I hate this story. I hate this chapter. I hate teen angst.
I am seriously considering putting this story on a hiatus until I hate it less. I want to delete it. Gah. I'm being childish.
I can see the end of this story. I have it pretty much planned out. It won't be as long as I thought, but blame that on my hatred for my own writing.
Excuse the idiotic time-jump. I'm trying to move things along a bit.
The F-word is used once or twice, I think. Just a warning for those who are offended by language.
Done complaining. Here's the chapter :)
/
Hatsune Miku's senses felt dull. There were people around her, she knew, but seeing them took energy and empathy she simply didn't have. The next week – yes, an entire week – drew out slowly and even a bit painfully. That pain eventually turned to a numb buzz in the back of her mind.
It had taken a while for the realization that she was moving to hit her and burry needle-sharp teeth in her skin. Not only was she moving, but it had to be to Germany. Goddamn Germany. A completely different continent. Across an ocean and Asia. Holy hell. Miku couldn't even imagine it.
Mikuo had told her everything about the move last Friday. That conversation would probably never be forgotten by either Hatsune sibling. Not anytime soon, anyway.
Their mother had called while Miku had been enjoying herself at Len's house, choosing to fill her son in on the details since she and Miku probably couldn't be civil to each other long enough to get in a word about the move. The first announcement had been the divorce the Hatsune parents were getting. If that wasn't enough of a shock, their mother also said that, for the sake of their financial state, they would be moving to Germany, where her German father and Japanese mother lived.
"It's always nice to be closer to family," were the exact words spoken by the woman, according to Mikuo, who didn't bother pointing out the flaw in this argument.
Of course, as if that bullshit wasn't enough, life decided to pile on romantic drama and a hell-ton of worry. Hence Miku's lack out outward emotion for the last week. Inside, however, her emotions and her thoughts never seemed to quiet down. Concern for her relationship with Kaito to guilt about generally ignoring everyon who contacted her gnawed severely on her nerves, leaving invisible wounds that didn't seem to be healing. And what of Mikuo? He must be suffering as well. She was so selfish, ignoring him so completely. Cooped up inside herself with no way of reassuring him that everything would be okay, just as she wanted to do for herself. No way of expressing her emotions to Len or Kaito or Piko or Rin, either. No one would ever hear of her gratitude for their friendships and patience.
She simply wanted to die. But what remained of her pride would allow no such thing to happen by her hand.
So Miku existed in a state of repressed pain and inner turmoil. She barely spoke a single word during that week. Not when Rin came by on Tuesday to watch some stupid comedy with her. The blond had simply sat next to Miku under a blanket, giggling lightly and occasionally glancing over to see if the expression on Miku's face had changed. It never did. Even on the next day, when Mikuo played a completely dead-silent game of chess with her. She couldn't even remember who won. The day after that, it had been Len's turn. Yes, she remembered that much. He had dragged her to an art show with Yukari and Aria. Piko had been with her the most, though, not even attempting to force her into anything. Instead, he fell asleep on the couch next to her. Not even that could bring a smile to Miku's face.
On Friday, no one came. Miku was alone in a room being slowly emptied as things were placed in boxes at the end of each day. It felt like her soul itself was being packed away into those dark, tighly covered containers. But it was necessary. The moving date had been set for mid-February, a day not too far off. She wouldn't even be there for Valentine's day.
On Saturday, Miku's mother arrived at the house. The woman rarely returned to her own house. Often times, she would sleep in a room at the hotel she worked at. But that day was special. She was a woman on a mission. Miku, on the other hand, couldn't muster enough strength to care at all. No fear rose in her chest when the woman breezed into the living room with a stack of boxes in her arms. But she'd sooner eat live bees soaked in vinegar than stay in that house with that woman. So Miku left.
With nothing but her heaviest coat to defend her fragile body against the cold, Miku sat on a park bench overlooking a lake. The lake was mostly frozen over, murky water pushing up through cracks in the thick ice. Ducks who clearly didn't understand the concept of winter flapped and called as they skidded on the ice, trying to figure out why they couldn't settle on the water as they usually did. Miku watched them quietly, filtering in the sound of ducks and people chattering and laughing through ears filled with muffled buzzing.
Her eyes never broke from the surface of the frozen lake, even when a child with more cheer than aim knocked her over the head with a snowball.
"Eh! Oh, I'm so sorry!" the embarrassed child called from his place behind his tree shield. His friends teased lightly about his complete inability to hit the backside of an elephant with throws like that, causing said boy to dump a treefull of snow on them as he reached to shake the branches. Miku never had a chance to tell him she didn't care.
Snow dripped down her back from the misdirected snowball, but Miku simply sat, letting waves of cold wash over her. Maybe she would stop feeling numb if there was enough physical pain involved.
Miku let herself sigh. No, that was a stupid idea. It wasn't like being able to express herself would fix anything, anyway. Her mother would never change plans because Miku lost her temper. Her father would never accept his daughter as such, which meant she couldn't stay with him. Not that she wanted to.
She suddenly felt a scarf wrap around her neck. Glancing up with dulled surprise in her green eyes, Miku was intrigued to see Rei there, hands in pockets, missing his dark blue scarf. The scarf that was now around Miku's snow-soaked neck.
"You look more and more depressing each time I see you," Rei told her.
Someone you can relate to, Miku wanted to reply.
"Come on. Get out of the cold," he instructed, pulling her up by her elbow. She obliged, allowing him to pull her across the park and into a super market where warm air melted the snow clinging to their boots and pants.
"Idiot. Going outside dressed as you are," Rei sighed, knocking a mound of melting snow from her hair. She hadn't bothered brushing off the unwarranted snowball, allowing it to fall in flakes across her shoulders and hair.
"How did you find me?" Miku asked. Unless Rei just happened to be there, which was unlikely.
"Gumi mentioned something to me about your current depression. She's the one who suggested looking by the park if I wanted to find you," Rei replied with another angst-filled sigh.
Miku didn't say anything in response. That's all she wanted to know.
"I've seen you around school," Rei picked up the conversation as he pulled her into the small Starbucks in the corner of the store. "You never looked happy."
Miku stood beside him in the line to get coffee. Admittedly, she could do with a warm drink but didn't have any money with her. Oh, well.
"I'm not happy," Miku finally decided after a few moments.
Rei said nothing sarcastic, like others might. Instead, he paused briefly before saying, "I suppose you shouldn't be."
"No," Miku agreed, quietly. The line moved forward and Rei ordered two drinks. Miku didn't hear what either of them was.
"I already know, Hastune-san. The teachers mentioned your move while discussing class size," Rei said. "They aren't hard to overhear."
Miku didn't speak as he sat them at one of the few tables in the small Starbucks store. Quietly, she took the drink he offered, smelling the rich chocolate in the cup she held.
"I don't quite understand this feeling, but I think that your life was just starting to get better before this announcement came about," Rei stated, sipping his steaming drink. Miku stared down at her own cup silently. She could accept that this guess of his was the truth. Her life really had been getting a bit better. But now everything was confusing and painful again. This time, though, it wasn't her fault.
"Yes," she agreed simply. Her voice was a bit darker and more quiet than normal, unlike her usual gentle speech. It was an easy thing to notice.
"Hatsune-san," Rei began, "are you really just going to sit there and be so calm about that whole thing?"
Miku didn't reply, sensing a bit of anger in his voice. Rei was… angry? Angry enough to express it? Why?
"That's simply pathetic," he stated. "I thought you might have more fire than that."
Miku sighed gently but aside from that responded in no way.
"As long as you're listening, I don't care what you do," Rei told her. "I can't believe I'm the one that has to tell you this."
"Then don't say anything," Miku replied, voice ending towards a cold hiss.
"That's a bit better. I liked it better when you were angry," Rei huffed slightly. Miku eyes him silently.
"Making me angry won't get you anywhere," Miku said.
Maybe she was imaging it, but Rei seemed to smile a bit.
"I think that's a wonderful idea," he said.
/
Miku questioned his sanity as he lead her back to the park, seating her on that cold bench as he kneeled in front of her.
"Why don't we try to make you angry?" Rei suggested. "Anger seems to be your driving emotion. It would be better than this nothing you've been expressing thus far."
Miku doubted he could actually get her angry, but for argument's sake sat quietly as he looked her dead in the eye.
"Hatsune Miku," he began, "I don't think I've ever met a girl as annoying as you."
If anything, Miku had to try not to smirk. "That isn't even very insulting," she stated evenly.
"Shut up. I have a chance to insult someone and I'm going to take it," Rei replied. What had happened to the quiet, unemotional boy she had been talking to at the café on Monday?
"Good luck," she muttered. Rei sighed.
"This will be simple enough," Rei decided with an odd glint of determination in his eyes. Yes, he was most certainly insane. With a deep breath, he opened his mouth again. The words that escaped his mouth would normally freeze any person to their seat with surprise. Miku, however, found this entire exercise to be a giant waste of time.
After a pause in the taunts and ridicules Rei was spouting, Miku sighed and allowed herself to say, "This isn't working at all." Rei had to admit she was right.
"You're probably the angriest person I know. I'm sure something I do will work eventually," he replied. Was he actually enjoying this?
Go figure; he was secretly a total asshole with opinions about everyone.
"I'll humor you for a bit longer," Miku replied dully. Before Rei could say anything, however, another voice joined them.
"Well, I guess we found her," Kagamine Rin nodded confirmation as both Rei and Miku glanced up at the newcomers.
Piko, Kaito, Len (dressed as his female alter-ego) and Rin stood some ways away with mixed looks on their faces.
"Yo, Miku," Piko greeted. Miku raised a hand to wave loosely.
"Mikuo sent out an all-call after not hearing from you," Rin explained happily, smiling at the teal-haired girl on the bench.
"I'm fine," Miku stated. "Rei's being stupid."
"Rei? That's your name?" Rin asked, attention directed at the raven-haired boy who had decided to stand now. "Hi, Rei! I'm Rin! I saw you at the café!"
"Yes," Rei replied. "Hello, Rin-san."
Rin beamed brightly, making Miku want to groan. She didn't, of course, but the urge was certainly strong.
"You seem to be alive," Len commented. Kaito visibly rolled his eyes. Obviously, neither of them wanted to be anywhere near the other.
"We were planning on dragging you off to a movie!" Rin exclaimed, dancing up to Miku and leaning down to meet her eyes. "Unless you have plans with a certain boy~" Rin giggled. Kaito's expression soured while Len and Piko rolled their eyes.
"No," Miku stated. She couldn't even gather energy to feel embarrassed. But she didn't like the sudden spark of inspiration in Rei's eyes.
"Actually," he started, glancing down at Miku, "we had a date planned."
Rin blinked, smile dropping then reforming. Len looked a bit shocked, while Piko seemed to be holding back laughter. Kaito face-palmed at Rin's reaction, although a scowl had formed on his attractive features.
"Ohhh, a date? I see how it is!" Rin giggled again. "Why wasn't I told about this?"
Miku felt her chest collapse in on itself as Rei looked down at her and oh, my God, was he smirking? Miku didn't like that look at all.
"We've been dating for a while," Rei admitted falsely.
No, we haven't. Quit telling people that! Miku shrieked internally. But the final straw was when he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.
The kiss wasn't all that bad. Actually, Miku enjoyed kissing in general. But having the eyes of every one of her friends fixed on them made her face heat up. When Rei pulled away from her face, she saw a look of success on his face.
I did it, his eyes read. I made you angry.
And he certainly had.
"What the fuck?!" she demanded, shooting off the bench. "Kagene Rei, I am going to stab you with an icicle and leave you for the birds to pick at!" With a heavy blush on her face, she shoved him away, wiping her mouth on her coat sleeve. She couldn't believe it, but the idiot was actually laughing.
"It is not funny!" she shrieked. "You are a complete asshole! I don't think I've ever wanted to kill someone more!"
"I finally made you angry," Rei pointed out, using his hands to stifle harsh chuckles as her four friends looked on in disbelief. Kaito looked ready to murder someone, whereas Piko was biting his lip to keep from laughing himself. Rin had a look of wide-eyed, innocent confusion on her face. Len seemed generally stunned.
"You sure as hell did!" Miku told him. "Want a fucking gold star? I could rip your eyes out and use those as your prize."
Rei fliched visibly.
"Mi-chan!" Rin exclaimed in horror. "That's so mean! Don't do that!"
"I can't even use words to describe how annoyed I am right now," Miku growled, glaring at Rei. "I will end you."
Len, snapping out of his catatonic state of shock, snorted. "Glad she's telling someone else that for once."
Miku whirled to face him. "Just because I'm not threatening you doesn't mean you get to talk!" she exclaimed angrily. Len bit his lip in an attempt to remain silent.
"Lenny!" Rin complained. "Don't irritate Mi-chan! She's been having a hard time!"
Piko sighed. "There's really no lack of theatrics around Miku."
Miku turned on him now, hands on hips and eye narrowed. "What was that?" she demanded.
Piko smirked. "You're really overly dramatic sometimes."
"And you're just a complete jerk," Miku decided. "I think I'll just be best friends with Rei now. Never mind, I'm mad at him, too. And Len is an ass, too. Do I really have to resort to Neru?"
Rin pouted childishly, grabbing Miku's elbow and staring at her with the largest puppy eyes she had ever seen. "What about me, Mi-chan?" the blond girl asked.
"You're annoying," Miku declared. Rin's pout grew more pronounced.
"Len, did you bring any muffins?" Rin asked her younger sibling with a tone of complete seriousness.
"Muffins?" Len replied. "Of course not. Why would I just carry around muffins?"
"Why wouldn't you?" Rin exclaimed angrily.
"When did this turn into such a random conversation?" Piko demanded. "I don't think I can take anything seriously at this point."
"It distracted Miku from being angry at me," Rei pointed out quietly.
"Shush! You don't exist! I've already ended you're existence in my mind," Miku told him, holding up a silencing hand. Rei rolled his eyes.
"You're welcome," he muttered. "I should get going before Rui calls me."
Miku couldn't help feeling a bit of pity for the boy at the mention of his bratty little sister. In truth, she was pretty annoyed with him. Kissing her in front of her friends, especially with their relationships pretty stretched at the moment, was just making everything more complicated. Miku rarely saw Kaito looking so put out and Len, even though he was hiding it pretty well, must be feeling irritated as well. Unless confessing the way he did was a joke. In which case, Miku would be forced to murder him.
"What are you, her pet or something?" Miku demanded, against her better judgment. "Why don't you just stay out for a bit longer and have some fun? You guys did mention a movie, right?" Miku looked to Rin for confirmation. The blond girl nodded vigorously.
Rei paused, as if thinking over the offer.
"I'm sure you'd take the opportunity of a dark room to murder me," Rei stated. He had gone back to his previous ways; bland voice, icy stare, and emotionless expression. Maybe he had worn out his emotional capacities for the day.
Miku snorted. "I'm not that clever," she replied. "Besides, I suppose friends don't kill friends."
"Does that mean I'm off the hook?" Len questioned.
"I didn't mention 'frenemies,' Kagamine," Miku retorted, hoping she didn't sound too mean.
Rei sighed. "I never agreed to being friends, Hatsune-san."
"Good luck fighting it," Miku replied. "Come on, you're just dragging this out. Want to go to a movie or not?"
Rei looked on at her silently for a moment, and then seemed to accept his fate. "Alright," he agreed.
"Yay!" Rin exclaimed happily. "Now Miku can come with us after all!"
Miku shook her head in amusement. Rin didn't seem to understand that Rei had been lying about the whole date thing. That girl was so dense.
"Rin," Len sighed. "You're so stupid sometimes."
Rin blinked large, blue eyes at her brother. "What? Why?"
Piko and Miku shared a silent look.
She may be older than all of us, Miku admitted, but she certainly doesn't act it.
/
After deciding Miku was okay, Kaito made his leave. He barely said a handful of words to anyone while at the park, only leaving them with a sentence.
"Until later, guys," he said. Honestly, he had been so quiet that Miku had all but forgotten about him. Why was he there, anyway?
The whole situation with Kaito and Len made her head spin. Kaito, in love with her? Sure, a couple years ago, maybe. Maybe. She wouldn't go as far as to use a word like 'love,' but then again, she hadn't ever been in love. She didn't know how it felt. However, the worst part was that she didn't know how to act around him at all. He wasn't too friendly himself lately, so why should she be? But Miku felt acting rude in return wouldn't fix anything. She loved Kaito as a friend, that was for sure. She wanted to be his friend above all else.
While her feelings for Kaito were very clear to her, Miku didn't quite understand what she felt about Len. She hadn't really had a chance to think about it over the past week. Well, she had. Admittedly, she felt a bit guilty for all-around avoiding the subject of Len's confession. Could it be treated as a typical confession? He said that he was "starting to fall for her," or something like that. So did he actually like her or was he starting to or… What? Miku really wouldn't put it past him to make the whole thing a joke.
But back to the confusions about her own feelings. After pretty much giving up on Piko completely (she wasn't stupid; it was a lost cause), she hadn't really known whether she wanted to like Len at all, let alone if she did or not. Len… was not a good person to fall for. Simply put, he was a jerk. If you wanted to go more in-depth about it, Len was not hesitant to tease. He probably wouldn't apologize for something unless pushed. Although he did have moments of kindness or real human emotion, he was generally a very irritating person. Coupled with his psychotic fans and family (aside from his mother), Miku would probably not be enjoying much of her life with him. She also didn't want a crossdressing boyfriend. Especially not one who was prettier than her. Just plain unacceptable.
So it would definitely be better if she didn't like Len. Therfore, she wouldn't.
But we all know that's not how it works.
Miku's inner monologue ran steadily through the opening credits of the movie they were about to watch. With Rin on one side of her and Rei on the other, Miku didn't have a single arm rest. Damn them. So the soda she had been given was placed between her knees, chilling her legs even through her jeans. She, Piko, and Rei shared a large box of popcorn seated in Rei's lap, while the Kagamines had their own to share. The credits alone lasted about twenty minutes, with three reminders to turn off all cellphones flashing across the screen before the actual movie started.
The seat was uncomfortable. It was cold. Her hair was getting caught underneath her as she sat. The movie was crap. Somehow, though, she managed to enjoy herself. Even when the ending credits ran by, accompanied by loud music she wouldn't normally care for at all, she had to admit she had enjoyed herself.
"That was a cute movie!" Rin exclaimed as Miku dumped her drink into the trash can outside the theater.
"You're insane," Len decided.
"It was horrible," Rei agreed. Miku realized the boy still didn't know who Len was. That would be a fun reaction to see.
"No! It was totally cute! I love the main actor and actress!" Rin argued. "New OTP!"
"You spend too much time online," Len told her. "Normal people have no idea what you're talking about."
Rin stuck her tongue out at him. "Just because you don't understand doesn't mean other people don't," she pointed out. "They were so cute together."
Len rolled his eyes. "You're a sap," he accused.
Rin pouted and latched onto Piko, who blushed. "Don't you agree, Utatane-san?" Rin asked pleadingly. Miku couldn't help but snicker at the look of helplessness on Piko's face, even though it irritated her.
Don't go there, Miku warned herself. You've given up on Piko.
"I-I guess," Piko stammered.
Both Miku and Len sighed. He had no backbone when it came to Rin, they were discovering. She'd better not be doing that stuff on purpose.
Then again, the blond girl was surprisingly dense. No doubt she had no idea about Piko's feelings for her.
"What about Mi-chan? What did you think?" Rin asked, turning innocent blue eyes on the teal-haired teen now.
"Terrible," Miku stated simply. "I loved it."
Rei and Piko eyed her oddly, while Rin looked both very confused and very happy.
"As long as Mi-chan enjoyed herself!" Rin decided, dragging Piko along the icy sidewalks. He was blushing a fiery shade of red now, completely embarrassed and overwhelmed by her attention towards him. Len, Miku, and Rei followed closely behind, Len and Miku sharing a knowing look.
"Where are you leading us?" Miku demanded.
"Good question!" Rin replied cheerily. Miku resisted the urge to smash her face into her palm.
"So you don't know?" Len questioned.
Rin seemed to think about it for a moment. "Nope!" she decided. Len groaned audibly.
"How about somewhere out of the cold?" Rei suggested. He didn't seem too worried about his sister anymore, which was good. He even seemed to be relaxing a bit. Miku had no idea whether he actually had any friends or not, but this was good for him. It was good for her, too. The movie, albeit stupid to a degree Miku didn't know existed, distracted her from the things that had been bugging her for an entire week.
Well, at least she had been able to decide that the movie sucked. Yesterday, even that much would have been impossible.
"Excellent plan!" Rin agreed. "Where to?"
Len sighed. "Idiot. Fine, we're going to go have a late lunch, since you clearly can't think alone today."
Rin delivered her signature pout without fail. "Lenny is so mean," she complained to no one in particular. Miku pitied Len; such an irritating older sister must've been a bother to grow up with.
"It's taken that long to figure out?" Miku asked, receiving a look of overplayed betrayal from Len.
"There's still the question of where to go," Rei reminded them.
"Let's go back to our house!" Rin suggested.
Len looked a bit uncomfortable at that. "Mom might not be up to that," he told his sister. Rin waved away his warning.
"Mom loves visitors! Besides, Uncle took her to a doctor's appointment not too long ago. It'll take at least an hour for her to get back," Rin replied.
"Huh? Since when did this happen?" Len demanded. Rin shrugged.
"Mom texted me while we were at the movie," Rin explained.
"Of course she did," Len muttered. "My sister, the rudest movie-goer ever."
"You really shouldn't answer texts in a movie theater, Kagamine-san," Piko told her. Miku found his expression adorable; as if he felt ashamed for scolding her.
"Boo-hoo. What are they gonna do, confiscate my cellphone?" Rin asked with a pout. "I'm in college! I'm not going to take that from anyone!"
"Rin, you're nineteen. You can't even drink legally yet, thank goodness," Len told her.
Because a drunk Rin is what we need in our lives, Miku thought.
"So?" Rin demanded.
Len didn't reply; instead, he allowed himself to sigh and gave Miku a look that clearly read See what I have to deal with? Miku felt herself chuckle at his self-pitying expression.
"Rei-san!" Rin focused her attention on the raven-haired youth, who walked next to Miku on the sidewalk. "You're still here! I thought you might've left by now?"
"Hm? Oh," Rei replied absentmindedly. "I should be getting home soon. Rui must be spitting mad."
"Is Rui your sister?" Rin asked.
"Yeah," Rei answered with an odd expression on his face. He didn't seem to enjoy the topic very much. Of course he didn't. From what Miku had witnessed, Rei and Rui most definitely didn't like each other. Heck, not even in the way siblings are forced to.
"Well, too bad for her! We're going to steal you for the rest of the day!" Rin proclaimed.
Miku resisted a sigh. "Rin-san, you can't-"
"Shush!" Rin ordered the teal-haired teen, holding up a hand for emphasis. "Rei-san doesn't look like he gets out much! So we're going to make sure he has fun."
All four of Rin's companions exchanged worried and confused looks.
"Rin, please tell me you don't mean…" Len trailed off as he saw the look on her face.
"Of course!"
"No! Rin!" Len exclaimed. "Absolutely not!"
"Aw, you're blowing things out of proportions," Rin accused. "Besides, I'm sure we'll be able to eat free if we eat there."
"I hate you."
Rin smirked. "Hate me all you want. But I'll just make you suffer for it."
Len shuddered next to Miku as Rin changed the direction they were walking, turning down a new street populated with a crowd of people.
"Where are we going?" Miku asked suspiciously.
"Hell," Len stated.
"Just a cute little restaurant!" Rin offered her answer with a wink. Miku stomach flipped and she realized this would probably result in chaos. "It's actually just down the street!"
Rin pointed to the shop front. A large sign hung over the door, announcing the existence of the place inside. The name was unimportant, a detail Miku paid no mind to. Together, the group walked through the door Piko held open for them. Len looked at his feet angrily while Miku, Piko, and Rei glanced around. The place seemed normal enough, Miku decided from her place standing before the podium, waiting to be seated. Just another little restaurant. Nothing special.
She realized she was dead wrong when Teto, in all her pink-haired, hyperactive glory tackled her in a hug. She wore a rather… unprofessional waitress uniform. Or was it a maid uniform? Miku had no idea.
"Hatsune-saaaan!" the girl exclaimed, happily.
And Miku knew she wouldn't be eating a normal meal.
/
Oh my gosh. What have I written? Gah, whatever. Sorry for the lack of MikuLen fluff. I wanted to put some in, but... Ah, well.
Heads up! It isn't actually a maid cafe. Teto's just weird.
Thanks to all those who followed and reviewed, and a special thanks is extending to the ones who have stuck with this ridiculous story so long.