Chapter 37:

Surely That's Worth Something

If James was expecting to return to a quiet common room he was completely mistaken. Lily and Peter were arguing at the top of their voices, "you can't expect me to believe you," Lily was saying.

"I don't care if you believe me," Peter replied, "J-James believes me."

"You… you… you idiot!" Lily practically screamed.

James walked in and slumped down into an armchair, "what's going on?"

Sirius frowned, "Peter just told us that my brother tried to curse him again…"

"Pete, are you alright?" James asked suddenly concerned.

"James, you can't seriously believe him?" Lily looked angrier than James had seen her in years.

"Yes… yes I do." James told her.

"Well then you're a fool, he's taking you for a ride. Black couldn't cast that curse; he couldn't. Sirius tell him…"

Sirius played with his hair awkwardly, "Evans is right James – he doesn't have it in him."

"He wants to be a deatheater doesn't he?" James replied. "You can't seriously be telling me you trust a trainee deatheater over your fellow marauder?"

"James…"

"No – what the hell is wrong with you both, he's our friend."

"And Regulus is my brother – I know him."

"Peter is our brother too," James told him.

Lily sighed, "this isn't helping anyone."

"Well done Evans – it took your massive brain to work that out, did it?" James replied bitterly.

Lily stared at him in shock, before running towards the stairs. James only realised what he had down when Sirius said, "way to go Potter."

James stormed out of the common room, and lay on his bed thinking about the things that he had said to his friends and considering his mother's words, "fuck! I screwed up."

Harry sat in a chair opposite his father in the library. James was surrounded by books on magical diseases. He had decided in the middle of the night that he wasn't ready to say goodbye to his mum. He was searching for some sort of a cure. He was desperate t find the answer. Lily and Sirius were both avoiding him and he couldn't even think about them right now, not with the way things were with his mum. Peter walked over, "alright Prongs?"

James barely looked up from his book, "Wormtail; I'm sorry mate but I'm kind of busy."

"Oh, alright…" Peter left the library. Regulus was waiting for him by the exit.

"I told you – they're not really your friends."

"Fuck off!" Peter tried to barge past him.

"Why should I… I'm offering you a way out. Power… Fame… Money… anything you want…"

"All I want is Mary back and since that's impossible…"

"What if the Dark Lord could promise you her?"

"He can't – it goes against the natural order of things…"

"So?" Regulus raised his eyebrow.

"That's dark magic…"

"Who cares? If it means you get her back?"

"I care…" he said but with less conviction than he had intended.

Lily found James in the library long after curfew a week later, "why are you still here?"

"It doesn't matter…"

"It clearly does, or you wouldn't be spending every moment in here. Talk to me James."

"What if I don't want to?" James looked at her for the first time.

"Then I won't pressure you, but I'm here… I could help."

"No you can't – no one can – she's dying and no one can help. The healers can't find a cure; what are you going to do?"

"Be here… surely that's worth something?"

James sighed before nodding. He passed her a book, "thank you."

They worked in silence for several hours. At around 2am James was sat with his head in a book. Lily had her head resting on his shoulder. She yarned as she read the page James was reading. James leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Lily, we should probably get you back to bed."

Lily merely nodded her head. "I'm sorry about what I said," James told her as he helped her to her feet.

"It doesn't matter James," Lily asked quietly.

"It does," James told her, "I shouldn't have said it. I was just angry and I took it out on you."

"James…"

"No, listen to me. I love you. I don't want to hurt you. We've been doing so well; we've become friends, we've got over the past, we were going somewhere and now I've gone and ruined it all over again."

"James…" Lily tried again.

"I'm sorry I messed it up. I love your brain, I love how clever you are."

"I know you do James. You haven't ruined anything."

"I'm sorry," James told her as they walked towards the Gryffindor tower underneath James' invisibility cloak.

"Don't worry about it James," Lily smiled as she took his hand in her own. "I love you too, James."

James stopped, unable to move any further, "do you mean that Lily?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Do you think we could…?" James asked, suddenly nervous.

"What?" Lily was so grateful that it was dark. She really didn't want him to see her blush.

They were stood outside the common room now. James pulled the cloak off of them. The Fat Lady tutted at them, "What are you two doing out of bed? And you a prefect Miss Evans! I expected better from you."

"Sorry," Lily blushed as James told the Fat Lady the password. The portrait opened to let them in and they made their way into the empty common room. The Fat Lady was muttering to herself about pesky students breaking the rules.

James turned to face Lily, "Can we… do you think it would work?"

"Who knows; I don't think you're supposed to know… you just have to risk it."

James was about to ask her out properly when they heard someone coming down the stairs, "ah Prongs, I was wondering where you had gotten to," Peter stuttered. He didn't look at Lily.

"Yeah, I'll be up in a second," James told the fat boy.

"Right," Peter nodded before turning around and heading back up the stairs.

"So…" James started again.

"Why don't we leave it a few weeks," Lily said quietly, "you've got a lot going on right now with your mum and Pettigrew. I don't want to add to all of that."

"With you it's different," James smiled.

"Give it a few weeks; James, I meant it when I said I didn't trust Peter."

"I know you did," James replied, "but I have to trust him."

"James," Lily started.

"You don't have anything to worry about. I'll look after you."

"I'm not worried about myself, James. I'm worried about you," Lily smiled.

"You don't need to worry about me love."

"I know but I am worried."

"Come on; let's get you to bed," James smiled.

Neither one of them noticed the sound of Peter climbing up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

Every spare moment was spent in the library. James and Lily sat side by side looking for a cure for Dragon Pox. "These books all say the same thing," James was getting irritated. His father had written that morning to say that the healers were at a loss as to what to do. It had been several weeks and Dorea was not getting any better. They only had a few days left until the Easter holidays and they didn't seem to be getting anywhere with their research. "All they say is that the cure that was invented in the 14th century by Gunhilda of Gorsemoor, although usually effective has been known to be unsuccessful. As if we didn''t already know that; if it was always successful, my mum wouldn't be in St Mungo's."

"Someone must know something more," Lily comforted him.

"This is a waste of time," James told her.

"You're trying – surely that's worth something."