The second week, as well as reading through a book on herbal remedies the doctor had created, based on some of the plants you could find in Rook, I decided to do a bit of target practice.
As a child, I'd had lessons to defend myself in the jungle, and as we didn't have guns all those years ago, my father had trained me with a knife. I'd never had any brothers so my father was only ever able to pass on his knowledge to me.
I could throw just like the rakyat boys could, sometimes better, so I don't think he even cared.
What helped, I think, was that I was best friends with the new generations leader, and, with that, I was able to get away with almost anything. The Rakyat leaders were quite strict when it came to outsiders, but they made an exception for me.
It made me feel terrible that all those things my father had taught me, I hadn't used. His knowledge didn't really expand to the outside world. He'd have no idea how to use computers and phones if he'd come with us, but he would have learned. Hell, if he'd come with us, I don't think my mum would have given up, I don't think she would of refused the treatment.
I hated her for that. I know I shouldn't, but it wasn't fair. Why did I have to be left, all alone, without answers, without family?
You were safe!
I was going to kill myself!
In the third week of my residency in the cave, I realised something…
I had to find it again.
That survival instinct, the one covered by years of easiness, of being in a city where everything you need to survive was a couple minutes' walk away. I needed to have it back.
The one law of the jungle: every man for himself...
If I couldn't deal with it, I wouldn't survive, and that wasn't an option. I didn't know what to do, but I couldn't give up. I needed the truth! I needed this raging question in my head to be answered. Maybe then I could give up willingly, but, for now, I needed to find that instinct, the instinct that I'd learned so many years before.
I couldn't stay. The more I looked at the sign, the writing worn away by the constant hitting of the knife, I knew I'd just waste away in here. My life would be for nothing. This whole journey would have been a waste. Murphy, Anna, Mag, they would have died in vain...
My last Sunday at the Colonists house brought great things.
I had been rummaging around in some of the cupboards, just checking to make sure there was nothing I had missed when I'd came across the battered old pistol. I pulled it from the back of the cupboard and held it in my hands..
Do you really want to use it? T
The answer was obvious. Without it, I'd die. I'd never be able to survive on the accuracy of a knife.
Remember him, you killed him...
I did remember. The last time I'd shot a gun, I'd killed someone...
It had been necessary. If I hadn't done it, Murphy would have died.
If you hadn't done it, he wouldn't have been ripped to shreds by a tiger...
The voice was right...
I couldn't just let him die...
I threw some water over the fire, killing it, and packed up all my things in to the ruck sack. I left the fishing rod next to the basket I'd used to keep my fish in, for the next weary traveller who happened to pass through and made my way out of the cave and in to the morning darkness.
My plan was to go to Beris town. It was the last place my dad's old friend, Kai had lived, and if that was a failure, I'd go to Church town. I had to find him. Other than Mag and Anna, who had most probably been burned to death by Pirates and guns, he was the only person I was sure could help me.
I had nothing else better to do. I could go after Volker and take my revenge for what he did to Murphy, but without any sort of back-up, and with who knows what guarding him, I'd have . I had to be ready for this, whatever this may actually be.
You really want to die don't you?
I didn't say that!
Then why are you going on a journey that will certainly kill you?
My response to that was why not? What else did I have to lose?
There was always the choice of leaving. I could easily find a boat or commandeer one and just drive out in to the ocean, hoping to find a ship that could take me home again.
It was one of the choices, but it wasn't an option. I could think about it for days on end, but I couldn't leave. This place was my home, my real one. I had to know what had happened, and my curiosity, it would certainly kill me.
And if that doesn't, they probably will…
Apart from pirates and warriors, the only other thing I had to watch out for really was: Tigers, leopards, cassowary's, bears, poisonous snakes, dingo, rabid dogs (because no doubt they still had that epidemic going on), sharks and alligators, although the big brutes often liked to frolic near the lilies, so as long as I stayed away from them, I'd be fine.
So really, apart from the natives, who I was sure would give me no notice as long as they weren't part of the Rakyat, everything in the jungle would happily eat me alive, in more ways than one.
What a fun life you're gonna have...
I sat down outside the colonist's house in the morning air. Not once had anyone come up to search the place, other for me, so I felt comfortable sitting so far out in the open. It also helped that we were on a hill, so I was sure I'd be able to see them before they saw me.
I was also able to watch the sun rise.