Deep
Dark
Within my heart
Nothing can stop
What has fallen apart
Inside I'm lost
Inside I'm through
No one understands
So what can I do
The tunnel of light
Refuses to shine
Deep down inside
I'm lost
Not knowing
What to do
Or how to find
What I need
To pull through
-DNL235

Oh, how I miss that week of freedom, now my liberation has been rescinded. It went by much to quickly, between Kou and my uninvited ' guest' I didn't get much time to rest.

I wouldn't say that I regret half of that, the Kou half of course. Unfortunately the other half is something to be desired, ' It' shut up for now.

I would be lying if I said, I was saddened by this. Lets face it, a constant nagging voice you can't harm. Well I don't really want to hurt myself, but damn it might be worth it. Because a play by play during certain private activities, isn't my idea of fun.

' Yes, well let me be perfectly clear, having to witness two nude men ' wrestling' in not my idea of entertain either. I do agree. He's rather, what do you call it... Smexy, yes that's it. He's very smexy indeed.'

' Well better late, then never'

' To what are you referring?'

' The compliment.'

' That's a compliment? I thought its was an insult.'

' HaHaHa, nooo. You just said he was smart and sexy.

' I know. I'm fully aware.'

' Then how is that an insult?'

' I might have mentioned this before, but you are extremely slow. I was implying that while he has the devilish, handsome appearance and intelligence. While you have age, dyed grey hair and me.'

' NO, I have him, experience and a great hair dresser.'

' Translation... Old player.'

' What happened to you keeping that trap shut.'

' Changed my mind, I've been bored. I must confess your very entertaining.'

' Yes, well no more. From now on mums the word. I won't even acknowledge your presence.'

' I wish you the best of luck, with that. I can see even my vocabulary is rubbing off, but it's much better then that normal dribble you use. I mean really, read a an actual book. It's that so hard?'

" I'm not listening."

" What Kisa, I didn't hear you."

Darn I said that out loud, didn't I.

' Yes, you did.'

' Rhetorical question.'

' I do believe a certain someone, mentioned something about ignoring me.'

' I did and I am.'

" Nothing Ricchan." Now he's glaring at me with a funny look, wait me cheeks feel warm, great I'm blushing.

' What middle aged man, who is way passed his prime not know how to lie? Pathetic if you ask me.'

" Okay, I was sure I heard something."

I'm sure he knows I'm lying, what do I say. CRAP, I can't think of anything to say, oh I got it.

" I must have been mumbling to myself." Which is at least part of the truth. What do they say, the best lie is majority true.

" If you say so." He still seems suspicious, well I better stop talking to myself out loud.

' Splendid idea, that's new for you. Can only hope this happens more often.'

I can't believe my luck, having to come back during the most exhausting time in the cycle. Then above that, my author is late, again. i mean how hard is it to meet your damn deadline. Ive been so busy that I still haven't eaten, I can imagine Kou now.

" Kisa darling, you look pale, here eat this."

' I can't help, but imagining you in a diaper. Being feed, needing a change. I mean really, what grown man, with any sense of pride wishes to be treated like a child; by ANOTHER grown man, of ALL THINGS. It's a terribly perplexing notion, it baffles me beyond belief. It's a sickening conundrum that boggles the mind of any rational thought, which is extremely dangerous for you. Because let's face it, you are teetering on the precipice enough as it is.'

' No, tell me how you really feel.'

' I was hoping that was clear enough, or did I use words that you cannot possibly comprehend?'

' I was being sarcastic, and facetious.'

' No, you where being capricious.'

' Was I ?'

Ignoring my question, my little ' friend' is once again silent. Retreating back into my head, for the time being not invading my thoughts.

As the day progresses, I become even more depleted then before. Still haven't eaten, unable to find a free moment. Well, no longer then a spare moment to have some coffee, that's far from enough.

As I begin to have a odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, I try standing, only to fall to the carpeted floor. Getting up, running, making my way to the restroom. Violently regurgitating any remaining substance, several times.

Afterward, now feeling more empty then before, make my way to the sink. Rinsing out my mouth, cleansing my tongue of the horrific taste. Then splashing my face with cold water, trying to get a grip.

Reminding myself to eat something when I had time, hopefully not to much later from now. Rubbing my tummy in circular motions, trying to appease the unpleasant gurgling, from within.

While staring at myself in the mirror. Disgusted with the image I see, my reflection. The reflection of a sickly old man, needing to take better care of himself. My cheeks hollow, and sunken. My face terribly thin, my chin, razor sharp from lack of girth. I look positively horrendous, I'm surprised no one had mention how horrid I appear.

' They probably are trying to spare your feelings, I fail understand why, myself. Humans are such foolish, fragile creatures. Also its possible having known what you went through, or they just completely don't care. In which case, why would they bother to mention how your appearance closely resembles that of a skeleton? Maybe you are related. I'm also glad to hear that your not as aliterate as I previously thought, or maybe I'm still rubbing off. For the better I see, my baby is growing up.'

' Don't you feel bad about kicking someone while their down,'

' No, not what so ever, but then again. You should be strong enough to pick yourself up, without aid, or pity. Physically speaking you are fully grown, man up. Learn to handle your own problems.'

' I'm become weary of your drawn out soliloquies. Your ranting and raving has increased several fold.'

' I remember not to long ago, saying that to you. Then again, maybe I'm just becoming more prominent, more in control. Listen to yourself, you even sound like me. It won't be long, until we are fully one.'

' I'm nothing like you, I won't be you.'

' Don't be like that, I'd despise having you revert back to that childish vocabulary, that you call speech, my dear boy it's far to late. I'm here, and theres nothing you can do to stop me, you are me. I suggest you accept that, and admit failure.'

' I may have lost the battle, but the war is far from over. I will never admit defeat, especially to a spineless coward, whom lacks corporeal form. I refuse to bow down, to the weaker, less deserving version of myself.'

' Valiant words, but nonetheless useless. Can't you feel it? Im taking over! Even if slowly, but surely. All I have to do is bide my time, until I fully envelope all that you are. Into all that I am. It would take some kind of a miracle to stop me.

'I will stop you, even if I have to stop denying the truth.'

' STOP ME, you invited me! By building your wall, you challenged my strength. I'm here to play your game.'

' Not for much longer. I'm going to be shoving form wince you came, very soon.'

' Someone's seems confident, or rather cocky. If your feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know. I accept your challenge, and await the results, for the up incoming victor. Which I assure you, shall be I.'

Ignoring the unnecessary information, making my way back to my desk. I'm sure I look frightful, receiving glances, stares and double takes on the way back. Reaching my desk, plopping down, onto the comfy, swivel chair. My coworkers seeming like they want to ask, but deciding against it. At least it seems that they care, after all.

' I never stated they did or did not, only a possibility. It could have gone one way or the other.'

' Rii-ight, just sneak passed your blatant inferring that they don't care for me. Even though present gazes, prove that they do. So someone must have been wrong, you perchance?'

'...'

' No comment? Well thats alright, but since you were wrong about that. Just maybe you were wrong about something else, as well.'

Smirking to myself, in triumph. My little ' friends' silence admitting defeat.

I have never understood how authors can never meet their deadlines, you get on their back. They complain, saying that " their doing it, go away, I'm doing the best I can." Yet if that were true, then you would meeting your deadlines, but your not. So now I have to complain, and get on their back, I don't want to. I have enough to do without babysitting, but I must admit coddling them is a majority of being and doing what I do. Still is it to much to ask for? I think not.

' Rather, I conqur. Can't stand whinny people, just like you.'

Finally, I can go home, yet I know I need to go somewhere else. I need to confront Kou, before any remaining courage withers away.

' Another thing I can't stand, cowards'

I begin making my way home, convincing my self that I can do that any old time. Besides I need to eat something, and sleep. I have more then plenty of time for that later. I don't what to further burden him, then I have already. I can't have him worrying about me, he has to take care of himself too.

Yet I after my over used platitudes, and drawn out speech. I find myself in front of the bookstore, waiting for him. No matter how much I tried, and failed to convince myself that later is a better.

I won't, I can't wait any longer. I need to stop running away, stop hiding from the truth. Because its not helping, the longer I deny, the more unable I will be to face it head on. That feeling will only worsen, straining our relationship. I refuse to let him slip away, he's been with me through thick and thin, mostly thin. An outrageously amount of thin, he hasn't left, hasn't given me any reason doubt his sincerity.

Yet I can't help, but be scared. Scared of the unknown that's waiting just ahead, scared of what he might think, or say. Mostly I'm terrified, that if I tell him, he will leave, and won't come back.

One question plagues my mind, swirling around, relentlessly.

WHAT IF HE LEAVES?

' Does your incompetence know no bounds, I think not. Or are you just deaf? He has repeatedly proclaimed his devotion to you, yet you are too preoccupied by yourself to notice. You must be deaf, dumb and blind to miss how much he feels for you, cares for you, how much he LOVES YOU. Even I am not that heartless. I may not be the number one fan of your sexual choices, but I admire I a man who knows what he wants. Then fights for it, never wavering or relenting, never questioning, but always there. He dotes upon you, as if like royalty, yet you still question his resolve. Your lack of faith disgusts me, your not worthy of him, and you never will be.'

While thinking to himself, Kou walks to him, large strides closing the gap. Startling Kisa, with a light tap on the shoulder.

" Honey, you look exhausted. What are you doing here?"

" I had to see you, I needed my Kou fix. I know you have school tomorrow, but I was hoping to spend the night?"

" Of course, your my panda bear. Lets go home."

Reaching Kou's apartment, crossing the threshold inside. Taking my coat, along with his and hanging them up. Something I never did, but I guess that I didn't have to do it, so it's ok. With every attempt to meet his gaze, I utterly fail. I must tell him, before this rare desire drains away. I'm so scared, I'm not even completely sure how to start a conversation, I've never discussed a topic like this.

' How about honesty, it's the best policy'

' Oh, shut up you. I've heard enough from you today, for about a dozen life times.

' Only trying to be of assistance. I advice you to not bite the hand, that feeds you.'

Before fully thinking, I blurt out " Kou, we need to talk." Well, that was relatively painless, here's goes, hoping the next bit is as easy.

" Sure Pumpkin, just let me grab something."

With a nod of my head, he walks off to fetch an unknown item. With every second he's away, I can feel the trace amount of courage, slowly diminish with passing time. While I am left with nothing, but fear eating me away. As I hear hypnotic steps of pitter patter, against the hardwood floor. My heavy eyelids droop, as I battle to remain awake, realizing my body's need to refuel. I concede the battle, allowing them to fully close. The fluttering of my eyelids stops. As I no longer struggle against their wish to be closed, drifting off into the velvet blackness, that envelops me, before I'm consumed.

Jacks Lament

There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best
For my talents are renowned far and wide
When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night
I excel without ever even trying
With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms
I have seen grown men give out a shriek
With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan
I have swept the very bravest off their feet

Yet year after year, it's the same routine
And I grow so weary of the sound of screams
And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King
Have grown so tired of the same old thing

Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones
An emptiness began to grow
There's something out there, far from my home
A longing that I've never known

I'm a master of fright, and a demon of light
And I'll scare you right out of your pants
To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Mister Unlucky
And I'm known throughout England and France

And since I am dead, I can take off my head
To recite Shakespearean quotations
No animal nor man can scream like I can
With the fury of my recitations

But who here would ever understand
That the Pumpkin King with the skeleton grin
Would tire of his crown, if they only understood
He'd give it all up if he only could

Oh, there's an empty place in my bones
That calls out for something unknown
The fame and praise come year after year
Does nothing for these empty tears

by The Nightmare Before Christmas