Author's note: Welcome to the second bonus chapter of Toxic Toast! I'm late, and sorry about that! I guess I just get sloppy when I don't a normal schedule (classes and stuff). Well, I'm getting an apartment so that means getting a job and that means some sort of schedule! How weird is that? And just so you know, I don't own FMA or Doctor Who.

Bonus Chapter: Complicated Gifts

The predawn light hung in the valley, and had not quite differentiated itself from the shadows. Envy was sure that no one else was awake, but just in case, he took the form of a hyena. The night air was too dry for dew to form, so instead of taking the path, the Homunculus cut across the prairie.

He chuckled to himself as he trotted along: this was the perfect time to remember that he wanted to figure out why the Paradox's office was so out of character with the rest of him. The man was his clan leader, and the patriarch of New Gallifray and the Time Lord Homunculi, sure, but there was just something about him that just warranted a little snoop. Sometimes people just have the wrong type of charisma, and the Paradox was one of these poor [*heh*] souls.

The Philosopher's spire that was the focal point of the landscape had several uses. One, it was a part of an inside-out transmutation sphere that encompassed New Gallifray; the rest of the universe lay inside the sphere, and since the universe was so full of life, an entire planet of Homunculi could live off of the dying souls they seeped from it. Second, it severed as a complex for anything that tended to sap energy: the propagation of TARDISes, the Vortex, development of chimera species (which were more tolerant of Homunculi than ordinary fauna) and anything related to super-advanced technology. It also acted as a communication hub and a formal meeting area for different clans. Then, there was, of course, the boss's office.

It hadn't changed since he first visited the place, but at the time, he hadn't got any more than a glance and a feeling about the place. Quite frankly, the man displayed no sense of décor in the sparsely furnished office. Off to one side was a solid particle-board bookshelf with plasticwood veneer, and across from it was a print of the Mona Lisa. No, wait- Envy took a closer look- that looked like it was painted on a board and-

He wasn't going to ask. And if anyone asks, he was going to insist that the light refraction was all-wrong and that it had to be photoshopped. The floor was covered with a number of hall rugs, and some small-town diner somewhere was missing it's chrome-plated chair with cracked vinyl cushioning. The only thing (officially) in the room that was worth anything of any real value was the desk and chair set, which was complete with the garish accents like the clawfeet.

Envy walked around slowly, careful not to make too much noise. He scanned the room for any hints, and did so more carefully this time. Coming round the desk, he noticed that his footfall felt a lot hollower than before. Stepping back, Envy cautiously pulled back the rugs to reveal a wooden trapdoor. He snorted to himself, thinking it foolish of the Paradox to put so little effort into hiding his secret.

Pulling the trapdoor open, it lead quite steeply down a set of steps so that Envy had to descend sideways and one at a time. Eventually it came to a landing that opened into an unlit room. He instinctively felt around the wall for a switch, but instead made contact with what had to be an arm.

"Shi- oomph!" The arm shot out and snared Envy's; dragging him off balance and spinning him until he was pinned against the wall with his hand twisted up behind his back. He hissed as the impact forced the air out of his lungs.

"Nosey, aren't you?" a voice behind him hummed.

"Umm… isn't it a bit early to get up for work?" Envy asked shakily. He peered at the Paradox from the corner of his eye. The man had a very smug and cocky smile smeared across his face.

"No, this is just a hobby. But now that you mention it, a little morning exercise wouldn't be such a bad idea. Hell, it could a bit fun." Envy suddenly felt the wall disappear, only to feel a head rush that ended with his skull meeting a table. As a matter of fact, he felt the entire table bow a little under the weight of his body.

"Shi-i-i-it…" once again, Envy bit off more than he could chew. The Paradox acted like a letch, and Envy just had to find out for sure. "Go fuck yourself, Paradox. You act sketchy, so don't blame me if…" Envy realized that the man might be acting like that on purpose. It was then that he began to struggle in ernest.

"Hey there," the Paradox leaned over Envy, talking in a low voice, "now you did find my secret lair, so I suppose I should reward you."

"GoddammitParadoxjustletmegoit'snotlikeanyoneelsecan'tfigureitout-"

Envy's face was accosted with something very soft, warm, and scratchy. "I call 'em Schrödinger Cats, aren't they cute?" The Paradox suddenly released his hold on Envy.

"What?" Envy stood up only to have a mewling kitten shoved into his arms. "A cat?"

"A quantum locked cat. It has a fifty-fifty chance of being alive when you look at it. It wasn't easy, but I finally figured out how to isolate the probability state trait from the Weeping Angels and transmute it into animals." Both of the Paradox's bodies stood before him, each holding a kitten in each hand. Two were limp. He was fawning over all of them.

"Uh- uh- umm…" Envy, who survived a successful attempt at suicide, who in human form sank in anything but mercury, could find nothing to say about the little animal he held. When he looked at it again, he saw that it a white and brown tabby with a mask. It was still in the stage where it was just a palm-sized ball of fluff. And unless he blinked, he guessed it would start to smell a lot worse than kitten-piddle before long. "…Thanks… I- I like cats. They… don't demand much…"

"So you'll keep her?"

"S- sure…" Envy dazedly turned around and climbed up the stairs. Once outside, the sun began to peek over the horizon. He looked up from his new friend and out into the world, blinking. "What the Hell just happened, Kiki?"