Slow Burn

A/N: Spoilers for Extreme Prejudice. So, not a fan of where I left the last chapter, eh?! Ooops… *innocent face*

Chapter 10 – Ignition

"They all leave… in the end."

"I wouldn't."

Tony heard the panicked note in his voice as he scrambled to escape from the hole he'd just dived into headfirst. "Wow, where did that come from? I guess I must be really tired. What I meant to say was, as a loyal St Bernard, you could've counted on me to, erm, be here when you needed me… that, uh, I wouldn't leave coz friendship's important, right? Like we said weeks ago."

Tony risked a glance at Gibbs whose head had snapped up and he was staring at him intently, with those blue eyes that always seemed to see right through everything.

"But I didn't mean anymore by it… not that you would think I did." Tony stood up suddenly, feeling his alarm building. "I'd better go home… leave you to relax."

Tony started towards the kitchen, before stopping in his tracks, looking around at familiar surroundings and wincing internally. "Except I'm here because this is my apartment so, uh, I can't go home coz I'm already here… or, I know, I could just go for a run and come back after you've left… not that I'm trying to get rid of you."

Aw crap, with every word he was making this worse.

"Tony."

Tony spun around to meet Gibbs' piercing gaze and the two of them stared at one another for several moments before Gibbs inclined his head. "Sit."

Gibbs waited until Tony sat down next to him, but the younger man looked poised for flight as he perched on the edge of the couch, looking everywhere but at him. He kept his voice level and quiet. "Care to explain?"

"No… not really." A quick glance and then Tony's eyes skittered away, darting around the room. "You, er, might not like it."

"Tony…"

Gibbs gazed at Tony steadily until the younger man eventually met his eyes and he tried to make his posture and expression open and encouraging. His gut was telling him that Tony's soft comment just now about not leaving him was more than just a slip of the tongue and Gibbs wanted to get to the bottom of it.

"Okay… okay, I'll try…" Tony ran his hand over his hair, puffing out a breath and looking up at the ceiling as if it would give him inspiration. "Abby, this is all your fault, you're the one who said go for it. Just you wait till I get hold of you next week."

Gibbs frowned. "Tony, you're not making any sense… Well, less than usual."

"Sorry…" Tony shot him a nervous smile. "Uh, okay, let me get it straight in my head first. I was gonna say something tonight anyway, if I could, but I was gonna lead up to it, not just blurt it out like that. But I kinda dumped myself in it there, didn't I?" Tony didn't wait for a response but plunged on "So I haven't had time to think about how to word things."

His head rocked forward as Gibbs whacked him lightly upside the head, cutting into the ramble.

"Word what?"

"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, Jethro, especially after the bombing. Remember the conversations we had way back about things going wrong with Wendy… again?"

Tony waited till Gibbs nodded before going on, hoping his courage wouldn't leave the building before he got this all out. "And we talked about how we trusted one another and how it would be nice to find that in a partner, and you were worried about trusting Dr Ryan, which turned out to be okay in the end… well, at least professionally okay. Remember all that?"

Gibbs nodded, puzzled and intrigued by the almost pleading look in Tony's eyes as he talked, wondering where the younger man was going with this. "Yeah, I remember. Go on."

Tony took a deep breath. "Okay… And then the other day, when I nearly lost you, I was so scared I'd left it too late to tell you." His hand rubbed over his face. "Oh god, where am I going with this, apart from around in a circle?"

"Tony…" Gibbs reached out to lay a hand on Tony's arm, keeping his voice calm. "Whatever it is, just tell me."

Tony stared down at the hand on his arm for a moment and then up at Gibbs, searching his eyes. "Just tell you… Right, okay, I can do this… remember what you said to me at Christmas, that I needed to get out of your basement coz I wouldn't find what I was looking for down there?."

Gibbs nodded again and Tony continued. "Well… you were wrong. I think your basement has exactly what I need in my life… what I want… coz it's got you."

Tony saw Gibbs' eyes widen and he plowed on, wanting to finish before Gibbs either headslapped him into the next state, reached for his gun or fired him… or all three.

"I mean some of the day it's got you, not all the time I know but it does… sometimes have you…" Tony trailed off lamely, conscious of the weight of Gibbs' gaze as he stared at him.

Tony began shifting nervously on the couch, willing Gibbs to say something… anything. But the guy didn't look angry and hadn't cut and run… yet.

Gibbs was still trying to recover from the initial surprise and sort out his own emotions before Tony bolted.

It was like sitting next to a skittish horse.

"That's a surprise." Gibbs winced inwardly as he said it, conscious how lame it sounded, but it was all he could manage to start with.

"Yeah, I figured it might be." Tony's smile turned sheepish, slightly surprised he'd got anything out of his functional mute after that bombshell. "I did hit you with it out of left field, didn't I?"

Gibbs nodded. He was silent for a moment. "You talking more than friendship here?"

"Yeah, I am… way beyond friendship. It's been building for a while I guess, although I only realized recently how strong it is, or I'd never have said anything. And then what happened this week… well, it reminded me life's too short." Tony held his gaze, his voice softening. "Never been more relieved to see anyone when I got outta that elevator."

"Was pretty relieved you were okay too."

"And I just want… more. And I have no idea how much I'm screwing this up by even mentioning it and I ought to start packing for a stint in Alaska." Tony rubbed the back of his neck. "The last thing I wanna do is damage our working relationship or our friendship coz both mean the world to me, you know that, but I just can't… go on hiding how I feel anymore. I nearly lost you and that woulda killed me…"

Tony stared at Gibbs, trying to read beyond the impassive mask but failing for once. He hated the imploring note in his voice as he murmured, "Say something, Jethro, please."

"Not sure what to say, Tony." Gibbs began but Tony didn't let him go on before jumping in.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything... I'm sorry if I've embarrassed you… made things awkward. I'd better start packing for the frozen north." Tony made to stand up and was stopped by a firm hand on his arm.

Gibbs squeezed his arm. "You're not going anywhere… just give me a minute, will ya?" He held Tony's gaze until he felt the younger man relax, even if his eyes were still troubled.

Tony nodded. "Sure… take as much time as you need."

Gibbs let his head fall against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes. Tony tried to will himself to calm down, looking around the room in between shooting glances at the Marine, who now had a thoughtful expression on his face.

Gibbs also hadn't seemed to notice that his hand was still on Tony's arm but the strong reassuring grip was the only thing keeping Tony from leaping up and pacing the room, or running for the door.

Eventually, Gibbs huffed out a breath and spoke without turning his head and what he said initially confused Tony with the apparent change in subject.

"Ask me about the basement again?"

"Huh, what?"

"That question earlier… ask me about the basement."

"Uh… okay." Still puzzled but willing to play along, Tony repeated his earlier question. "Basement not cutting it?"

"No." Gibbs turned his head to meet Tony's gaze. "The stairs were empty."

"Oh?... Oh." Tony stared at him wide eyed as the words sunk in.

Gibbs gave a self-deprecating, almost bashful smile, shrugging lightly. "Yeah… crazy, huh?" He paused and Tony waited him out patiently, his heart still hammering from the Marine's admission.

Eventually, Gibbs continued. "Not sure when it started or what it means but when you were flying back from Naples with Ziva… I couldn't settle to anything in the basement. Kept looking across at the stairs as if expecting you to be there."

Tony grinned. "Trust me… on that flight back with Ziva and Stan, I'd rather have been there too."

He remembered Abby grabbing him to say that Gibbs had been acting hinky and he'd seen the evidence for himself easily enough.

Maybe she'd been right after all about the cause of it… him.

"The other night, wanted to… hear your voice, make sure you were okay." Gibbs shifted on the couch, feeling uncomfortable with admitting this but figuring Tony deserved his honesty.

"Well, that's good."

Tony saw the rare vulnerable expression cross Gibbs' face as he huffed a self-conscious laugh. "Confuses the hell outta me."

Tony chuckled. "Well, thanks… I think."

"Aw, hell… I didn't mean…"

Tony shook his head, smiling, wanting to cover Gibbs' hand where it still rested on his arm but not sure if the older man would welcome it just yet. "It's okay… I get it, Jethro. Glad I'm not the only confused one around here."

They stared at one another for a long moment until Gibbs spoke again. "Didn't know you felt like this, Tony."

"And there was me thinking I'd given myself away lots of times before now… letting things slip," Tony confessed quietly.

Gibbs tilted his head as he thought back and then nodded briefly. "Maybe we should."

Tony heard his words repeated from that night weeks ago when Gibbs had joked they should sleep together if they couldn't trust women anymore, and grinned at the Marine, pleased and nervous in equal measure that Gibbs had remembered what he'd said.

"So you did pick up on that, after all. I wondered at the time if you had… was scared how you'd react."

Gibbs lifted one shoulder briefly. "Couldn't work out if you were joking or not. You covered pretty well… but then you always do."

"I thought I'd really blown it," Tony confessed ruefully. "I wondered why you didn't tackle me about it at the time… figured you were just ignoring it and putting it down to my big mouth. Can't do that now, can I?"

Gibbs shook his head, returning Tony's smile.

"The cat's well and truly out the bag and through the cat flap and roaming the neighbourhood…" Tony hesitated before admitting. "I'm glad I told you though."

Gibbs squeezed his arm before letting his hand drop. "Took a lot of guts… How long you felt like this, Tony?"

"A while… you're an attractive guy so that was a given from the get go." Tony fought a blush, but found himself gaining some confidence as Gibbs continued to look at him with interest and warmth and not disgust and horror.

"I guess it's just crept up on me gradually that it's… more than just friendship. Never felt I belonged anywhere until I came here, and that was just as much down to you as it was the job. Then you became more than my boss, you became my friend and my… anchor."

Tony trailed off and let the silence drift for a while, watching Gibbs carefully. Eventually, he went on, feeling his nerves rising again. "So, is this where you let me down gently and I try not to think about how I've screwed up our friendship."

Gibbs shook his head, meeting his eyes seriously. "Nothing you do or say can ever do that, Tony." Gibbs fell silent and Tony waited him out. "As for letting you down gently… not gonna do that either. Gotta work it through myself."

Tony blinked at the somewhat unexpected response. "Take as long as you need… as long as we're still friends."

"Been friends for a long time, Tony." Gibbs held Tony's eyes, his expression serious. "Nothing's gonna change that. Our friendship means a lot. And there's no one I trust more… on and off the job. Rely on you."

"Even the yabba yabba?" Tony teased with a smile.

"Even that." Gibbs chuckled, his gaze softening. "Told you I depend on you." He paused for a moment, trying to order his thoughts and feelings, which he was only really starting to face himself. "Missed you when you were agent afloat. Last year when you went off grid for Sec Nav, hated not having your back… Was worried about you. It was a long four months."

Gibbs watched a range of emotions race across Tony's face. He looked pleased, embarrassed, proud and hopeful in quick succession.

"Didn't like being out there either without you on my six and really hated not being able to talk things through with you." Tony grinned. "And God, I missed that basement… and you. I even missed the sawdust."

"These last weeks, missed you when you weren't here. Seemed to need you around." Gibbs felt his cheeks burning slightly and his eyes darted around the room. "Not sure what it means yet or how to handle it but you… anchor me too, Tony."

"You saying it could mean more for you?"

Gibbs looked at Tony seriously. "Honestly? I don't know if it means more or even what type of more it could be, but it feels like… something."

"Feels like a heck of a something to me…" Tony hesitated before asking almost tentatively. "Do you wanna see if we can make something of this… something."

Gibbs considered how best to reply.

Could he turn a friend into a lover?

He'd done it before, even if it hadn't worked so well, so there was no reason why he couldn't do so this time… with a man.

And with someone who knew him so well, maybe it stood more of a chance of working?

So perhaps he should take a leap?

"Don't wanna ignore it." Gibbs admitted. "Wouldn't be fair to do that to ya anyway."

"So… perhaps we should try figuring it out?"

Gibbs nodded slowly. "Yeah, perhaps we should." His eyes roamed over Tony's face and the younger man sat still under his inspection with difficulty. "Give me some time, Tony. Can you do that?"

Tony smiled slowly, feeling his nerves starting to settle. "I can do that… as I said before, take as much time as you need, Jethro. Just promise me one thing… that we'll still be friends at the end of it, whatever happens."

"Don't wanna do anything to jeopardize that…" Gibbs considered for a moment, but felt he had to mention it. "If this… works, you know I don't do casual well?"

From the wry smile Tony gave him, it was hardly news.

"Well, yeah, I kinda got that…" Tony sobered quickly as he realized what Gibbs might be getting at. "Are you worried about my track record of casual flings and running a mile from commitment?"

Gibbs nodded. "It's gonna come up."

Gibbs knew it was unfair to automatically think of Tony this way. It wasn't quite as simple as Tony leaping from one bed to another. There was a good reason why the younger man had gone down this route in the last ten years…

… and her name was Wendy.

But Gibbs also didn't want to be another notch on Tony's bedpost.

"I won't insult you by promising anything, but I think… no, I know this could be very far from casual for me too. I wouldn't do that to you, Jethro."

Gibbs saw nothing but sincerity in Tony's gaze and nodded slowly. "I think I get that… Good to know."

A thought struck him out of left field.

"Wait. You said something about Abby telling you to go for it."

Tony looked sheepish for a moment. "Yeah, well… I had to confide in someone. She's my friend and I was freaking out… again. But she's the only one who knows how I feel about you."

"Not complaining, Tony. Glad you had someone to talk to."

"She said she wants details if we get together."

Gibbs laughed. "That sounds like Abbs."

"And preferably pictures," Tony added, grinning.

"Thought she might." Gibbs returned his smile before looking at Tony curiously. "She always known you're bi?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah, pretty much… and I could trust her with it, long before it became a bit easier… more acceptable… but even then, I keep it quiet around work, for obvious reasons. When did you know?"

"Didn't for sure… not until tonight. Suspected. Figured some of those women might be men."

Tony hesitated before asking, pretty sure of the answer. "I'm guessing you've not looked twice at a guy before?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Not till now, no."

Tony resisted the urge to turn cartwheels around the room at the 'till now'.

"Shannon always said that gender didn't matter," Gibbs went on. "That it was the person that was important and I agree with her. It's the feelings that matter… trust, getting along well, sharing… stuff, understanding, supporting each other."

Gibbs let his words falter for a moment as he realized all those things already existed here, with Tony.

He shook himself and looked at Tony seriously. "We've got all that already."

Tony nodded, watching Gibbs' face carefully. "We do."

"The rest is just… packaging I guess." Those eyes held his again and Tony fought a shiver as Gibbs continued, "So if it's possible I could take a chance with a man, I could see it being you."

Tony smiled widely. "So what next?"

Gibbs rubbed his hand over his head, giving a self-conscious smile. "Damned if I know."

That got him a laugh and he let his gaze move over Tony's face before asking quietly, "What do you want, Tony?"

"Would you believe me if I said I'm not sure… Hadn't let myself hope I'd get this far," Tony admitted quietly. "Maybe… we could just spend more time together, see if we can turn this something into something that means… something." Gibbs snorted with amusement and Tony grinned. "I know, I sound about 12, don't I?"

Gibbs nodded, his half smile quirking.

Tony laughed, rubbing his neck. "Okay… spend more time together than we do already which is a lot anyway… and see how we go and where we go from there? What d'ya think?"

Gibbs felt something settle inside him as he looked at the younger man.

"I can do that."

TBC…