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I said, Mama, Mama, Mama,
Why am I so alone?
I can't go outside
I'm scared I might not make it home
I'm alive but I'm sinking in
If there's anyone at home at your place
Why don't you invite me in?
Don't try to bleed me
I've been there before and I deserve a little more
(Rain King – Counting Crows)
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The rest of the week flew by, and after convincing Storm to take me to a Barnes & Nobles, I found a Philadelphia Newspaper and an entire article on Asa. It was a tribute, beautifully written. Her funeral was to be Saturday, it said, and that if you wished to send flowers, they were to go to Joseph Tompkins, her best friend and partner. I was jealous of the author, thinking that it should have been my job. But that wasn't the point, or my main thought. I tore it out of the paper and hid it in my pocket when Storm came over and we decided it was time to head out and hit up the movies.
Storm had become a great companion for me. Ok, sorry, that made her sound like a dog. But she really was great, and she was a great listener. After I blew up on Logan that day in the woods, I realized I should be talking more about what is going on inside my head. So when Storm knocked on my door that afternoon, I told her everything. Well mostly everything. By Friday though, she did know everything.
I told her about my parents, and not remembering. I told her how Asa made me keep my mutation to myself. I told her that I held Asa's dead body and that I was terrified of my powers. She even knew all about the blowout between Logan and I. Storm was a great friend in a way that I couldn't describe. She agreed that he shouldn't push me to join the team, though she admitted it would be good for me, and the team. But she understood when I said no. She even started throwing Logan dirty looks if I were ever in the room when he was.
She told me things too. Like how she fell in love with a normal person from the city, and how they were secretly dating. His name was Tony and she was falling hard for him. She told me how Jean and Scott were cute together, but that she had there doubts about them. She told me the history of the school, the truth about everyone and things that happened. How Logan didn't like the idea of the team, like he'd told me, but that when Rogue needed him, he joined up.
Things were looking better for me. I was still getting over everything, but each day wasn't so hard to live. It had only been a week, but I was slowly dealing with everything. There was just one thing I needed to do, and that involved saying goodbye on the day of the funeral.
It was 9am on Saturday, and Storm had agreed to take me to a police memorial she knew of where I could say goodbye in my own way. I waited for her in the garage for a ½ hour and she never showed. It was really weird for me because Logan was already in the garage, working on his motorcycle the whole time. We didn't acknowledge each other.
Using the Blackberry Xavier gave me, I texted her, and finally, called her. Logan walked over just as it went to voicemail.
"She ain't comin'." He said, gruff voice and all.
"She isn't coming, use proper English – you are at a school after all. And what would you know?" Actually, it was kind of cute that he said ain't and comin' without the g. I liked that about him. It ended there, trust me.
"Xavier sent her and Jean out to look for some kid. Pretty last minute."
"Great." I mumbled.
I looked around at the cars, not knowing if it would be out of line to take one.
"Don't." Logan said, reading my thoughts, "You get pulled over, and you'll be taken in. It's only been a week, after all."
I had wondered what my alibi was exactly, since I could go out into public. But I didn't ask.
"Guess I'm walking then." I said. I had put on a black pair of dress pants, black boots and a black long lacey shirt. Not see through lacey, because there was another equally black layer under it. But it kind of looked like a shorter, (if possible) version of the Gwyneth Paltrow dress she wore to the Iron Man premier. I had my hair in a half ponytail, and a backpack with a letter I wrote in it. We were planning on stopping somewhere to get flowers.
"Guess you are." He walked past me as I headed out, but he stopped and looked at me. "You really are gonna just walk? You'd rather walk than ask me for a ride?"
"You don't even know where I'm going." I spat, stopping.
"There wouldn't happen to be a funeral today, would there?"
I shifted the weight of my bag. "Not that it's your business, but I'm not supposed to attend. We were just going to go to the police memorial up in…"
"You don't even know where it is."
"I can hail a cab."
"Right." He paused. "Just ask me for a ride."
"You gonna say yes?"
'Yeah. And it's going to, actually. Use proper English, you are at a school."
I rolled my eyes and bit back my retort. "Will you please give me a ride to the memorial? And stop at a flower shop along the way?"
He smiled, "Not so bad, was it? Come on." He pulled out a helmet and handed it to me.
Ignoring the fact that he probably had ulterior motives, I took the helmet and stared at the bike. "It's not going to bite you."
"I know that, sheesh. I just…its my first time." I blushed immediately, realizing what I said.
He did a double take a smirked, "I bet it is."
"Shut up, I meant on a motorcycle. Not that anything of that nature is your business."
"Of course its not, unless you make it my business."
"Blah blah blah. Lets go!" I hopped on the back of the bike, grabbing onto the handles behind me.
"Uh-uh." He said, reaching behind himself, grabbing my arms, and putting them on his own waist. Before I could even think about this gesture, he took off out of the garage, the speed making me hold on even tighter.
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The ride was a long one, so I was grateful that I had gotten a ride, even if it was with the seemingly morally corrupt Wolverine. I had a lot of time to think too, as the trees whizzed past us. I kept trying as hard as I could not to picture certain memories or think certain things.
I'm not referring to the day Asa died, but rather, our life, memories of growing up as Asa's daughter. Good memories, like going to the drive in with her and dinning at the trendy restaurants in the City. But horrible memories, too, like screaming at her when I didn't get my way, being embarrassed by her when she'd ask questions in public that I thought were dumb, and random memories, like introducing her to my first boyfriend and having her recognizing him because she'd busted him speeding.
Like I said, I was doing everything in my power not to think of all of this, failing, but still. I wanted to be alone, someplace quiet, and then I wanted to remember all of this stuff. So, as we rode off, I sang any song I could remember words to in my head to distract myself. I was stuck on "O Come All Ye Faithful" when we pulled up to a roadside market with fruits, vegetables, and some premade bouquets of flowers. Nothing fancy like lilies, roses, or anything, but Asa didn't love those kinds of flowers anyways.
In fact, back at our apartment in Philli, even though we were on the 9th floor, she made sure there were flowers on our terrace at all times.
He stopped the bike and neither of us moved. "You can ease up on your death grip now." He commented. Realizing I was still clutching him, I let go and the moment quickly passed.
We didn't speak as I picked out a plastic pot full of mums – a favorite of hers, especially around Easter time –paid, and walked back to the bike. Logan was leaning against it, studying his surroundings.
"How much further…I don't really know how to ride and juggle plants at the same time." I gestured to the pink-foiled pot as I stood next to the bike.
"Down the road. Just put it between us and we should be fine." We got on the bike and rode away, stopping only at the gates of a huge field.
The place was strange, an iron gate was opened and inside there were small statues and flowers at random spots, but no graves. Straight ahead, where the iron fences met, there was a black wall that looked to have names engraved on it.
He parked the bike and we hopped off, standing there awkwardly. I wasn't about to invite him to come with me, but I couldn't exact say "Ok bye!" either. Besides, what was my plan? Where was I supposed to put the pot? The pouty kid in me came out as I thought of all the ways that this WASN'T Philadelphia nor was it Asa's funeral.
Logan turned back towards his bike, not looking at me as he spoke, "Look I'm going to…go…"
"Maybe you should…"
We were both speaking at the same time. What was I thinking coming here with him? As if I hadn't already made myself vulnerable enough, ranting to him the other day in the woods, there was a 98% chance I was going to be crying soon. I didn't need to let him see that either.
"We passed a bar on our way here. I should probably…check it out. Make sure the beer is…good quality."
I felt myself making a strange face at him, you know, eyebrows knitting together, lips grimacing; a confused look. "Uh…ok. But…drinking and-"
"I'm a grown man, Surge, I can handle an hour at a bar."
Rolling my eyes, I nodded. "Fine. So, an hour then?"
He looked at the ground, then back at me, with a serious look on his face. "You know if…do you want…me to stay?" Our eyes met, and I think I saw genuine sympathy.
"Logan, I appreciate you driving me out here. Taking your day like this…and I appreciate this offer. I do. But I just want to be alone for this thing…"
It was obvious that this is what he was hoping to hear, as he visibly relaxed, and nodded. "Alright, well the offer is there. Back in an hour."
And just like a bat out of hell, he got on his bike and drove off, fast, in case I would suddenly change my mind.
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