All Roads Lead Me Here

by anewwaytobreathe

Jackson needs to let go of April, even though he's still in love with her. He believes she's happy with Matt, so when one of Mark Sloan's old colleagues offers him a job in New York, he figures he can give April space. But space is not what she wants. They try to make a go of being friends before he leaves, but some people are simply meant to be together.

6. Chapter 6

All Roads Lead Me Here – Chapter 6

***Hi everyone! Again, sorry it's been so long. This chapter took a rather long time to complete properly, and even now I'm not sure I wrote it the way I wanted it. From now on, I will try to update more and more. I've just been completely swamped with school and volunteering and work. Hoping to be a chapter or two away from finishing by the season finale, though. ***

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April yawned as she walked into the hospital. She'd stayed late at Jackson's, far later than she'd planned to, studying for the boards, or mostly studying for them. They'd remained diligently focused until about eight, when they'd each had a glass of scotch from Jackson's cupboard and ordered a pizza. They'd sat on the floor and laughed about stupid stories from surgeries and residency back at Mercy West. It had been April's favorite evening in a long time, except for the fact that she'd been dying to touch Jackson, kiss him, put her head on his warm, welcoming chest or lead him to his bedroom. The living room floor would've been fine too, though. She'd spent the entire time choking back all the words that she was longing to say them. But they weren't right. He was leaving and she had Matt and everything was going to be okay. At least that's what she told herself.

She'd gone home around twelve, and even though she'd thought she was tired, she had ended up just lying in bed and thinking of how much she missed Jackson. It was ironic, but the more time she got to spend with him, the more she missed him; she wanted him as close to her as possible, to be wrapped up in his embrace, feel her naked skin pressed against his. She'd driven home, and now, to the hospital with a sense of guilt from spending so much time with Jackson and not Matthew, all whilst attempting to chase her thoughts of the former away.

"Hey babe." A voice whispered into April's ear. She jumped as big strong arms circled around her from behind. "I haven't seen you in awhile." She relaxed and grinned at the familiar voice.

"Matthew." Her tone was bright and cheery, though she was automatically cautious. She figured it was because of all the time she'd been spending with Jackson, and even though they were just friends, a nervous fluttering filled her stomach. It was almost as if she was cheating, though of course she wasn't. "Look, I'm sorry, it's just – I've had so much work and you know, with the boards coming up, I've had to do a lot of studying." She turned her head and smiled. She gave Matthew a quick peck on the cheek, and squeezed his hands with hers and pried his arms lightly from around her.

"That's okay, I know. You've got so much going on. I've missed you, though." She felt his lips as he peppered kisses on her neck, his arms on her shoulders as she walked slowly to the nurses' station. She glanced around, making sure nobody was staring.

"I miss you too." April giggled to cover up her fluttering stomach and quavering voice, as the feeling rose to her throat. Why all the guilt? It was eating her up. At what, she wasn't so sure anymore. For letting Matthew kiss her and wrap his arms around her? Letting him do that while she was lying about being a virgin, thinking about Jackson? Or was it for all the time she was spending with Jackson, enjoying every second of it? April didn't know what to think about anymore. Spending time with Jackson made her forget all her worries; she was free and happy, and the time flew by. It was only after she left would she start to feel the guilt.

"Look, I've got a bus crash coming into the ER. It's twenty minutes out, so I need to get down there and prep everything for Hunt. We might need to do emergency surgery there if the patient's are too unstable to move. See you later?" April grabbed a chart from the desk of one of her patient's from the day before, checking for any updates. She glanced over at Matthew.

Matthew gave her his smile, the one that had previously made her melt, but she now instead felt a sharp twinge in her stomach. "Okay. Have fun saving lives. Maybe we could meet for a late lunch around two?"

She raised her eyebrows and grinned, thinking about the way she would need to organize the trauma rooms once she was down in the pit. "I would love to. See you then." She touched his arm and rushed off without looking back.

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April walked into the cafeteria with Matthew next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. She'd just finished surgery on the last of her trauma patients and had met him outside of the cafeteria. He was telling her all about the people he'd brought to the hospital that morning. They headed over to the swiftly moving cafeteria line.

"Dr. Kepner!" April froze. She closed her eyes and sighed, praying that it wasn't whom she thought it was. Catherine Avery. She looked around wildly as she tried to figure out where she was calling her name from. "April, honey!" April caught the eye of Jackson's mother, who was waving wildly at her from a corner table across the cafeteria. She was wearing Grey Sloan's navy blue scrubs, so she was clearly here for a surgery. April smiled slightly at her, and trying to figure out how she could avoid an awkward conversation with her, she looked over at Jackson. He was giving April a pained expression, slumping across the table from his mother and shaking his head. Don't come over here, he mouthed, a look of desperation in his eyes. She gave him a look of exasperation, but then turned back to scoop up a package of tuna salad. Matt's arm was still around her shoulder, guiding her away from the line.

"Who's that?" He asked quizzically, gesturing over at Jackson's mother, who was still waving energetically.

"Jackson's mom. Remember the friend I told you about with the sort of crazy mom? He owns the hospital now." Matt nodded. She hadn't spent much time with Matthew and Jackson together obviously, she was pretty sure she'd only introduced them once. Matthew had no idea how close her and Jackson actually were. If only he knew the whole story.

"April, come sit with us!" April winced at Catherine's loud voice rang across the cafeteria. She'd been leading Matthew to a table as far away as possible, hoping that Catherine would leave them be, but that apparently was a lost effort. She turned around and smiled awkwardly. No avoiding her now. She motioned to Matthew, and he gave her a small smile as they walked in the direction of their table. Jackson's eyes were wide, shaking his head slightly as April and Matthew approached.

"April, honey, is this your new boyfriend?" Catherine's voice was warm and gleeful. She stood up and ushered April to sit beside her. April looked at Matthew and he shrugged, sitting down next to Jackson, across from Catherine. April was worried that this would turn into an interrogation for Matthew. The urologist had attempted to get involved in her love life so many times, and she would probably want to know all the bedroom details. Even though there weren't really any to speak of. April sent a silent apology to Mathew as she sat down. Jackson gazed intensely at her, and when she met his eyes, he mouthed, "run."

"Jackson, you didn't tell me that April had a boyfriend. Then again, you haven't told me anything lately." His mother's tone was disapproving. Jackson rolled his eyes. April sat tensely, not touching her food, in fear of where the conversation would go. Catherine was introducing herself warmly to Matthew. She finally had a boyfriend of April's to fawn over, instead of pestering her about finding one. April had to admit she would have preferred the latter, since she knew the topic of her and Matthew's sex life would eventually come up. Catherine was impossible, and as both the young surgeons knew too well, she had no boundaries. April tried to brace herself for impact.

"So, tell me about yourself." Catherine reached across the table and patted Mathew's hand fondly, an expectant expression on her face.

He cleared his throat and shot a nervous glance at April. "I'm Matthew, uh, Taylor. I'm a paramedic." He trailed off, not being able to think of much else to say at the moment. April watched as Catherine's jaw tightened over the word "paramedic." Of course she would react this way. She glanced over at Jackson again, who was clearly trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. He had his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands. She could practically hear him groaning inwardly. This was going to be bad.

"Well, that's….nice. Ever thought about going into medical school? Becoming a surgeon, maybe?" Catherine's tone was light, but clearly judgmental.

"Err…. I mean, yeah, at one point I did. But I eventually decided that being a paramedic, being the first responder, was what I preferred." He looked over at April, a lopsided smile on his face. She tried to smile back, sending an apology with her eyes.

"So, how long have the two of you been dating?" Catherine looked over at April, raising her eyebrows and patting April's hand.

"Four months, now, I believe," April replied. She looked down at her lunch, realizing that she was not in the least bit hungry.

"Oh, wonderful, how have things been going?" She raised her eyebrows suggestively at Matthew. April nudged Catherine's foot slightly, her cheeks getting pink. Please, no. Matthew didn't seem to take the hint as he answered,

"Great. Wonderful, actually." He reached across the table and took April's hand, gazing sincerely at her. She half glanced at Jackson. He was staring at their entwined hands. Was that jealousy she saw? She looked at Matthew slightly and went back to focusing on what Catherine was saying.

"No, I mean…in the bedroom. You do know that April hasn't had much experience. You're treating her well, I hope?" April ducked her head, unable to meet Matthew's eyes. He had a shocked expression on his face.

"Mom- seriously. You're not allowed to ask questions like this." Jackson sighed in exasperation, pressing his fingers into his temples. He had no idea how his mother would've known, but it seemed that in light of him moving to New York, his punishment was to hear all the details of April and Matthew's relationship. It made him rather nauseous. His mom had already spent half the day following him around, trying to convince him to stay at Grey Sloan. In and out of surgeries, she stood beside him, constantly pestering and demanding to know what possessed him to leave. He'd explained how amazing the trial was, the opportunities he would have, but his mother heard none of it. In her mind, he was not doing anything even considerably great unless he represented the Harper Avery foundation. Jackson had figured out his mother had found out about him leaving when she'd met Greenway at a conference in Boston. He should have phoned her earlier, just bitten the bullet instead of putting it off; she was furious she even had to hear of it from someone else. But of all her nagging and disapproval, nosing into his sex life, this lunch conversation was definitely the worst and most torturous.

"Oh, baby, I'm just asking. Inquiring about April's health." His mom had a sugary sweet but victorious smile on her face.

"Actually, can we…uh, not talk about that? It's private." April met Matthew's gaze, giving him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry," she mouthed. He raised his eyebrows in confusion. She promised to herself that she'd explain everything about Jackson's crazy mother to him later.

"Alright, honey. Just let me know if you have any…questions." Catherine winked flirtatiously at Matthew. April nodded and took a bite of her sandwich, which stuck in her throat. She untangled her hand from Matt's and placed both of them uncomfortably in her lap. "So, you've heard about how my baby boy's leaving you?"

April choked. She covered her mouth with her hand and grabbed her water to take a sip of. Leaving her? Why would his mother say that? She nodded as her eyes watered.

Jackson jumped in. "She knows all about me leaving for New York, mom." He looked over at April, making sure that she was okay. She'd recovered from coughing; taking small sips from a cup. He tried to read her expression, but it was unreadable and she was clearly trying to avoid eye contact with anyone at this point.

"Well, April, honey, do you think that that's a good idea? Because I sure as hell don't." Catherine's tone was disapproving.

April opened her mouth to say something peacekeeping; she was used to helping resolve arguments between Jackson and his mother, but surprised herself instead. "Actually, I do think it's a good idea. Greenway is an impressive surgeon and Jackson will learn a lot. He'll make his own name, which is something he can't do here." She smiled defiantly across the table at Jackson. He turned up the corners of his mouth tightly in her direction.

"Well, why would he need to do that when he's already an Avery? He represents the foundation, for God's sake!" Catherine slammed her hands down on the table in frustration.

"But that's not what he wants to represent. You can't force him to." Jackson looked over at April in surprise. Matthew glanced uncomfortably back and forth between the three surgeons. April met Catherine's gaze with more confidence than she normally would, but she was trembling internally. She knew that Jackson's mother was fond of her- enough to want to get involved in helping her sex life- but she was still nervous how she would react to her words.

Catherine pursed her lips, hand resting on her chin, deep in thought as she stared at April. Jackson had a quizzical look on his face as April met his green-blue eyes. She glanced away quickly; Catherine was still staring at her and she had no clue what the older woman would see in their gazes. She could guess, though. A silence ensued. All April could think about was what Jackson might possibly be thinking. She hoped she'd done him justice, letting his mother hear the truth from somebody besides Jackson himself. She hoped she was helping him.

"You know, sweetie, you could be right. My baby boy does want to make his own name, but he is part of this family, so he needs to accept it." Catherine raised her eyebrows and nodded firmly, a slight pout present on her face. April ducked her head, focusing on her bland sandwich. Jackson's mother didn't sound mad. Cool, but not mad.

"The trial is amazing, though. He'd be helping so many people. Jackson is an amazing surgeon, you just have to give him time to prove it without his family breathing down his neck." April spoke softly, glancing back and forth between her three lunch mates. "I'm sorry, but it's true, Dr. Avery." She felt so sorry for Matthew; he was sitting back in his chair and watching the three surgeons banter back and forth, not being able to say a word.

Catherine sighed. "I suppose you are right. He has the blood and all; the talent is already in him. I don't have to be happy about it, though," she grumbled. Jackson glanced up at his mother in surprise. April was shocked as well. She took a sip of her drink, waiting to see what Catherine would add. "Then again, it'd be pretty hard to stop him. But I am disappointed he's leaving Seattle. I always thought the two of you would get together," she gestured between Jackson and April, "I always thought you guys would work that out at some point."

Jackson sat up straighter, suddenly very tense. April choked on her drink, coughing into her hand and slamming her hand on the table. She could feel her cheeks getting really red. She quickly glanced at Jackson across the table, who widened his eyes at her. What did his mother know?

Catherine narrowed her eyes between the two surgeons. The idea clicked. "Are you guys sleeping together? Have you? When?" April froze at Catherine's loud questions. She scanned the cafeteria, though nobody seemed to be taking any interest in their conversation. She avoided looking at Matthew.

"Where-where would you get an idea like that? Geez, Mom." Jackson sounded annoyed and his voice quavered. He refused to look his mother in the eye.

"That- that's just-" April cut herself off by giggling nervously. She intently gazed at the table as she spoke. She couldn't help but continue to laugh nervously, her face getting redder and redder. Jackson planted his head in his hands again. He could tell where this was going.

"I don't believe you two. Wait-when did this happen?" She gasped and glanced at Matthew, who was looking confused, annoyed, and a little hurt. "Does he know?" Jackson wished, for the hundredth time that day that his mother would shut up. All the boundaries had been crossed. There was no going back.

"We are not sleeping together," April clarified. She was mortified, unable to look at poor Matthew.

"But you were…?" Catherine trailed off suggestively, her voice warm with amusement and what could only be perceived as glee.

"Mom, just- just leave it alone." Jackson sighed. He looked across the table at April, who looked so ashamed and embarrassed. The familiar twinge in his stomach had reappeared. All he wanted to do was reach across the table and squeeze her hand, or get up and give her a hug. He was used to comforting her and it was killing him that he couldn't. But he also had to wonder; why she looked so guilty. Was it because they'd slept together and now his mother knew about it? He knew that she felt guilty for betraying Jesus, she'd made that very clear multiple times, but it still hurt him. Maybe she felt guilty because Matthew was sitting there. Jackson and April were only half-listening as Catherine continued to fire questions at them.

"Seriously, April darling, I just want to know the truth. I' sure your boyfriend here does too." April looked up and met Matthew's eyes shamefully. A weighted silence strung between them.

"April…?" She drew a shuddering breath at his hurt voice. This was not the way she wanted him to find out about her sleeping with Jackson, about her not being a virgin. She hadn't wanted him to find out at all. As she opened her mouth to give him an answer, her pager started beeping. One of her patients was coding. She stood up abruptly, knocking the table, which made the trays rattle.

"I…uh, I've got to go. Ummm, can I talk to you later?" She looked down hopefully at Matthew, trying not to flinch at his wounded expression. She gave a quick wave to Jackson and Catherine, before speed- walking out of the cafeteria. She barely made it out before the tears of shame and guilt and embarrassment started running down her face.

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Despite the loud chatter surrounding them, the lunch table was eerily quiet to Jackson. Matthew had excused himself a few minutes after April at left. His mom had said she'd been pleased to meet him, and Matthew replied after a pause that he was too. Jackson doubted it. No sensible person enjoyed a lunch hour interrogation with his mother. In all honesty, even if he was incredibly jealous of him, he felt sorry for the guy.

It was now just Jackson and his mother at the table. He could tell she was waiting for him to say something, but he could only continue to stare intently at the table, practically boring holes into it. He was determined to not say another word to her. Of course she had figured out that April and him had been sleeping together. He was furious that she hadn't kept it to herself, though, prying and pressing to get information in front of Matthew. Jackson was almost positive from the look on April's face that she hadn't told Matthew about her previous relationship with him. His mother clearly made April upset. He hadn't seen her that upset in a while. His anger was swelling inside of him as he thought about how his mother always managed to get so involved in his personal life. There was a reason he avoided introducing his girlfriends to her. It was none of her damn business, but she made sure that it was.

"Look, baby, I'm sorry, but I just had to know. When did the two of you sleep together? You can tell me. How serious were you?" Her tone was still prying, but gentler than before. Jackson didn't move from his position or shift his focus. He thought about April's tense shoulders as she left the cafeteria. She was likely not going to want to spend much more time with him anymore. He would greatly miss that. They'd just gotten to a good stage, a comfortable one, and his few hours with her were the highlight of his week.

"Come on, tell your mother…I care about April too, you know." His mother was practically cooing. He just wanted her to leave, get on a plane and fly to the other side of the country, and he wouldn't have to see her anymore. Jackson was grateful to April for telling his mother exactly how he felt about his family name, because at least she'd found something else to pester him about besides him leaving for New York. Not that her probing questions were any better.

"You wouldn't have said all that in front of your boyfriend if you did care." His tone was icy as he glanced darkly up at her.

"Yeah, well, you know me. I have to know. I can't keep anything to myself." She shrugged as Jackson shook his head slightly.

"Look, Mom, I don't want to talk about it. No matter what, there are just some things you don't get to know about my life, because they're none of your business. I get to make my own decisions for myself as well, without your input. I'm going to New York whether or not you or any other member of our family likes it, and what happens in my love life, who I sleep with is none of your concern, alright?" Jackson's tone was firm; he was not going to back down any longer. His mother constantly pushed all boundaries and he was tired of the control she had over his life. He stared at her sullenly, not looking away, as she gave him a half-amused smirk. He didn't necessarily feel any better, any less frustrated, but it felt good to get his thoughts out there. His mom wasn't saying anything, and he guessed she was waiting for him to backtrack or confess a sinful secret. Just as he was about to add something for good measure, his pager went off. He glanced down as the shrill sound rang out. He was needed in the pit. Standing up, Jackson looked at his mother, who still remained strangely silent. It was truly a rare occasion.

"Look, I'm needed in the pit, so look- just don't come looking for me in surgery or whatever. And don't go looking for April either. God knows that we've caused her enough trouble already. Don't you have other people to say, maybe Webber?" Jackson pushed in his chair with his hip as he pulled on his lab coat. His mother put her hand on his forearm and he looked down.

"If there's any resolved business between you and April, you need to say something. Don't just let go of her. Letting go of things- people when you needed them is the thing you'll regret the most." She wasn't looking at Jackson as she spoke, her voice soft and her eyes far away, as though she was thinking of another time and place. Jackson paused slightly.

"W-why did you think we would be good together?" He asked as casually as possible.

His mother planted her chin on top of her fist. "The way you look at her, sweetie." She smiled softly, a lingering look still present in her eyes.

"Okay," he said simply. "I have to go." He turned around, and as he walked away, his mother called after him, "Have a good day, baby! I still don't think New York is a good decision." Jackson winced at how loud she shouted; so many people at Grey Sloan were already under the impression that he was simply his mother's puppet, and she certainly didn't help matters. He rolled his eyes on the way to the ER. His head was spinning with the recent strung-out awkward silences between him and April, April's strong words to his mother, and the fact that, for once, his mother might have actually given him sound advice. Not that he necessarily knew whether or not he wanted to follow it, or how to, for that matter. It had been the oddest lunch ever.

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April stood stiffly in the hospital's entrance lobby, her eyes closed and her phone pressed to her ear. With every shrill ring that passed, the tumultuous ball of emotions in her stomach clenched. She was the only one in the room, which was odd; normally the entrance had at least a few anxious family members waiting for news. She hadn't even bothered to take off her scrub cap after surgery.

"Hello?" Matthew's voice ended the dialing rings, though the feeling in her stomach did not.

"Matthew." She sighed in both relief that he had picked up, and nervousness. She owed him a full explanation. When she'd fled the cafeteria in humiliation, caught up in her web of lies, shed ended up rushing patients into the OR for complex surgeries with no breaks in between. It was late at night, almost 11 P.M, and she hadn't seen Matthew since lunch. She took a deep breath, desperately trying to form the words of her explanation.

"April…" Matthew trailed off questioningly, a strong note of hurt laced through his voice. He was so kind, so gentle. Tears started welling up in April's eyes in frustration of all the ways she would hurt him, the ways she'd lied to him.

"Look, Matthew, I feel like I really need to explain what happened at lunch. I…uh, have been lying to you. I'm so sorry." A ball formed in her throat and she forced herself to swallow it down as she waited for his response. A million possibilities were running through April's mind as she fumbled to figure out how to explain.

"So, it's true?" Matthew asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, It is, it's uh, true. And I-I'm so sorry Matthew, I never meant to hurt you. I just didn't know how to bring it up. Jackson-he-he was my best friend. And then something happened, we-uh slept together. I wanted to wait, though. What I told you- about saving myself for marriage. That's what I wanted. But I didn't. I've been, well, regretting that choice I made to sleep with him. So, that night, when you told me you were saving yourself for marriage, I guess, I don't know, I was so relieved that you thought that way; I just said that I was too. Saving myself for marriage." She sighed heavily, glancing out the main doors at the rainy night. The downpour was thick, causing the air to look grey. April wrapped her arm around herself and sat down in a nearby chair.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Matthew still sounded so hurt and confused.

"I don't know. I just- everything that happened between Jackson and I was all in the past. Once I told you I was saving myself for marriage I didn't know how to go back and bring it up again. I-I just feel so bad. I never should've lied." She bowed her head even though she was alone. Everything seemed so dark and grey and lonely. There was really nobody around. How did I manage to end up here, she wondered. There was silence on the other end of the phone; the only two sounds April could hear were the random crackle as Matthew breathed and the fall of the rain. "Look, I really wish I could forget about it all. But it's done and I'm not who you thought I was, I understand if you want to break up with-"

"What are you talking about April? I just wanted to know what happened. Why you didn't tell me. I just want to know you won't lie to me anymore." Matthew sounded sincere, and the hurt no longer resided heavily in his voice.

April took a deep breath as relief slowly started to trickle through her. "Well, uh, you know now. And thank you so much. Honestly, I never meant to hurt you."

"Okay, so no other secrets I need to know about?" He asked tentatively.

She smiled a little as she looked down into her lap. "No, none," she stated firmly. It was strange; she still felt like she was still hiding something, but now that the truth was out in the open, she couldn't put her finger on exactly what.

"Well, good. Just don't lie again, okay?" She could hear the slight relief as he spoke. He sounded happier.

"Okay." She paused for a second and glanced around as a nurse rushed past. "I'd maybe like to see you soon? Is…is that okay? How about tomorrow?" April inquired hopefully. Her heart was beating fast. She was getting her chance back, to make things right, exactly how she wanted them. She ignored the voice whispering in the back of her head.

"You know, I would, but I'm working from Seattle Presbyterian all week from 5 AM. And I know you work late and have to study for your boards. How about sometime on the weekend?"

"Yeah, of course. We could go to a movie or out for dinner. I have to leave on Monday for my boards, so it'll be great to see you before I leave," she explained.

"Maybe it's best that we wait until then. You know, get sometime apart and start fresh?" Matthew asked.

"Sure. Anyways, I should probably head home now, so…." She trailed off, hoping he would add something.

"Okay. See you on the weekend? Be careful driving home." He added. April agreed and thanked him before hanging up. She stared ahead, out of the doors, the thick sheet of rain not letting up, and allowed herself a small smile. She'd gotten a second chance with Matthew. She'd thought she'd blown it after all her lies had been revealed, but he'd taken her back. It had to mean something. Something big- or at least she tried to convince herself. She shook herself of the creeping of longing for someone else. She needed to fully move on, love the man who had over looked her flaws and forgiven her. He was her path, he was the closest thing to the road she had planned for herself in life. But she was still trying to convince herself to move on. It was something she was still wondering if she wanted to. Even though her and Matthew were now taking a small break, she thought that once her secrets were told, she'd feel more confident in their relationship, if it still existed. It did, and yet, she still didn't feel any less guilty, and the weight pressing down on her seemed even heavier.

"Hey." So lost was April in her thoughts, she hadn't even noticed someone had walked over. She glanced up, and realizing it was Jackson standing tensely in front of her, averted her eyes.

"Uhhh….hi." Silence ensued as Jackson sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened with my mom. I still can't believe she figured it out." He gave a small, airy laugh as he spoke, looking down at the top of her head, hoping that she would at least look up. He suppressed a smile as she hesitantly did.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. I know that your mom's sort of crazy." She adjusted herself as he sat down beside her. He was in his street clothes and a waterproof jacket, about to head home. "I'm sorry I left you to be interrogated alone," she added.

Jackson smiled, and April dug her fingernails into her palm as to not get lost in his eyes. "It's cool. It actually wasn't that bad. You standing up for me about New York really shocked her. People don't normally speak up around her, so I want to thank you. You saved me from an incredibly torturous afternoon."

She looked over at him, and raised her eyebrows with a closed mouth smile. "Least I could do. I figured you needed some help out of that hole."

"That's true." He laughed slightly and looked ahead outside at the rain as he spoke. "So…you and Matthew?"

April nodded slightly. "We're – we're good. We're taking a break from each other because of work, but still, we're together. Probably best to get the truth anyways." She shrugged, not meeting his eyes as they both stared at the glass doors of the hospital entrance.

"Speaking of work, you have your boards in a week, and need to study." He jabbed is finger into her shoulder before rummaging through his bag and pulling out a stack of queue cards held together with an elastic band. "We can do that now. If you want to, I mean" he hastily added.

She looked over, a confused expression on her face. "But you need to go home. I do too."

He waved his hand. "I need to be here early anyways. I can sleep in an on call room for a couple of hours. You being prepared for the most important surgical exam is more crucial than sleep." She gave him an exasperated look, though he sounded very firm about his decision. "Seriously, though, come on." He handed the stack of cards to her.

She sighed and grinned at him. "Oh, alright. But not here. It's really quiet. Too quiet, actually." Jackson nodded in agreement as April stood up and pulled off her scrub cap.

"Let's go find a nurses' station or something." They fell into an easy pace, discussing their day's consults and cases as they walked back up to the surgical floor. April loved how familiar being with him was. Even if their conversations started tense and awkward, they always managed to fall into a steady rhythm. She could talk to him for ours. They got each other. She had to admit, she had been wrong when she'd told Matthew that she wanted to forget about her and Jackson. His laugh, his hand gestures; the little things she secretly savored and tucked away. The big things that she lay awake thinking about; memories of sensations and feelings that haunted her night after night. They were impossible to forget.

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***Oh, that took a really long time! Thanks for reading and sticking with this story. Next chapter will feature April's boards and how Jackson supports her. The next episode is sort of where the Japril snowball really starts rolling. Hopefully it'll be up by Friday, since I'm already almost finished writing it. ****