Sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER! My laptop was down and I didn't want to try to do it on my phone but here's the second chapter. I made it nice and and long for you guys. Please let me know what you think. You'll notice that this chapter contains some of New Moon's actual scenes. At this time I want to keep it very close to the book as possible so I'm going to try to coincide it as much as possible. But please please please let me know what you guys think even if you don't like it!
Oh yea and I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters blah blah blah.
Enough of all of this! You can't keep missing school because you're too tired to get out of bed. You have get some sleep. I thought to myself. I know Charlie was racking his brain trying to figure out what the heck to do with me. He's been even more clueless on how to deal with a teenage girl than usual.
Thinking of my dad brought even more to mind. Were we more alike than I thought? It seemed as if he had never truly gotten over my mom. Hell the house still looked exactly as it did when they lived together. Would I be the same, forever standing in the same spot letting time pass me by, existing but never really living again?
Most likely. You'll never meet any one like him again and if you do it'll be the last person you ever meet. I flinched at that thought glancing down at my wrist. The burn of James' bite was horrible! I found myself always wondering if the burn was there while the person was being sucked dry. That would be the absolute worst way to go! But nevertheless I would do anything to go back to that day and stop Edward from saving me. I would endure the pit of fire engulfing me as the venom spread. If only I had, he'd maybe still be here. We could be swimming across the Atlantic right now or maybe getting lost in conversation in our meadow and the sun and the moon exchanged places with each other over and over. He could teach me to speak Spanish, and French, and Japanese, and the many other languages he was fluent in. We would've had forever. Instead he condemned me to continue on with my human existence, to remain ordinary.
I found my thoughts beginning to space out, my head beginning to cloud and my eyes getting heavy. My lullaby rocked me to sleep, wrapping me in its warmth allowing me to close my eyes and imagine that a beautiful, golden haired Adonis was seated at a piano pouring love out of his fingertips onto its keys. I drifted deeper and deeper into unconsciousness until I found myself viewing a scene all too familiar.
Edward and I were laying on my bed. I was replaying our conversation in the car. He hated himself at that moment, all because of me. In the most simplest form it was due to my aging. Him saving me from James allowed me to live another day, and another, and another, and we found ourselves in an awkward ride back to my house after I had caused a family of vampires to almost kill me at a birthday celebration they went out of their way to plan for me. That damn paper cut! I felt terrible for Edward that he had to face so much shame with the fact that my blood made him want to devour me. I wasn't mad at him at all, I understood that it was simple vampire nature. Blood is a vampire's food source, it's what they eat, and human blood is first-rate, with mine being the some of the best smelling from what I've heard, so of course I could understand their reaction and I harbored no ill feeling toward them. In fact I was secretly wishing that when Jasper attacked he would have landed one good bite before they were able to restrain them. Maybe then they would have just figured it was meant to be for me to be one of them, I mean you don't get bit by a vampire twice in your lifetime and still remain human right? In objection to Edward had to "save me" ultimately leading to an argument with his his theory being that my life would never be in danger to this extent if I surrounded myself with Angela and Jessica or if I was dating Mike Newton! I couldn't believe that! Was he regretting our relationship? He wanted me to go be with "my own kind". I was beginning to tear up from my assumed rejection.
My lullaby was drifting to a close and another song was beginning. It was Esme's favorite.
"What are you thinking about?" I wondered in a whisper
He hesitated for a second before he told me. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."
I felt a chill tingle along my spine.
"Remember how I decided I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" I asked quickly, hoping it wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him.
"Yes," he agreed, wary.
"Well, I was thinking, since it' still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."
"You're greedy tonight."
"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," I added, piqued.
He laughed, and then sighed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his.
The kiss began much the same as usual—Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly.
When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands.
I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edges.
"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was out of line."
"I don't mind," I panted.
He frowned at me in the darkness. "Try to sleep, Bella."
I decided to try and take a gamble, see if he would let loose a bit more tonight. I doubted it but I'd never know unless I tried. "No, I want you to kiss me again."
"You're overestimating my self-control."
"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged.
"It's a tie." He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"
His suggestion went in one ear and out of the other, my mind was already made up. I wanted him to actually completely relax around me and let go of all of his worries. I wanted to make out for hours rubbing and grinding on each like regular horny teenagers. I just wanted more of him!
"Come on, one more kiss it's my birthday! It's only a tie between temptation between my blood and my body because you won't give in more to either or." I playfully begged with my first statement and debated with my second.
"You don't understand I may not be able to help myself. I could easily break your arm or even crush you."
"But you won't Edward. You won't- "
"You don't know that. You don't seemed to grasp how fragile you actually are in our eyes!" He argued passionately, still managing to keep his voice low and even.
"But that's everyday, even when I'm not with you. Anything could happen to me. That's just how life is if it's meant to be it'll be. Jasper could've killed, any one of you could've killed me tonight but you didn't because it wasn't meant to be."
"Don't give me some cliché destiny, circle of life speech! I'm a perfect example that that's completely inaccurate. I'm a glitch in the circle of life, my kind is nature's mistake. Bella I'm trying to protect you from that, keep you from being a part of that type of life, my life-"
"You don't want me in your life?" I couldn't bear to hear anymore of what he was saying. That statement alone felt like a two ton truck had suddenly run over my heart. He didn't want me. Of course he didn't. That must be why he constantly went out of his way to keep it from being possible for us to be together. I didn't want me to be immortal with him clearly, only hours ago he was trying to rationalize with me why I should be with Mike Newton for heaven's sake!
Tears began to well in my eyes, threatening to fall over. It seemed like as I tried harder and harder to fight them off they accumulated even faster. I finally just gave up. I rolled over onto my stomach and let the tears fall freely.
"Bella, love, please stop crying. I didn't mean it in that manner at all. I mean to that I want you to live a long and happy life." He spoke to me in a soothing voice as he rubbed my back. It sounded sincere but I know Edward was to much of a gentleman to just tell me to get lost.
"Yes I know. I get it now you want me to go on a live a long happy human life while you go on and be a vampire. I get it it's the whole let's go our separate ways line. I'm sorry I should have realized sooner and I wouldn't have let you continue being unhappy just for my sake." I cried. Even though the pillow was subduing my voice I was pretty sure he had no problem at all hearing me.
I felt cool hands wrap around my waist and turn me over. I laid on my back looking at him staring down at me. I didn't bother to wipe my tears, I had already proved myself to be pathetic. He looked at me in a sort of confused manner as if he was trying to figure me out or maybe he was trying to see how things had even got this far with me. He pulled me onto his lap and proceeded to wipe my tears with his thumb, stroking each cheek in the process.
"Bella I love you, more than anything. Without you there is no reason for me to exist and I mean that. How could you even I would want to just go on with my life without you? Do you not understand my love for you?" He sounded sad, crush in bit even.
"I believed you when you said you loved me. I still believe you it's just everything you've said lately has been so against us. You want me to be be around my own kind and me away from your life!"
"No I told you I didn't mean it like that. I just want you to be happy and not plagued by danger with each moment of your life! Bella I've never loved anyone the way that I love you."
I was beginning to feel the truck being lifted off my heart. He really loved me! "So you don't want me to go and be with Mike Newton?" I said jokingly trying to stop the last few tears still running.
A smile appeared on his face. "No, I definitely don't want you to go out and date Mike Newton! As much as I may feel I don't deserve you, that fool definitely doesn't. I've heard that kid's thoughts they are filthy! My whole point in bringing him up was to stress that you would be safer without vampires constantly."
He leaned up, sitting straight on my bed and took his shirt off. The front of it was now soaking wet where my head had previously been. I hadn't noticed I was crying that much even after he wiped my tears the first time.
"I'm sorry." I said taking his shirt and laying it over my chair on my desk for it to dry.
"It's fine." He said with a smile. I went back over to him and he grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him. His arms wrapped around my waist as I looked down at him. My arms linked around his neck bringing us even closer. "I love you Bella."
The words lingered between us for a second before we closed the gap between us, our lips meeting. We kissed very slow, my warm lips seeming so melt around his ice cold ones. It all seemed very controlled. Then just like our previous kiss, we began to intertwine our fingers in each others hair and twisting our bodies together. Our lips quickened and our tongues danced with each other at times fighting for control. I made sure to close in any space between our bodies as I positioned myself on top of him. As each second passed my we kissed deeper and deeper and I began to feel a way I had never felt in my life. At that moment Edward gently push me up.
"Bella we can't." He said gasping for the air he didn't need.
"Why? You love me I love you what more is there?!" I said struggling to catch the necessary breath.
"Well for one Charlie's asleep in the next room. Secondly I don't want to kill you. And third I'd like to leave one rule unbroken. It may be a dead way of life in this age by in my day it was very real and I plan to stick to that."
"Well..." I said searching for a way to counter every point he had just made. I knew the second and third reasons may be a bit hard but I wasn't going to let that new feeling built up inside me just go away. I was ready to get to know Edward in a whole new way. "For one we know Charlie sleeps very heavy and I doubt we'd be loud and obnoxious any way. Two, just try please. I trust you not to hurt I know you won't hurt me. Three, yes it's a very dead rule, at least to me. We love each other and we plan on spending the rest of our lives together so what's the difference? Just because we aren't married?"
He chuckled. "So you're against marrying me, but all for me ending your life for you to begin an undead one?" He playfully questioned me.
"We're too young to get married... well atleast I am and you appear to be."
"But I can change you?"
"Anytime. But you won't right now and you know it so stop trying to change the subject."
"Believe me, I want to make love you you. I really do."
"Then do it."
"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you, especially because I allowed myself to get lost in lust and temptation."
"You won't hurt me." I promised him, laying my head on his chest as I drew tiny hearts on his chest with my finger.
He pulled me up to him, our eyes meeting before he kissed me softly. He trailed kisses along my cheek, over to my jawline and down to my neck. He licked and tenderly sucked on my neck for a second before placing small kisses on my shoulder. He came back up with his lips brushing my ear.
"You have to promise me you'll let me know if you feel even the slightest bit of pain." He whispered. I nodded slightly becoming nervous at the thought that this was really going to happen. I seemed to be having a thousand and one thoughts all coming in and getting lost at once. Was this really what I wanted to do? Was I ready?
Yes! Yes yes YES! My mind screamed to me. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as I reached down to grab the end of my night shirt and pull it up over my head. An already shirtless Edward gazed at me with more desire in his eyes than I had ever seen. I timidly wrapped my arms around my body, hiding it from his view.
"Every inch of you is breathtakingly beautiful, please don't hide it." He said as he gently laid me down and hovered over me. With his arms pushed up by my shoulders, he dropped his head and kissed me passionately, more passionate than any kissed we had ever shared, the feeling in the pit of my stomach growing begging for more. While our lips meshed together I felt Edward remove one hand from the bed and the sound of a zipper accompanied the music from the CD seconds later. His hands traced the sides of my body, down my waist, to my hips, down to my panties. At that moment he stopped kissing me and looked inquisitively.
"You sure you want to do this?" He asked. Breathless and unsure if I could answer with an even, confident tone; I responded by arching my hips upward giving him access to remove my panties. I wished I would've opted for something a little more racy or even slightly mature as I watch as the ugly faded purple Hello Kitty cotton briefs landed on the floor, left to acquaint themselves with Edward's blue jeans, the back leather belt still intact with each loop in the jeans, his creme sweater (one of my favorites of his), and something I wasn't expecting to see so soon, the one thing that made this all the more real, his boxers. Edward Cullen, my own personal angel, was hovering over me in my bed, naked.
There's no turning back now.