Slow Burn

A/N: Spoilers for Up in Smoke. Huge thanks for all the reviews and alerts and apologies if I've missed thanking anyone – I'm away on a dodgier connection at the moment and also FFNet seems to be having a bad hair day and making it difficult to respond, but I appreciate every one.

Chapter 4 – Fuel to the Fire

"You smell like someone... who isn't you."

Tony barely resisted the urge to head slap himself as his mind kept running over the remark he'd let slip earlier.

Jesus, Anthony, did you have to go and blurt that out?

What the hell's the matter with you? Something must've gotten disconnected between your brain and and that big mouth coz saying you know what Gibbs smells like should've been the last thing you broadcast to the whole world... okay, maybe not to the whole world but it was bad enough I said it to these two people... two very observant people.

What the hell were you thinking?

When Gibbs slipped into the backseat of that damn car with the scent of flowers overlaying that addictive combination of sawdust and coffee that always makes your nerve endings hum, why did you have to announce it, like an idiot?

God knows what Gibbs made of it.

And in front of Ziva!

She'd thrown him an oddly withering look at the time but had thankfully not brought it up since, which didn't mean she wasn't biding her time to hit him with it later. He had a sudden mental image of her face if she did know what his real feelings were for Gibbs. It might be one of the few times when he'd be able to render Ziva speechless.

So now, here he was, freaking out in his own shower.

Tony bent his head further under the spray, letting the hot water beat down on his neck and shoulders, hoping it would ease some of the tension knotting his muscles.

After it had all gone pear-shaped at the parking garage, a long evening had threatened to morph into an even longer night, until even Gibbs had recognized his team's exhaustion and sent them home. Hopefully a few hours sleep, some food and a change of clothes would help clear the brain.

But all it had done was let Tony brood about his slip and start to over-think another emotion that was growing stronger by the day.

Jealousy.

Specifically, jealousy over Dr Samantha Ryan's continuing relationship with Gibbs.

Tony had developed a dislike for the woman ever since she'd called him a game show host. The look in her eyes every time Ryan saw him seemed to convey her wariness of him, which he found puzzling, unless his reputation was preceding him... again.

But Ryan just unsettled him... and worried him.

Was Gibbs being influenced by Ryan's opinion of him?

But... Gibbs knew the real him, right?

Surely Gibbs wasn't going to change what he thought of him just because of Ryan? They'd worked together for a long time and that's what mattered, right?

And he couldn't remember Gibbs being led by the nose by a woman before.

And the jealousy?

He wasn't sure when it had begun. There wasn't a single incident that Tony could point to as the start of it, but the strength of that jealousy had taken him by surprise.

He was used to watching Gibbs' various relationships from the sidelines; this one with Ryan was only the latest in a long line.

So why was it different this time?

Was Ryan special in some way?

Was she likely to last longer or mean more to the Marine than the others? Judging by Gibbs' words the other week, he'd been having trouble trusting her, but maybe that had changed since then and things were now going well?

Maybe Ryan was the one Gibbs now confided in, the one he'd turn to and not Tony anymore?

Startled at the pain that thought triggered, Tony braced his hands on the shower wall for a moment as he forced his emotions down. Once he'd gotten himself under control again, he shut off the stream of water and climbed out, grabbing a towel off the rack and starting to dry off.

Not that he didn't want Gibbs to be happy.

Of course he did.

The guy had lived through a world of pain and deserved to be happy. There was just a little voice inside him shouting louder and louder as time went on that Tony wanted that happiness to be with him and not with... her.

Yeah... like that's ever gonna happen. Get a grip.

And then tonight, at the alternative bachelor party for Jimmy, all Tony could think about was how Gibbs looked as he played the role of a slightly drunk partygoer having fun.

Tony had barely been able to take his eyes of the guy's face as they'd all bantered, the crooked grin he loved so much breaking out more often than usual. And he thought his heart was going to seize in his chest when the blue eyes full of warmth met his for a brief moment when Tony called Gibbs, 'sniper.'

He'd had to look away, his heart pounding, everything below his belt tightening as he tried to keep his reaction under control, scared it was going to be written all over his face. He'd had to call on all his own undercover skills to try and cover the moment, turning to talk to Dorney as they kept an eye on Jimmy, who was the only guy he knew who could get tipsy on apple juice.

His longing for Gibbs had risen up all over again and with such strength, it floored him completely.

And, as he glanced down with a rueful smile, judging by the way his body was reacting now to the memory of Gibb's face, he was gonna have a hard time – pun not intended, Anthony – getting himself under control again.

He'd spent so many years pushing away his feelings, hiding them away even from himself and tamping down on his attraction for Gibbs, that he thought he had it licked.

I'm in charge, not my freaking libido.

And I had it all nicely packed away in my 'do not go there, Anthony,' box and now out it slithers... and it's worse than I thought.

He might as well face it.

He was never gonna get over Gibbs and it was far, far more than just a physical attraction.

He'd fallen for the guy, hard.

God help him, he loved him, as much more than just a friend.

And his timing sucked, as usual. They were in the middle of what promised to be a really rough case, Gibbs was in what looked like a long term relationship, and he had to pick now of all times to go all... mushy.

Well, there was only one thing for it. He really had to get his mouth and face under control before he said or did something that would make his feelings even more obvious.

He didn't want to alert Gibbs, especially since the guy would never return his feelings.

But if Gibbs did find out, there would go his job, his career and the best friendship of his life. He also had to avoid giving Ziva any more ammunition. The woman was like a bloodhound when she sniffed a secret.

Tony dropped the towel back on the rack and almost cringed as a thought struck him.

Holy crap, what if I let something slip in front of Ryan?

The woman would be on it like a limpet.

God, he was so screwed.

Yeah, right... if only.

As the team worked through the night following Vance's kidnapping, hitting constant brick walls, Tony found himself keeping an increasingly anxious eye on Gibbs.

The Boss was pissed and worried, that much was obvious and understandable.

Dearing striking at the head of their agency to kidnap Director Vance wasn't something to be taken lightly or treated as just another case. So the whole team working like their asses were on fire was to be expected and with no progress being made as the night went on, the frustration was building.

It had been bad enough before, with Dearing appearing to blame Gibbs for what was happening, and no one knew why.

But this was something else, and Tony couldn't quite put his finger on it.

The guy looked wrung out and seemed almost rattled in his anger, which wasn't like Gibbs at all. Tony was used to the growly grizzly, but this looked more like a hurt and puzzled bear who was nearing the end of his tether.

And it was making all Tony's protective instincts for the man rise to the surface.

Eventually, an opportunity presented itself when both Ziva and McGee were out of the bullpen, and Tony wandered over to where Gibbs was perched on the edge of his desk, flicking through images on the plasma for the umpteenth time.

Gibbs spared him a brief glance as Tony came to a halt beside him but didn't speak.

"Everything okay... Cap'n Ahab?" Tony asked quietly after a few moments.

Tony felt Gibbs stiffen and braced himself for the mother of all head slaps, conscious of the visible effort Gibbs made to curb it. Tony eyed him steadily and Gibbs glared for a long moment before eventually nodding and pushing himself off his desk.

"My office."

Gibbs took off with his usual ground-eating stride towards the elevator and Tony hurried after him, slipping inside just before the doors closed. Tony barely managed a count of three before Gibbs reached across and flipped the switch.

Tony automatically steadied himself when the elevator shuddered to a halt, turning to face Gibbs as they were bathed in blue light. "Y'know, Boss, one of these days someone's gonna get stuck in here when this thing finally breaks down coz of all the abuse you've given it."

Tony expected another glare or an outburst of temper but instead, Gibbs leaned back against the far wall, head going back and eyes closing, breathing deeply as if trying to calm himself.

Tony waited him out and eventually Gibbs spoke, and Tony's gut twisted at the utter weariness in the tone when he expected impatient anger.

"Spit it out, DiNozzo."

"Something's bothering you, isn't it?" Gibbs' eyes snapped open but before he could retort, Tony went on, holding up a hand to forestall him. "I mean, other than the fact that we've lost the Director... I'll give you that one."

Gibbs stared at him for a moment, obviously debating with himself. When he spoke, Tony was stunned by what Gibbs said.

"I'm this close to hauling in Dr Ryan for questioning."

Tony blinked and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "What for?"

Gibbs waved his hand, gesturing vaguely around them. "Possible involvement in all... this."

"What the hell's happened, Gibbs?" Tony could see the tension in the way the Marine held himself.

The guy was wound up tighter than a spring.

"Think she's been holding something back." Gibbs shook his head. "There's something about the last few days... can't put my finger on it, but she may have known more than she let on."

Startled as much by what Gibbs said as the fact he was confiding in him, Tony listened as Gibbs outlined what had raised his suspicions… how he'd wondered how long Ryan had known about the defects on the Navy vessels and the link to Dearing before she told Gibbs… and the artillery shells theory which Gibbs had to prise out of her and then which proved to be wrong.

As Gibbs related his concerns, he ran through in his head what had driven him to confront Ryan tonight, where she seemed more concerned with being wrong than the implications for the case.

And Gibbs also felt totally off balance with how her mind games were still spilling over into their private life, and he was honest enough with himself to realize that that might be affecting his professional judgement.

He'd gotten mixed messages from Ryan throughout their relationship.

And their argument tonight had veered again into personal territory when he'd accused Ryan of not letting him in and she'd flung it back in his face. There was something else going on though, Gibbs was sure of it. Something concerning her ex-husband but again, she wouldn't let him help.

And Gibbs wanted to.

The situation was triggering all his protective instincts but there wasn't a lot Gibbs could do if Ryan didn't let him.

But the longer they were together, the more it became obvious that Ryan didn't understand him.

It was a small example but her comments about his basement showed she just didn't... get it. Didn't understand what that place meant to him and didn't seem to want to try and understand him. His basement was not a place to 'marinade in it', as she put it. It was somewhere Gibbs could get his head on straight.

But his feelings weren't important.

Not now.

Not with Leon was missing.

His phone call to Jackie earlier, to tell her there was still no news of her husband echoed through his head. Jackie was a strong woman but Gibbs could hear the strain in her voice as she described telling the kids their father was missing.

As soon as they discovered Vance was missing, he'd sent extra protection to the house, in case Jackie and the kids were on Dearing's radar too. But nothing could take away the private worry over a missing husband and father.

Gibbs turned his head to watch Tony working through what he'd told him.

"Wow. I can see why you'd be worried." Tony paused briefly. "But... are you sure?"

"No, goddammit!" Gibbs slammed his hand against the elevator wall. "I'm not sure."

Okay... asking difficult questions in confined spaces with an angry bear may not have been your best idea, DiNozzo.

At the risk of getting within swinging range, Tony stepped closer. He was silent for a moment as he considered how best to handle this, pushing down the anger at Ryan for so clearly throwing Gibbs off kilter like this, at a time when he needed his focus.

"Okay, what does your head say?"

"That something's... hinky."

Tony smiled at Gibbs' use of the word. "And your gut? Does your gut think she's really involved?"

The blue eyes that turned his way were full of emotion and Tony caught his breath at the rarely seen vulnerability on Gibbs' face. "Can't believe she would be." Gibbs shook his head.

And your heart?

The thought raced through Tony's head but he didn't voice it.

"I thought Vance was her friend," Tony stated after a few moments.

"He is." Gibbs nodded.

"Then d'ya really think she could be involved with kidnapping him?"

Gibbs ran his hand over his face, sighing. "Don't wanna believe it... I just feel like I'm being played half the time."

Gibbs was silent for a few seconds and Tony could see him debating with himself. When he spoke again, Tony was surprised by what Gibbs was sharing. "Leon warned me not to trust her. So did Rachel."

"Wow, did she?"

"Yeah... maybe I shoulda listened?" Gibbs admitted wryly.

"Maybe." Tony smiled briefly. "Hindsight's a wonderful thing where women are concerned, but you don't need me to tell you that. Okay... let's work it through. I mean I get that she could be involved from all you've said, especially coming on top of what you said she did while we were in Columbia but... you know her better than any of us. Would she have been able to fool you for so long, huh? You're better at reading people than anyone I know, Gibbs."

"But I can't read her... She's just..." Gibbs turned to lean his arms on the railing running round the elevator, his head bowed. When Gibbs spoke again, his voice was so raw that Tony just wanted to wrap his arms around him and try and take away all the hurt. "I can't read her, Tony."

Tony turned to lean back against the wall next to Gibbs, folding his arms. "Well, if you can't... it doesn't give much hope for the rest of us, does it?"

Gibbs huffed a soft laugh, glancing up at Tony. "No... guess not." He pushed off the railing and straightened, standing next to Tony.

Tony held his gaze, feeling at a loss to how to help Gibbs but wanting so much to try. "But if we do have to bring her in, then okay, I'm right here... right on your six, you know that, right?"

Tony was conscious he was risking opening a can of worms and paused, unsure if he should go on but eventually figured, what the hell...

He reached out to rest a hand on Gibbs' shoulder. "On and off the job I got your back, whatever the hell she's up to, just remember that."

Gibbs gazed at him for a moment before his expression softened and he nodded, a small smile curving his mouth. "Yeah, I know... Thanks, Tony."

"Any time, Jethro." Tony cleared his throat and straightened before he did something else too... sappy. "And if we have to haul Dr Ryan into interrogation, maybe it'll be a new experience for her, being interrogated by a game show host."

Tony reached for the switch to set the elevator in motion again, only to be stopped by Gibbs' hand on his arm. When he looked back, Tony's gut tightened at the concern on Gibbs' face.

Gibbs squeezed his arm. "Don't let her mind games drive you crazy, Tony."

Tony stared at him for a moment before chuckling, "Gotcha... coz that's your job, right?"

Gibbs grinned. "You got that right."

Tony flicked the switch and set the elevator on its way again, sneaking a sideways look at Gibbs and watched as the usual mask slipped over his features, his posture straight and the natural air of command settling on his shoulders where it belonged.

If only Gibbs knew just how crazy he did drive him...

TBC...