He had always had a fascination with cats. Big cats, little cats, calico, black, blue eyes, green eyes, fat and thin.
Cats were his favorite.
It wasn't until the trip to the local zoo in fourth grade, that the cat-lover developed his larger fascination with panthers.
They were sleek animals, with rippling black fur and half-lidded tawny eyes.
He stared at them, entranced until the teacher pulled him away. His thoughts were on panthers for the rest of the day.
His high school mascot was a panther, and he was a jock, proud to display his number and his muscles.
He scored the winning touch-down in the last game of the season.
And then, the shit hit the fan.
He'd had a normal life, with kind parents and a younger sister.
That was, until his parents got divorced. His new step-father was a large man, with enormous standards, alcoholic tendencies and a temper that would send a spider scurrying for safety.
And he was always on the receiving end.
That was when the drugs started, and he quit the football team. The drugs cast a haze over his pain, over the destruction he lived in.
The drugs kept him from lashing back.
"-worthless piece of shit! All of you! Dying your hair blue! That's stupid! What's blue hair gonna do for you!? Huh? You're still ugly as the shit on my shoe!"
Kick. Hit the wall. Stay quiet.
"Your sister is a good girl! Look at her!"
Jaw grabbed. Forced to face her. Stay quiet.
"She does her homework! She does her chores! She bakes cookies! She does everything you don't! You and your worthless mother! I should have married your sister instead!"
Don't do it.
"Let's go for a drive!" His step-father roared, shoving him towards the car and grabbing his sister's arm.
-;-
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Ayame was dead, limbs splayed, blood gushing and sand seeping with red.
He beat his fist against the wall.
She was dead. He had pushed her off the cliff.
His mother was in hysterics. He was telling lies.
And the teen? He couldn't do shit.
Fights broke out, both at home and at school. The drugs increased, the hair stayed blue and the abuse continued.
"-worthless fucking male! Your sister was better than you at everything!"
Kick. Hit the wall. Stay quiet.
"Your B in math? I could do better with my eyes closed."
Punch. Stay quiet.
"Grades better improve! Not that your looks could! You're the shit on my shoe! I pay a good amount of money for the food you eat, the clothes you wear! So does your mother! She's out now, working for her worthless son because somewhere in her heart she pities you. I don't! Let's all-"
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Screw that.
His fist flew out, knocking his step-father across the room and into the opposite wall.
"That was for insulting my mother."
He followed it with a kick to the gut.
"That was for drinking her hard-earned money."
He grabbed the vase on the table.
"This is for murdering my sister!"
China shattered around them, and his step-father stood.
"You'll pay for this, boy."
And he just walked away.
The tattoo burned against his skin, guilt riding his waves of pain.
The panther; it was something he once displayed in pride, and now it was there to keep him sane.
He lived in fear of when the step-menace would strike.
"Let's go for a drive."
The rebellious teen in the destructive world looked up, fear in his eyes as he was hauled towards the car.
He opened his blue eyes, blinking against the bright lights of the hospital room.
"-as long as he wakes up." There was a pause in the voice. "He should make a full recovery. Look, he's awake now."
His mother appeared in his vision, dressed in her black suit hair falling around her pale, taunt face.
"Do you remember what happened?"
And it all came back.
The squeal of tires. Metal crunching in on itself. Pain. Lights and sirens.
"Don't speak there, bucko." The doctor chuckled, brushing his fingers against the medical equipment beside the bed. "Your jaw was broken in the accident. You'll have to nod and shake your head for the next several weeks."
He nodded.
It was raining and the small procession met the rain with tears. They were dressed in black, with white lilies strewn down their path.
Dirt moved over the lacquered coffin.
'I'm here.' He tried to say, but they didn't seem to here. 'Mom, don't cry. I'm right here.'
His expression morphed, anger crossing his features as he darted away from the funeral.
'I'm here.'
'I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.'
"Goodbye, baby. Take care of your sister."
He stopped, glancing back at his mother before taking the spot she was leaving.
Here lies Grimmjow Jeagerjaques.
Beloved son, brother and friend.