Chapter 5. The light of the Sun
Pairing: Leah/Jacob
Soundtrack choice: Bike by Charlene Soraia youtube . com / watch?v=BnJYl1VlfBM
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer all the characters.
Note: For some reason Fanfiction dot net keeps chopping out words and sentences from my stories. I don't know why or how to fix this, so sometimes whole sentences don't seem to make sense. So if it does happen and it bothers you, just send me a message and I will mail you the chapter as written.
Leah looked down at her shaking hands as she walked past the busy kitchen, dodging chefs and waiters. She couldn't believe the audacity of Sam. How dare he just show up like that? She couldn't believe it. If it was this easy for him to find her, how long would it take Jacob to find her? Would he show up unannounced too? If he did show up she had no idea what she'd do, what she'd say. Alot had happened since their last encounter . Leah let herself out of the kitchen exit and leaned against the wall next to the huge dumpsters and closed her eyes. The world was spinning.
Sensing someone standing next to her, Leah opened her eyes slowly. Angel. Leah sighed with relief and met his smiling face with her own.
"You OK?" Angel asked.
Leah waved her arm, " I'm fine."
Angel studied Leah for a second as if he wanted to ask a question but though better of it "You don't look fine."
"How can I not be? Harri's coming home from the hospital today!"
Angel smiled. " I still don't think you should have come to work today."
"You know I was going stir crazy sitting at home .I'm just glad my baby is doing OK and finally coming home to us." Leah reached over and gave Angel a hug. It had been a long road to get to this point, Harri had come into the world a whole 4 months early ,weighing a mere 4lbs and able to fit into the palm of Leah's hand.
Leah blamed herself; she had done this to her baby. She hadn't taken care of herself, she'd been so at odds with her own mind and body that she hadn't even realized that she was pregnant until she was almost 2 and a half months gone. She had rationalized her slight weight gain with stress eating, home sickness and lack of movement. She had quite enjoyed the prospect of a fuller figure induced by the lack of running around the woods in search of vampires.
The day Leah had gone into labour was by far the scariest of her life, and Leah Clearwater had seen some scary shit in her twenty years. Once Harri had come into the world, small, frail and vaguely bluish in colour Leah had watched in horror as her baby was led away and promptly intubated. Machinery, Wires and tubes attached to her tiny little body frightened Leah beyond compare and when doctors started throwing around incomprehensible terms like : ' Apnea of prematurity ' , 'developmental disability', 'cerebral palsy' and' intraventricular hemorrhage,' Leah had almost died. Thank goodness for Angel and Miguel. Leah hadn't really known too much about the kindness of strangers having grown up on a reservation surrounded by people she had known all her life, but these two had, for no other reason than they 'liked her spunk' had taken her in, given her a job ,a place to live and more support than any girl had probably ever received in her life.
"I should get going." Leah said as she took a step back from Angel.
Angel rummaged in his apron pockets "Here, Your friend left this for you."
Leah looked down at the folded piece of paper in Angel's hand and grimaced; she took it and slowly opened it.
"Leah, I can't pretend to understand your decisions. But know this, wherever you go and whatever you do, we'll be with you in spirit, strength and courage. S. x "
The note read in Sam's messy scrawl.
Leah bit her lip, willing herself not to cry – that would lead to too many questions and she didn't want to have to lie to Angel, not when he had been so good to her. She slipped the piece of paper into her pocket and went to get her bag.
-x-
The scream had come out of nowhere, forcing Jacob to dismount his motorbike and look around. He saw nobody except a few men standing outside of the strip club, smoking cigarettes, sipping from bottles and chatting under the sonic pounding of dance music emanating from the club's sound system.
Jacob shook his head and got back on his bike when the scream came again, only this time louder .It was unmistakably a woman's high pitched trill but when Jacob looked around there was not one person on the street that seemed to react or even hear the scream over the repetitive drone of the Clubs speakers.
Jacob got off his bike and slipped the ignition keys into the pocket of his jeans as he followed the scream towards a back alley behind the club.
"Don't touch me Dave!" a young woman in sneakers and black jeans yelled, as she tried to budge her way past the hulk of a man blocking her way.
The guy- Dave grabbed the young woman's arm and pulled her close to him, "Why are you playing so hard to get? Just one kiss and I'll let you go ."
"Screw you!" The woman struggled, trying her best to retrieve her arm, much to Dave's amusement.
Jacob silently groaned, he simply wanted to go home and sleep , but clearly it was going to be one of those nights, or one of those insanely early mornings depending on where you stood.
Jacob stepped out of the shadows " Be a gentleman and let the Lady go!"
Both the young woman and the man stopped squirming and turned to face Jacob. The man gave Jacob a once over and then turned back towards the woman who looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.
"I said, LET THE LADY GO!"
The man laughed, "Or what?"
"Or you get your ass kicked. "Jacob took a step forward, "we can do it the easy way or the hard way, I'm not bothered."
The man let go of the woman's hand and stalked over to Jacob. Once in front of Jacob, the man who weighed at least a 100lbs more than Jacob nudged him hard in the shoulder and glowered. "Mind your business, and walk away. This is between me and the lady."
Jacob smiled. "Now it's between you and me."
The man nudged Jacob again, forcing Jacob to stumble backwards slightly "Beat it or you'll be sorry."
Jacob was growing irritable. "Leave the lady alone and I promise you'll still be able use your limbs in the morning." He growled.
Dave lifted his fist and with all his might threw it at Jacob's gut. On impact Jacob barely moved but the man - Dave yelped in pain as he looked down at his fist. Despite the obvious pain Dave seemed undeterred as he threw his other fist in Jacob's direction.
Jacob caught Dave's fist mid-air and began to crush it. Dave started to cry and scream in pain which only seemed to fuel Jacob. He jabbed Dave in the gut and then in the jaw, then again for good measure. Once Dave was knocked out Jacob regarded his bloodied fist for a second and then looked at the woman who hadn't attempted to move from the spot in which she stood. "He won't be bothering you again." Jacob didn't wait for a reply as he turned around and strolled back towards the club he had previously left. He needed another drink.
-x-
Once Leah got Harri home from the hospital she gently picked Harri up from her carry cot. Leah gently kissed her baby on the forehead and smiled. She didn't feel full as such, a vital piece of the puzzle was missing for that to be a possibility but she did feel satisfied, holding her beloved baby in her arms. She had never seen or felt anything so perfect. Leah Clearwater was officially a mother and strangely it didn't scare her. It just seemed so natural .Leah hadn't known she'd wanted to be a mother so badly until she held her baby for the first time. From this point on it would be her and her bundle of joy against the world.
"Qahla'lei.." Leah whispered Harri's Quileute name in her baby's ear and smiled. Sunrise.
The name seemed appropriate, after so much darkness Leah was filled with the warmth and light streaming from the tiny soul she had birthed.
Harri blew mouth bubbles as she regarded her mother, who in turn, regarded her just as intently. Harri was five months old and sturdy, she had a survivor's spirit, a true Quileute. She had a gorgeous round face with huge marshmallows for cheeks within which two dimples were forming, and the biggest ,warmest chocolate brown eyes Leah and ever seen. No, that wasn't true. Leah had seen those eyes before, she had seen those dimples and those full lips before. They unmistakably belonged to Jacob Black.
Leah felt her throat begin to close up, she couldn't breathe. Looking down at her precious little girl suddenly made her feel nauseous. Leah could feel a panic attack rising from the pit of her stomach. Slowly but with shaky hands she carefully put Harri down in her crib.
Leah sank to the floor, desperately wishing her own mother was with her as she drew her knees up to her chest and smothered her mouth to contain her mournful cry.
-x-
"Haven't you had enough for tonight ?…" Said a voice out of nowhere.
Jacob looked up and grimaced at the cute chick from the alleyway, now she had a smile on her face and had taken it upon herself to sit down next to him on the vacant bar stool. "You don't recognise me, do you?"
Jacob studied the girl for a minute, but to be honest he hadn't a clue who he was talking to. "Should I?"
The girl smiled good naturedly. "You paid me to dance for you."
Jacob looked at her blankly, he had asked a lot of girls to dance for him. Next to getting drunk off his ass it was his favourite hobby.
"My name's Nora." Nora put out her hand, but when Jacob didn't take it and still stared blankly she simply whispered the name he had bestowed upon her. "Leah."
All sorts of bells began to ring. Jacob went pale, and inwardly cringed "I'm sorry I didn't recognise you with…"
"Yeah ,I look different with my clothes on." The girl nodded without a hint of embarrassment, and then signalled over to the bartender.
"Is there some reason you're sitting here."
"I just wanted to thank you for helping me out back there."
"No problem.." Jacob smiled sardonically and sipped his beer.
Nora ordered a soda water and studied Jacob from the corner of her eyes. She deduced that he was younger than her by a few years but life experience had made him seem older than he was, she guessed that he probably had a fake ID tucked away somewhere and had only taken up drinking in the last few months, he hadn't been broken down by alcohol for sport like some of the other long suffering guys around the bar. This one was drinking to forget, drinking to submerge his pain. Nora knew all too well about that, she recognised herself in the beautiful man - child sitting next to her , the one who was trying so hard to pretend she wasn't there next to him, watching him , silently wondering what his story was and how this girl Leah fit into it.
The two sat silently, side by side as they sipped on their respective drinks until Jacob reached for the bowl of nuts and ate a few.
"That's weird." Nora said suddenly.
"What's weird?"
"Your fist, no bruises , no nothing. I mean, the way you pummelled Dave…." Nora reached for Jacob's hand but he move it immediately.
An awkward silence enveloped them, until Nora had a lightbulb moment,"You hungry?"
Jacob looked at Nora and nodded.
"We could go back to my place and I could cook you something."
Jacob contemplated Nora for a second "Do you invite all the strange guys you dance for back to your place?"
"Nope." Nora said seriously "Only the ones that come to my rescue and look like they could use a decent meal and someone to talk to." It was true. She had never dreamed of ever taking a customer home , but for reasons that she couldn't quite put her finger she trusted Jacob, felt safe in his presence and was sincerely overwhelmed with a need to look out for him. Nora downed the rest of her soda water in one gulp, pulled out a couple of dollars from her jeans pocket and tossed them on the Bar counter then stood up. " Are you coming or what?"
-x-
It was the crying that woke Leah up from her slumber on the living room couch. After putting the baby down and sinking to the ground in torment Leah had waited a few minutes before she managed to get away from the baby who had fallen asleep in her beautifully decorated Oak crib .Once safely outside her bedroom , she had gently closed the door and curled up on the plush purple velvet sofa in the middle of the living room, praying that Harri wouldn't wake until Miguel or Angel got home.
Suddenly hearing Harri call to her made Leah feet like as monster. All of a sudden she couldn't bear the thought of seeing her own child, she couldn't bring herself to go and comfort her own child because she resembled exactly what Leah had tried to escape.
Leah covered her ears with a cushion and tried to block out the baby's sounds with her own humming as she willed Harri to stop . It wasn't working. Then out nowhere, as if God, Buddha and Allah had heard her prayers , there was a knock on the door.
"Hey Kassim, How are you?" Leah feigned a smile as she sized up her neighbour.
"Hello Miss Leah ,I borrowed this book from Angel. Could you give it to him for me?"
Leah took the recipe book and mulled it over before looking back at Kassim, a foreign student who lived on the floor below of their apartment building. "Sure."
If Leah didn't know better she would have thought that Harri was aware of their visitor because at precisely that moment her sniffling sob became a full wail that reverberated through the apartment.
Kassim looked shocked, "Oh I'm sorry to interrupt, I didn't realize the baby was finally home. I should leave you to it."
Leah could feel herself begin to panic at the prospect of being left alone with Harri,"NO! Don't rush off." , Leah yelled at Kassim's retreating form. She would have tackled him to the ground to get him to stay but the authoritarian tone of her voice was enough to stop him dead in his tracks. "You should meet her."
Kassim nodded wearily "Um, sure."
Leah moved and let him pass. Kassim stood somewhat innocuously in the middle of the room. Leah studied him for a second, he was nervous in her presence. Miguel had once teased her that Kassim had a little crush on her but she had dismissed it and went on about her day. It had dawned on Leah that she had never spent too much time with him, she'd never made too much conversation with him either, not in the way Miguel and Angel had. She and Kassim had never been alone together.
Leah led him to her bedroom and opened the door, Harri was still crying as they walked over to the crib.
"May I?" Kassim asked as he gestured to pick Harri up from her crib. Leah nodded gratefully.
Harri stopped crying immediately.
"You have the magic touch."
Kassim smiled down at the baby in his arms "Babies love me. In Kazakhstan they know this to be a fact."
Leah laughed. She scolded herself for never noticing what a lovely way her neighbour had about him.
Minutes later as they sat at the kitchen table, Leah Poured tea as Kassim rocked Harri gently from side to side and gave them the abridged version of his interesting life.
"So how long do you think you'll be staying in America?" Leah asked as she sipped her tea.
Kassim sighed sadly, "My student Visa is running out and they want to send me back to Kazakhstan in two months."
Leah gasped.
"There is nothing for me in Kazakhstan, my parents are both dead and my sisters are married. I want to stay here."
He was such a lovely man .There had to be something she could do. As Leah watched Kassim coo over her baby, she silently thought around ways to help him.
-x-
Nora blushed and quickly scooped up a pile of laundry from the sofa and quickly deposited it behind the door of what appeared to be her bedroom. "Sorry about the mess .I work really long hours."
Jacob found her embarrassment cute. He smiled "Don't sweat it."
Nora slipped off her sneakers and walked over to the little open plan kitchenette. "Make yourself at home." She said as she opened her fridge and began taking food stuff out.
Jacob looked around at the small apartment. Its décor could only be described as 'shabby chic'.Nora was clearly a fan of op shopping and yard sales. Nothing seemed to match but that all added to the charm of the small but welcoming environment. Jacob traced his finger over the form of a lava lamp, as a picture caught his eye.
"Who's that?" Jacob asked, as he began taking off his jacket.
Nora followed Jacob's gaze until her eyes rested on a framed photo of her younger self wrapped in the arms of a smiling man. "Brandon." she sighed. "My fiancé."
Jacob swallowed hard, he looked around warily "Brandon isn't gonna make a special appearance tonight is he?"The last thing Jacob wanted was another confrontation , his head was pounding and his heart was heavy. He didn't need another altercation with a jealous man to exacerbate his feelings.
"No." Nora shook her head "He's dead." She tried to meet Jacob's eyes but couldn't. He could tell from the tone of her voice that it was all still raw, she was fighting tears.
Jacob sat down , "How'd he die?"
Nora stopped chopping onions, and completely paused for a second as if gathering strength " He was a soldier. He died in Iraq." She said finally as she lit the stove and began breaking eggs. "How does a Spanish omelette sound?"
"Great." Jacob said solemnly.
Nora smiled directly at him and held out a knife "You can chop some tomatoes."
"Sure."Jacob got up and went to join her. When Nora handed him the knife he twirled it around " You know I've been awarded the Washington State Master chopper award three years in a row."
"Really?" Norah asked , completely amazed.
Jacob laughed loudly and sincerely for the first time in a long time "No."
Nora hissed ,smiled and playfully budged him to the side, then went back to whisking her eggs as Jacob continued to laugh.
Jacob marvelled at Nora , he could tell that much like him she had seen and been through a lot but yet she had managed to maintain some semblance of innocence. It was right then and there that he decided that he liked her very much. She radiated a kindness and warmth that seemed hard to come by these days.
After dinner /Breakfast had been served and juice had been poured, Jacob and Norah sat together in the living room, her on the floor with legs crossed and him on the sofa.
Nora put her fork down "Hey Jacob, Can I ask you a question?"
Jacob who was in between bites nodded "shoot."
"Who's Leah?"
Jacob immediately stopped eating.
"She's a girl you loved? "Nora kept her eyes trained on Jacob to see if she was on the right track, he didn't deny her assertion so she continued "…and she hurt you?"
Jacob winced, but still didn't say anything.
"..and she died?"
"Nope but I wish she had." Jacob retorted with more venom than he had intended.
Nora gasped. An awkward silence ensued. Jacob realized it was an awful thing to say to Nora especially when she had just told him about her fiancé but he couldn't help himself. He needed to numb the pain and in order to do that he had to constantly dowse it with anger. An anger that in many ways he had come to regard as a companion. He knew his anger like the back of his hand or the beat of his own broken heart and he revelled in it because while he was angry he couldn't feel pain.
"You don't mean that."
"But I do,Nora..because at least then I would be able to understand.." Jacob stopped talking ,unable to dislodge the words in his throat.
"Understand what?" Nora prompted.
"Why she doesn't love me back."
Seeing Jacob so vulnerable, despite how big and strong he was made Nora's heart break. She went to him and wrapped her arms around him, and held him tightly as he buried his face in her warm lavender scented neck. "You know I asked Brandon not to join the army, I actually got down on my hands and knees and begged him but he did it anyway, and I hated him for it."
Jacob pulled back and met Nora's teary pain stricken eyes with his own.
"I do understand how you feel but there isn't anything that I wouldn't do to have him here with me right now. So I know that's how you feel about Leah."
Jacob nodded slowly.
"It gets better I promise .But for those times when you feel like you can't breathe or it just hurts too much and you need someone to talk to ,come see me Jacob."
"Our own little lonely hearts club,huh?" Jacob quipped ,trying to muster a smile.
Nora threw her head back and laughed "But you have to promise me that you'll cut back on the alcohol."
Jacob avoided her steely stare and made a few non-committal grunts.
"Promise me Jacob !"
It took Jacob a moment to answer, he could really use another drink ,"I promise." Jacob said.
Nora smiled and hugged him again. It was a hug that Jacob wanted to drown in, so soft and uncomplicated. Nora didn't judge him , nor did his pain make her uncomfortable or embarrassed like it did his family and the wolf pack.
Once they'd finished eating and they'd washed and dried the dishes, Nora took Jacob by the hand and led him to her bedroom , she sat him on her bed then bent down and gently took of his boots,she made him lie down and giggled at his rigidity. "Relax. I'm not going to eat you." She smiled as she lay down next to him ,wrapped them both up snuggly in her quilt cover and lay her head on his chest . And as the sun came up and birds in distant trees began to sing, there with Nora in his arms, satisfied and warm, gently snoring away, Jacob willingly closed his eyes. For the first time in almost a year, Jacob Black didn't have a tormented dream featuring Leah Clearwater as its star. In fact that night, Jacob didn't dream at all.
TBC.