My pleas go unheard
My prays unanswered
No one takes heed
At my unnatural disaster
In the shadows of the night
I cry myself asleep
Dreading the day
As I think
How much I will weep
As I slowly fall asleep
- DNL235
The doctors enters, checking the stats of my beloved, for the umpteenth time. I know his actions were serious, but not as dire as the doctors constant three minute inspections. I can imagine maybe a nurse, but never a doctor. Every time he come in, the knot in stomach consumes more, enlarging in mass, as it eats away any hope I have left.
I'm so scared, it has been four days since the dreadful moment when I found him. Lying in a dark burgundy pool, of his own blood. I haven't slept much, every time I close my eyes, I am haunted with the visions of him slipping away. I cry out for him to return to me, but it's goes unheard in the nearing, growing darkness. I find a match, only to be snuffed out, with all my hope of illuminating the pitch black within.
He hasn't stirred, hasn't awakened, not even a mumble. At this moment I would do anything just for him to serenade me with his sweet voice, to know beyond what the beeping of machines offer.
Lost in thought, failing to notice a gentle call from the outside world.
" Sir... Sir, you have been up for four days. What use to him will you be if you can't help yourself? Ignoring the doctors pleas to help, mumbles to himself, not registering that he is participating in a conversation whispers " whatever he needs me to be." He reaches out, grabbing hold of his lovers hand. Hoping his love, prays, and devotion will be enough to bring him back.
" Sir, if you change your mind,then there is a cot with your name on it." The doctor leaves, leaving the sick love birds all alone.
I just don't understand why he hasn't woken up by now. If this was like the fairy tales, I would simplify plant a delicate kiss on his neglected lips. Their just there, staring at me, begging to be reunited, with their partner... their other half. Yes, if only it was like the happily ever after tales. There would only be joy, love, and plenty of romance. I would be his prince, he would awaken in my arms. As I would embrace his warmth, how I have missed his touch. How I long for him to pass out in my arms, after a night of vigorous love making, like before. To awaken, and see his beautiful smile, as it brightens my day. Instead I'm filled with dread, longing, and regret. Regret for not being there, regret for being unable to ease his pain, most importantly I regret failing him; when he needed me the most.
While battling his internal struggle, Kou straightens in his seat when interesting thought passes through his mind.
I'll do it.
Standing, stretching his body over the still, fragile frame underneath him. Lowers his head, licking his lips, as he tries to steal a kiss. Until he notices fluttering of his darlings eyelids. Recoiling, returning to his chair. Witnessing a miracle before his eyes.
Oh my god, his eyes are opening, but there's something wrong. Plaster across is face, he is ! My love muffin looks at his wrists, then covers his eyes. I can only see half of his face, it's hidden by his hands. Until he desperately tries clogging his ears, clenching his eyes tight. He looks so adorable, no Yukina, matter at hand; looks later. I try calling out, but he doesn't seem to hear me. My heart is bouncing out of my chest. There's a new expression, instead of pain. Painted on his gorgeous features is confusion. Where the FUCK are the doctors when you need them?
I try calling out to him again. " what wrongs?"
" ITS...TO... LOUD" he replies through gritted teeth, crying out in pain. I'm so frantic, he begins to violently thrash in the bed. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I CAN'T leave his side, but CAN'T just let him continue to struggle in so much agony. The monitors start blaring, as doctors and nurses rush in. He cries out in pain again, louder, heart wrenching; taking a piece of my being. FINALLY except, wait, no... His heart is overloading. They put an oxygen mask over his lips. Appearing to have calmed down, one of the doctor rolls him to his back, checking his heartbeat manually.
Until he begins to panic, my heart drops as i watch him gasping for air. I dash to my honey bunches side, trying to calm him down " Shouta, calm down. Everything will be fine just relax." I say as soothingly as possible, pouring all my charm into turning my voice into verbal silk. I think he's listening to me, because he inhales deeply a few times, the monitors quiet down. He loosened his muscles, regaining stability.
Staff leave, as I keep a watchful over my prize possession. Lowering his hands, I take my chance, slipping my hand over his. From now on I will protect you, MY angel.
He opens his eyes, gracing me with pools of chocolate gold. I try, but I can't help failing suppressing a grin.
My grin is washed away, when I see steady streams flowing down his cheeks.
Wiping them away, as I retrieve my chair. After putting the chair closer to his side , I reknit our hands together, never wanting to let go again.
I try speaking, but words escape me. I don't know if I should comfort, confront or both. I just feel so lost, dazed, confused. This is just all so surreal, I have to speak up. I'm sure he feels pressured, I have to remove it.
" So how do you feel?" It an extremely dumb question, but is a good ice breaker. I have to start somewhere, somehow, no matter the challenge, or struggle. I must get him to open up, or he may be lost to me. Closed off forever.
" Fine"
" Don't lie to me, if you were truly ' fine' you wouldn't have done what you did." I snap back, practically yelling, losing control of the volume of my voice. As soon as the words slither from between my my lips, I regret them. There so harsh, anger seeping out of my cruel words. I just feel betrayed, I can't wrap my head around these event, I can't understand.
" I'm not sure, it's hard to explain."
Least where getting somewhere, he's being open, honest. I tighten my grip on his hand, my palms sweating. " Please try." I pause, trying to regain my voice, leaving the anguish behind. " Kisa, please try." I hope I don't sound as pathetic to him, as I do myself.
My sugar puddin' take a deep breath, I massage his hand in mine, reassuring him everything with be fine. " I got home late last night, tired, as usual. Yet there was something different. I FELT different , heavily weight on my chest. I was just going through the motions. I was more than ready to be enveloped by sleep, but I couldn't. I wanted to, but COULDN'T. Your call woke me up, at first I was angry. Until I realized it was late afternoon. This dark feeling just keep GROWING inside." He lowers his head, like a punished dog, running away with its tails between its legs.
As I hear his words, I can't help but blame myself. GUILT overwhelms me, I didn't notice his pain, him fighting a darkness within. I was blinded, by love, and foolishness.
I lift is chin, giving into my outraging desire, planting as delicate kiss upon his lips, lingering, reacquainting his with mine." Kisa, you can trust me. I understand your scared , but whatever you tell me, I won't let go. I won't judge. I love you, there is no room in my heart for anything, except positive emotions for you."
I grab him, pulling him into my protective bubble, shielding him with my arms. Because I don't care about anybody else. i Just want to be tough enough for YOU. Squeezing tighter, as his tear drops, come crashing on my shoulder. I will never let you go, I would never be able to bear losing you. I nearly shattered, just thinking of a world without you.
This incident is going on your permanent record mister. You did this to me, I was normal before you. Until you stole by heart, and I'm being suck in. I fell in love with you, because of a million tiny things, you never knew you were doing. I fell in love with you, i don't know how, i don't know why. I just did. Most importantly , i promise to be yours forever, if promise to me mine forever. I sound so cheesy, yet its how i feel. On cloud nine, and loving every minute of it.
I have become your willing slave, surrendering my life to servitude. I do whatever you NEED, you WANT, without question. But I DON'T mind, and thats the scary part, I do it as easily as BREATHING, breathing in shards of glass. As you creep in, take over, and conquer my heart.
Going through the motions
Losing all my drive
I can't even see
If this is really me
And I just wanna be
ALIVE
- DNL235