N: I don't typically write author's notes like this, but the reaction to the last chapter has given me pause and I think it needs to be addressed. I had several reviews/comments that expressed disappointment and/or displeasure in Felicity leaving Alice at the lair and I feel I need to respond.
Why is not okay for her to leave the baby with the MAN who is pretending to be a parent to this child just as much as Felicity is?
It's because she's a woman.
And our society still thinks that women should shoulder more of the burden when it comes to children.
Alice is NOT her daughter. Alice is NOT Oliver's daughter. They have been taking care of this child for one week. One. Week.
And yes, Felicity agreed to take on this responsibility, but even parents who have biological children or even adoptive children have time to prepare for said child and try to understand what that means. They had no time.
So I do not understand how anyone could be upset with Felicity for leaving the baby with the other person who was just as involved in her care as Felicity was.
She left the baby with Oliver AND Digg in, what is probably the safest location in the city. And yet there's a problem with that.
My goal as a writer is to write what's real. Regardless of fandom I attempt to write from a point of realism. To show the characters reacting to the things around them in a way that makes sense. Felicity was absolutely justified in feeling the way she did. She's exhausted, stressed, scared, worried, confused, and a whole host of other emotions. But yet, she's not entitled to step away because she's the 'mother'?
That's not right.
To those reviewers and readers who got it, thank you.
This chapter continues with a much needed talk. Enjoy and let me know what you think.
She was given exactly three hours of alone time before there was a knock on her door.
When she'd arrived at her apartment she'd still been angry, and frustrated, and slightly panicked. A long shower in her own bathroom, and the ability to pull clothes from her own closet calmed her down some. By the time she'd sorted her mail, cleaned out the fridge, and eaten half a container of ice cream she had come down to only being angry.
She also felt out of sorts. And once there was nothing left to actively do she sat on her couch and realized she missed Alice.
That's why when the knock came she was almost grateful. She knew he wasn't going to leave her alone, and she wanted to do this before she devolved from mad to maudlin.
Oliver stood on the other side of the door, hands shoved in his pockets with an unreadable expression. "We weren't finished." he said, as soon as she appeared before him, and the flash of fire that went across his eyes let her know he'd been stewing since she'd left.
Without a word she held the door open and stepped back, allowing him to enter.
"Where's Alice?" she asked immediately when she realized he'd come alone.
"Back at the lair with Digg." at her look he held his hands up, "He offered."
"Probably because you were driving him crazy with your prowling and brooding and he just wanted you out of there." she said before she could stop herself, looking at him out the corner of her eye to see his slight look of surprise.
She led the way into her living room, but didn't take a seat. He stood in the doorway, filling the space and making her suddenly conscious of the fact that he was, indeed, in her apartment.
He didn't even look around, just kept his eyes on her, and she wondered if it was some sort of intimidation tactic. She had no intention of folding. He was in her place, he had come to her, and she had the upper hand.
The standoff continued until he must have decided to lose this battle with hopes of still winning the war.
With an exhale he continued into the room and sat on the edge of the couch. "Do you still want to do this?" he asked quietly, shocking her with the idea that he thought she wanted out.
"Yes, of course." she answered immediately, "But this is a lot to take in."
He nodded gravely, "I know that. I know I asked you to do something that goes beyond partnership or friendship."
She was propelled forward, sinking down to sit only a few inches from him. "I didn't agree to anything I wasn't willing to do." she assured him, "I didn't think through all of it, but neither did you. We both just reacted."
"And now it's becoming real." he finished for her.
"A little too real today." she stated.
He was silent for a long moment. "I meant what I said earlier. I can't do this without you. I don't want to do this without you."
She swallowed heavily and looked down, "Thank you, that means...that means a lot."
"But...moving in. To the mansion. Oliver...I don't know how to respond to that." she knew why she was so nervous about that proposition, but she couldn't tell him. She felt like in the past week alone they'd become so much closer. He'd said and done things she never imagined, but she had no idea where they were coming from. She knew how she felt, but he was still a mystery to her in that regard. If she acted on her feelings and she was wrong it could prove catastrophic for all of them and she couldn't risk it.
Her biggest fear, one that she hadn't even really let herself think about, was that it would become too much for him. She knew he wouldn't run. He'd never abandon Alice. But it was possible his bitterness, and anger of having this life thrust upon him could be turned on Felicity if things got to be too much. She didn't know how she'd survive if she lost him that way. Could they get through the other side of this by staying the way they were, or were they just setting themselves up for disaster.
He was silent still, waiting for her to continue. "I know the public, and the company, and even Thea thinks that we're already living together. But to actually do it...I'm worried things will get complicated." she bit her lip, not meaning to have said it quite like that. She hoped he didn't see through her and know there was so much more she was worried about.
"Maybe there's some sort of compromise. A middle ground." he suggested. When she looked at him all she could see was concern and guilt. "You keep your place. If you ever need a break; an hour, a night, a weekend...you can come here, no questions asked."
The knot of stress in her gut lessened a bit and she felt herself nodding.
"There's a suite of rooms across from the nursery. I'll move down there. You can take one of them and it'll appear that we're..." he didn't finish his sentence, but her cheeks went pink from the implication.
"And how do we hide that from Thea, she already thinks we're...ya know..." she blew stray hair out of her face and fiddled with the hem of her shirt.
"We'll deal with that as it comes." he said abruptly
"We can't just deal with everything as it comes. That's what led us to here. I need plans Oliver. Lots and lots of plans. I don't do well without information, you should understand that." the anger she'd pushed aside was making itself known again. She threw herself to her feet and began to pace.
"Are you really telling me you're just fine giving up all relationships? Or are we going to have some sort of arrangement like they did in Victorian times?" she clapped a hand over her eyes as she realized her words made it sound like they had a relationship now. "Not that I wouldn't be fine with that, because it's not like we're involved. We're not. Obviously. And I would have no right to be jealous. It's just it could get confusing...for Alice...in the future. Although maybe by then we could just part amicably. People do that all the time, so...yeah, maybe we just look at it that way. Short term. Short term isn't forever, it's doable, right?" Her previous concerns had crept back in. Would he be happy with her, platonically, for the next however many years? She found that hard to believe. Better to prepare herself now for a way out of it that might not hurt so bad in the end.
She hadn't noticed that he'd gotten up as well. When his hand landed on her arm to stop her she jumped.
"Felicity. Stop. You're getting ahead of yourself. We talked about this before. I'm not looking for anyone el..." he stopped himself and her heart flipped, and she hated it. "I'm not looking for anyone right now, and I don't think I will be for a long time. For now it'll be just a bit of play acting, alright. Nothing you haven't done for undercover work."
She took a deep breath and gave him half a smile. "Right, just like that, except hopefully with less threats to my life."
"I don't know, Alice's cries can be a hazard to your senses at times." he said with forced levity.
She looked at him closely, and considered everything he said. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn't have a better plan. She didn't have any other idea to make this work any easier.
"Okay. We'll try it your way." she capitulated. He didn't say anything, but his hand fell down her arm to clasp her fingers, giving them a squeeze.
He let go and took a few steps away. "I'm sure you want to get more of your things together...unless you want to just stay here tonight."
She thought about it, but they didn't need anyone spotting her staying in her apartment alone the night they'd announced everything. "No, it's fine."
"I'll head back over to the lair and spell Digg. Take your time. I'll meet you back at the house." he said carefully,
She walked him to the door, making to shut it behind him when he turned suddenly and pinned her with a look she wouldn't soon forget.
"Oh, and just so you know, I don't regret kissing you."
The hallway outside her door was empty by the time she started breathing again. Muscle memory made her go through the motions of shutting the door and locking it, but she wasn't aware of her actions.
Just when she thought she was good. Just when she thought it was all in her head, or her feelings were one sided he'd go ahead and do something like that, or say he wished he'd been awake when she took his pants off. She had a fairly good idea that he knew exactly what he was doing too.
She pushed away from the door with a heavy sigh. Her bed beckoned, but she couldn't do that. She had to pack more of her things and go back to the mansion.
This time she brought the big suitcase down from the top of her closet and packed more than just clothes. She threw in more of her personal items that she hadn't thought to bring last time, trying not to think about whether they'd ever make their way back.
Before she could think too hard on what she was doing she hauled her things to the parking garage and somehow managed to shove the suitcase into the ridiculously tiny trunk of Thea's car.
The guard at the entrance to the Queen mansion opened the gate upon recognizing the vehicle. She wasn't sure where to park, but she didn't relish having to roll the overstuffed bad across gravel so she pulled up out front.
By the time she'd grabbed her purse and gotten out of the car a member of the house security was already lifting the bag from the trunk.
"Oh, um, thanks. I could have gotten that." she said.
"No problem Ms. Smoak. Would you like me to bring it to Mr. Queen's rooms?" he asked
"Sure..." she drew out, surprised Oliver had already made the move he had talked about only a little bit ago.
She followed him into the house, not seeing anyone as she entered.
"Is Oliver back?" she asked
"Yes. Mr. Queen and his daughter arrived approximately thirty minutes ago." his tone was clipped with military precision, and she knew he wasn't going to offer up any more information than was required of him. In the eyes of the staff she wasn't a family member.
She was silent the rest of the way. When he stepped to the side of the door across from the nursery she paused and then realized to him it would be nothing for her to just walk in to Oliver's room.
Hoping this wouldn't lead to another awkward situation she opened the door and found the main room blessedly empty.
"Thank you. You can just set it anywhere." she said in a rush, grateful she had a few minutes to be alone.
The door closed with a soft click behind him as she looked around. The room looked like a normal living room, although ornately and expensively furnished. There were doors that led off from each side and she headed to the one on the left.
Oliver must have intended for her to have this one as all of her things had already been moved from across the hall. With a sigh she returned to the main room and rolled her suitcase in. She left it in the closet, not having the energy to unpack just then.
Her feet carried her across the hallway. She quietly pushed open the door to the nursery and saw Oliver sitting in the chair with Alice.
"Hey," she whispered carefully as she made her way towards them.
His head turned but he didn't speak.
She crouched next to him so she could see Alice who was oblivious to the tension that swirled around her. She slept peacefully, her little eyelids fluttering occasionally. It was the longest Felicity had been apart from her since they'd had her.
"When it's like this, dark, and just the three of us I think it isn't so hard." she said softly.
"It's the rest of the time when it seems almost impossible." he voiced for her and all she could do was nod over the lump in her throat.
He stood up smoothly and placed Alice in the bassinet. As they looked down on her Felicity felt his hand hover over her lower back. "Good thing we've got experience with impossible." he said into her ear. The way his breath coasted over the shell made her shiver.
They were silent as they exited the room. When they stood facing each other in the suite Felicity suddenly felt nervous.
Oliver broke the silence abruptly. "Our old family pediatrician will do house calls. He'll be by tomorrow morning to see Alice."
"Good!" she exhaled, "When Linda asked if her doctors were happy with her progress I felt like such an idiot! How did we forget that?" her hands clutched in her hair for a moment before smoothing it down.
"I'm sure she's fine. But Dr. Freeman will have a look at her and let us know." he assured her.
"Good, that's...good. I think I'm just going to head to bed now." she said haltingly, gesturing to the door behind her.
"Goodnight, Felicity." he said,
"Goodnight, Oliver." she replied and forced her legs to work.
She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Faint fussing from the baby monitor woke her up, and she was shocked to see sunlight pouring through the windows. A glance at the clock showed it was after eight.
With a jolt she sat up and looked at the monitor again. It hadn't been there when she'd gone to sleep the night before. She picked it up and noticed a note underneath it.
'Thought you could use the sleep. She ate at 4. I'll be training, back by 9-O'
She leaned back against the pillows and sighed. He'd gotten barely any sleep. She wondered if she was responsible for that.
Alice's hungry cries made her fling back the covers and make her way across the hall.
"Hello, little one." she said as she leaned over the bassinet. Alice stopped fussing and stared up at her until suddenly her little lips spread into a toothless smile.
"Oh wow. You just smiled. At me. You smiled at me." Felicity couldn't keep the awe out of her voice as she picked her up.
Alice kept up the smiles while she was changed and put in a new outfit. Felicity couldn't seem to help talking in a voice she'd never heard herself use before, but it made the baby happy so she wasn't going to stop.
"Just you wait until you do that to Oliver. You're going to be wrapped around his little finger." she told Alice as she grabbed a blanket and draped it over the baby's back before making they made their way down stairs for the kitchen.
She had just started across the foyer when there was a knock at the door. Felicity froze and turned. The knock came again. Hoping she wasn't stepping out of line she opened the door to find Laurel Lance.
Felicity must have been staring at her open mouthed. She was unable to process why she would be there, and what she could possibly say. She had no idea if Oliver had talked to his ex or not.
"Laurel!" Felicity finally exclaimed, suddenly realizing she'd gone straight from her bed to Alice's room. She hadn't even looked in the mirror. Her glasses were perched haphazardly on her nose, her hair was half pulled back, and she still wore the leggings and t-shirt she'd slept in.
Laurel, of course, looked immaculate.
"I'm sorry to stop by unannounced, but I was on my way in to work." she said with a tight smile, her voice betraying how difficult the situation was for her.
For some reason that actually calmed Felicity down some.
"No, it's fine." she said, and stepped to the side, "Come on in."
Laurel was trying to keep her eyes off the baby and was failing miserably.
Felicity felt a wash of pity come over her. Here was another person being hurt by their lies. But as she looked down at Alice she was reminded of why they were doing it.
"Um, I'm sorry, but Oliver's not in right now." she said
Laurel's face fell some but she recovered quickly. "Oh. Do you know when he'll be back?"
"Soon." Felicity offered a little too enthusiastically. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Soon, he went out early to...check on some things at the office."
Before Laurel could reply however, Alice decided she'd waited much too long for her bottle and announced her displeasure; loudly.
Wincing, Felicity gave the other woman an apologetic look. "Sorry, do you mind, if we just..." she was already heading in the direction of the kitchen, and hoped that Laurel followed.
She heard the heels on the polished marble behind her and blew out a quick breath as she headed for the cabinet where Raisa had cleared space for baby supplies.
Feeling a bit flustered, and only working one handed, Felicity tried her best to concentrate on what she was doing. Alice's red faced screams weren't helping.
When she finally had the bottle prepared and in the hungry mouth she turned back to Laurel who stood awkwardly by the oversized island.
"Sorry." Felicity said again, "She really wanted her breakfast."
Laurel gave her a nod and walked a little closer, finally letting herself look at Alice. "Congratulations, she's really beautiful."
Felicity stopped short and gave a little laugh, at Laurel's quizzical expression she continued. "I think you're the first person who's said that."
"Oh, I'm..." she began but Felicity cut her off,
"Don't worry about it, this...all of this is..." now it was Laurel's turn,
"Unexpected?" she supplied,
"Yes, exactly. Unexpected." she looked down at Alice. When she looked back up she spotted Oliver coming in the from the side entrance. She couldn't help the slight smile that crossed her face when she saw him. "But not unwelcome." she finished.
Laurel pivoted when she saw Felicity's attention had been taken, "Ollie," she breathed out, clearly nervous to see him.
"Laurel, this is a surprise." he said easily, fake grin plastered on his face.
Alice had turned her head when she heard Oliver's voice and gave him the same smile she'd given Felicity that morning.
"Oliver!" Felicity exclaimed, completely forgetting Laurel was in the room, "Look, look, look! She's smiling at you. She did the same thing to me this morning." she couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice.
He crossed the kitchen in three long strides, the sides of his mouth already pulling upwards the closer he got to Alice. She grinned wider once he stood over her, hands waving in the air.
"Hey there, baby girl." he said quietly, in a tone so calm and gentle she almost didn't recognize it as coming from him.
"I told her. I told her she'd only have to do that once and she'd have you right where she wanted you." Felicity joked. The breath caught in her chest when he smiled at her, it was full, and beautiful and she never wanted to forget it.
A sound from behind him reminded them that they weren't alone.
"Laurel, sorry." Oliver said, as he faced her.
For a split second she hadn't been able to school her features, and she looked heartbroken.
A tension settled over the room that they all felt.
"I should go. I shouldn't have intruded." Laurel said hastily as she put her bag over her shoulder.
"No." Felicity said immediately, guilt gnawing at her. "You two should...talk." she turned to Oliver and handed him Alice. "Here, she needs to finish eating and I could really use a shower before the doctor gets here."
He didn't shoot her a look like she thought he might, in fact, he looked a little grateful, and suddenly she wasn't sure how she felt about leaving them to talk.
She stuttered out a goodbye and managed to exit the kitchen without tripping over her feet, self consciousness rising up and taking control of her.
Her mind oscillated between being completely blank and over thinking everything while she was in the shower. She recalled what she had said to Oliver the night before, about relationships, but was now quite sure she knew even then she had been lying to herself.
She was distracted as she got dressed. Grateful she had more of her own things now she chose carefully and took the time to put the rest of her clothes in the closet. With a sigh she looked at the clock and knew she'd wasted enough time as she could.
She could hear Oliver and Laurel's voices as she approached the top of the staircase. Looking down over the railing she observed them. The tension and awkwardness they'd had towards each other earlier was gone. Laurel smiled at something Oliver said and laid her hand on his arm briefly before she turned for the door.
Just before she twisted the handle she looked up and spotted Felicity. "Congratulations, again." she said genuinely, "Take care of them."
Felicity could only nod. Oliver's face was tilted towards her and he gave her a small smirk at Laurel's words. In a rush she realized everything was fine. Whatever she had been worried about wasn't happening, and the rug wasn't about to be pulled out from under her.
She made her way down the stairs and stopped a few steps up so she was almost at eye level with him. "Good talk?"
"Good talk." he said, "I think we've needed to have that talk for over a year."
"So..." she began, not having any idea how to ask him if he'd finally officially ended things with Laurel or where they stood.
"We're going to try being friends. I think that's a better fit for us." he told her. He looked like he wanted to say something else but there was another knock at the door.
"Must be the doctor." he said, turning to open the door.
Suddenly she was extremely nervous. How would they explain Alice's lack of records? And what if he asked questions she should know the answer to? But there was no time to think, Oliver was already greeting the man.
"Hello, Ms. Smoak, was it? I'm Doctor Freeman." He looked to be in his late fifties or early sixties. He held his hand out and she shook it automatically.
"Felicity, please." she answered, "Thank you so much for coming out."
"No problem my dear, I've taken care of Queen babies for almost three decades, can't stop now, can I?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
"No, I guess you couldn't." she responded, finding it impossible not to like him.
"Shall we?" he asked, eyebrows raised and looked at Oliver expectantly.
Oliver led the way into a sitting room and waited while the doctor opened his bag to remove a file and some of his instruments. Felicity stepped up to Oliver's side, anxious. A quick glance at him let her see the tautness to his shoulders he was failing to hide.
Dr. Freeman looked up and gave a chuckle. "Relax you two. You'd think I was going to snatch her away from you from the looks on your faces."
Felicity opened her mouth to reply but Oliver must have anticipated her ramble because he interrupted by moving forward. "We just want to make sure she's fine."
The doctor looked at Felicity sideways, "Oliver said the advice at the hospital was to wait on her vaccines because of her small size. Can't say I can argue with that, although it's a bit of a conservative approach."
Felicity's eyebrows lifted, "Yes, uh...yes. That's what they said, and...I was worried, you know, because she's so little. We probably should have taken her in earlier but...things have been a bit..."
Freeman waved her off, "No worries. We'll get her started today. Now, let me see this beauty."
Oliver handed her over obediently. Freeman sat on the couch and laid Alice on the couch next to him, undoing her blanket so he could get a good look at her.
Felicity hadn't realized she'd been twisting her hands together in front of her until Oliver laid a hand over them. "She's okay." he said quietly.
She blew out a breath and let her hands fall to her sides.
Alice seemed perfectly happy to be where she was. Freeman talked to her quietly as he worked.
"And you've recovered well? Your OBGYN has cleared you to resume normal activities, I presume." he said nonchalantly as he continued to look over Alice.
Felicity looked at him in confusion until it struck her that he was addressing her, and exactly what he was asking. Face red, and unable to look at Oliver she replied, "Oh, yes. Everything is fine...there...good to go, and working just fine...and no problems what so ever. Dear god someone stop me." she muttered under her breath and turned away, wishing she could rewind and just answer with a simple yes.
"Good, good. Some couples are wary, especially first time parents. But you're young and fit. Nothing to worry about, that's what they're made to do." he scribbled some notes on a sheet of paper, and Felicity was quite sure she was going to die from embarrassment.
Oliver cleared his throat a little too loudly and asked the doctor a question about feeding. Felicity wasn't even sure what the answer was, she was just grateful he'd gotten the man off the subject.
"Everything looks fine. She's small, but a good weight for her size. Exactly what a baby her age should look like." Freeman reported, putting some of his instruments away. Felicity was glad to know the age they'd guess had been close enough to work.
"I'll give her two of the vaccines now, and set up a time to come do the rest." he said as he pulled two vials out of his bag, along with the needles.
"She shouldn't have a reaction to these, but there's always a chance, just keep an eye out." he prepped an area on her leg before drawing the first dose. "I do have to warn you, this is going to be harder on you than on her."
Felicity started forward at Alice's first cry. She was only stopped by the hand Oliver dropped on her shoulder. She looked back to see him almost glaring at the doctor, his jaw set.
They'd never heard Alice cry like that before and it was enough to break Felicity's heart.
"There we are. You can have her back now, mommy." Freeman said and Felicity didn't have to be told twice. She flew the final few steps and scooped Alice up, rubbing her back and making shushing noises in her ear. Oliver was right behind her, one of his large hands cupping Alice's tiny head as she cried.
Freeman waited until Alice had snuggled in to Felicity's chest, crying herself to sleep.
"The next ones won't be so bad. I promise." he said kindly, as he grabbed his bag and made for the door.
Oliver went to shake his hand and thank him for coming.
Felicity wasn't even aware of them leaving. She walked about the room, swaying slightly as she ran her fingers over Alice's silky hair. She looked up finally to see Oliver leaning in the doorway, studying her.
"That was horrible." she said flatly, and he just nodded as he pushed himself off the frame and crossed the floor to where she stood.
They were quiet for a long while, both lost in their own thoughts and unable to look away from the sleeping baby.
"She reminds me of Tommy, every time I look at her." he said suddenly, his voice strained.
Her eyes flew to his, startled he'd made such an admission.
"I'm sorry," she said, but he was already shaking his head like he had anticipated she would say that.
"No, it's okay. She's a good reminder. I had over twenty years of good memories with him, I should focus on that."
Felicity gave him a tight smile, worried she wouldn't be able to speak without tripping over her words. "I think...I think that sounds like a very good idea."
She brushed a hand over his arm as she moved past him.
As she made her way up the steps to put Alice down a tiny sliver of hope worked it's way inside her. She thought that maybe they had a chance.