All Roads Lead Me Here – Chapter 2
***Thanks so much to everyone who commented, it means a lot! I'll try to update this story as much as possible, I have a lot of it written already, it's just a matter of how fast I can edit it. This chapter is almost entirely from April's point of view, it's just the way it went, but I'm not writing the entire fic alternating between their perspectives each chapter, that's just the way it started.
If you're wondering, the fic's title comes from the song "The Last Time" by Taylor Swift & Gary Lightbody.
Oh and also, Jackson and April in 9x19 last night were amazing! You could so see that April was realizing how she felt about Jackson, and the entire scene where he was comforting her when she cried was just perfect, especially the part where he just closed his eyes for a minute. It just said, "I'm happy here, this is exactly where I want to be." Hopefully we'll get more Japril in next week's episode, but until then, I'll be writing this fic to distract myself that we have to wait a week.
Chapter 2:
April stood on the threshold of her doorstep, squinting in the darkness as she watched Jackson's disappearing figure. She heard his car start up and the receding sound of the engine as he drove away. She knew she was letting all the cold air in, and Matt was waiting for her, but for some reason, she couldn't move to close the door. She was rooted to the spot, confused. Why had Jackson randomly showed up at her apartment? What did he want?
April could hear the steady fall of the rain as it splattered the ground in the Seattle night. She tried to shut down her thoughts, the ones that always plagued her when Jackson was around. She hated them; he was her past, and somebody she would never see eye to eye with in a relationship. She needed to move on, with Matt, who was sweet and charming and awkward in an adorable way. He was someone like her, and he had the same beliefs. But, said the whispering voice she always tried to push away, he's not Jackson.
"Babe?" April whirled around, startled. Matt was standing a few feet behind her, in the hallway, looking at her questioningly. "Who was that?" Matt craned his neck to try and see outside.
"Oh…uh, nobody." April shook her head, mostly trying to get rid of thoughts of Jackson. She was with Matt. Matt was perfect. He was just like her, and he wanted the same things. "It was just the mailman." She bent over and picked up the stack of unopened bills and letters that had been sitting on top of the low table behind the door. She waved them in the air. They really had been sitting there since that morning.
"Mail comes at night now?" Matt looked confused. He walked over and started rubbing April's shoulders, looking down at her with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah, I guess so." She laughed nervously, and smiled up at him awkwardly. She shut the front door and walked to the kitchen, pulling Matt along by his hand. He wrapped his arms around her from behind. April had no idea why she was lying to Matt. She already felt awful; he was like a big teddy bear, so nice and sweet. Nobody lied to guys like him. She didn't get why she hadn't just said it had been Jackson. It wasn't as if Matthew knew about them; she had told him she was a virgin and that Jackson was just a friend. And it wasn't as if Jackson had said or done anything in their brief interaction. He probably just wanted to friends again. She pretended to hope that was true.
"Okay, well, should we finish dinner? It's amazing, by the way. You are an amazing cook. I didn't even think I liked vegetarian lasagna, but I think I do now. You've convinced me." Matt blushed. "Sorry, I'm rambling again. You sort of do that to me. Make me ramble, I mean. Not that there's a problem with that. Unless, I mean, if you think there's a problem. Okay, I'm just going to stop talking." April giggled and grinned at him again. She kissed his cheek (she didn't have to stand on tiptoes because she was wearing high heels,) and took his hand.
"Thank you. We should probably finish dinner. It's getting cold."
April loved spending time with Matt. She'd been having a great time, up until Jackson had showed up. He had been making her laugh at stupid jokes and his goofy facial expressions. But now, sitting down at the table again, she just couldn't take her mind off of Jackson. She hardly ever could; she always tried to shut him out, to not think of him as she was lying in bed at night, during a surgery, or driving to work. She tried not to think about how they used to go to work together during residency, and sometimes he had come over while they were dating (or whatever it was,) and they would end up falling asleep on her bed, skin against skin. She tried to deny it, but those had been the best nights, even with all the guilt that had piled up inside her for betraying Jesus again. But she just tried so hard to forget him, how comfortable she was with his arms around her. She tried so damn hard. And sometimes, she could forget, think they could be friends again, though as soon as she saw him, she thought otherwise. Mostly, she just missed him. Whatever he was to her, she missed him. Then Matt had started to change things. She could laugh with him, and be herself again, which she'd only be able to do with Jackson. Sometimes, for a brief moment, she would forget about him. The rest of the time, she pretended that the longing wasn't there.
"Seriously, are you okay? Was it something I said?" Matt looked at her with worry in his face. She realized that she'd been pushing around what was left on her plate with her fork, not eating a bite. April's mind had been going in so many different directions, mostly trying to figure out what Jackson had come for. She wanted to know, but she tried not to admit it to herself.
"No, it's fine. I just have a bit of a headache. And I just, I - I totally forgot, I have a major surgery with uh…Meredith in the morning. Is it okay if we maybe skip the movie? Rain check?" She rubbed her temples with her hands, elbows planted on the table.
"Yeah, sure. Are you sure you're alright, though? 'Cause I could stay over and watch over you. Well, not literally watch you, that's really creepy." April giggled at Matthew's fumbling words.
"It's okay, I know what you meant. I think it's best if you just go. I mean, if you stayed, that would prove as a distraction for me going to sleep." She smiled.
"Yeah, that's fine. Can I meet you for lunch tomorrow? Check up on you? Make sure you're feeling okay?"
"Of course. I'm sorry I had to ruin our night. I guess I just forgot." She sheepishly looked at him, then stood up. "I can clear up the dishes."
"No, I'll do that." She tried to protest, but he cut her off firmly. "You said you have a headache. You may be a doctor, but we're outside the hospital, and I'll take care of you this time. Go get some aspirin and lie down." He looked so concerned and insistent. He walked over to the sink and grabbed a glass, and filled it with water, handing it to her. April sighed.
"Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow?" She walked up and kissed him lightly, letting her lips linger on his. "Goodnight." She turned around and went into her bedroom to find some aspirin. She lay down on her bed, on top of the covers, and listened to Matt clanking around her tiny kitchen, the water running from the faucet, the dishes being put away. Everything went quiet and she heard him coming to check on her. Rolling on her side, she pretended to be asleep. She heard as Matt tiptoed into the room. She felt him throw the blanket from the end of her bed around her. He even tucked in the end so her feet wouldn't stick out. His footsteps receded and she heard him grab his coat and keys. He closed the door with a soft click. April tossed her pillow across the room, and laid her head back on the cool mattress, trying not to feel guilty for all the lying she'd just done to her boyfriend.
April lay on her bed for a good while, staring at the plain white ceiling, wondering what to do. She tried, and failed, again, to stop thinking of Jackson. But all she could wonder was what he was going to tell her tonight. Guilt at all the lies she had told poor Matt didn't help, it just ended up making her wonder why she was thinking of Jackson so much. She really didn't have a major surgery in the morning. She'd said the made-up surgery was with Meredith because April knew that she would cover for her if something were ever brought up. She was starting to get a headache, so that wasn't entirely a lie. She didn't even know exactly how all those lies had flown out of her mouth, even the bigger ones; Matt hadn't expected her to be a virgin, but she had told him she was because she liked the idea, and he didn't even know about her and Jackson. But already remembered her and Jackson, every second of their encounters it seemed, and that was all she thought about. Lying makes it easier, she guessed.
April picked up her phone from her beside table. Her fingers slightly shook as she dialed his number. Pressing the phone to her ear, she heard a shake sigh, and wondered how it had gotten to this. She was nervous about calling her best friend. The phone rang twice before he picked up.
"Hello? April?" he sounded surprised, and a little nervous himself.
"Jackson. Hey." There was a silence as both of them tried to figure out something to say.
"Listen, April, sorry I barged in on your night earlier."
"No, that's fine. I was just wondering why you came over." Her voice shook a little, sounding hopeful.
"I, uh…is Matt still there?" Jackson was hesitant of what to say.
"No, he had to go."
"Okay, well, I want to talk to you, it's just, I sort of wanted to do it in person." Jackson had made his decision, but he still wanted to talk about it with April, and let her find out from him and not somebody else.
"Yeah. Okay. Uh…When?" There was still a thin layer of awkwardness that could be felt through the phone line, but April liked talking to him, hearing his voice again.
"I've got surgery first thing, but do you want to meet in the tunnels?" Jackson didn't really know why he picked the tunnels, they hadn't eaten there since they were in 4th year, just after the shooting. But it was a place that they could talk without getting interrupted. There was no need to be secretive, but he had to admit it would be nice to talk to just her. He promised himself nothing would happen. He had to let her go as his best friend, not as a girl he left in the mess of a ruined relationship.
"Yeah, sure, that works. Around 11 maybe?" She had made lunch plans with Matthew at noon, and April remembered seeing his rhinoplasty on the OR board for tomorrow. He started at 7, and they took about 4 hours.
"Yeah. Great." Jackson grinned instinctively, it was nice, remembering the feeling of happiness that came with being around April for him. It had all but disappeared in the past few weeks, since he had to work hard to control himself while she was around.
"So…see you then?" April didn't want to hang up yet.
"Yeah…" Jackson trailed off. The silence was no longer awkward, almost comforting, having each other's presence within a few silent seconds. "I should go. You probably have things to do and…stuff."
"Sure." April was about to hang up when she surprised herself. "Anything happen at work today?" The only question she could think of.
Jackson paused. He was going to tell her all about Greenway's offer tomorrow, face to face, but he chuckled as he remembered something that had happened that morning.
"What?" Jackson could imagine April smiling.
"Well, Karev's appendicitis kid barfed all over him." April laughed. Getting puked on wasn't fun when it was her, but when it was others, it was hilarious, and nothing was better than it happening to Alex. "I was walking past to talk to him about a consult and he was explaining an appy to the parents. He sat down on the bed and the kid just sort of leaned forward and threw up in his lap."
April giggled. "How did he react?"
"Oh god, the look on his face was priceless. I really wanted to take a picture with my phone, but he probably would've tackled me and I didn't want barf all over me." Jackson wished April were beside him, instead of him just hearing her voice, as he stared up at the ceiling. He would've been so happy just to see her bright smile, and to put his arm around her, just to know he could always do that. Everything faded to silence again.
"Well, see you tomorrow then?" April said tiredly.
"Okay, goodnight." Each hung up, unaware that the other was doing the exact same thing; lying on their beds, staring at the ceiling, heavy with the words they didn't say.