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Love Illusive Butterfly x

Chapter 16:

Halloween

The Halloween feast was always spectacular at Hogwarts and this year was no exception. There was every type of food set out on the table. Sirius and Peter were completely stuffing their faces. The girls were completely disgusted by them, "Si, come on, that's disgusting."

"Sorry Mars," Sirius said with his mouth full.

James looked across the table at Lily. She looked tired. She felt him looking at her and so turned towards him. She looked away quickly so James looked up at the ceiling just in time to see it alight with lightening. In the last week the weather had turned. The Scottish sun had lost its warmth and the winds had become brutal cold. The winter seemed to be coming early. The rain was pouring heavily but you couldn't hear it over the babble of conversation filling the Great Hall.

James looked back to Lily and found her watching him. James sighed, her expression was one that caused him a physical pain in his gut. He wasn't the only one suffering seeing that look. Harry was watching from slightly further down the table. He could see how close she was to tears.

Lily stood up abruptly and ran from the hall. James stood as if to follow her, but was stopped by Marlene, Alice and Kate. The three girls quickly left the hall, following after Lily. Sirius patted James on the back, "it's always better to leave these things to the girls."

Harry stood by the window in the girls' dorm room. Lily was sat on her bed, with her legs curled up in front of her. "I hate him," Lily cried.

"No you don't," Alice told her as she wrapped an arm around her.

"What happened, Lily?" Kate asked kindly.

"I… I hate him," Lily continued.

"No y-you…" Lily tried again.

"Not James," Lily explained through her tears, "Snape!"

"Huh?" Lily's three best friends stared at her in sudden confusion.

"What's Snape got to do with it?" Marlene blurted out.

"It's all his fault," Lily laughed bitterly, "you girls warned me years ago, what he was like… I should have listened. I wish I'd never met him."

"Lily…" Alice tried again.

Lily shook her head, "no… I hate him… I always took his side… every time… blindly, unquestioningly… I always believed him…"

"That's what friends do," Kate said softly.

"No, it's not… friends tell you when you're wrong…" Lily sobbed, "James told me that I was wrong… he was a better friend to me than I was to Sev."

"Lily, don't be silly," Marlene replied.

"I'm serious," Lily laughed bitterly, "he told me he loves me."

"Well, that's nothing new," Alice laughed.

"What happened Lily?" Marlene asked, "Si asked James and well Sirius wouldn't tell me much. He said I would have to ask you but he did say that Snape and James had had a minor disagreement and that you had a go at James… but surely something more must have happened?"

"Yeah, you and James fight all the time," Kate almost laughed at the thought.

"We kissed," Lily began.

"What?" Alice asked.

"When?" Kate added.

"How?" Marlene laughed, "you hate him."

"I don't hate him; I… I love him," Lily frowned in annoyance, "could you girls just listen for a second?"

The girls nodded in response. Lily focused her eyes on Mary's empty bed. Mary had always been the better listener of the five friends. "I don't know how it happened… I guess it started with our potions project – spending so much time together – and then when he rescued me from that idiot Rikard in Hogsmeade… We flirted… It was bad enough being jealous of Rebecca but… when he started going out with Adrianna… then on the night of Slughorn's party… he pulled me into an empty classroom to talk… he told me to shut up," Lily laughed.

"He told me he was sorry; he didn't know what for but he was sorry. He said he loved being my friend… he told me I didn't have to say sorry… he didn't want to hear it… he just wanted to friends…"

"Then what happened?" Kate asked, as if listening to an epic love story – the sort of fairy tales she'd heard as a kid.

Lily's eyes were still focused on Mary's bed as she continued, "I said 'ok' and he hugged me… and then we… kissed… we kissed."

"Wow," Marlene grinned, "well done Jamsie boy!"

"I told him we shouldn't have…"

"What did he say?" Kate asked.

"He just said no… I thought he was regretted it. I didn't. Not for a second… even though I felt guilty, I would have done it again… a million times."

Her tears were still falling, "then he said that he should never have gone out with Adrianna… he shouldn't have given up on me."

Alice felt herself well up, imagining James saying the words, "well he always was a bit sappy when it came to you."

"What did you say?" Kate frowned.

"But you are with Adrianna… and he said that he'd promised her that nothing would happen between us… I didn't understand why… but he told me…"

"What did he say?" Lily could almost hear Mary ask.

"He said that all the girls he's ever been with have always been competing with me."

"Well any of us could have told you that," Alice laughed.

"I definitely could have told you that," Kate grinned, remembering her own experience as James' girlfriend.

"I told him I was jealous," Lily laughed, "I never realised how much it hurt him all these years… liking me when I didn't like him back."

"We barely spoke after that… we were both so busy with homework and he needed to decide what he should do… so I wanted to give him space… but at Slughorn's dinner we were sat together; every time our elbows touched or our knees bumped together it was like fire… ridiculous right! He told me he was going to speak to Adrianna the next day."

"And he said he was going to ask me out in a month's time and did I think I might say yes…" The girls laughed at that; they couldn't imagine Lily ever saying yes to James Potter. "On the way back to the tower I pulled him into another empty classroom and said that if I had to wait a month then I want something to hold onto… and we ended up kissing again."

"I don't really know what happened between James and Snape the next day. I didn't wait for an explanation. I told him that I thought he'd changed, grown up and that I was wrong… I called him cruel… He asked me what I wanted him to do; just let him attack him… If that's the right thing to do, yes, I said… as if I'm the queen of knowing what's right… he told me he loved me… he said, 'Evans, as much as I love you, sometimes you are completely ridiculous.'"

"I told him he'd ruined everything… and to be honest I don't even know what happened… I just jumped to Snape's defence like I always do… and yet I'd promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore."

"Snape came to talk to me the other day," Lily continued, "he basically said, I told you so. He said he told me he'd hurt me. He used my own words against me; calling him an arrogant jerk..."

"I told him that James is twice the man he is…"

"He said, he'll never love me the way Snape does… as if that's what I want… I've been so stupid… I've taken sides with a deatheater over… over James… you know there's a prophecy about James and Snape and I…"

"Since when?" Marlene was taken aback.

"Third year…"

"What did it say?" Alice asked.

"Your path is tragic…" she remembered it as clear as day, "you cannot trust who you want to trust. Don't be foolish with your love. One will protect you, whilst the other will be the death of you… one your futures' are all entwined together… one will accidentally betray you whilst the other will die to save you and yours… the two of you will be responsible for the Dark Lord's downfall… if you work together…" she had started crying again, tears flooding down her face, "live together…" then she whispered the end, "die together."

"It has a whole new meaning now…" Lily frowned. "I told James' mother about it in fourth year after Professor Mincey…" she went silent, thinking about how hurt James had been.

"What did she say?" one of the girls asked, although Lily wasn't sure which.

"She asked who I thought it was about."

"Ah, I see," Kate nodded.

"I told her… and she said, prophecies are difficult. We never really know what they mean until they happen and you can't waste your life worrying about it. If I were you I wouldn't dwell on it."

"Wise words," Alice smiled sadly.

"I've messed up and I don't know how to fix it," Lily sighed, "I should have given him a chance to explain…"

"Yeah, you should have," Alice replied, "but you still can. There's still time."

"Maybe," Lily sobbed gently.

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