Chapter 5. Armageddon
ar·ma·ged·don/ˌärməˈgedn/
Noun:
(in the New Testament) The last battle between good and evil before the Day of Judgment.
The place where this battle will be fought.
Pairing: Leah/Jacob
Soundtrack choices:
Twice by Little Dragon youtube. com/watch?v=yedD4JsZyT0
Withdraw by Kimbra youtube. com/watch?v=sqeDUf7mZic
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all the characters.
"Every time I turn around you're on your phone." Sue Clearwater glared at her daughter. "I know that this isn't your sort of thing, but do you think that for one afternoon you could give me your full undivided attention?"
Leah looked guiltily at her Cell phone. She couldn't reach Angel, she'd been trying for the best part of two days and now she was silently hysterical. The redirection to Angel's voicemail meant one thing and one thing only, he couldn't get reception because he was on his way to Washington .Leah could feel a headache coming on, this was the last thing she wanted after being privy to Jacob and his fragile state of mind. She didn't want to push him over the edge, she'd caused him enough pain and didn't want to compound it. If she could have gotten hold of Angel she would have told him to abort mission. But now was too late…
Leah took a deep breath and slipped her phone into her handbag. "Sorry Mama." she said sincerely as she linked arms with her mother, "You have my full attention."
Spending an afternoon traipsing through Bridal shops with her mother and Bella Cullen whilst Seth took Miguel to Seattle for the day to find some old vinyl records for the wedding reception party that Miguel had graciously volunteered to DJ at for free, wasn't her idea of fun. But her mother had held off buying a dress just so she could include her daughter in the preparation, to say Leah felt obligated would have been an understatement. Leah looked at herself in the mirror. The Bridesmaid dresses that Bella and her mother had picked out were truly beautiful. "Are we almost done?" Leah asked.
"We're waiting for one more." Sue smiled apologetically.
The dress fitter nodded.
Leah who had earlier declined champagne and had started fiddling with a fake floral arrangement, looked up at her mother "who?"
Sue took a sip of her champagne and set herself down on a pink chaise lounge. "Jacob's friend , Nora."
Leah nearly jumped out of her skin. "What do mean ' Jacob's friend, Nora' ?"
"Well she's a nice girl and I asked her to be my other bridesmaid." Sue simply shrugged .Leah was astounded "Why would you do that, you barely know the girl !"
Sue flicked through a Bridal magazine, "Well she and Jacob have gotten very close over the past two years and I thought it would be a nice gesture, besides you'll love her, she's great.."
A nice gesture! Leah had wanted to tell her mother where she could stick her 'nice gestures' but thought better of it, and gritted her teeth. "Couldn't you have asked Emily? At least she's family."
"Emily is very pregnant at the moment, the last thing she needs is to be standing all day. And with you as my maid of honour, I didn't want Bella out there on her own as bridesmaid."
Leah groaned just as she caught Bella's apologetic eyes. They politely nodded to each other. Whilst they were no longer mortal enemies , both women knew they would never be the best of friends despite their parents marrying one another.
Before long Sue was looking down at her watch tutting, and wondering out loud where Nora Cadotte could possibly be at this time. By tacit agreement the women went ahead with helping Sue up on a pedestal for her final wedding dress . The store attendant crouched down and begun pinning the dress in appropriate places.
-x-
"Why don't you try on a dress?"
It was as if the voice came out of nowhere. Leah who had been daydreaming looked down at the white silk garment in her hand. "Me ?...No ,I couldn't." ,she smiled bashfully ,as she quickly hung the wedding dress she'd been holding back up and blushed.
"Yes, please do." Sue called out," This might be my only chance to see my only daughter in a wedding dress."
Leah grimaced, "Thanks for the vote of confidence mom."
Sue laughed from her pedestal "I'm only joking."
But Leah didn't find it funny. She knew there was a cold hard truth behind her mother's words and playful delivery. Bella who was now on the other side of the room carefully sorting through another batch of taffeta ,lace and silk wedding dresses, looked at Leah intently and smiled. "You'd look amazing in that dress. You should try it on."
Leah didn't know if it was the sincerity in Bella's voice or the feel of the silk garment in her hand but she lifted the dress back off its rack and headed to the fitting rooms.
When Leah emerged a few minutes later she was met by the shocked faces of Bella, Sue Clearwater and the Bridal shop staff.
"What?" Leah looked down at the white silk dress and suddenly felt completely naked and embarrassed.
"Whoa!" Bella said, barely able to contain the smirk on her face.
Sue Clearwater who still stood on a pedestal whilst the assistant fitted her long sleeved, fish tailed organza affair, looked close to tears as she held both her hands over her mouth. "Beautiful,baby. Absolutely beautiful."
Bella walked over to Leah "May I?", she asked. Leah wasn't exactly sure what it was Bella was asking until Bella gently pulled her towards a mirror. The feel of Bella's ice cold hands on her warm skin surprised Leah for a second , a fact that wasn't lost on Bella who was also momentarily thrown by their proximity. Despite Bella's trepidation she didn't flinch as she proceeded to fix Leah's hair into a scruffy chignon ,pulling down tendrils to frame Leah's face, Bella couldn't help but smile at her impressive handy work. Whilst it wasn't a perfect chignon, Alice and Rosalie would have been proud.
Bella stepped aside to allow Leah to enjoy her reflection. Leah stood in awe of an image that she did not recognise; so beautiful ,so graceful, so feminine, so unlike the Leah Clearwater she'd been for so many years.
It was in the midst of her reverie that her eyes suddenly connected with two chocolate brown orbs staring intently at her through the reflection of the mirror. Jacob Black's familiar eyes on her, connecting with her own awestruck gaze. Leah rubbed her eyes, she couldn't possibly be dreaming. She turned around and there he was, not a mirage or a manifestation of her desires . she hadn't heard him enter the shop but he was as real as the thumping in her chest that threatened to throw her across the room.
Jacob didn't say anything, instead his eyes left her face and travelled down the length of her body ,slowly, decadently devouring her without moving a limb. Leah could feel herself begin to tremble under the intensity of Jacob's gaze. She felt fragile as if a single gust of wind would knock her down. She wanted to close her eyes and disappear but something about the way she saw herself reflected in his eyes held her to the spot in which she stood. There in Jacob's eyes was everything she'd ever wanted to be, perhaps even everything she already was. Lust or awe, maybe a little of both ,she couldn't tell but either way it felt enchanting….and then suddenly oppressive. The burden of what they would never have ,a wedding day.
"Oh my God, Leah! You look like a Goddess…" Nora squealed, breaking the silent spell being cast between the two wolves. "Doesn't she look like a Goddess, Jake?" Nora didn't wait for a reply as she stepped out from behind Jacob and went over to sue.
"Jake , what are you doing here?" Bella asked with a smile on her face, as she greeted her best friend with a kiss and a hug.
"Nora needed a lift." Jacob's dark eyes never really leaving Leah, Suddenly it all became too much. Leah was suddenly hit by a tidal wave of despair ,the dress seemed to be suffocating her and she wanted it off RIGHT NOW. She couldn't breathe. She could feel herself begin to hyperventilate.
"Leah,are you OK?" Bella asked "You're turning Blue."
Everybody on the shop floor turned to Leah who quickly yelled out something about being 'completely fine'as she dashed passed them and locked herself in the fitting room. Once there, away from Jacob ,away from the love she felt for him, away from the ache of trying to pretend that he wasn't as vital to her existence as breathing was, she lay down in the foetal position trying to regain her composure and a steady breathing pattern.
When Leah finally emerged from the changing room in her Jeans and converses Jacob was nowhere to be found.
-x-
The sun was setting over La Push when Leah heard the sound of a car pulling up on the gravelly driveway. Something inside her sank as she slowly put down the magazine she was reading. Her mother was in the kitchen at the stove stirring ,Billy and Bella were stood together chopping up vegetables and Billy Black was watching all of this from the table,where he say sipping coffee . all four were busily talking and didn't notice Leah turn an unnatural shade of pale or get up and quietly slip out of the front door. Miguel did,though .He followed her out.
"What are you doing here !" Leah said to Angel as he got out of the car. "You have to turn around now, go back to California."
Angel stretched , "We missed you too,Leah." He chuckled. "Besides you asked me to do the catering for this wedding."
"I'm not joking,you need to go back NOW. Forget the catering."
"We made an executive decision." Miguel said , as he quickly gave Angel a kiss on the lips. "How was the journey?"
Leah looked at the two men who had been her best friends and complete support system for the last three years with absolute horror "What do you mean?"
Angel looked around at Leah's neighbourhood and the forest surrounding the area "Y'know when you said you lived out yonder, you weren't lying."
Miguel lauged "Babe, that's what I said."
Leah fought the urge not to cry. "What do you mean you made an executive decision?"
Miguel and Angel looked at each other then back at Leah who was anxiously biting her lip. Miguel reached for Leah's hand "I've been watching you these last few days and there's something different about you here, Leah. You're spirit , your energy , your laugh ..it's all different when you're here with your tribe. You owe it to yourself and your mama to tell the truth but above all you owe it to her.." Miguel cocked his head towards the back seat of Angel's car, in which an infant seat resided complete with sleeping infant.
Looking at her sleeping child, Leah's heart was ready to burst with Love. But she was also consumed with fear "They'll all hate me."
"No they won't." Angel gently squeezed Leah's shoulder "Be brave Leah. Now is the time."
-x-
"Mom, Charlie. This is my good friend Angel…"Leah said, trying her best not to let her voice quiver , "He's the Chef ,the one who's doing the catering for the wedding."
Angel smiled and nodded at every person in the small room.
"Nice to finally meet you Angel." , Sue smiled, as she got up to greet him. "Thank you for doing this. We've heard such good things about your cooking."
Leah could feel her blood pressure drop."And this little Cherub here…" she said gently, as she reached up, took the sleeping child from Angel into her shaking arms and took a deep breath, "….is my daughter."
There was a collective gasp in the room. Leah paused and looked at her mother who had a hand over her mouth and was slowly shaking her head from side to side in disbelief.
Leah licked her dry lips and took a step forward, "This is my Daughter."
Watching her mother shake her head in disbelief and begin to tear up, made Leah automatically began to cry."I'm sorry Mom. You have to believe me, this isn't how I wanted it to be. I tried so many times to tell you over the phone but I just couldn't .I didn't know how…"
Through her tears, Sue held up her hand to silence her daughter.
Sue then stepped forward and although she couldn't quite look into her daughter's eyes just yet, she took the Sleeping Child out of her daughter's arms and softly kissed the chubby cheeked Infant's forehead, as she began to rock her gently.
For a long moment there was complete silence.
"Who are her people?" Sue finally asked in a shaky voice, as she looked from Leah toward Angel .The curiosity evident in her eyes.
Leah followed her mother's gaze, "No! Angel isn't her father. Neither is Miguel."
Leah hung her head in shame; She inwardly cringed at the lack of wedding ring on her finger and the less than auspicious way in which her daughter came to be. This wasn't how she had planned on telling her mother, especially when the father of her child hadn't yet been informed.
"What's her name?" Sue said, staring down at the chubby rosy cheeked infant.
Leah could hear her heart beating rapidly against her chest, "Her name is Harri with an 'I', after dad …", Leah paused to steady herself "…and her middle name is Sarah…after her grandmother."
Sue looked confused, but Bella who had so far been inconspicuously cutting vegetables at Charlie's side stood wide eyed, as if connecting the dots faster than anyone else in the room.
"She belongs to you Billy. She's your grandchild." Leah turned to the wheelchair bound man,who sat expressionless. Leah stared at her shoes as a tear slid down her face and landed at her feet. "I named her Harri Sarah Clearwater."
Billy nodded, he understood implicitly that the child had not been named a Black because she was illegitimate and was yet to be claimed by her Fathers family.
Bella who was watching the scene play out in astonishment marvelled at Billy's composure. If he was surprised or angry he didn't show it, instead he accepted the event with an unparalleled fortitude.
"Bring the child to me."
Sue who was too shocked to speak, walked over and gently deposited the still sleeping infant in his lap. And for a good long while Billy studied Harri intently; every line, curve and dimple dent. Leah watched with baited breath as he picked up Harri's hands and gently rotated them before leaving a gentle kiss on each of her little tiny palms, "She is the spitting image of her father at this age. She's perfect."
"She is." Sue concurred quietly. Evidently still in shock.
At hearing this affirmation the floodgates opened and Leah collapsed to the ground sobbing. Nothing had prepared her for this, their acceptance and kindness. For years she had tried to grow a thicker skin, build up her defences to protect herself against the inevitable scorn she imagined she would face when she finally faced the two people she respected most in this world.
It was Seth who scooped Leah off of the floor and held her in his lap as she sobbed into his shoulder. Angel looked at Miguel with relief and Charlie who felt nothing short of superfluous began to make hot sweet tea and pass them around.
"I claim her, Leah. This child is a Black." Billy said definitively.
Leah untangled herself from Seth, stood up and wiped her eyes before walking over to Billy and embracing him with all her might. With one arm supporting the sleeping child, Billy hugged Leah and patted her back.
"What about Jake?"
Everybody turned to Bella who still wore the disbelief all over her face, "What about Jake?" she asked again. This time with much more force.
The room went eerily quiet as each person contemplated the effect of the announcement on one Jacob Black.
"This will break his heart." Bella said, looking directly at Leah.
Charlie tutted ,"Ok ,Bells that's enough .I think this is immediate family business.."
Bella put down the chopping knife, as she directly addressed Billy ."Well, Jacob IS my immediate family and I can't just sit by and not say anything. He matters too."
"You think I don't know that?" Leah asked roughly.
Bella shrugged, "I don't know, do you?"
Before Leah could answer there was a thunderous knock on the door. Everybody jumped and then panicked as the thunderous knock became rapturously loud. Leah could feel her guts begin to sink. She didn't need to get the door for her worst fears to be confirmed. Looking around the room at Billy, Bella and then Seth, Leah knew immediately who it was.
Seth went to the door. They could all hear Jacob long before they could see him, "IS IT TRUE!" Jacob yelled. "Seth, TELL ME, IS IT TRUE!"
Leah wanted to pick Harri up and run away, she wasn't ready for an epic confrontation. But she didn't understand how Jacob had come to know. Then it suddenly dawned on Leah. Seth had been the snitch. Not intentionally, but he and Jacob shared an inescapable telepathy. And clearly her younger brother's shocked thoughts were much too loud.
Leah gulped as a dishevelled Jacob appeared in the doorway, Seth closely behind him.
Nobody said anything, as Jacob sought out Leah with his molten gaze. "Is .it. true?"
Suddenly it was as if everyone had disappeared ,leaving them alone . There really was nowhere for her to go.Leah could hear Jacob fighting for his self- control, each syllable strained. Leah looked away,there was too much pain on his face,pain that she had put there,pain that she was about to make even worse . She looked down at her shaking hands and bit her lip as she gave a small nod.
Jacob inhaled sharply as if he'd just been sucker punched in the gut. "I need to hear you say it.."
Leah summoned a bravery she didn't feel and met Jacobs cold disconnected gaze with her tear filled one. She hesitated for a moment, unable to find the words.
"SAY IT LEAH!" Jacob yelled, as he banged his fist against the closest wall. Everyone jumped ,Leah held her breath. "Damnit,Leah…"
"We have…a daughter, Jacob." Leah said quietly, "You and I, we made a baby…."Jacob followed Leah's gaze . First he looked at his father and then at the precious cargo sleeping soundly on his father's lap. Jacob felt like he was going to be sick, violently sick. Nausea rose in his gut as the room full of people began to spin.
The look on Jacobs face went from shock to absolute horror in seconds, like he was looking at some sort of parasite.
Leah took a step towards Jacob, she wasn't sure what she was reaching out for but the look of pure disgust on Jacob's face stopped her in her tracks.
The feeling of sickness rising in Jacob began to disappear and in its place a tidal wave of anger began to crest. Jacob slowly clenched his fists as a fury he couldn't quite control began to take over his body. What started as tremors quickly became a full rattle . He backed up slowly. "I can't be here." His voice low and menacing, obviously belaying his inner struggle. The words were raw and hard.
"Jacob!" Harry called after his son, as Jacob exited the house quickly.
Before Leah had a chance to think she found herself running after him . It was Seth who caught her by the arm,stopping her. "Let go of me Seth!"
"Let him cool off."
Leah pushed Seth away with a ferocity she had forgotten she possessed. "No , I owe him an explanation. I need to see him. "
Seth shook his head vehemently "Not now ,not when he's so raw!"
"He would never hurt me. He loves me." Leah cried , "I love him."
The weight of what she had professed aloud for the first time since the night they had made love gave her reason to pause. "I love him…" she repeated again, as she raced towards the woods in search of Jacob.
It took ten minutes of sprinting until Leah was overwhelmed with Jacob's scent.
Leah stood frozen behind a tree as Jacob's fists rained down on another tree, over and over again. Once he had tired himself out, he stood still, his bloody fist dangling at his side ,as his heavy breathing carried through the air.
"Go away Leah!" Jacob's eyes were rabid, his voice low and menacing as he turned to face her,but Leah kept walking towards him. At this moment she was fearless, she had to be.
Once they were practically nose to nose, Jacob snarled , "If you know what's good for you, you'll leave me alone."
"Hit me,If it'll make you feel better I want you to hit me." Leah said.
Jacob looked at her with complete disgust, "Honey I Could hit you a million times and that wouldn't come close to the pain that I've felt every single day since you left."
"You think I haven't felt that same pain?" Leah clutched her heart.
"Then why didn't you come home to ME!" Jacob yelled, his anger palpable, "I was here, Leah. Waiting for you. Where the hell were you!"
"I was scared and confused, and I …"
"That's not good enough, Leah." Jacob cut in.
"Maybe that's all I've got." Leah said sadly.
Jacob looked at the woman he loved with all his soul for a long hard moment, before reaching out to her. He took Leah's hand gently and placed it on his heart, "It's killing me Leah…Loving you is killing me." He said quietly, his voice quivering.
Leah began to sob , "Don't say that… Please don 't say that."
"…Because I don't know how to love you and not despise everything about you..." he gently stroked the side of her face "... I hate you."
Leah stood stunned, completely incapacitated by the words that had fallen from Jacobs lips.
Jacob took a step back, he clenched his jaw and looked at the ground, "I don't want anything to do with you or… " he paused as if trying to gather strength, "… your child."
As the words left Jacob's lips he almost doubled over in pain, both physical and mental but he had to get through it, he had to at least try to unchain himself from the source of his unhappiness.
Leah couldn't stop the deluge of tears running down her face , she had to lean against a tree to steady herself. It felt like the air was being sucked out of the atmosphere, as her heart began to shatter into billions of tiny pieces. "Jake, you have to forgive me…"
" No . This thing between us stops here and now." Jacob said resolutely, not bothering to wipe away the tears falling from his eyes, as he turned his back and disappeared into the forest.
-x-
Leah had stayed curled up in the foetal position like a wounded animal, on her old bedroom floor in the dark for two whole days, actively unable to function .Her mother, Angel and Miguel took on the bulk of looking after Harri.
On the second day Sue Clearwater had scooped Leah up, bathed her, and tucked her up in bed as if she were a child and then fed her a bowl of chicken soup.
It killed Sue to see her daughter like this, and according to Billy Black, Jacob wasn't holding up any better.
Sue stroked Leah's hair as she hummed old tribal songs. "I was thinking that maybe before the wedding we could hold a traditional naming ceremony for Harri. What do you think?"
"What's the point? Jacob doesn't claim her and it's my fault." Leah said in the smallest voice. "I should have been honest with him about my fears and when I found out I was pregnant I shouldn't have stayed away ,I should have been honest."
Sue nodded "Yes, darling. Complete honesty is always the way to go."
Leah looked up at her mother and sighed. She had to do it now, in the name of honesty ,she had to purge herself from the last strike against her. "Mom?"
"Yes,Honey."
Leah sat up in bed, "About a year and a half ago I got married to a man I didn't Love."
TBC.