A/N:
Massive thank you's to everyone who's reading and enjoying this. And so many hugs and cookies to those of you who are reviewing – one target we've had since we've started was 100 reviews and we're so close now! So thank you so so much for taking the time to leave a few words. We really like to hear which bits you like/where you want it to go etc. it really really means a lot.
You will be happy to know we're still with the fluff :D (we think that will make you happy anyway!)
Also Mercurial would like to say thank you for the holiday wishes she had a superb time :D Though failed at seeing Kieron :(
Chapter Warning:
A flavouring of angst and a dash of smut, makes for an overall fluffy, quite long, chapter.
Chapter Nine – Ste Hay.
I open me eyes and I'm like well boilin'. Brady's wrapped around me proper tight. I shift a bit and throw back the covers, the air cooling me down. It's real cold though so I quickly pull 'em back over us. Can tell it's nearly Christmas, the twins are 'oping it snows soon, they're proper happy here.
I feel good too. Like I 'aven't done in ages. I lean over and give Brady a quick kiss on the lips. Nothing. So I start to trail my fingers down his chest 'til I reach his stomach.
"Steven." he says all authority like and looks at me wiv one eye open.
He grabs my 'and brings it to his mouth, grazing my knuckles with 'is teeth.
"You're wide awake this morning aren't you? Thought you'd be worn out after last night," he says opening both eyes and stretchin'.
"It's like bin ages since I slept this good."
"Well that's me, I'm like a lullaby," he grins, yawning.
"Thanks though," I say serious.
"For what?"
"For being here for me."
"I'm always gonna be here for you, Steven. You know that don't you?"
I nod and smile at 'im. I do know that. I do feel safe, like 'e is protectin' me.
I jump outta bed, pull on 'is joggers coz its right cold and go to brush me teeth. I 'aven't even got me own toothbrush so use Brady's, it's one of them electric ones. Never used one before. I'm sure he won't mind.
"Oi, what are ye doing?!" His voice behind me makes me jump.
"I aint got a toothbrush, like, so was just borrowin' yours."
"Well" he says snatching it off me "Ye coulda asked and I would have got ye a spare toothbrush head." he says reaching over me into the cabinet to get a new one.
He swaps the 'eads and hands it back to me "There."
I grin at him and start brushin'.
I can see 'im shake 'is head in the mirror.
"We are going to have to take ye shopping today. Get you some essentials. Stop ye using my toothbrush. And wearing my clothes." he grins pinging the waistband elastic on the joggers I'm wearin'.
I smirk at 'im, "wan' me to take 'em off?"
He raises his eyebrow at me, lookin all cross like he's try'na tell me off for bein' too up for it - he can't keep it up though, he's laughin and smilin in no time.
He steps up close to me, presses his back into my front so I can feel him all against me, his chin rests into my neck.
"How do you still have energy after last night?"
I shrug, I speak mouth full of toothpaste, "cos I'm not proper old innit?"
He pats me on the bum, before his hand rests and squeezes real hard, this look like he's thoughtful. His eyes meet mine in the mirror and they're all like dark like when they are when he's thinkin' bout things that make him sad. I reach to trail my hand up through his hair and he starts to smile, a little. He takes the toothbrush out of my hand, puts it back in it's stand.
"Spit," he says.
When I've done it he takes hold of my chin, fingers pressing into my cheeks and turns me to face him. He looks deep in my eyes like he's seein' my soul. He kisses me then, it's a proper powerful kiss, like he's completely in charge. I'm just left 'alf restin' against the sink, not sure I could move if I tried.
He breathes, "hmm, you taste like toothpaste."
And he's full on beamin' now.
***K&M****
I get Leah and Lucas dressed in summa Paddy's old clothes.
Leah looks down at the floor lookin' proper bummed out.
"What's up darlin'?"
"I look like a boy! I'm wearing stinky boy's clothes!" she says standin' all annoyed, like, wiv her arms crossed and right pout goin' on.
"Don't worry Mr Brady is takin' us into town to get some new getup." I smile at her "That's well nice of 'im ain't it?"
She nods, "hairy man's kinda cool."
***K&M***
We go down for breakfast. Toast an' Jam. Seedless Jam. Brady had to point that out for some reason. There's Christmas songs on the radio and the kids start dancin' along.
"Ready?!" I whisper to the kids and they know what I mean. It's our Christmas song.
"Uh-Huh!" they smile back.
"Well I wish it could be Christmas every daaaaaayyyy," we all sing together. "When the kids start singin' and the band begins to plaaaaayyyyy."
Brady drops his toast an' looks up at us in disbelief. His eyes proper wide, like.
"Oh I wish it could be Christmas every daaaaay." we keep singing
I'm tryin' not to proper laugh at 'im. He's just starin' not saying anythin'.
"Let the bells ring out for christmaaaas!" we all take a bow for him and I'm proper laughing now and the twins are cheerin' and clappin' and jumpin' up and down.
He shakes his 'ead and turns to go to the sink but I can see the corners of his mouth twitchin' and I proper know he's 'oldin in a smile. So I go up him and kiss 'im on the cheek and he grins back at me.
"Next time, Brady, you're joinin' in."
***K&M****
After brekki the twins watch Santa Claus the movie. I haven't seen 'em this 'appy in ages. It's feelin' Christmassy with the kids snuggled up under a blanket watchin' Christmas films, 'oping it will snow.
Me and Brady sit at the kitchen table, havin' a coffee. A proper one, like, from one those fancy machines that do all different types and make it all frothy on the top.
We are havin' like a normal conversation. Brady tells me a bit about Dublin and how 'im and Cheryl moved here when they were still kids. He doesn't really talk about his ex-wife, Eileen. I wanna ask 'im but don't wanna push things when he is talkin' so easily. He asks me about when I was younger…before , like everything. Before Terry and before the twins came along and things started changing.
"What about your Uncle Tony?" he asks, "it sounds like he looked out for you."
"Yeah, I guess. I mean he used to come round a lot when it was just me and mam and 'elp us out wiv money an' shit. He used to take me out sometimes too, to the park and he took me to Chester Zoo once."
It feels, like, I dunno, like he's actually listenin' to what I 'ave to say. And like he's interested. He's not tappin' his foot or lookin' elsewhere. He's lookin' right at me and don't look bored. He ain't interruptin' neither. I don't think me Mam 'as ever asked me questions an' actually given a shit about the answer. Unless it's to do wiv how much drug money I've made.
"Why did it change?" he asks.
"Me mam met Terry and I mean before she was pretty useless anyways but when he moved in they started drinkin' and smokin' more and started takin' gear too. It got 'arder for Uncle Tony to come round. Mam was always askin' him for more and more money and tryin' to get 'im involved in whatever shitty scheme they 'ad goin on at the time. And Tony 'as no backbone. Would always do what mam told im to."
Brady takes a sip of his coffee and seems to be takin' in what I just told 'im .
"Why don't ye invite him round for dinner one night this week?"
"Really? Why would ya want 'im round ere?"
"He's your Uncle, Steven. And it seems like he did care about you and the twins and he's probably worried about you."
Worried about me? Yeh right, I doubt it. But it can't do no 'arm. The twins will like seeing 'im. So I do call him, use the phone in the hallway.
"Alright Uncle Tony? It's Ste"
"Ste?! Where are you?" he sounds surprised to hear from me – not worried at all.
"Me and the twins are staying wiv a…erm… Brendan Brady. He's like…erm…my boyfriend. I mean friend innit?"
"Er, right." He pauses. "Ok. Do your mum and Terry know where you are?"
"No!" I say quick. "And you can't tell 'em right? Anyway, we wanna like invite you round for some dinner, like."
Funny but he's a little resistant, so I say I'll make roast beef which I know is his favourite and we arrange it for the end of the week. Can't believe Brady wants to do this for me – must mean he proper wants to know me and the kids.
***K&M****
We all 'ead into town in Brady's car. It's a BMW. Never been in a car this nice before. It looks different to the one he came to get me after, y'know, all that stuff with Mr Fox.
"Is this the car you came to get me in the other day?"
"No, Steven that was the Lexus."
"How many cars ya 'ave?!"
"Three."
"Three?! We never even 'ad one!"
He sort of looks at me but don't say nothin', just turns the radio to more Christmas songs. The kids start singin' along again and I look at 'im wonderin' if he's had enough but he looks in the rear view mirror at' em and smiles. So I start singin' along too.
Brady is dead generous and buys loads of new get up for the kids and me. I get some new trackies and a pair of proper boss trainers. We've just about got everything we need apart from some 'princess shoes' for Leah. She don't want no other shoes. We've been in like a hundred shops but none are right. She just stands there wiv her arms folded shakin' her 'ead at every other pair I've shown her.
When we finally get outside, with them shoes, the kids just squeal wiv excitement!
"Ste! Ste! Look it's Christmas!"
It does proper look like Christmas. There's a load of market stalls sellin' Christmas setup, they're all decorated with paper snowflakes, icicles and tinsel. All the people are carryin' bags full of presents and decorations for their trees. I can smell hot doughnuts and cookies and….what are they again? Chestnuts! Yeah Chestnuts. Everythin' just feels right exciting. I love Christmas, me!
"Come on Brady!" I grab his 'and to pull him into the market.
He kinda resits, looking down at our hands. Shit. Maybe I shouldn't 'ave done that – held his hand like, but I ain't letting go. I pull 'arder and he clears 'is throat and looks up at me but don't let go.
We walk together towards the fair, Brady squeezes my hand every so often as though reassurin' me it's ok.
Brady pays for the twins to go on a coupla rides. We are just watchin' them go round on the carousel when he suddenly drops me hand and seems to make some distance between us.
"What's the matter?"
"Erm, nothing, Steven," he shifts about uncomfortably, keeps looking into the crowd.
"No, come on Brady, why did ya let go of me hand? And why do you look all nervous?"
"Can I not just let go of ye hand? Do I need a reason?" he's getting proper defensive now.
"Brady, come on…please?"
He sighs and looks at me, his expression all apologetic, "I'm sorry Steven, I thought I saw someone I knew. A business associate."
"And?"
"And. And while I liked it, not everyone I work with is so…..understanding."
"So you're ashamed?!" I feel tears start to well up in my eyes. I take a deep breath, don't want to give 'im the satisfaction.
"No! Of course I'm not, Steven! You have no idea how much I want to! It's just, erm, I have never held someone's hand before. Not in public. Apart from my Wife's. And I panicked. I'm sorry." he tells me honestly.
Before we can say anymore, the carousel finishes and the kids jump off and run up to us. They have the biggest smiles ever on their faces. It kinda rubs off and I can feel myself smilin'. I nod at Brady, let 'im know it's ok.
***K&M***
We stop at a café, Brady needs a coffee and he gets a Hot Chocolate for me an' the kids. It's like a proper nice one, with whipped cream and marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. Even though it's cold we sit outside. We 'ave our new coats, 'ats, gloves and scarfs on and it feels well cozy. Leah and Lucas keep tryna make circle shapes with their hot breath after they've 'ad a sip of the hot chocolate. I watch some bloke and 'is kids buy a Christmas tree. A real one.
"Braaaady?" I ask smilin' sweetly, like the twins do when they want sommit.
"Yes?" he asks archin' an eyebrow.
"Do you reckon we could get a tree and some lights and some tinsel and some decorations an' that. To you know, put up at yours?"
"I have a tree at home, Steven, a little plastic one that sits nicely out the way."
"I would really like a real one. Pleeeeeeeeeeease?"
"Steven, Christmas is over rated and too commercial. It's expensive and about people making as much money as they can. I'm glad when-"
I lean over and shut 'im up with a peck on the lips. He looks a bit shocked at first.
"Steven…please. Not here." he whispers. But as he's sayin' it I can see he 'as this little smile in 'is eyes.
"Look, Grinch. Christmas is about kids and makin' it magical for 'em. It's about spending time wiv people close to ya." I sit back, he's like proper smilin' at me now "Even, I know that and my christmasses have always been crap. We never 'ad a tree and I never got any presents from me mam and Terry. The only person who bothered was Uncle Tony."
"Ok. Ok. We will get a tree and some decorations." he sighs, giving in.
"Yes!" I say to the twins, high fiving them.
We go and look at the trees. I want the 8ft one but Brady puts his foot down. Like proper authorative, which makes me giggle.
He spends proper ages choosing one like he's makin' sure he gets the best one. I'd 'ave been 'appy wiv any of 'em, me. He lets me and the kids choose the decorations. Rolls 'is eyes every time I pick up one. So I keep tryin' to find a tackier one just to see the look o' horror on his face and I can't stop laughin'.
We just about manage to carry the tree back to the car. Didn't really think about how we would get it in there when we chose it. Brady starts grumblin' about all the pine needles that are going to be in the boot of his car. I give 'im a little nudge wiv me elbow. Tell 'im to smile. He turns to look at me all grumpy but he can't keep it up and it turns into a smile.
***K&M***
We get back to Brady's and unpack all the clothes he bought us. Leah goes to try every little bit on one at a time and come show us. Lucas tries to put everything on at once "Coz it's all his favourite." I thank Brady again for everything he's done for us. Not just for me but for the twins.
"I think it's time to put the Christmas tree up, yeah?" Brady asks grabbing the tree and marching into the living room before waitin' for an answer.
He's found a bucket which he wraps tinsel 'round, puts the tree in and in, asks me to 'old it while he fills the bucket up with compost, makin' sure the tree is proper secure.
"I wanna help Ste!" Lucas jumps up.
"Ok champ, you 'old the tree 'ere then. Between the branches on the trunk so the prickles don't get ya."
He carefully reaches 'is hand through the branches and manages to grab it lookin' all pleased wiv himself.
"Right, now 'old it still 'til Mr Brady has filled the bucket up, ok?"
He nods but the minute I let go the tree starts to topple over.
"Whoa, nearly young man!" Brady says to Lucas as he leaps up proper quick to catch the tree before it tips right over.
"Ohhh!" Lucas stamps his feet proper annoyed.
"It's alright, how about Steven holds the tree and ye can help me fill the bucket with compost. How does that sound?"
"Yeah I can do that!" Lucas smiles as he uses his 'ands to 'elp Brady fill the bucket.
"Ok who's gonna 'elp put the decorations on?" I ask when they're done securing the tree.
"Me! Me! I will!" the twins speak together barge past each other to get to the all the decorations we bought today.
Brady wraps the multi-coloured lights round the tree then we pick the kids up to hang baubles on the higher branches. We wrap loads'a different colour tinsel round it and put the little chocolate snowmen on.
Brady digs around in a cupboard and brings out this proper old angel. Said him and Cheryl used to 'ave it on their tree when they were little.
"Ain't been used in a while." he says "When the kids were really little Eileen used to decorate the tree and would always put this on top. Haven't used it since she….went."
It makes me wonder where she went. He hardly ever talks about her and I don't think the boys ever even mentioned her to me. It always feels, I dunno, a bit awkward. The boys must miss her, like, cos they've been bought up good so she musta been a decent mam to 'em.
He's lookin' at this angel kinda sad.
"Brady, look we don't 'ave to-"
"No, I want to," he interrupts, then puts in on the top of the tree.
"Right stand back all of ye. Let's see if these lights work."
He turns the main light off and switches 'em on and loadsa multi-coloured flashing lights fill the room. Brady stands back and admires our work.
"I proper love it, Brady. Thank you." I smile at 'im. "But there's one thing missing!"
"What's that?" he questions
"Christmas carols!"
"Oh, Christ." he rolls 'is eyes at me.
Me an' twins dance and sing along, whilst Brady stands and watches us. He smiles over at us and watches us but doesn't join in. I wonder if Christmas has ever been a 'appy time for him.
***K&M****
I offer to cook for us all tonight. Brady says we can get a takeaway but I like cookin' for us. For him. Makes me feel like I'm doin' something to 'elp out. A way of sayin' thanks. I like watchin' him eat somethin' I've cooked. He eats it in a way that's kinda greedy, but not in a bad way. Like it tastes so good and he can't get enough.
After dinner the kids go and play and we wash up together.
"Thank You, Steven. It was delicious. You really are a great cook, you know."
"Thanks." I smile. "I do enjoy it, right. We used to do cookin' at school and teacher always said I was a sound cook… Maybe I should be a chef." I laugh.
"You are talented enough to be." He says seriously. "You can be anything if you put that clever mind of yours to it."
Nobody 'as ever said that to me outside o'school. That I could do something wiv my life. That I could do whatever I want to. Used to bein' told I'm not good enough for anything. It means a lots, right, comin' from Brady. It's like he not only wants to protect me, he believes in me too.
I focus down at the plates I'm washin, and don't look at him when I pass him one to dry. But from the corner of my eye I see 'im tilt his head to the side like investigating me.
"What?" He asks in that way he knows is just gonna make me tell him proper everthin'.
"Well I mean just like you say proper nice stuff about me innit?"
"Like what?"
"Like that - about me bein' good enough and stuff."
"I speak the truth Steven." He sets the plate on the stand, and cups my face. He tilts my head so we're lookin at each other, I don't wanna meet his eyes though. "Look at me," he insists – so I do. "Steven Hay you're dynamite."
I laugh a little.
"What like I explode?!"
And then I feel colour in my cheeks as I think of last night – proper exploded then innit?!
"Well that," his head tilts to the side as he laughs. "And you can achieve anything; You're powerful Steven, don't let anyone tell you you're not. And one day you can change everything Steven, ever-"
He's stopped talkin' cos I'm kissin' him. My hands on his face, and he moans a little as my tongue licks to taste him. Can't believe he can say these things to me and mean it – and when I look in his eyes I can see he does. Our foreheads rest together.
He whispers, "dynamite – don't forget that OK?"
***K&M***
We sit down to watch Home Alone wiv the kids. All of us together and it feels , like, like this is how a family should be. I feel safe here. Happy.
The twins sit in between us and Brady reaches over the back of the sofa and rests his hand on my shoulder. I put my hand on top of his. We spend most the film in silence, occasionally exchanging looks over the twins heads. I can't stop smiling at 'im.
"Right you two...it's time for bed." I say to the twins when the film ends
"Oh can we have one story down here? Please Ste." Leah asks hopefully.
"Ok, One. Then bed."
"Yep, just one." She leaps up and runs as fast she can upstairs to choose a book.
"The Grinch who stole Christmas," Brady says half laughin'.
He meets me eye and then he's proper laughin' cos he's worked out me and the twins have been callin him that since his rant at the café. I look at the tree all lit up and the kids all smiles and I know he's gonna proper give us Christmas Day – like the Grinch does at the end of the book I guess.
"Will you both read it to us together?" she asks
I panic a little cos not read this before and it looks kinda long and I'm not sure my dyslexia will 'old up. But Brady rests his hand on my back and it's like I get confidence from tha' or somethin' cos I actually smile.
"Sure thing, princess." Brady says, and starts.
And his hand don't leave my back and he makes me feel like I can achieve proper anything….like I'm dynamite.
***K&M***
"Right. Bed. Now. Say goodnight to Mr Brady and thank him for takin' us shoppin'."
"Thank you Mr Brady hairy man. Night." Leah says reaching up to hug him
"You're welcome princess." he kisses the top of her 'ead
"Thank You Mr." Lucas says and Brady high fives him.
The kids are knackered. I just about get their new pyjamas on and get their teeth brushed before they are dropping off. I give them both a kiss on their foreheads and tell 'em I love 'em. And I do, more than anything. I am so 'appy they are safe now. It's all I've ever tried to do. Keep 'em safe.
***K&M***
I find Brady in the lounge, sat with his eyes closed, drink in 'is hand, gently tappin' the glass with his finger to music I don't recognise.
"Had enough of Christmas Carols eh?"
"Yes, Steven. Thought it was time for some real music."
"So who is it then?"
He eyes shoot open and he looks at me questioningly. One eyebrow all raised up.
I shake me 'ead, shruggin'.
"Steven, Steven, Steven. It's Johnny Cash. The Man in Black." He says slowly shakin' his 'head. "He wrote a lot of his songs about sorrow, moral tribulation and redemption."
About wha'?
"About sadness," he says seein' my look. "And…forgiveness."
"Right, well, I'm more of a Cheryl Cole man, meself."
He rolls 'is eyes and I sit next him.
"How come you get whiskey?" I nod to his drink "And I get a coke?"
"Because, this, for me Steven, is Christmas in a glass."
He sits up and clears his throat, "we should call a Babysitter in one night, yeah? So we could go out and spend some proper time together, you know? Just the two of us."
I can feel this massive grin spreadin' on me face. I kinda leap up and wrap my arms round 'im.
"Yeah, def, I'd love too! That would be proper amazin'."
I let go of 'im and settle back down onto my seat "It's been a really good couple of days."
He sort of thinks about that for a bit, and then nods "a really good couple of days."
I lay meself down, stretched along the length of the couch. I rest me 'ead on Brady's lap and he's gently stroking' me hair out me eyes wiv his fingertips. I look up and his eyes are closed again, listenin' to the kinda mellow music.
***K&M***
He goes to the bedroom and I check on the kids.
"They alright?" He asks, lookin' up at me from over his book.
"Still sleepin', still smilin'" I tell him, and he smiles and nods like that makes him happy.
He watches me as I get undressed and pull that vest of his over me again.
"I bought you pyjamas, Steven!"
"I know but I like wearin' your clothes." I shrug and he nods again. "Thanks though, Brady." Cos I proper don't feel like I've said I enough – I'm not sure I ever could.
"Steven, you don't have to keep thankin' me, and the only people who call me Brady are the people who do jobs for me," he tells me, taking my hand.
I kinda like it when he looks at me like this, so I climb over him, on the bed, under the duvet. I sit over him, so I'm pressed into him – if you know what I mean. And I feel him stir under me. So I lower my head to look at him from under my eyelashes – he likes it when I do that, innit?
"What do I do for you?" I ask him.
And he knows then I'm teasin' him, cos he grips my head and licks my mouth open, a fucking dirty kiss which is all wet and teeth and tash. I don't ever wanna kiss no-one else but Brady.
"Don't call me Brady," he says as he pulls away, his accent is proper tight.
His hands run up and over my back, like he just wants to touch me. They dip into my boxers, against my arse.
"What do you want me to call you then?"
"You know what my name is," he tells me.
But I wanna tease him some more so I say, "course, it's Brandon right?"
"It's Brendan!" He laughs, slappin' my arse that way that makes me want him.
And I think about calling him Brendan, you know when we're - you know…and it don't feel right, like it doesn't really suit him.
"What's that face for?" He asks, his hands are trailing around to the front now, so I'm pretty sure my face aint really showing more than how much I want him.
"It's a proper old name-" I say sassily, and then I hit on what I wanna call him, "I guess I could call you Bren?"
He laughs that laugh that's mine. And he moves so I fall onto the bed, his hands separate my legs.
"Hmm, Bren eh?" He asks, I love the way his accent get when he's turned on.
"Yeah," I say and then I breathe his name dead slow and dead low, "Bren."
And he does that growling thing and hooks my legs onto his shoulders.
"Yeah I can deal with Bren," he tells me.
***K&M***
I watch 'im sleep, he's all stretched out on his back, his arms above his head like you can see the strength in 'im. He snores but softly like. And he's smilin' - he looks happy. I can't wait to spend Christmas here, with all the kids and that. It's gonna be proper perfect. I feel like we're all so safe here innit? I feel protected.