Slow Burn

A/N: Spoilers for Rekindled.

Many thanks for all the alerts and favs and reviews – the system won't allow me to reply to guest reviews but please know that I appreciate every one. And a prod to my friend Ziver 69 for her lovely reviews and mammoth read of chapters lately, and unrelated Gabby bunnies… and she really, really needs to update her own Tibbs story coz I miss it! Once again, I couldn't have done any of this Tibbs story without Kesterpan and Gibbsredhoodie.

Chapter 2 – Kindling

Prodding the steaks sizzling over the fire, Gibbs smiled inwardly as he heard the front door open and close, followed by the thud of a backpack hitting the floor in the hallway.

He glanced up from his position in front of the fireplace as DiNozzo appeared in the living room doorway, leaning on the doorframe and throwing a brief tired smile his way. He'd clearly gone home to change before making his way here as Tony was now in jeans and a sweatshirt.

"Hey, Boss."

Gibbs nodded a greeting before turning back to the fire.

DiNozzo pushed himself off from the doorframe, shrugging out of his jacket and moving back into the hallway to hang it up, and Gibbs heard his voice drift through. "Was gonna suggest takeout but you're way ahead of me, as usual. Cowboy steak is good... in fact, it's better than good."

"Better than pizza?"

That got him a quick but genuine smile as DiNozzo reappeared. "Oh yeah, even better than pizza."

Gibbs smirked and nodded towards the kitchen. "Grab a couple."

Moving almost on auto-pilot, DiNozzo detoured to the kitchen and retrieved two beers from the fridge. He popped the caps and dumped one bottle on the coffee table near Gibbs, before flopping onto the couch with a tired sigh.

Gibbs eyed him, feeling a twinge of concern as he took in the drawn face, the tightly wound body language and weariness that hung around Tony like a cloak. Gibbs knew it wasn't the physical strain of the case that had produced the obvious signs of tension he could see.

It was the mental stress that had taken such a toll on his friend.

He'd been worried about his SFA throughout this whole case... and not just because of Jason King's obvious hostility, but also the painful memories it had clearly stirred up in Tony.

It hardly needed Jason's help to make Tony's demons rise to the surface again.

And Gibbs knew a thing or two about the impact the past could have.

It didn't help that Tony had had to run the gauntlet of McGee and Ziva and their curiosity to find out what had happened. Gibbs usually let them fight their own battles but he'd been moved to intervene when his junior agents jumped to the conclusion that Tony's connection with Jason King must have been because of a woman.

Tony's self-reinforced reputation coming back to bite him in the ass again.

And it was a testament to how unsettled Tony was that he was quiet as he sat on the couch, his gaze inward as he sipped his beer. As much as Gibbs wanted to ask Tony how his conversation with Jason had turned out, he remained silent, letting Tony work it through in his head in his own time.

He'd talk when he was ready… if he talked at all.

They were a lot alike in that respect.

When Tony had come back to the bullpen after his ride down in the elevator with Jason, one of his many masks had been firmly in place. The one that said, everything's fine, no problem, I got this under control.

Tony had merely nodded briefly in Gibbs' direction, not making eye contact for long enough for Gibbs to read him clearly, which he suspected was deliberate.

Before Gibbs could work out how to tackle getting through that wall or whether it was best to leave it till later, he'd been called up to Vance's office. When he'd returned, it was to find Tony already gone, paperwork completed and on his desk in the now empty bullpen.

The folded note on top of Tony's paperwork that just said Thanks in Tony's distinctive handwriting gave him some hope that something positive had happened in the elevator.

When the meat was ready, Gibbs picked up the plates from the coffee table and dumped the steaks on them, handing Tony his as he sat next to him on the couch.

Tony automatically toasted him with his beer and they ate in silence but as always between them, it was a comfortable one. Gibbs suspected that some people who thought they knew all about Tony would be surprised at how quiet the voluble man could be and how still.

And little by little, Gibbs could sense Tony relaxing next to him and when Tony placed his empty plate on the coffee table, he sat back with a satisfied sigh. Leaning his head against the back of the couch, he rolled it sideways to look at Gibbs.

"Thanks... Guess I was hungrier than I thought. Was gonna ask how you knew I'd be here tonight but I gave up trying to second guess your second sight a while back."

Gibbs shrugged, trying to play down his concern. "Figured you might need feeding."

Gibbs was glad Tony was here tonight.

If he hadn't turned up, Gibbs was going to drive over to Tony's apartment after he'd eaten and try and track the younger man down, just to check he was okay.

"And you figured right." Tony smiled and the green eyes lit up briefly before he sobered and studied Gibbs thoughtfully. "Spoke to Jason. Well, of course, I spoke to him, you saw me race after him and the elevator doors close... hard not to speak to him in a confined space."

"Did ya help him see?"

Tony shrugged, averting his gaze and looking down at his beer, picking at the label on the bottle. "Maybe... Dunno." When he looked up again after a few moments, his voice was more confident. "Yeah, maybe I did."

"Good." Gibbs gathered the plates, waving Tony back when he moved to help. As Gibbs set about making coffee in the kitchen, he let his mind wander back.

They hadn't talked about it in a while but Gibbs knew the pain and guilt Tony carried around over what had happened to Jason King's sister. It cropped up now and then when they had similar cases.

Gibbs remembered the night Tony had told him the story of the fire and how that incident had changed the course of Tony's life in so many ways. He'd learned about it after a similar case years ago where a Petty Officer had ended up sacrificing his own life in a vain attempt to save two kids from a fire that turned out to be arson.

The echoes had been vivid for Tony, and Gibbs had sensed something driving him beyond his agent's usual strong sense of justice. When the case closed, Tony had turned up in his basement one night and after a while, the bourbon loosened his tongue enough for the younger man to share what haunted him still.

It had been one of many instances over the years which had helped move them from colleagues to friends.

After delivering the coffee to the living room, Gibbs detoured to pick up the bourbon and two glasses and Tony accepted his shot with a smile, holding it up to the light.

"The good stuff? What's the special occasion, Boss?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Just easier on the head in the morning."

Tony laughed and Gibbs smiled at hearing the familiar sound. "You gotta point there."

Gibbs returned to the couch with his own glass, sitting back, leaning his head back with a sigh. He eyed Tony as the younger man sat forward, arms on his knees, glass cradled in his hands as he stared down at the amber liquid.

Gibbs sipped his coffee while he waited him out, pretty sure there was more to come.

When Tony spoke again, his voice was quiet and thoughtful. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised he still blames me... but I was surprised, y'know, on that boat when I saw Jason. I mean, I understood why the kid was angry with me all those years ago. Hell, I was mad at myself... for years I thought I should've done more. But I guess I'd hoped when Jason grew up, he might've understood why I couldn't save 'em both."

Gibbs nodded, even though Tony couldn't see him. "Especially with his job now."

"Yeah, exactly." Tony glanced at him over his shoulder. "I mean I get why he was mad at me right after it happened. He was only a kid and he'd just lost his baby sister."

Tony's voice cracked slightly and Gibbs felt his gut twist in sympathy. He held his tongue and waited for Tony to recover. Eventually, Tony cleared his throat before continuing. "I'm not exactly looking for forgiveness from him but... I dunno." Tony waved his hand almost helplessly. "Some kind of acceptance maybe... I didn't start the damn fire, after all."

"Reasonable enough," Gibbs agreed. "You were just doing what you thought was right. Jason sure knows more about fire than we do by now."

"A helluva lot more." Tony nodded, taking a slug of his bourbon before placing his glass on the table and reaching for his coffee, which he sipped more slowly. "Everything he's learned about fires with his job shoulda made it obvious there was nothing I coulda done. Nothing anyone coulda done by then. I got there too late… far too late" Tony huffed a soft laugh. "Though I guess it explains why I couldn't get hold of him later on."

"You tried?"

"Yeah," Tony nodded. "I tried contacting him a couple of times over the years when he was older. Wanted to see how he was doing, but he wouldn't return my calls. I even tried writing but... nothing."

That was news to Gibbs.

Tony hadn't said before that he'd made attempts to contact Jason. But it spoke volumes over how much the events of that night had had a continuing emotional impact on Tony's life.

Gibbs let the silence drift for a few moments, before leaning forward and mirroring Tony's position as they sat side by side. He waited until Tony made eye contact before going on. "Maybe he just needed someone to blame, Tony, and you were the obvious target."

"Yeah, I know." Tony shrugged, giving him a brief smile. "In his shoes, I mighta done the same."

"Doesn't make it right but..." Gibbs paused a moment. "Maybe blaming you is easier than dealing with his own guilt for not saving his sister?"

Gibbs had been surprised by the depth of Jason's animosity, still strong after nearly twenty years. Jason was letting his personal feelings override his professionalism.

Transference at its finest.

Gibbs had meant what he said earlier about Tony helping while others didn't. Tony had been barely a kid himself when he'd run into the kind of fire it would need trained professionals to tackle.

"I know..." Tony sent him a rueful look before gazing down at his hands again. "And I'm in danger of being a stuck record… sorry about that, Boss. I know we've gone over this before and you've told me the same thing."

"Hey." Gibbs waited again till Tony looked up. He held his gaze. "And one day you'll believe it."

Tony eyed him steadily for a long few moments before his expression softened and his mouth curved in a slight smile. "Yeah... maybe. If you beat it into me enough times."

Gibbs reached out and whacked Tony lightly on the back of the head and this time, Tony's smile widened. "That's more like it."

The sudden ringing of Gibbs' cell stopped whatever Tony was about to say and, annoyed at the interruption, Gibbs snatched it up with a terser than usual. "Yeah, Gibbs." He listened to the voice on the other end for a moment and Tony saw his expression soften a bit. "Hey, Doc."

Tony made to get up to give him some privacy but Gibbs stopped him with a raised hand, merely turning away slightly and leaning forward, his hand rubbing over his hair. But Tony ignored him and took their mugs out to the kitchen before flipping on the coffee maker.

Tony told himself he wasn't really trying to listen. Really he wasn't. But Gibbs had a voice that carried so he could hardly avoid hearing the Marine's side of the conversation.

"Not tonight, Doc... No... just busy tonight. Yeah, busy... I'll call ya tomorrow."

Tony stared almost blindly at the coffee pot in front of him as Gibbs ended the call.

Wow... was that Gibbs blowing off getting laid just to keep him company?

He hadn't thought before coming over here tonight. It had just been instinct... that when he was feeling hurt and unsettled, it was here he needed to be.

It was Gibbs he needed.

But he could kick himself for not thinking that Gibbs might be expecting company tonight already.

Gibbs entered the kitchen and Tony glanced his way as the older man started cleaning up. Tony watched for a moment, trying to read Gibbs' mood, before grabbing the cloth to dry as Gibbs washed the few dishes.

He tried to ignore the warm fuzzies Gibbs' phone call had triggered, feeling obliged to make the offer, even if he didn't want to go. "I shoulda checked before coming if you were expecting company tonight. I'm sorry. I oughta go. Let you get your evening back."

Gibbs shook his head. "No need."

Gibbs didn't feel too guilty about turning down Ryan's suggestion she come over tonight, although she'd sounded put out when he'd put her off. Even without Tony here, he was tired and not in the mood for one of her mental merry-go-rounds.

Gibbs was discovering that Ryan was very high maintenance.

He wouldn't have said no to the physical release but figured his friend needed him more.

When they'd finished up, Gibbs eyed Tony. "You gonna stare at it all night or you actually gonna pour that coffee?" Gibbs smirked as he headed for the living room.

Tony huffed a laugh as he addressed the empty kitchen. "On it, Boss."

They spent the rest of the evening in the basement, Tony watching Gibbs work, content to sit quietly. There was always something soothing and relaxing about watching the Marine work, patiently crafting the wood and if Tony's gaze lingered on the large hands for too long or the way the muscles of his back moved as he stretched, then he just hoped that Gibbs wouldn't notice.

He'd been sneaking admiring looks like this for years and hoped he hadn't been caught yet.

Although he'd slipped up badly a week or so back with his comment about them sleeping together in response to a joke from Gibbs. Thankfully, the Marine hadn't tackled him about it yet and they seem to have gotten over that awkward moment relatively easily.

So Tony had been extra careful lately in what he said and did around the Marine, trying not to add fuel to whatever might be brewing in Gibbs' head about Tony's remark.

Tony hoped that Gibbs would leave it alone as Tony really didn't want to go there.

Apart from anything else, it would be too hard to lie to the guy.

As Gibbs turned to pick up a tool, Tony moved his gaze elsewhere in the basement in a practised move.

His mind went back to all the hours he'd spent down here. How the place and the man had become as much of a sanctuary for him as a confessional, although he nearly choked on his drink at the thought of Gibbs taking confession. He grinned down at his drink, shaking his head at the image.

Suddenly aware Gibbs was standing in front of him, Tony looked up. Gibbs held out the bottle and Tony glanced at it ruefully. "You shouldn't be encouraging me to drink on a school night, y'know... my Boss wouldn't like it and he's a very demanding guy."

Gibbs grinned briefly, pouring another shot into Tony's glass anyway. "You can always stay here."

Tony gave him a bright smile and toasted him. "Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs eyed him for a moment and Tony caught a flash of something in the blue eyes which vanished before he could work it out. "Not your boss right now, Tony."

Tony thought that over for a moment, then smiled, absurdly pleased with something so simple that meant so much.

"Thanks... Jethro."

Gibbs wasn't sure what woke him but something had startled him awake and he lay in the dark on the couch, senses alert as he tried to work out what it had been. When the cry came, it was loud and full of pain... and coming from upstairs.

"NOOO!"

Tony.

Gibbs threw back the blanket and headed upstairs, taking them two at a time, flicking the light on as he passed. He came to a halt outside the closed guestroom door, listening intently but the volume of the cries had reduced and he could only make out the odd anguished word, the rest unintelligible mumbling.

"I can't... Tried... stop. No... Too hot."

Gibbs debated with himself about going in but the distress in that voice drove him to open the door. He could see Tony in the half light from the landing. His friend was moving restlessly in the bed, the covers in disarray, his head thrashing from side to side on the pillow.

Gibbs approached the bed cautiously, calling Tony's name when it became clear that his entrance into the room wasn't going to be enough to pull Tony out of his nightmare.

Still oblivious, Tony continued to shift restlessly and Gibbs' gut clenched at the emotion in his friend's voice. He moved nearer, pausing a few feet from the bed lest he get punched.

"DiNozzo!"

DiNozzo shot into a sitting position, disorientated from the sudden loud yell and stared about him wildly for a second before seeing Gibbs. "Jeez..."

Gibbs moved to stand next to the bed and Tony swung his legs over the side of the bed, rubbing his hands over his face, his shoulders heaving as he struggled to get his breath.

Gibbs hesitated but as he saw Tony's increasingly shaky, almost panicky breathing setting in, he rested a hand on his back, lowering himself to sit next to Tony on the bed. "Breathe, Tony... just slow and easy."

He kept his voice even as he repeated himself until Tony's breathing slowly evened out, Gibbs rubbed soothing circles on his back the whole time, gratified when Tony didn't pull away but almost leaned into him.

Tony ran his hands over his face one more time and up over his hair, leaving it spiky and sticking up in all directions. His T-shirt was soaked through and Tony felt almost too warm but Gibbs didn't remove his hand, leaving his arm almost stretched around the younger man.

Gibbs sensed Tony needed the contact while he settled... ignoring the voice inside that said he needed it as well, to make sure Tony was really okay.

Tony gave a nervous laugh, staring down at his hands. "You scared the crap outta me."

"You wouldn't wake up."

Tony snorted. "Guess I'm lucky I didn't get a 'grab your gear' too."

Gibbs chuckled. "That was next."

"Lucky escape then." Tony shot him a rueful glance and Gibbs caught his breath as he saw the green eyes bright with tears. "Sorry, Jethro... didn't mean to wake you."

Gibbs shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

"Should've expected this I guess." Tony took a deep breath, scrubbing at his face.

"Still happen often?"

Gibbs knew he didn't have the monopoly on nightmares.

It was one of the more unwelcome things they had in common.

Tony had his fair share of nightmares too and the younger man had hinted at the 'kid from Baltimore' triggering more than a few over the years. So it was hardly surprising if the events of the past few days had caused a resurgence.

"No, not for years really. Not about this anyway..." Tony fell silent for a while and Gibbs watched him carefully. "Maybe Jason's right? Maybe I did give up too easily?"

"Tony..."

"No," Tony held up his hand. "Hear me out, Jethro. If I'd have found her first instead of Jason, then maybe I coulda got them both out."

"You knew what room she was in then when you went in?"

Tony shook his head, smiling ruefully.

Trust Gibbs to go right to the heart of it.

"No, but..."

"No buts, Tony." Gibbs interrupted firmly. He moved his hand up to squeeze Tony's shoulder. "Both of 'em woulda died if you hadn't been there. Jason was lucky, even if he doesn't always see it that way."

"My head knows that... the rest of me takes some catching up sometimes."

Tony remembered his words to the Chaplain in Columbia, that you can't keep piling the guilt up till you can't move.

Maybe one day he'd follow his own advice.

Tony straightened slightly and Gibbs moved his arm but remained sitting next to Tony on the bed.

"Still," Tony went on, "at least some good came out of that night in Baltimore... other than eventually meeting Wendy years later, or at least I thought it was good at the time. But lots of big decisions got made coz of that fire and Jason."

"You became a cop." Gibbs finished.

Tony shot him a grin. "And met you. Which you may or may not think is a good thing. Think how much quieter your life woulda been if I hadn't moved from Baltimore to join NCIS."

Gibbs chuckled. "And how boring."

Tony laughed. "Gee, that may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Don't let it go to your head."

Tony snorted before subsiding and sitting quietly for a few minutes and Gibbs could almost see the wheels turning. "Been over that night so many times. Don't think I'll ever stop feeling guilty."

Gibbs was silent for a while and when he went on, his voice was soft. "Took me years to admit it wasn't my fault for not being there for Shannon and Kels... Took me even longer to accept it."

Startled, Tony stared at Gibbs, taken aback that he was confiding something so private. He'd guessed at Gibbs' guilt enough times but hadn't heard him refer to it directly before.

How could anyone not feel guilty with what had happened?

But the whole subject of his girls was such a minefield that even now, after years of working out how best to navigate his way through it, Tony didn't find it easy not to put his foot right in it sometimes.

But he felt compelled to point out the obvious to the Marine, as so many others must have done over the years.

"You weren't even in the same country, Jethro."

Gibbs shrugged. "Didn't matter. Knew she was gonna testify... knew what was happening. Shoulda come back."

Suddenly catapulted into the middle of that minefield, Tony thought carefully before replying. "Then you might've all been killed."

Gibbs shrugged and Tony caught his breath, his gut churning at the clear implication of So?

It was a glimpse into the rawness of Gibbs' pain, of how he'd perhaps wanted nothing more than to join his girls for years. At a loss how to respond, Tony waited for Gibbs to go on.

"Didn't stop the guilt."

"You still think that?" Tony asked after a moment, not entirely sure if he was asking about the guilt for not being there or the wish to join his wife and daughter.

He wasn't sure he wanted the answer to the latter.

Gibbs didn't ask him to clarify, merely shook his head. He remained silent for a few minutes before continuing and when he did, he turned the focus back onto Tony.

"Don't let it fester, Tony... told ya before, you helped. Others didn't."

"I remember... Oprah, Gibbs style."

"Who?"

Tony glanced at Gibbs, ready to tease him for not knowing who she was until he saw the amused glimmer in the blue eyes. Tony nudged him, laughing and felt something ease inside him, grateful and amazed not for the first time how a functional mute could find just the right words at the right time to make such a difference.

Helped of course by the guy's overwhelming presence which Tony was acutely conscious of right now... the shoulder, arm and thigh next to his own where they sat side by side on the bed, the heat radiating off him so it almost burned Tony's skin.

"Thanks, Jethro."

"Any time, Tony."

He reached up to squeeze the back of Tony's neck before standing. "Get some sleep... Don't wanna be half asleep at work." Gibbs paused at the door and Tony saw the crooked grin break out. "That boss of yours is a demanding bastard."

Tony chuckled as the door closed behind Gibbs before saying softly, "He is that... and sometimes he's just what I need."

TBC...