Chapter 6
The Scissoring House April 2011
In honor of Well Wishes going well and Beck now having full reign of the car he got for his sixteenth birthday Beck told me he wanted to take me somewhere special. Beck took me to the house where they shot the exterior shots for the movie, The Scissoring. We snuck into the backyard and just soaked up its awesomeness in the dark LA night. Man, I love that movie! I will admit it was pretty special. We totally made out in the backyard. I was very grateful. Afterwards, we "parked" and made out some more. It was once again pretty intense. I brought up the idea that maybe we should do other stuff, not sex, but other stuff. We made out some more but neither of us made a move to do other stuff.
PS Beck and I decided that we don't want to do any of that other stuff. I was thinking about it but I decided that it will take away from when we actually do have sex. Losing our virginity won't be as big of a deal if we partake in other activities. Beck agreed.
My Night In April 2011
Beck is having a guys night with Andre. Robbie and Rex are also attending! Usually Beck and I hang out together on Friday night. Beck told me that he and the guys are just going to hang out at his house. He told me that he would rather be spending time with me. But then Andre commented on the slap that Beck loves guy night. Whatever. Beck can have a guy's night once in a while. But trust me that he can have a much more enjoyable time with me, if you get my drift. I am sickened by the fact that I have absolutely nothing better to do than update my journal. I guess I should be having a girl's night. Just the thought of that makes me want to slam my finger in a car door. I just don't like people. Cat, who for some reason I hang out with, is visiting her uncle and uncle in San Francisco. My mother is on a date. I'm just trying to keep myself occupied and not text Beck for the seventh time tonight. I do wonder what he is doing. I mean when guys get together they chase girls and stuff. Andre would just love if Beck were single so that they could pick up girls together. Ok, I am driving myself crazier than that time that Cat ate half a box of fruit loops. I can have a good time without Beck. I'm going to go watch The Scissoring and the dvd's special features.
A Film By Dale Squires April 2011
We got to be part of a short film that Dale Squires is directing. The script was a one act play that my boyfriend Beck wrote earlier this year. I, of course, got the starring role, which was also the juiciest role. Beck said that my character was inspired by me in some ways, not the murdering part! I'm his muse! I was so excited to be part of the film and work with Dale Squires but then Dale Squires ruined it all. We had to do all of the work without him and then he took all of the credit! I expressed some very creative negative comments on his blog but he deleted them all. Anyways, me, Tori, Cat, and Andre launched a plan to get revenge on Dale Squires using Andre's aunt. He ended up giving us credit on national t.v. so we had to sit in an audience filled with Canadians and tourists for nothing. Our revenge plan continued because Andre's aunt didn't understand our signal to call the thing off. I even felt bad since Dale gave us credit. I mean it is expected for Hollywood big wigs to take credit from the little people so it means something when they recant.
Sleep Over At Sikowitz April 2011
Yesterday we all had a sleep over at Sikowitz house. I was very excited for that. Who wouldn't want to see where that lunatic lives? Beck and I went to a junk store to find some costumes. I had a good time teasing him about what he was going to do if it ended up being me and him left. How was he going to get me out of character? I also made him promise that if it ended up being him and some other person, especially Vega, he would stop at nothing to win. This worked out well when my hand got burned. I was so relieved when Beck stayed in character because I would have been furious if Vega had won. Of course, Vega did go on to win because Beck forgot to stay in character when he woke up that morning. I was not thrilled that they spent the night together alone but Beck reassured me that friendly British man didn't get to friendly. He brought me a donut and coffee and we spent the next few hours watching a movie. My mom went to the grocery store to buy me some ice cream. Since I was a little kid my mom always got me ice cream whenever I was hurt so she says that she owes me some ice cream due to my burn. Beck told me that he'll take me somewhere special tonight.
PS: Beck took me to the graveyard tonight! I was very pleased. We soaked up the creepy old graveyard filled with the dead dreams and failures of its dead occupants. Beck and I also talked some. I told Beck I got on the pill a few months ago. I told him that I wasn't quite ready yet but I think I might be soon.
To Do It Or Not To Do It May 2011
I guess I should rewind first. Things first started progressing sexually when Beck got his driver's license and continued when I got mine. Both of us having a car and not having our parents, namely Beck's, track our whereabouts minute by minute sealed the deal. As time went on and every make out session progressed to dry humping the question became when to have sex, not if. Beck and I talked about it. We definitely didn't want to be sixteen and pregnant. We also knew once we did it once we would want to do it again and since we are teenagers living under our parent's roof we would have to sneak around. I was also slightly concerned that what happened to Sylvia Plath in The Bell Jar would happen to me. It was cool to read about it happening to someone but I wouldn't want it to happen to me. The irrational girl part of me didn't want Beck to find it somewhere else since he wasn't getting it from me. I had heard the whispers that I must put out if he was dating a bitch like me. Beck had girls drooling all over him so I may have thrown myself at him a few times. The first time was when this Meredith girl was in a stupid play with Beck and then again when Tori started going to Hollywood Arts. That is what led Beck and I to have a talk about when we would have sex. It disgusts me that I pulled such a dumb desperate girl move. Beck knows me so well that he knew I wasn't thinking clearly when I threw myself at him. He did however accuse me of giving him whiplash with my lets do it one day and my red flag lets stop right there the next day behavior. I'm already on the pill so being sixteen and pregnant is taken care of. I always had severe cramps and that combined with mood swings made me extra bitchy at that time of the month so my mom took me to the doctor and I got on the pill. I think my already committed relationship with Beck was also a big deciding factor for mom. My mom let me know that she doesn't want me to be sixteen and pregnant so that better not happen now. My father would have a heart attack if that ever happened and I would never see the light of day again. She also once again gave me the sex talk, or her abbreviated I'd rather not be talking about this but I have to, version. According to my mother I should only be having safe sex so I don't get knocked up and ruin my life or get some gross disease. My parents own wedding had been a shot gun wedding. My mother at twenty four had gotten pregnant with me. Even though she never said it I know that my surprise existence had forced her to jump into the role of wife and stay at home mom as the West's and my mother's family would have nothing less. Her goals for the future and her career were put on hold. I hate children and honestly I don't think I ever plan on bringing any slobbering spawns into the world. My mother also stated she didn't think I was having sex yet and that it was probably unrealistic that I would wait until after high school. She also said at least Beck was a nice boy, just don't get pregnant, don't get caught, don't let your dad find out, and don't let your grandmothers find out! It may sound old fashioned but giving a boy your virginity is a symbol that you have given him every last piece of you. He should have to work for it and prove himself. Her final word of advice was don't rush into anything because the faster you go in a relationship, especially when you're young, the less exciting and special moments you have to save for later. Once all new territory is already explored you have to settle into routine and figure out how to make that keep your relationship alive and not allow your relationship to get mundane and you don't want to be too young when that happens. The last pieces of advice my mother gave me are the reason Beck and I waited so long. Beck and I happened to start a relationship when we were young and we have the rest of our lives ahead of us. I've seen enough sitcoms about middle aged married people to know that once everything new between two people is gone new challenges arise and I don't want to face them in high school just because Beck and I started dating when we were so fourteen. So when will Beck and I have sex? I don't know. I do know that it will happen. I know it will be safe sex. I know that it will be with the right person. So, it will happen when we really can't hold back anymore and when we are ready to take a step that will change our lives forever.