Chapter 2. Black hole
Noun:
A region of space having a gravitational field so intense that no matter or radiation can escape.
A figurative place of emptiness or aloneness.
Pairing: Leah/Jacob
Soundtrack choice:
I Can feel you by Delilah /watch?v=k47-7un9r3g
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters.
Note: For some reason Fanfiction dot net keeps chopping out words and sentences from my stories. I don't know why or how to fix this, so sometimes whole sentences don't seem to make sense. So if it does happen and it bothers you, just send me a message and I will mail you the chapter as written.
Jacob rolled over and slowly opened his eyes. He had no idea where he was, his throat was burning and his head felt like it was about to explode into millions of tiny pieces. He sat up and rubbed his forehead. The hangover seemed to be spreading from his head to every corner of his body, pulling him down, rendering him a sluggish whimpering shadow of his former self.
She was gone. She'd been gone 10 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and so many hours. Each time Jacob allowed himself to think about the gaping hole she had left in his soul he had to stop himself from not only embracing the anguish but from letting it swallow him whole.
At first he'd taken up cliff diving from as high up as possible. He'd never seen the point or felt the urge to participate in the dangerous sport until Leah left, but the surges of adrenalin and endorphins shooting around his body, sending him on a temporary high as he descended towards the tumultuous sea, were a much needed sedative for a while, but the effects of that remedy had been too fleeting. So he'd needed to find something else to act as a painkiller.
Lately he'd taken to drinking to get drunk, drinking to completely blackout .It was the only thing that seemed to dim the pain. When he was drunk he couldn't think, he couldn't feel .When he was drunk he could pretend that life was what it used to be before her, before that night under the stars. Before…
Jacob got up and looked around the dinky motel room. As he picked up his wallet and leather Jacket he noticed a pair of pink lace panties thrown haphazardly over a tired old armchair. Jacob was pretty certain he was all alone in that hotel room now ,but for the life of him he couldn't remember who the frilly underwear belonged to.
He could feel the bile rising at the back of his throat. He didn't know if the oncoming sickness was a result of the alcohol or the disgust he felt for himself.
He didn't want to buy a fake ID to pick up a different college girl in a nightclub every night but it felt like he had no choice, it was either that or be alone and let the nightmares creep in. First it started with her voice in his head, going round and round like a pneumatic drill, then the dreams of her, so visceral that on one too many occasions he had awoken calling out her name whilst clutching a pillow. Jacob Black was in his own personal hell .So he needed those college girls with their smiley sing song voices, and playful laughs, and coy hair tosses and pouty cherry tasting lips to keep his demon at bay.
Jacob picked up the panties and tossed them in the trash can before he put on his sun glasses and opened the door. Getting on his bike, Jacob contemplated seeing his plan through to the end, the plan that had brought him this far away from home-following her scent, through the forests, highways and desert until he found her. But he was losing his nerve, he knew the rules of imprinting; he had to be whatever his imprintee desired, even if it meant never seeing her again.
Jacob did a U-turn in the quiet morning road and made his way back to La Push.
"So, the prodigal son returns." Paul said sarcastically, as Jacob rode up on his motorcycle to where the pack sat in the forest clearing. Jared let out a slight snicker .The other members of the wolf pack looked up but said nothing, as they watched Jacob dismount and walk lackadaisically over to them.
"Jake, where've you been for the past three days?" Embry asked.
"Around."
Embry and Jared exchanged looks. Quil shook his head; Sam crossed his arms and studied Jacob. They all knew the reason Jacob was acting out, but no one had said anything, nobody wanted to, nobody had the right to.
"We missed you man." Seth said, giving Jacob a friendly pat on the back. Jacob took off his sun glasses and looked around at the guys.
After a short silence It was Sam who spoke first ,"You smell like a brewery Jacob, maybe you should go home take a shower and sleep today off."
"Save your holier than thou, Sam." Snarked Jake, "I don't wanna hear it."
Sam shook his head , "I bet your Liver feels differently."
Jacob gritted his teeth ,his head was throbbing, "Well my liver is my business."
"How long do we have to put up with this! She's gone, Dude!" Paul interjected, "Leah is gone and she is never coming back…"
"Shut up,Paul", Seth warned.
"Well,it's true.I mean.."
Before Paul could add anything to his sentence, Jacob had already rushed over to him and wrapped his hand around Paul's throat and lifted him a centimetre off the ground.
"Say her name again…",Jacob growled and leaned closer ,whilst still keeping grip of Paul's neck "… and I will take your head off. Do you understand me?",he snarled.
Although Paul had never been scared of Jacob, something about the look in Jacob's eyes and the menace with which he spoke sent chills up Paul's spine, each syllable had been laced with such anger and venom,that Paul was rendered completely incapacitated by Jacob's eyes which were now unreadable and dark.
"Jacob!" Sam and Seth yelled in unison, as they leapt up to Paul's defence.
Jacob didn't let go, so it was up to Quil and Embry to launch themselves at Jake in what might have been the greatest football tackle in history. All four members of the pack went tumbling to the ground with an earth shattering thump, forcing Jake to relinquish his grip. Paul wheezed and spluttered.
"Are you alright ?",Sam extended a hand to Paul and helped him up.
Jacob looked around at the Pack as if he was seeing them for the first time after being awoken from a deep sleep. He looked down at the hand that had previously been wrapped around Paul's neck in disbelief. "I'm sorry." Jacob whispered, suddenly ashamed of his actions.
"Go home Jacob." Sam barked, "Go home now before I drag you there."
Jacob had unsettled the group and had outstayed his welcome. Without argument he got on his bike and headed home toward the wrath of Billy Black.
It wasn't until Jacob had disappeared from the landscape that Jared turned to Paul and asked, "Why didn't you do something? Why'd you let him grab you like that?"
"When someone's already in that much pain, there's nothing you can do to hurt them." Paul shrugged, "Besides, I promised Rachel."
-x-
Sam couldn't let it go on like this.
He had been leader for too long to let his Pack unravel like it had. So he had packed a bag, kissed Emily and her baby bump goodbye with a promise that he'd be gone no longer than a week and got into his pickup truck.
Staring at her from across the Coffee shop he almost hadn't recognized her. She looked the same but different. Some of the changes were physical but something about the way she moved, smiled and weaved her way around patrons as she poured coffee and took orders made Sam aware that some of those changes were definitely spiritual. Her energy was different. Good different? He wasn't sure, but different nonetheless.
Her Russet skin was now a beautiful golden caramel colour, a hallmark of the Californian sunshine, and her hair was beyond short. Leah was sporting a buzz cut and two pierced ears. She looked cool and renegade. Absolutely beautiful and totally at ease with San Francisco's Bohemian atmosphere.
"Hey, Welcome to Angel's Delight, may I take your order?"
Sam took his Sun glasses off and looked up at the smiling waitress.
Leah paused, her mouth wide open as if she had just seen a ghost.
"Hey,Lee-Lee." Sam said quietly.
Leah inhaled quickly ,she began to shake as she looked around at the Buzzing café, she wanted to know if any other members of the pack were around, she wanted to know if he was here. But she couldn't feel him, see him or hear his voice in her head. Once satisfied that he was not, she breathed a sigh of relief. "What the hell are you doing here, Sam!"
"I could ask you the same thing."
"It's not like I escaped from Shawshank , I left home." Leah put her pencil and pad in her apron pockets, "People do it all the time."
"Not our People." Sam said bluntly, "Sit down, we need to talk."
Leah grimaced, "I have absolutely nothing to say to you. I have to get back to work."
Sam reclined slightly and picked up a menu ,"Fine, I can wait .I hear the Salade Niçoise is pretty righteous."
Leah bit down on her tongue, willing herself not to cry. "Fine. My break's due anyway. I'll be back."
Sam watched Leah carefully as she made her way across the café, he half expected her to break out into a sprint towards the exit, but no, she approached a handsome African American man with dreadlocks tied in a bun and pointed over in Sam's direction. The man looked up, nodded and continued serving coffee.
Leah came back and slowly sat down opposite Sam.
"It wasn't hard to find you."
Leah smiled sarcastically, "Well, we are glorified Dogs, Sam .All you had to do was put your nose to the ground."
Sam smiled, same old Leah, at least some things never changed. "Seth and your Mom are good."
Leah's façade dropped at the mention of her family. She missed them so much it actually hurt. "Do they know you're here? Do they know where I am?"
"No." Sam shuffled the salt and pepper shakers. Leah could detect a hint of nerves. "What's with the hair?"
Leah smiled and ran a hand over her almost –bald head. "Blank slate. Fresh start."
Just then, the guy with the dreads approached their table holding two cappuccinos and French toast. "Hi, I'm Angel, Leah's Boss." Sam could detect a slight Jamaican accent .Angel put the coffee and plates in front of them, then extended his hand in Sam's direction, "Nice to meet you, man."
Sam was reticent but shook Angel's hand anyway.
"Y'know sometimes I think Leah fell from the sky, she never talks about her home or her family and friends."
Leah could feel her face burning up as she felt four eyes on her. Sam didn't smile; Leah, his precious Leah had become tribe-less.
"Well, I'll let you catch up." Angel smiled at Leah as he headed towards a couple who had just entered the Café.
"Angel's the coolest, his uncle used to be a session player for Bob Marley back in the seventies. He's lived all over the world and studied cooking in Paris. Can you believe that?" Leah asked in awe, as she picked up her cup and took a sip
Sam frowned, "Are you sleeping with him?"
Leah almost spat out her coffee, "No! How dare you ask me that?"
Sam sighed, "I'm sorry. I had to ask, I had to know if there was anything holding you here."
Leah looked Sam dead in the eye, "You should know more than anyone that simply sleeping with someone doesn't hold you to them."
Sam felt like he had been verbally punched in the gut. Leah bit her lip, she shouldn't have said that. She and Sam were history, had been for a while now, but she wanted to prove her point, that she was no longer any concern of his.
"I want you to know something Leah. I need you to know that I tried to ignore what I felt for Emily, I tried with everything I had." Sam tried to reach across the table for Leah's hand but she moved out of reach.
"You think me leaving was to do with you?" Leah asked incredulously. Sam and his friggin' ego.
"Yes." Sam answered simply, "I think it's to do with me. I think it's to do with Emily, I think it's to do with your Dad, I think it's to do with the pack and I think it's to do with Jacob."
Leah didn't try to fight the tears rising to the surface, the same tears that began to slide down her beautiful face. She cursed Sam Uley for being able to see right through her and then she cursed herself for letting him see through her.
Sam wanted to reach for her, scoop her up and wipe away her tears but it wasn't appropriate, it wasn't his place. So he waited for Leah to gather herself. And so they sat in silence, playing with their food, watching the throng of people walk along the Café's sidewalk, for what seemed like an eternity.
It was Leah who spoke first, "It turns out that you can ignore your imprint, you can fight it, and you can supress it."
Sam looked at Leah. He stared at her hard, as if looking for a crack in her ice cold veneer. It was a look that Leah didn't particularly care for; it was a cross between incredulity and pity. "Why would you even want to supress it, Lee-Lee?"
"Don't call me that!" Leah snapped, so loud that everyone in the vicinity stopped to crane their necks and look in her direction.
Sam frowned. "."
Leah bit her lip, then sighed, "I imprinted, I didn't even think that I could…I imprinted on Jacob Black of all people."
Sam nodded. "It's scary isn't it? Suddenly loving someone more than you ever thought possible, needing someone more than you've ever needed anything in your life."
Leah nodded, wiping her eyes.
"I get it Leah, I do." Sam reached for Leah's hand and this time she let him take it. Sam inwardly smiled, he was starting to feel like she was thawing out a little, like she might actually come home with him, "But it's also exhilarating and freeing, knowing that no matter who you are or what you do, someone loves you unconditionally just like you love them."
Leah's eyes seemed to soften a little more.
"Come home with me Leah."
And just like that, the mention of home seemed to snap her out of whatever spell she had been under, "You drove 1423 Km just to tell me that? You should have saved your energy and your breath because it's not going to happen."
"Don't be like that Leah."
"It was nice seeing you Sam …" Leah stood up, "But after today I don't want to see you or any of your friends ever again." She couldn't bring herself to say his name out loud.
Sam stood up too, "If you don't come back with me we'll have to disown you."
Leah shrugged "I don't care."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes I do." Leah took a deep breath and summoned every ounce of strength she had to begin walking away, "Don't forget to tip your waiter." she added, but didn't look back as she headed for a door that read 'STAFF ONLY'.
-x-
Jacob walked into the strip club and spotted her immediately. She wore a thong and feather boa ,and was busy gyrating to a rap song.
She was definitely the one. So, Jacob made his way towards the girl that looked so similar to the one he was trying to forget.
"How much for a private dance?" Jacob asked, without getting too close.
The girl turned to look Jacob over, "35 bucks."
Once they'd agreed, the girl took Jacobs hand and led him into a back room. The room was covered in purple velvet and leopard skin throws. Jacob took off his Jacket and sat down on a plush looking seat.
"You're Quileute,right?", the girl asked, admiring Jacob's tattoo. Jacob nodded. "Cool. I'm Yakama." she smiled.
"What's your name?" Jacob asked as he handed her thirty five dollars.
"Sparkle." The girl answered.
"No. What's your real name?"
The girl looked uncertain, but told him anyway. "Nora."
Jacob nodded. Nora was beautiful; she had the same build, same height and same skin colouring as Leah. But her disposition was much too cheery.
Jacob reached for his wallet, "How much to let me call you Leah?"
"Ten will do."
Jacob handed her the money, and watched as she turned on the music, "Tell me that you hate me and that I suck."
Nora looked puzzled, "what?"
Jacob was not proud of himself but today had been one of those days when the pain was so intense that he couldn't breathe. A blonde college student wasn't going to cut it. He needed to feel her, to touch her. He needed to pretend.
Jacob handed Nora another ten bucks. "Leah, tell me that you hate me, that I suck." Jacob repeated.
"I hate you. You suck." Nora said evenly, as she began a slow bump and grind on Jacob's lap.
Jake shook his head "NO…say it like you mean it."
Nora looked slightly shaken but mustered up the courage to put a little spite behind the words she was being paid to say. "I hate you; you're a loser .You suck at Life!"
Jacob smiled.
-x-
As Jacob left the strip club and made his way home he looked up at the stars in the sky, wondering if Leah was out there somewhere longing for him, just as he was longing for her. Jacob sat on his bike, but didn't start the ignition. He was a little drunk, but most of all he was tired. His soul was tired of trying to find Leah in every girl he met, he was tired of feeling like his world was covered in thick smog. He was tired of being stuck in a black hole.
Jacob dismounted his bike and began to walk; he wasn't sure where he was going until he reached train tracks.
It wasn't until a train went speeding past that the idea came to him. He needed a buzz, because clearly the alcohol and strippers hadn't worked, he still had a Leah sized hole in heart.
Jumping on the course of an oncoming train, Jacob counted to three before leaping out of its way. The adrenalin of train dodging coursed through his body. And there he stayed leaping from track to track as each oncoming train got nearer.
"Jacob!"
Jacob looked around unable to see anyone or anything. He was certain that someone had called his name.
Jacob shook it off and waited for the next train. It was in that moment that he decided that maybe he should just end it all. Death had to be sweeter than this hell he was permanently trapped in.
Jacob heard the chug of an oncoming train and stood a little straighter, as it got closer and closer the bright lights began to shine a little brighter, the train's whistles and horns got louder but Jacob stood his ground. Jacob closed his eyes, confident that in less than five seconds it'd all be over.
It was then that Jacob felt the force of something huge and fast grab hold of him and throw him through the air, far from the tracks.
Jacob went rolling through dust and bushel .After a minute; he opened his eyes and was met with a familiar wolf standing over him.
"Seth! How'd you know I was here?"
"I can hear your thoughts, remember."
Jacob's guts dropped. He didn't want anyone else to know what had just been about to happen. He didn't want the pity or the suicide watch that he was certain would come the moment the Pack heard about this.
"You were gonna try and kill-" , Seth couldn't bring himself to complete the sentence .
"No, I wasn't." Jacob got up and began dusting himself off. "It was just some fun. I'm fine."
Jacob didn't say much after that ,but for the remainder of the Journey back to La Push, Seth stayed close to his friend.
TBC.
(Reviews are much appreciated.)