If are you are my uncle, be aware. DO NOT READ! I'm WARNING YOU, read at your own risk. To all the other readers, please enjoy.(^.^)

I question why
I question myself
I question the reason
I've been put on this shelf

No more companions
That wish to play
Stuck on this shelf
All night and all day

Lost in the dark
With no way out
No map
No key
No path
To help
Set me free
-DN235

Ever since he broke down in my arms, he's so nonchalant about things, but he can't hide from me. I'm sure he feels embraced, he's a very reserved person. Yet I can't help but feel responsible, even though I know I did nothing to warrant such emotion.

Yet I continue to wallow in self pity, I remember its so clearly. Hearing the words he uttered, they where so profound, the event was so surreal. I was there, i witnessed it, everything and even i am unsure of what happened. The words still ringing in my ears, clear as a cloudless day.

- Flashback -

" I just never imagined meeting someone who would, could pick me up, dust me off. Teaching me how to be excited by life, and love again."

- End Flashback -

I never imagined in my wildest dreams, that he would be so honest. So open, so forthright about his feelings. I may have been, but I was uncertain he would. I was unsure that he truly felt the same.

Now looking back, I'm sure that my doubts where unjustly thought. Making me feel worse for ever doubting his sincerity.

He became an open book, I just didn't have enough time fully read it.

He hasn't opened up like that since then either. I'm torn between a having a feeling of relief and regret. Relief because I was so ecstatic that he felt that he could open up to me, trust me, but at the same time, then I regret not being able to keep that open, that release flowing.

His virulent suicide rocked me to my core, yet he goes around acting frivolous, appearing so chagrin.

Seeing him like this, nearly makes my eyes pop out of there sockets, I'm filled with such anguish. It continues to heavily weigh on my chest, no relief in sight.

His cleaver, yet pointless façade doesn't fool me, not for an instant. My darling angel is pretending to be happy, masking his pain, for me. Yet somehow I doubt this, most of the time it seems more for his benefit then mine.

I also understand that he's doing it still uncertain of US, pride, I'm convinced though. That it is fear above all else, fear of losing me, or fear of me giving up... leaving.

I almost resent how he continues to refuse to listen to me, but only almost. It still hurts that I pour my heart out to deaf ears. Still I could never remain unhappy with him, him being my one and only weakness. Also I could never remain angry, especially after last night.

- Flashback -

While we passionately kissed each other, making are way to the bedroom. Only stopping for quick moments to inhale, before merging lips once again, tongues twisting together. Indulging in each others taste, memorizing the warmth, and feeling.

Shedding each others garments, descending to the mattress, while we groped tender areas. Caressing the other, pleasuring each sensitive nerve. Wholeheartedly giving into are desires, care free. Satisfying the urge to become one entity, no longer holding back. Nothing in are way, nothing to stop us from making passionate love.

I suckling on his delicious neck, nibbling his ear lobes. Witnessing my partners fast growing arousal. I begin by dragging my tongue across his body, neglecting one desired region, teasingly.

Snaking one of my hands from pectoral descending to abdomen, reaching the hard shaft. Stroking, pleasing the organ, causing my love monkey to buckle, gasp and moan, underneath me.

Kisa seductively whimpering, driving me crazy. As i flicked my tongue across the tip of my Teddy's member, before taking him whole.

Earning louder gasps and moans, so happy, as i hear his enjoyment. While my little playmate arched his back, coming deep in my throat, as i devour the sweet nectar.

I begin exploring his body with one, then two, three fingers, finding his spot. Him convulsing, writhing with my gentle touch. Until i could no longer contain myself.

Slowly penetrating the tight entrance, Kisa panting from his earlier explosion.

Slowly thrusting, gyrating my pelvis, moving in and out, becoming faster, harder, deeper. Continuing the motion, developing a rhythm. As I repeatedly pound my lovers sensitive cluster of nerves.

Until we both yell out, in pleasure. Hitting climax in unison, collapsing on each other. While we both hyperventilate, trying to regain the ability to breath, overcome with excitement.

- End Flashback -

Snapping out of his thought, to view a concerned Shouta before him. Drilling holes, with his penetrating stare, never losing his gaze. No matter how hard he tried, realizing he was blushing up a storm. Failing to avoid or lose his darlings death glare.

" Are you okay." Kisa inquires, worried about his partners sudden redding cheeks.

" Yeah, I'm fine," miserably lying, failing to reassure his love. Kisa abandons the line of questioning, recognizing his partners uneasiness.

" I believe the real question is how are you?" Turning tables, eyeing his lovers reflection of emotions, that he feels as well.

" Your blowing this out of orgasmic proportion." Realizing what he said all to late. His Freudian slip all to interesting to the man straight ahead, having heard every uttered word.

AHHH, Kisa your so embarrassed and adorable. I just want to carry you off into the sunset and ravage you throughout the entire night. Well, a man can dream can't he, then again after last night in might be closer to reality then I know.

" I just don't understand how you can believe in me, when I don't even believe in myself." What do you see, that I don't. Kisa wonders to himself, as the uninvited ' guest" in is head, joins in his internal conversation.

' I was just about to inquire, the exact same thing. All I see is a pathetic, whinny, old man. He must be really blind, or maybe really special... specially slow.'

The voice continues, taunting and insulting him.

" I see the man I love, there's nothing else that matters, nothing else I need."

I hope it goes through this time, I'll beat it into him if I have to. Least till he gets the idea. Slipping my hands in his, gripping tighter as I startle my beloved. Him trying to pull away, but refusing to let go.