how to save a life- chapter 3 -

Where did I go wrong

I lost a friend

somewhere along in the bitterness.

Shoooooooooooooesssss. I got caught. Now the gang is bound to know about this. They will yell. They will call me weak. They also will no longer leave me alone. If only mother diddn't tell me to do that. Father told me not too. He is bound to be mad.

In case you didn't know who Mother and Father are... They are my voices. They tell me to do this stuff. Somethimes when I refuse to hurt my self they take over my body. I close my stupid green gray eyes. I try and think... When did the voices start? I think a couple of weeks after johnny's and Dally's death. I thought I was getting better... that was till I got the note. I must stay gold and perfect. But now I'm not gold. I'm just plain mental. I am not the only one who cuts in our gang though. Steve does. I walked in on him doing that. Scared me for sure.

I jumped out the shower wrapping a towel loosely around my petiete waist. Not eating much has affected my body so much. ugly scars cover my thin body. I hated how I looked. From the natural alburn hair to my ugly green grey eyes. Soda said my hair and eyes were tuff... But I think they just look plain ugly. Not a ugly as Steve though... hahaha. Speaking of Steve. I see him in the living room. He is bended over... CUTTING HIMSELF!

" Steve! what are you doing?" I yell. Just because I do it doesn't mean he should! He jumps and drops the blade.

" Oh erm Ponyboy! nothing!"

" Then why are you bleeding and have a blade?" I heard Steve mumble 'smart ass' before the said greaser said,

"Fine! iI was cutting myself! But I can tell You have be our scars. Soc's do not just do..." He is pointing to my bare chest where the most of my scars are, " That!"

" I won't tell if you don't tell on me!"

" Deal!"

I wonder why Steve cutts and for how long? Is it the same reason as me? Because of too many deaths? Maybe. Or because of his father. I sighed as I walked through that front door. The gang still looks happy so Soda hasn't come home yet. I rush to my room as Darry opens his mouth. I'm not taking any chances. I stare out the window... A hour passes by and no Soda.. Once the clock by my bedside side shows that it is 1:00 I see Soda staggering home in the distance. I think he is... DRUNK!

Darry is going to mad! I I hope he passes out in that nice soft piece of grass he is passing by. I don't want for him to get yelled at. Plus he could use the excuse of socs. He has done it before. But unfortunatly he doesn't. Great. Soda prepare do be yelled at. I jump under my covers and prented I'm asleep as I hear Darry yell. Good thing Soda is too drunk out of his mind to remember the 'acciedent'.

" Go... Room!" I somewhat hear Darry yell

"What...Darry" Soda yells back. He storms in and it keeps all my self control to not smile. I always do that if I am acting like I'm sleeping and someone walks in.

"Ponyboy wake up!" Soda tells me while he pulls off my blanket.

"Hmm whaaa...?" I groan like I just got up.

" How did you sleep with all that yelling?"

"Is that what you woke me up to ask?"

"Hmmm... Maybe..."

"What? Soda let me go to sleep!"