Dan stared down at the newspaper in his hands, trying to take it in. Four years of his life were missing. Four years' worth of memories. All the things he had done, all the people he had met, all the sights he had seen. They were gone, and no one knew if they'd ever come back.
He watched the ink begin to run where the salty tears hit the page. Why couldn't he just wake up from this nightmare?
The nurse had only stayed long enough to explain what she could, before she left him in the room with his mother. It was 3.30pm on the clock beside his bed.
'Mum, I'm scared.' Dan broke the silence. His voice was thick and he swallowed hard although his throat was dry. 'I really don't remember any of it.'
'It's going to be ok, Dan, I promise. We can work through this.' She squeezed his hand. 'We'll take things nice and slowly.'
'I just want to go home with you and figure this out.' Dan wiped his eyes, ashamed that he was so weak.
'Oh honey.' She said sadly, a strange expression in her face. 'You don't live with us anymore. You'll be going home with Phil when you get out of here.'
'What? No, no Mum, please don't make me! I don't even know him. I can't live with him, I know nothing about him. Can't I just come home with you?' Dan pleaded, his pulse quickening with fear as he thought about the man who had shouted at a nurse.
'I'm sorry darling, there's just no room for you anymore. We sold the old house; we didn't need so much space when you and Adrian both moved out.' She took in a deep breath. 'You'll be happy with Phil. You've been living together for three years.'
Dan let his head drop back onto the pillow, defeated. So he had no choice. His parents didn't want him around anymore, and he was being forced to live with this man. Apparently he had already been living with him for years, but that didn't make him feel any more comfortable with it. Although… three years was a long time to live with a friend…
'Mum, were me and Phil… are we together?' He asked, sitting up again.
She just nodded at him, before looking down at her hands.
'He's been waiting all day to see you. You must understand, he loves you and he feels awful about what happened. He feels responsible.' She glanced back at the door. 'I'm sorry that he scared you, but you must have scared him too.'
'I want to see him again.' Dan declared, sounding braver than he felt. He was going to have to talk to Phil at some point, and maybe he might be able to jog Dan's memory. 'Could you maybe warn him about all this, and then send him in?'
'Of course, darling.' She looked up and smiled. 'And I'll be right outside if you need me.'
Ten minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door and it opened slowly. Phil stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. They looked at each other in silence for a moment, before Phil made his way across the room. This time, he was calm, and even slightly reluctant to be there. His eyes hadn't left Dan's face since he entered the room, and as he got closer, Dan noticed that they were red and puffy.
Dan cleared his throat awkwardly.
'So, um… sorry about earlier.' He shrugged. 'I, uh, I know who you are now, kind of. No more freaking out, I hope.' He tried to give a little laugh but it sounded empty and died away quite quickly.
Phil dropped into the chair beside his bed and put his head in his hands.
'This isn't fair!' His voice was muffled but he was still loud enough to startle Dan. He jumped slightly and tried to cover it up with a cough. 'Why did this have to happen to you? It should have been me, I deserved it.'
'Yeah, well life isn't fair.' Dan sighed, then realised that he wasn't really comforting his 'boyfriend' very much. 'Phil, I may have only just met you, but I really don't think you deserve this. No one does.'
He raised his head and met Dan's eyes. For a second it seemed like he was going to argue back, but then he shook his head.
'So, is that how we're going to treat it then? As if it's the first time we met?' He didn't seem angry now; he looked confused and lost.
'I guess so. I mean, for me this is the first time we've met.'
Phil stayed with him for hours and they talked into the night, until Dan fell asleep from exhaustion. He had been content to sit and listen to Phil tell him stories about the first time they met. For the first time that day, he had felt comfortable and safe. Talking to Phil just felt natural, and now he wasn't so scared because he knew Phil would be there for him. It was going to take a while to feel ok again, but Phil would support him, and it was clear how much he loved Dan.