Dimmsdale

Jimmy, Carl, and Sheen arrived in Dimmsdale via the Trans-Dimensional Portal and slammed into the "Welcome to Dimmsdale" sign on the outskirts of town. A worker was just putting up a new billboard when the three boys came crashing down into the bushes beneath the sign. He stared at them for a few seconds before edging away nervously.

"You know, it actually feels kinda good to be back in Dimmsdale again," said Jimmy as he brushed some leaves off of him. "Although, I wish we wouldn't keep crashing into that sign".

"Are you kidding? I love doing that!" said Sheen as he climbed out of the bushes.

"Uh, I don't feel so good Jimmy," said Carl as he stumbled about. "I guess I haven't gotten used to crossing dimensions so often yet".

"Don't worry Carl. Just take your antacid and you'll be fine. Now, we just need to find out how to get to Timmy's house and warn him about Calamitous wanting to capture his computer programs," said Jimmy.

"How did we get to his house last time?" asked Carl.

"You know, I actually forget, but if we hurry up we should have no trouble finding it. If I remember correctly, it was a huge mansion with a swimming pool and matching limousines out front. "Even though I know that was not his real house," he muttered under his breath. "He was just trying to impress Cindy".

"What was that Jim?" asked Carl.

"Nothing, nothing… Now c'mon, we need to find Timmy". And with that he ran down the road toward Timmy's house followed closely by his friends.

Retroville

"For the last time, wooden ducks cannot possibly catch colds!" yelled Calamitous as he stormed out of Jimmy's house into the backyard with Hugh close behind.

"Are you sure about that? Because 'Mr. Quackers'' head looks a little green," said Hugh.

"That's because he's a mallard!" shot back Calamitous. "Are you always this dim-witted?"

Hugh shuffled his feet a little before answering. "Well, sometimes".

Calamitous let out a sigh before saying in his best interpretation of Judy's voice, "Look, I'm sorry if I was a bit edgy. I've just had a lot on my mind lately, that's all. "Darn all of this," he thought. "I hope I don't have to keep this charade up for much longer".

"That's okay Sugar Booger, I've had a lot on my mind lately too. Oh wait, did I say a lot? I meant nothing at all".

Calamitous just stared at Hugh before shaking his head. He was about to respond with a snappy retort when he noticed that Jimmy, Carl, and Sheen were not around anywhere.

"Hmm, Neutron and his friends have disappeared somewhere. Maybe they went down to the Candy Bar to gorge themselves on sweets. Now may be my chance to capture Buck-Tooth Boy's flying helpers for my own diabolical needs!"

Calamitous was just about to enter the portal when Hugh stopped him.

"Uh Sugar Booger, do you think that you could whip me up some pie? It's been awhile since you did some baking and I thought that maybe you could do some today".

"Aaarrgghh! I'm never going to get the chance to enter the portal at this rate," muttered Calamitous. "If I just keep him occupied long enough, I should be able to slip through the portal unnoticed. Now then, did you say you wanted blueberry or apple pie?"

"Actually I was thinking boysenberry, but blueberry sounds good".

"Alright, blueberry it is! I just hope I remember how to bake a pie. Beautiful Gorgeous forced me to take those cooking classes in order to expand my creativity. I might as well see if they paid off".

Calamitous was about to head inside the house, when he heard the sound of a car engine being shut off and a door slam. He frantically ran to the front yard to see the real Judy Neutron busy with groceries in the back seat and humming to herself. She didn't even glance up to notice that there was an exact duplicate of her standing in the front yard.

"Oh, crud…" Without another word, Calamitous raced into the house and hastily shut the door behind him.

"Uh, Sugar Booger…?" began Hugh, but just at that moment he heard his real wife coming up the walk with some groceries. Hugh had inevitably wandered into the front yard once he noticed Calamitous disappeared and went looking for him. Obviously, he was a little confused when he saw his wife with a sack of groceries in each arm coming up the walk when he had clearly been talking with her in the backyard not too long ago. All he could do was stand rooted to the spot with a confused expression on his face.

"Uhhhh…"

Dimmsdale

Jimmy, Carl, and Sheen raced towards Timmy's house hoping that he was there to warn him about Calamitous. Well, Carl was jogging very slowly trying to keep up with Jimmy and Sheen. Drops of perspiration dotted his forehead and he was breathing heavily. After a while, he could go no further and stopped on the sidewalk with his hands on his hips.

"Next time (pant) we should (pant) take the bus," he gasped between breaths.

"C'mon guys, we need to find Timmy," said Jimmy. "This is where that mansion of his stood the time we came here looking for Cindy".

"You mean you were looking for Cindy, right!" laughed Sheen.

Jimmy frowned slightly as he grabbed the doorknob and turned it to reveal Vicky standing in the doorway. The sixteen-year old babysitter was grinning menacingly at the three boys who were wondering if they had found the right house. Jimmy then took a better look at Vicky and promptly let out a yell. Once he got that out of his system, he voice took a more serious tone.

"Hey, you were the one who threw me out of a moving vehicle the last time I saw you!"

"So twerp, you decided to bring your friends AJ and…uh…what's his name along with you today to help you do your daily chores while I watch television all afternoon," replied Vicky calmly, but still showing her sinister smile.

"We're not Chester and AJ," spoke up Carl. "We're Jimmy's friends Carl and Sheen".

"Oh, that is the lamest excuse I have ever heard. First Timmy over here told me that his name was Jimmy last time and now you two are telling me that your names are Carl and Sheen. Right…"

"Oh, Tiiiimmmy!" sang out two perfectly synchronized voices. Mr. and Mrs. Turner just appeared at the door behind Vicky.

"Oh, thank goodness it's you two," said Jimmy. "Listen, can you please explain to this deranged babysitter here that I am not Timmy and that my friends here are not Chester and AJ?"

"Why, sure they are Timmy," said Mr. Turner. "Oh, by the way guys, you're costumes look great! Boy, Halloween sure comes by fast around here, doesn't it?"

"Dear, it's not Halloween yet and Vicky here will be babysitting Timmy while we go off to the Pencil Pushers Convention," said Mrs. Turner.

"Boy, I can't wait! This year they should have the Sacred Silver Sharpener up and running again and maybe they'll pick me to sharpen my pencils with it!"

"Just as long as you don't break it again, dear. I don't want to hang by my ankles having the blood rush to my head in some Canadian prison again".

"Awww, but I like having the blood rush to my head. It helps me think more clearly!"

Mrs. Turner rolled her eyes at her husband before turning to face the group again. "Well, have fun with Vicky, Timmy. The convention is going to be all day so we won't be back until10:00 or so".

"But, but, but…" stuttered Jimmy while Carl and Sheen watched dumbfounded.

"No buts young man. Oh, by the way Vicky, because you'll be looking after Timmy all day we'll be tripling your salary!" announced Mr. Turner.

Vicky's eyes turned into dollar signs as she was handed three huge sacks of money.

"Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Turner, I'll make sure that Timmy does all my chores…Uh, I mean…have a good time," said Vicky snapping out of her stupor with that fake smile of hers plastered on her face.

"Have fun you guys!" said Mrs. Turner as she and her husband got into the car and drove away. Once they were out of sight, Vicky turned around and flashed an evil smile at the three boys while dark clouds gathered behind her and lightning flashed in the distance.

"Alright you three, get in the house, do my homework, vacuum the rugs, wash the dishes, clean the toilets, scrub the floors, clean out the garbage disposal, and anything else that I can think of!" shouted Vicky.

"And if we refuse?" asked Jimmy, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Then I will be forced to show these incriminating photos of you cheating on your math test to your parents," said Vicky holding up a few photographs.

Jimmy, Carl, and Sheen took one look at the first photograph and immediately burst out laughing. Vicky scowled and looked at the photo which showed her in the bathroom wearing a mud pack on her face and curlers in her hair. She looked absolutely terrifying if she wasn't already enough to begin with.

"How did that get in there?!" muttered Vicky through clenched teeth. "Never mind!" she shouted before throwing the three boys into the house and swiftly closing the door behind her carrying the three huge sacks of money. "I think instead of watching television all afternoon, I'm going to count my money! It should be a real good investment some day! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!"

Retroville

"Dear, do you think that you could help me bring in these groceries? They're getting awfully heavy".

Hugh Neutron was still standing on the front lawn gaping at his wife, his real wife, while she struggled into the house carrying sacks of groceries.

"Uh, did you have any problems at the service station when the car was getting its tires fixed?" he managed to ask once his initial shock wore off.

"What? I was never at the service station and the car's tires are fine".

"Well…in that case Sugar Booger…I guess I'll go get some more groceries then… Boy, that's odd. I could have sworn that I was just talking with her in the backyard a few minutes ago. Oh, well," he thought.

Back in the house, Calamitous had managed to hide in a closet in the kitchen to avoid being seen by the real Judy. She just came into the house carrying some groceries when Calamitous peeked out from his hiding spot to see if the coast was clear. When he saw the real Judy, he quickly shut the door. Judy then looked up from the refrigerator where she was putting eggs away to see where the noise had come from and assumed it was the wind seeing as how the front door was still open. When she had emptied her bags, she went outside to get some more from the car, and on her way she passed Hugh carrying some more bags towards the house. Thinking that the coast was clear, Calamitous emerged from his hiding place in the closet and stepped out into the kitchen just as Hugh came in carrying groceries.

"Hey, didn't I just pass you outside just now?" asked Hugh.

"Uh, why no dear. I've been in here all along," said Calamitous using his best impersonation of Judy.

"Well, then do you think that you could help me put these away somewhere? I'm not exactly sure if you put the bananas into the freezer or not".

"You don't put bananas into the freezer!" shouted Calamitous. "They'll get all black and hard!"

"Well, can you show me where they are supposed to go?"

"Right over here on the banana stand," said Calamitous calmly as he grabbed the hand of bananas and walked over to the metal banana stand on the counter.

"Gee, thanks Sugar Booger".

"Anytime," muttered Calamitous. He wasn't sure how much more he could take of this nonsense until he cracked. Just then, he heard the front door open signaling that the real Judy was coming back into the house. Calamitous then dove back into the closet that he was hiding in previously just as Judy entered the kitchen.

"I could still use some help out there Hugh, those bags aren't going to bring themselves in," she said as she set the groceries onto the counter.

"Didn't you just go into the closet just now?" asked Hugh.

"No, I've been outside all along".

"But I really thought that you were here talking to me a moment ago and then you dove into that closet," he said as he pointed to the closet that Calamitous had entered.

"Hugh, I cannot be in two places at once, although I wish I could just to get more done around here. Now, come help me bring in the rest of the groceries".

"Uh…right away Sugar Booger," said Hugh, who was now feeling utterly confused as he started to the front door again.

Suddenly, the closet door creaked open and this time the real Judy was there to witness it.

"I hope that the coast is clear now," muttered Calamitous as he slowly opened the door. However, once he saw that the real Judy and Hugh had not left the house yet, he quickly shut the door. "Oh, crud…"

"Hey you!" shouted Judy as she strode over to the closet door. "I saw that, now come on out!"

Hugh stood in the middle of the kitchen with the most bewildered look on his face as his wife knocked on the closet door.

"Come on out of there. I don't want to have to come in after you!"

"This is becoming increasingly dangerous…" muttered Calamitous. "If only…wait, I've got an idea! I'll simply shock Jimmy parents into unconsciousness by revealing myself to them. It couldn't hurt to try".

Calamitous then slowly opened the door and cautiously stepped out of the closet. "Um…hello…"

Upon seeing herself staring back at her, and not in a mirror, the real Judy fell over backward having fainted dead away. Hugh just stood rooted to the spot looking dumbstruck for a moment before walking over to Calamitous.

"So let me get this straight," he started. "My wife is lying there on the floor," he said as he gestured to his real wife. "And my wife is standing there," he said as he gestured to Calamitous.

"Uhhh…" was all that Calamitous managed to say.

"My wife's lying there and my wife's standing there," said Hugh as he pointed to his fainted wife and Calamitous in turn. He kept this up pointing to his wife and Calamitous in turn while saying, "My wife's lying there and my wife's standing there, my wife's lying there and my wife's standing there…" over and over until he too fell over backward all the while pointing between his real wife and Calamitous, having also fainted dead away.

Calamitous looked at the two of them on the floor out cold for a moment. "Well, that was easy".

He then grabbed the hypercube that he had set down onto the counter and proceeded outside through the back door to the portal to Dimmsdale. He was just about to enter until he realized that even though being in this form would be helpful in getting around, he just wouldn't be able to get used to the idea of going around Dimmsdale looking like this. People would get awfully suspicious not to mention totally creeped out if they saw a woman walking down the street with a man's voice. He then took out the shrink ray from the hypercube and set the dial on it to "matter reorganizer".

"I hope that this thing will be able to change me back to normal. Beautiful Gorgeous will not be happy if she has to share the lair with another woman…"

Calamitous then pressed a button on the shrink ray and a blue light surrounded him. When the light had vanished, he realized that he was now an elephant.

"Well, this isn't right," he said as he carefully pressed the button again to avoid smashing it with his oversized foot. This time, he turned into a head of cabbage and landed with a thud on the grass. The shrink ray landed right next to him, but didn't break. A few seconds went by before Calamitous struggled to roll himself onto the shrink ray. Once he managed to press the button with some effort, the blue light surrounded him once more. When it was gone, he realized that he had become a sea lion.

"This isn't any better, but at least I'm not a head of cabbage any more. I would have had to eat myself if I got hungry…Ark, ark!...Why did I just do that? Am I finally cracking up? It must be this darn body; it's taking over my mind…And why do I suddenly have a craving for fish and want to play 'Row Row Row Your Boat' on a set of air horns?"

Before any more weird things could happen, Calamitous pressed the button a third time with his flipper and now became a 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air.

"Hey, I remember these cars…I still have one of these in the basement of the lair. Once I start ruling both universes I'll have to take it out sometime," he said as his voice came out through the radio.

He then drove over the remote that was sitting on the grass and turned into SpongeBob Squarepants.

"Oh, what a hideous looking creature," muttered Calamitous looking down at himself. "At least the guy dresses well though…"

He then pressed the button on the shrink ray again and returned to his normal self complete with white lab coat, oversized mustache, and goggles resting on his forehead.

"Finally, now I can take over Retroville and Dimmsdale once I capture Big-Tooth's flying helpers," he said sinisterly. He then placed the shrink ray back into the hypercube before laughing evilly as he entered the portal to Dimmsdale. At the exact same moment that Calamitous entered the portal, Timmy appeared not too far away and glanced around at his surroundings.

"Alright, I'm in Retroville and conveniently in Jimmy's backyard! Now to go find Cindy…" he said as he made his way to the front yard and across the street towards her house.

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Author's Note: I couldn't resist having Calamitous look like Spongebob, so to all of you SpongeBob fans, sorry for the hideous image I've just put in your heads ;) I'm a big SpongeBob fan too you know, so don't come after me!