Chapter 14. Horologium

Horo.log.ium is a Latin transliteration of the Greek[1] word for clock (Horo [ὥρο]- meaning hour and logium [λέγειν] meaning teller [horologium= the hour-teller]

Pairing: Leah/Jacob

Soundtrack choices: Belong to the world- The Weeknd

watch?v=lYO77zNhWl4

-x-

"You had no right to kiss me like you did." Sue said without preamble. Her hands on hips.

They both knew she was referring to what had happened, after the rehearsal dinner, what had caused her to flee and almost kill a deer.

Leah and Jacob exchanged uncomfortable looks as they mentally deliberated on the appropriate time to give their parents some privacy.

"You kissed me back." Billy said flatly.

The colour drained out of Sue Clearwater's beautiful russet coloured face. She abruptly turned to face both Leah and Jacob who both looked mortified. "Could you please excuse us?" She asked, the shades of embarrassment tinting her high cheekbones.

Leah and Jacob didn't need to be told twice as they edged their way towards the exit of Billy's home.

"Stay!" Billy barked with such authority that both Leah and Jacob stopped dead in their tracks. "I want you two to bear witness to this moment; I want you to hear everything." He looked at Sue defiantly, challenging her. "I am not ashamed. I kissed you and you kissed me back."

Sue gasped. "I was taken aback."

"What is it that you want me to say Sue?"

Sue suddenly found that she couldn't answer, it was a loaded question. She had known that he wasn't enquiring about her disposition. He was calling her out; he wanted to make her say it.

"If it's an apology that you want you're not going to get one. When I kissed you I meant it…."Billy smiled slightly, softly at the memory ."…and for a few moments I think you meant it too."

He looked at Sue arresting her with his eyes. It unnerved her because for a few second it felt as though he were looking right through her and now there was nowhere to hide.

Without blinking Sue straightened up, "I love Charlie. I'm marrying Charlie today."

Billy grimaced. "If you love Charlie half as much as you say you do, why are you here?" His eyes were hard and questioning. He told himself to stay strong, resolute ,to not let his voice betray him.

Sue looked down at her wedding dress as if it were her first time seeing it, and used her hands to smooth down invisible edges. "Leah, Jacob. Excuse us, please." She said again. This time her voice was soft and imploring.

Leah went to her mother and placed a protective arm around her "Are you sure?"

Sue nodded.

"You've got ten minutes, Mom. Fifteen tops."

Sue didn't say anything , she simply nodded again and waited for Jacob and Leah to exit the house, softly closing the front door behind them.

Sue walked over to Billy and with as much force as she could wield, slapped him clear across the face. The impact seemed to shock them both. "You are a selfish selfish man, William Black!"

Billy hardly flinched; instead he tentatively reached for her hand scared, not that she would slap him again but that she would snatch her hand back. She didn't, instead she allowed him to gently lift her trembling hand towards his mouth where he lay butterfly kisses on it. The only sound between them was the sound of Sue's breathing which became heavier with every kiss. She found herself fighting for air, her head trying hopelessly to keep up with her heart.

He took her ring finger in his mouth, slowly, deliberately. As if taking claim he sucked gently, then a little harder, as if trying to absorb her faux anger. His gaze never wavering from hers as he did so. It had to be the most erotic thing Sue had experienced in years, it left her reeling, dazed and confused. She didn't notice that he had stopped and had pulled her onto his lap with an unparalleled ease.

A moment passed without either one saying a word.

Sue shifted on his lap and sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted "You make me feel like a sixteen year old girl."

"What's so wrong with that?"

"I'm a grandmother."Sue shifted so that she could look Billy dead in the eye.

Billy laughed, "The sexiest grandmother that ever walked the earth."He began stroking her hair and for a few seconds Sue allowed herself to be galvanized by the memory of how it felt to be close to the man she had loved many moons ago.

Sue blushed and shook her head. "Don't." She got up and stepped back slightly trying to create some distance. "We're not crazy teenagers anymore, Billy."

"Neither of us is what we were back then."Billy looked down at his defunct legs and the wheel chair they inhabited.

"Is that why you never pursued me?..." Sue began, but stopped.

"Is what?" Billy asked confused.

Sue nodded her head towards his feet, "The chair.."Sue gently rested her hand on the chairs arm rest. "Is this why you never asked me out after Harry died."

Billy felt suddenly ashamed, he hadn't intended for any of this but he had come too far to turn back now. "Yes…that and respect for my friend."

"Bullshit." Sue scoffed "Harry has been gone a good long while. You were scared!"

-x-

"Stop pacing and come sit down." Jacob called to Leah from the Log on which he sat.

Leah went to Jacob who smiled as he opened his arms to her."This is all my fault." she whispered into his neck.

"No it's not."

Leah shifted in Jacobs lap. "Yes it is. None of this would have happened if I had never come back."

Leah immediately felt Jacob tense. She bit her lip immediately regretting the careless sentence she'd uttered. "I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright" Jacob said curtly but Leah didn't need to look into his eyes to know that she had hurt him.

"It's not alright." Leah sighed and reached for his hand. "I just can't stand the thought of being the reason for anyone else's pain. This time it isn't just you and me, it's my Mom and your Dad and Charlie too. It's my fault."

Jacob was silent for a moment as he contemplated their entwined hands . "I love you just like my Dad loves your Mom and that's worth going to war for. Sometimes there has to be a bomb dropped, explosions everywhere, blood and guts spilled before there's a happy ending."

"Emphasis on the blood and guts, huh?" Leah got off of Jacobs lap, wrapped her arms around herself and began pacing up and down again.

"Jake?"

"Yes."

Leah stopped in front of him, "Do you really think there will be a happy ending?"

Jacob's eyes met Leah's, "I hope so." He said pensively. Something told Leah that he wasn't just alluding to their parents.

-x-

"…You heard me, you were scared." Sue said again, feeling a slight satisfaction at her analysis.

There was nothing for Billy to say. Sue was right. He had been scared, terrified, petrified and every other variation of the word. He had been scared that he wouldn't be man enough for her, couldn't be even if he tried. As far as Billy Black had been concerned Susan Clearwater deserved everything, she deserved to be swept off her feet both literally and figuratively and he was wheelchair bound, just a middle aged cripple on disability benefits.

Billy took a huge breath, "Yes. I was scared."

The look on Sue's face was priceless. She hadn't expected him to show his hand and be so vulnerable so soon. "Of me?" She asked softly.

"Yes. You scared me Sue. You always have. You scared me so much that I told myself that I would never be able to make you happy. You scared me so much I let another man woo you in front of me while I sat idle. You scared me so much that I smiled and congratulated you when he offered you his ring and last man, you scared me so much that I lied to myself ,told myself that I was indifferent, that I could go on living without you by my side but guess what? I'm not scared anymore Sue. I love you."

Sue sat down on a chair, overwhelmed and speechless as a single tear made its way down her face. "When Harry died I didn't think I would ever be okay again, I didn't think my kids would be okay again but they had you. I had you and we got through because of you."

"I had no ulterior motives. I adore your kids."

Sue gave Billy a small smile. "I know." Sue wiped her eyes. "I would watch you gently rub Seth's back or hold Leah's hand or dry her tears and I would get…" It was as if the words were lodged in her throat.

"…Jealous. You wouldn't touch me. You'd never touch me and it bothered me and I never knew why."

Billy smiled without mirth, "I was scared I'd give myself away. If I held you, even if it was just to console you, I was certain that I wouldn't be able to let go. How would that have looked? The Cripple lusting after his best friends grieving widow."

"Don't call yourself that."

Billy shrugged "I am a Cripple. Even now I think I could hold your attention mentally and spiritually but sexually.."

"..So this all comes down to sex!?" Sue asked throwing her arms up in exasperation. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. MEN!

"Not all of it but some of it. C'mon Sue! You're a virile woman who deserves to have the man in her life satisfy her every whim. I remember when we were kids your appetite was epicurean, I barely kept up."

Sue laughed, "I may have had the appetite but you were always the creative force. All we had was your cramped truck and the will to be together. What was it that you used to say to me?... "Baby Girl , All I need is my tongue, five fingers and three good minutes."

They both laughed, but then suddenly it wasn't funny anymore and they blushed. The air had changed, it became warmer, charged.

Sue got up off of her seat, she turned her back to Billy, she couldn't look at him. "I can't believe I'm here having this conversation with a man who is not my fiancé."Sue shook her head, disgusted at herself, disgusted by her hearts infidelity."Charlie is a good man."

Billy nodded in agreement. "Charlie is a good man."

"And I love him." Sue added as she lost the fight to contain her tears. She turned back to face Billy, she wanted him to see what he was doing to her. "But…I love you too."

Just then there was a knock on the door and it opened slowly. It was Leah who looked apologetic until she saw the state of her mother's face. "Mom? Are you Okay?"

Sue didn't say anything instead she wiped her tears and straightened her dress.

"It's time." Leah said softly. "We have to go."

"Sue…?" Billy asked, fear in his voice.

Sue nodded at Leah and gave one quick glance at a bewildered Billy. "I have to go". She walked past Leah and out of the door towards the car.

"I'm sorry."Leah said gently to Billy as she closed the door behind her. Her heart heavy and pounding in her chest.

Jacob held the car door open for Sue without saying a word, the look on her face said it all."I think you should stay with your Dad, I think he needs you. I'll call you later."Leah whispered to Jacob. Jacob nodded but stayed outside to watch them drive off before entering his home.

-x-

It wasn't a long journey back to the house but to Leah it seemed impossibly long, in this moment where no words could be found to fill the chasm of heartbreak.

Sue said nothing. She was no longer the giddy blushing bride; instead she looked world weary and sad.

Once home, Leah thanked her lucky stars that everybody would now be at the wedding, which gave them time to fix her mom's make up. But Sue was having none of it. Leah watched as Sue went straight to the Liquor cabinet and poured herself a drink.

Leah didn't know what to say or do. Instead she sat silently and watched her mother swig as she dialled the phone .

"Charlie? I need to talk to you, now…. It's important…I'm not joking….Now….Right now. It can't wait, please…Yes, face to face…Please…It's important…OK…Now…I'll be waiting… ."

Sue waited for Charlie out on the Porch, practically holding her breath until his car pulled up and he got out. He was beautiful. Charlie Swan looked devastatingly handsome in his tuxedo, and clean shaven face. "You know this is bad luck, right?" He smiled as he climbed the small steps to greet his Fiancée.

Sue gave a small smile as she reached up and gently cupped his face. "You know that I love you, don't you?".

Charlie looked worried but nodded "What's wrong Honey? Everybody is at the Church waiting for us."

Sue took a deep breath and bit the bullet."I'm so sorry Charlie…",She began as she gently took her wedding band out of its small box and kissed it. A tear slid down her cheek and ricocheted off of the princess cut diamond ,forcing it to sparkle in the winter sunlight."I can't marry you. I won't marry you. I'm sorry."

TBC