Chapter 41:
Lost To Her
After his meeting with the Dark Lord, Regulus was at a loss what to do. He couldn't stay with Rebecca. He was risking her life. The Dark Lord knew about her. He'd threatened her life. Regulus pulled out a quill and piece of parchment. He began to write a letter, one that he knew he'd regret for the rest of his life. But he knew that his it would be worth his regrets if it saved her life.
Rebecca,
I hate being sentimental but I feel that you deserve the truth. I love you. I always will. This year, you found me and you showed me what it means to love and be loved in return. I owe you my life. Before I knew you I'm not sure I really was alive.
I wish I could give you what you want. I wish we could be together, that I could leave everything and join you. But I'm too far in. If I'd have met you earlier, last year, then maybe things would have been different. Once you enter into the service of the Dark Lord, you do not quit it – at least not alive.
You'll hate me for this but I love you and therefore I must protect you. If anything were to happen to you, it would kill me. He has given me another mission. If I succeed I will receive the mark – before you say anything, you know I have no choice. If I fail, I will lose the one thing I love. I will lose you. As much as it hurts I can cope losing you. What I can't cope with is the idea of you being gone from this world altogether. You belong here. You belong with your family; your friends. I want you to live a long and happy life – that will make me happy – no, nothing can make me happy but your happiness is the only happiness I care for now. Perhaps one day things will be different; I won't give up. I will do everything I can to be with you but for now I have to follow his commands.
When we return to Hogwarts, you will need to at least pretend to hate me. Although that might not be so difficult after this letter. Please don't break your heart over me; I'm not worth it. I'm just an evil deatheater now. I killed today – I'm so sorry. I didn't want to but… there are no excuses. I'm just like them now. I've failed you. I love you.
You once asked me if I want to be a deatheater; love, I would rather die than be a deatheater but I no longer have a choice. I will protect you with my life.
Always yours, Regulus.
Lily found James in the music room. He was playing a beautiful piece on the piano. She stood in the doorway, just listening, until he beckoned her in. He pulled her onto the seat beside him and began to teach her some of the basics. They laughed together, "James…?"
"Yes, Lily?" James asked.
"Do you really think now is the time for people to marry… for relationships to start?"
"You mean with the war?" James asked.
"Yes," James was aware that although she was talking about Alice and Frank, the truth was she was also wondering about them.
"I think that the war will happen regardless of what we do… I think we should make the most of every minute of happiness, every second of joy," he kissed her on the nose, "because we don't know when it will be our last."
"But…"
"But nothing Lily, love and unity make us stronger. You make me stronger. You make me courageous, you make me hopeful, you give me faith. If I make it through this war, it will be because the idea of a future with you saved my life."
Lily smiled shyly. "One day you will be my girlfriend, Lily Evans, just you wait and see."
"And one day you will be my husband, James Potter."
When Rebecca heard the owl at her window, she couldn't help her excitement. She hadn't heard from him in three days and she was anxious to hear how he was. As she read his words, her excitement turned to fear, to anger, to sadness, to despair. Rebecca curled up on her bed with the crumpled letter in her hand, tears running down her face. She could only pray that he wasn't lost to her now.
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