Disclaimers: Yeah, I wish.

Summary: Kate and Rick celebrate Ariel's first Christmas as Alexis makes plans to return to Paris to face her own demons.

Chapter 13—Baby's First Christmas

Two weeks before Christmas

Kate walked up to the front door of the loft and struggled with her key, juggling shopping bags, and a squirming baby. She finally got her key in the lock and elbowed the door opened, kicking it closed behind her. "Kate, you should've rang the bell," Alexis jumped up from the sofa and ran over to assist. "Did you find her a dress?"

"I found her the perfect dress," Kate beamed as she sat down and removed Ari's coat, hat, and mittens. "Wait until you see it." Ari was struggling to get down on the floor, so Kate released her as the now crawling baby headed for the stairs, which had been gated for her safety.

"She's such a speed demon," Alexis laughed as the two women watched Ari furiously exploring her world. "So, let me see her dress."

Kate took an oblong box from one of the shopping bags and removed the lid. She moved the white tissue paper aside to reveal a vision in wine colored velvet. It had a deep burgundy ribbon encircling the waist while the bodice was trimmed in white lace. "Oh, Kate," Alexis breathed as Kate lifted the dress from the box. "She's going to be the best dressed baby at Midnight Mass."

"I just hope she doesn't want to crawl all over the church. Have you heard anything from your dad?"

"No, but I'm not the first person he'd call. He's probably still in meetings. Kate, I'm glad that your dad's joining us for Christmas."

"So am I," Kate smiled before getting up and retrieving her daughter who was trying to find a way into her father's office. She'd learned that her daddy had lovely things on his lower bookshelves that she could pull off.

Ari fussed and squirmed in her mother's arms. Kate kissed her warm cheeks and brought her into the living room and placed her in her playpen, dumping most of her favorite toys in with her. Kate's phone buzzed with a text message. 'Is Alexis there with u?'

'Yes, she is.'

"I'm picking up Chinese on my way home. See u soon. ILY.'

'ILY 2.'

"Your dad's bringing Chinese food home," Kate told Alexis who was by the playpen playing with Ari.

"Great because I'm starving."

"So, are you getting excited about Paris?"

"Would you believe me if I said yes?"

"No."

"Kate, what if I never get over the things that I'm afraid of?"

"Well, I'll tell you, Alexis," Kate came over and sat on the floor by the playpen, "you're never going to completely 'get over' it. There are always going to be things that will bring those fears back. But, what you have to do is learn to control those fears. You take them over instead of the other way around."

"Is that what you did?"

"That's what I had to do."

"It's just not right," Alexis sighed as she got to her feet. "My dad should be taking you to Paris, not me."

"Alexis, believe me, one day your dad will take me to Paris. He's doing this because he loves you and he'd do anything in the world for you."

They looked toward the door when they heard Castle's key in the lock. He came through the doors with bags of Chinese takeout in tow. "Dada!" Ariel screamed happily at the sight of her father.

"I was thinking on the way home that maybe after dinner the Castle family can bundle up and go Christmas tree shopping," he walked over, kissing first Kate, and then Alexis. Kate took the bags from his hand so he could remove Ariel from her playpen as she chortled happily. "I see mommy had you in holding again, huh, sweet pea," he rubbed his cold nose against the baby's cheek as she squealed with laughter.

"Castle, please stop referring to your daughter's playpen as a holding cell. Do you really want to take her out in the cold to look at trees?"

"Kate, it's her first Christmas," he reminded her as Alexis came to the table with plates and silverware. "She should get the full experience."

"Castle, she's not quite seven months old. She's not even going to remember her first Christmas."

"But, we will," he gave her a look that was so hangdog that she couldn't refuse him. "The memories are for us too, Kate."

"Okay, so after dinner we'll go and look at trees," she grinned.

Before becoming involved with her ruggedly handsome writer, Kate had stopped celebrating Christmas. Her mother's death had come just two weeks after Christmas and it had taken her a long time to want to even think about Christmas again. Getting used to Castle and his exuberance over the holiday took some getting used to. He and Alexis had started decorating the loft the weekend after Thanksgiving. He'd pointed out that it was a tradition. He had gradually managed to pull Kate into the excitement.

The hardest thing she'd done was go to her father's house and remove the boxes of decorations that they'd stored after her mother's death. Boxes that she'd never opened until a week after Thanksgiving. Castle had been with her that day.

"You're sure that you want to do this?" He'd asked her as she handed the boxes down to him from the attic crawlspace.

"It's time," she'd smiled as he helped her down.

They'd sat on the floor of her old bedroom and carefully opened the first box, revealing a sea of both store bought and handmade ornaments. Castle pulled out a snowflake with a picture of Kate glued in the center of it. "This is too cute," he showed it to her as she rolled her eyes and tried to take it from him. "No way, Beckett! This is definitely going on the tree."

Her eyes misted over as she pulled out a carefully wrapped ornament. The tears spilled over as she unwrapped it, unveiling a beautiful glass and crystal ornament. "I bought this for my mom when I was in Kiev," she looked at Castle. "She always put it on the tree first. She said that it was her favorite ornament."

"Kate—"

"I'm okay, Castle."

"I know that your dad goes to his cabin, but do you think that he'd change his mind this year?"

"Castle, he stopped celebrating Christmas when she died. That's why he leaves the city. He wants to avoid the lights and the cheerfulness."

"But, this year he has a new granddaughter," he reminded her. "Don't they always say that Christmas is for children?"

"What're you thinking about?" Castle's voice brought her back to the present.

"How great Christmas is going to be this year," she smiled. "All of us being together, even my dad. I still can't believe that you managed to pull that one off, Castle."

"I'm a genius, aren't I?" He told her as he snagged a spring roll.

Kate remembered the conversation Castle had with her dad regarding Christmas.

"So, are you going to take the boxes with you, Katie?" Jim Beckett asked, handing coffee to his daughter and son-in-law.

"Yeah," Kate accepted the cup gratefully. She watched as he walked over to the travel crib that he kept for Ari and stared at her sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the world.

He so loved being a grandpa. Every time he came to the loft, he brought her something. Ari currently had enough toys for 10 kids. "Sometimes, when Ariel's asleep, she looks like you," he turned to smile at Kate.

"I think she looks like Rick. However, she acts like me."

"Do you mean stubborn?" Jim couldn't help teasing.

Kate smiled back before she looked over at Castle, nodding at him to ask about the holiday.

"Jim, Kate and I were wondering . . . I know that you go to your cabin, but we were hoping that you'd spend the holiday with us. You can spend Christmas Eve at the loft. We could all go to Midnight Mass together . . . "

"Rick, I appreciate the invitation, but I can't. Christmas is hard. Katie can attest to that."

"I understand that, but this year you have a reason to celebrate. This is Ariel's first Christmas. I think she'd really like to spend it with her whole family. Especially with her grandpa."

"Please, dad?" Kate looked at her father. "I mean, how many first Christmases is she going to have?"

Jim looked at Ariel and then turned his gaze to his daughter. He could almost hear Jo telling him that he needed to be with their daughter and granddaughter. That it was time to start celebrating life and stop mourning her death. "Well, I would love to see my granddaughter in the middle of a pile of wrapping paper on Christmas morning," he smiled.

"Thank you, dad," Kate got up from the sofa and fiercely embraced her father.

After dinner, Kate got the baby bundled into her one piece snowsuit and handed her to Castle before she slipped her own coat, scarf, and gloves on. "Every time I see her in this thing, I always think of that kid in 'A Christmas Story.' 'I can't put my arms down,'" Castle grinned at Kate, who just rolled her eyes.

Castle had a particular lot he always went to. He'd been going to this guy since Alexis was a baby and said that he always had the perfect tree. Despite the bitter cold, Ari seemed to enjoy the adventure if her squeals and baby babbling was any indication. She wanted to touch all of the trees in her mittened hands. They walked around for so long that Kate could no longer feel her feet. Castle and Alexis had gone in one direction while she went in the other direction with Ari. Occasionally she made it a point to feel her daughter's small face to make sure that she wasn't too cold. "Daddy's trying to turn you into a baby popsicle," Kate told her as Ari grinned a four-toothed grin.

Her phone buzzed, signaling a text. 'Found the perfect tree. Where r u?'

'Trying to keep ur daughter from freezing to death. Where r u?'

'Stay where u r. 'Lex and I will find u.'

Kate was bouncing the baby when Castle and Alexis joined up with them. "Take her," she handed Ari to Castle as she pulled a blanket from the diaper bag. "It's too cold out here for her, Castle."

"I'm sorry," he made faces at Ariel, who didn't seem to mind being cold. But he knew that Kate was right. "Anyway, Bruce and his boys will deliver the tree in an hour, so we need to get home."

"He just gets excited," Alexis tried to console Kate, who was still simmering with fury. "Once when I was five, he took me out tree shopping when it was five below. I thought gram was going to skin him alive."

When they arrived back at the loft, Kate went to give Ari a bath while Alexis made hot chocolate for everybody. Castle walked into the ensuite bathroom where Kate was bathing the baby in the huge bathroom sink. "I'm sorry," he came up next to her.

"Castle, you have to remember something," she looked at him while Ari splashed in the water. "I'm still getting used to once again celebrating a holiday that I spent more than 10 years trying to avoid. I know that you want to create special memories for Ari, but there's nothing special about being cold."

"I know, but for the record I think that she enjoyed herself. You need to relax a little. She's not going to break," he kissed her on the head before turning to leave.

"Excuse me!"

"Hey, I'm not going to argue about this now. Not in front of our daughter. Either of our daughters. If you're still angry in an hour, we'll talk about it then," he turned and left the room.

While Castle had been a single parent, he'd been a father raising a child alone. Kate knew that he just didn't get the fears that come from being a mom. "I guess I need to cut daddy some slack, huh, chunky monkey?" She told her daughter, who just hit her hands hard in the water, soaking Kate in the process. "Hey, if you keep doing that, I'm going to start bathing you in the big bathtub. Although I'll probably have to put a life vest on you."

She pulled her from the sink and wrapped her in a fluffy towel that all but swallowed her up. She then took her over to hers' and Castle's bed, placing her in the middle of it before trying to get her dressed for bed. But Ari was keyed up from her tree shopping adventure and rolled over every chance she got. Dressing her for bed was the human equivalent of dressing an octopus. "What am I going to do with you?" Kate chucked her under the chin as Ari squealed with laughter. "Come on, let's go to bed."

Kate was upstairs rocking the baby when she heard the doorbell. Ignoring the commotion, she continued rocking and quietly humming to Ari, whose eyelids got heavier and heavier. Finally she gave up the fight to stay awake and fell asleep in her mother's arms. She put her in her crib and covered her with her favorite blanket before straightening her blouse and going downstairs where the tree guy and Castle were in the process in placing the huge tree in the middle of the living room. Kate had to admit that her husband had a knack for picking out trees. This one was magnificent. It was at least 15 feet tall and incredibly full. "Isn't it great?" Alexis beamed, handing Kate a cup of hot cocoa.

"Yes, it is," Kate agreed.

After getting the tree in the exact spot, Castle gave the delivery man a huge tip before walking him to the front door. He then walked over to his wife and daughter. "Do I know how to pick a tree or what?" He boasted.

"Uh dad? I found this tree. You promised to give me credit," Alexis reminded him.

"So I did, pumpkin," he kissed Alexis on the forehead. "Is the baby asleep?"

"Yeah," Kate took a sip of her cocoa.

"So, am I forgiven?" He whispered in her ear as she felt her skin tingle.

"I haven't decided, yet," she gave him a devilish grin that sent his blood instantly traveling south.

"Well, I don't know about you ladies, but I think that we should decorate this bad boy," Castle suggested.

Kate took a deep breath, knowing that this was the moment of truth. Taking those boxes from the attic at her father's house had been one thing. Putting them on the tree was going to be another. The last time she'd seen those ornaments had been as she and her father had taken them from the tree the day after her mother's funeral. She took several deep breaths to calm herself, but the feeling was still overwhelming. She finally turned and ran from the room. "Dad?" Alexis looked at her father.

"This is going to be hard for her, Alexis. I'll see about her. You start decorating," he told her.

Kate was in the bathroom, clutching the sink and crying her eyes out, her breath coming in harsh gasps. She felt strong arms encircle her from behind as Castle pulled her against his chest. "Castle, this is so hard!"

"I know. Well actually, I don't know. We don't have to do this, Kate. I can understand if you're not ready."

"I have to do this, Rick," she turned in his embrace. "My mother would want to share those things with Ari. This isn't about me and my grief, anymore. I'm always going to miss her. That's never going to go away. But I want to share my mom with Ari. Just give me a few minutes," she told him as he kissed her on the forehead. "Can you get the boxes for me?"

"Yeah."

After some initial tears, decorating the tree turned out to be far more fun than Kate could've imagined. In some ways it brought back the memories of decorating the tree with her mom. Her dad had always managed to make himself scarce during that time. So it had always just been her and her mom, drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies, laughing at the handmade ornaments that Kate never wanted to see on the tree.

"You were one skinny kid," Castle held out the same ornament he'd pulled out at her father's house as Kate tried to once again grab it from him. "Didn't your parents ever feed you?"

"Castle, you've seen me eat. Believe me; they fed me all of the time. Give me that!"

"It's cute," he told her.

"No, it's not! It's embarrassing."

It took more than three hours to decorate the huge tree. At the end, Castle climbed a ladder and placed a crystal star at the very top. It was almost midnight and all three of the decorators were exhausted. They stood back to admire their work. "We do good work," Castle wrapped an arm around each of his girls.

"Yeah, we do," Alexis kissed her father's cheek. "I'm going to bed. I'm going shopping with the girls tomorrow."

"Seeing this tree reminds me of the first Christmas we spent together," Kate remembered. "I remember seeing that tree and I was enchanted. I love you, Castle."

"I love you, too. Bath or shower?"

"Bath," she nipped his jaw. "I want to cuddle."

Christmas Eve

Castle was pacing around the living room waiting for Kate to finish dressing their daughter so that they could leave for church. They were meeting Alexis, Martha, and Jim at St. Patrick's Cathedral and then they were going to return to the loft for a late meal before opening one gift and going to bed. "Kate, come on! We're going to be late!"

"Just one second," she called back.

Castle's irritation evaporated when Kate came out with Ariel in her arms. Both of his girls looked stunning. Kate was wearing the dress that she'd worn for his murder mystery surprise party two years before. "Do I get to unwrap you again?"

"If you're very, very good," she whispered.

Ariel's dress took Castle's breath away. It was wine colored velvet with a huge sash around it. Kate had paired it with a frilly petticoat, white tights and tiny black patent leather shoes. Kate had glued tiny white bows in their daughter's brown hair. "I can tell you from experience that the bows won't survive the hood of her coat," Castle helped Kate with her coat before getting the baby into her coat and hat.

The church was beautiful. They spent the majority of the service passing Ariel among them to keep her amused. Kate thought it was funny that every time the choir sang, Ari thought that she needed to sing, too. Finally, toward the end of the mass, Ari fell asleep in her mother's arms, her weight warm in Kate's arms. "Can you take her?" Kate whispered to Castle, passing Ari over to him. "I need to go and light some candles."

Castle simple nodded, watching while Kate followed he father and other parishioners to the front of the church. It was a long line, so he knew that they'd be here for a while. He smiled down at his daughter, soundly sleeping in his arms. He cherished this first Christmas because he knew that next year they'd probably have to put her on a leash. He smiled as he remembered Alexis' second experience with Midnight Mass. They'd had to leave because they couldn't keep her still and Martha was sure they were going to start a riot.

Kate walked behind her father as they slowly made their way to the front of the church. "I'm glad you came with us, dad," she whispered to him.

"I'm not going to deny that this was hard, Kate," he whispered back. "But, seeing how beautiful you and Ari look tonight made it worth it."

When they got to the front of the church, Kate took a long taper and lit three candles. One for her mother, one for Roy Montgomery, and one for Mike Royce. "Mom, I miss you so much. But you'd be glad to see that at least I'm living again. Roy, I know that you're watching out of me, for us. And, you were right. I'm having a lot of fun now. Royce, thank you for your letter. Your words forced me to stop fighting my feelings."

Kate woke up later that night and found Castle's side of the bed empty. She got up and made her way into the living room, smiling before she turned and went to get her phone. She came back into the living room and turned the camera on the sight by the brightly lit tree. Castle holding Ariel on his chest as both of them slept by the tree. "Castle, what're you doing?" She whispered as she lay on the floor beside them.

"Oh, she woke up," he murmured sleepily. "We came down here to try to catch Santa in the act."

"Did you catch him?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he waited for us to go to sleep. Merry Christmas," he smiled as their lips met in a tender kiss.

"Merry Christmas. Why don't you put her back to bed and I'll give you an early present," she smiled at him.

"I can unwrap you again?"

"Oh, yeah," she rubbed her nose against his.

"I'll be back in a jiffy." She took the baby while he got to his feet before handing the sleeping bundle back to him. He went upstairs and placed Ariel in her crib before kissing her. "We'll catch Santa one of these days, Ariel. Merry first Christmas, sweet pea."

As Castle went back downstairs to rejoin his wife in bed, he couldn't help but think about how this was the best Christmas they'd celebrated in years. Everything just felt right.

A/N #1: As I was writing the scene in the church with Kate lighting the candles, I almost lost it.

I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960.