*Okay, so keep in mind that there about three more chapters after this one . . .
rileygar25- aw, don't hate Hermione. She had no idea what she was doing to Harry and Draco. I think you'll like her again after this chapter
19missybaker63- Hermione is just a more observant, logical person. Ron was too blinded by his hatred for Malfoy that he couldn't see any hints of Harry behind Redmond
FantasyFiend09- even without his memory, Harry has a connection to Hermione. And I thought Harry would need a more compelling reason to leave Draco to get his memory back than his friends. Teddy is a kindred spirit, whose story mimics his own in a way. And how could he turn down a child in need?
cassy1994- sorry for the cliffie last chapter. I don't know that this one will make you any happier. Though I wouldn't exactly call it a cliffhanger
ClaireBouldwin- I didn't go into details about how Harry got his memories back, mainly because it would have been a bunch of made up mumbo jumbo ha ha. But I wanted to get straight to the reactions to the memories, and figured the technicalities would be boring.
Princessmelodina- I didn't go on FF that day, rest assured. Unfortunately, I did receive some reviews via e-mail. So there were definitely people on that day. And yeah, I'm kinda jealous of Harry and Draco too!
BloodyRose90- you're a sick bastard-no, I'm just kidding! I always write in the angst, so I must be one as well! I always say, anything worth having is worth going through Hell for. Or something like that. And yay, I'm so glad you like Mirabelle.
Antybioda- I'm sorry you were disappointed. I never intended to show the interaction between Harry and Neustadt.
WitchRavenFox- I think this is the toughest chapter, emotion-wise. It's a bit of a rollercoaster.
blueberry709- that's so cool that you found out about this through Tumblr. I don't mind the nicknames, but I know what you mean. In this fic, I thought Draco needed one to distinguish his relationship with Harry from the rest of his life. Harry was someone else, so Draco should be too. And thanks for liking Mirabelle. Since I don't have Blaise in the fic again, she's the one looking out for Draco.
ExpelliarmusBitch- LOL I'm so glad I didn't confuse anybody. That's half the battle- getting out what's in my head without making too many leaps.
Thanks to luvsallthingsslash, Kisa167, earthstar, The Angel Redemption, LalalaSpacingInPandaLand, da-blk-saiyangirl, DracoMalfoyIsMyLionI'mHisLamb, Chance13, Sakura angel dark, DebyMagid, TearsOfTheHeart7 for reading and reviewing! I think chapter 8 was the most reviewed so far!
〪o 〫O〬 o〭
Day sixty-eight, Thursday
Draco walked into his shop after the third day of searching for Harry. He was exhausted and worried. His shop would have fallen to the wayside, had it not been for Mirabelle. She was an invaluable employee and friend. He knew she would do well when he and Harry moved to Paris.
"Anything?" she asked.
He shook his head. "I'm going upstairs," he said curtly. He stopped and turned to face her. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "Thank you for all you've been doing. I don't know what I would have done without you these past few days."
She smiled sympathetically. "I wish I could do more."
"I just don't know where to look anymore," Draco sighed. "Let me know if he comes in."
Draco slowly trudged up the steps leading to his flat. With each passing day, he was less hopeful about finding Harry. And there was little he could do. He certainly couldn't go to the authorities. They were already looking for him, as were his friends. All he could do was hope that Nazar Duncan, whom he thought was responsible for Harry's memory loss, hadn't found him and taken him away.
The flat was dark and lonely without Harry.
"Lumos," he whispered, for it was all the effort he could put forward.
Something was different.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure in the chair. Turning quickly, Draco pointed his wand at the intruder.
"Harry!" Draco grinned and took a step forward. He stopped when he saw that it was no longer his Harry, but the Harry that was his former childhood adversary. "You've gotten your memory back." It was a statement rather than a question.
"Was it fun? Humiliating me?" Harry's eyes were hard and steely, despite the warm green color they possessed.
"I didn't humiliate you."
"I let you fuck me!" Harry yelled. "I wanted you to fuck me. You tricked me into wanting you to fuck me. I'd call that humiliation."
Shaking his head, Draco replied, "I didn't trick you. I only let you see me for who I really am, rather than the two-dimensional spoiled prick you thought you knew in school."
Harry closed his eyes and attempted to gather his thoughts. He came to the flat with a purpose, he didn't want to get drawn in by Draco again.
"There were any number of choices you could have made when you found me. Why didn't you contact the Ministry? Or Ron? Why keep me here if not to demean me? You must have known how I would react when I regained my memory." Harry couldn't help but seek answers to the questions that had plagued him since regaining his memory. He wasn't sure how he would react if Draco indeed acknowledged his intentions to bring Harry down in the most undignified way possible.
Looking down so as to avoid the eyes that at one time melted his heart, Draco told the truth. "I did think I could gain something from keeping you here, but not what you think. I thought perhaps if I could restore your memory myself, show you some . . . kindness, that it would translate into real respect in the wizarding community for me. So, yes, at first, I used you."
It wasn't exactly a satisfying answer. Though Draco admitted his motives were less than honorable, they weren't quite sinister either.
"But," Draco continued. "If you'll recall, I treated you with nothing but respect. I fed you, clothed you, reintroduced you to wizarding ways."
"And told me half truths."
Draco chanced to look at Harry's face. "You could have walked away at any time. You knew enough to find your own way, if you really wanted to. And you treated me like . . . a friend. I enjoyed it too much to risk losing it."
Harry took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. This wasn't going at all the way he thought it would. He was expecting a fight, at the very least some yelling, or an attempt at a few curses. He was expecting to walk away hating this man, so he could be done with it. But that wasn't going to happen.
"Malfoy, what you did was wrong," Harry said quietly. "Don't you see that?"
"It's hard for me to regret," Draco confessed.
"Because you knew what you were getting yourself into," Harry reminded him.
"You initiated everything."
Harry closed his eyes. "I remember." Draco had him there. Harry knew all too well that he had been the aggressor in their relationship. Draco had tried to resist, at first.
The silence dragged on.
"Harry, you can still come back."
Opening his eyes, Harry shook his head. "I can't. I can't forget all the memories I just got back."
"I'm not asking you to. I'm only asking you to put the new ones first. Remember how happy you were here."
"I'm sorry," Harry said honestly. "I don't know how you can put aside all the animosity, but I can't. I can't come back. I mainly came here to tell you that I won't be harassing you in your shop anymore. I owe you that much at least, for all you've done for me. But I want you to stay away from me."
"Please don't say that. I love you," Draco choked out. He regretted not saying the words Harry longed to hear when he had the chance. It seemed those words now fell upon deaf ears. Worse, Draco finally learned to open up, to show his vulnerability, and it was wasted.
Harry stood. He needed to get out of there as soon as possible, before he lost the will.
"I . . . thank you, for trying to fix me." Harry began to walk past Draco to leave.
"I think it was you who fixed me." Draco reached out his hand as Harry passed. "Please," he begged softly.
"Good bye Drake." Harry swiftly walked down the stairs into the shop, pulling his cloak over himself so Mirabelle wouldn't notice him. He made his way through to the front door, silenced the bell and walked out. Once in the alley, Harry finally let the tears flow.
Meanwhile, Draco flopped down onto the bed. He was too numb to cry, or feel anything at all that night. But he knew the next day would be pure Hell. Exhaustion took over as he clutched onto Harry's pillow and fell asleep.
〪o 〫O〬 o〭
Day seventy-nine, Monday
"Harry, do you really think you're ready to come back to work?" Hermione asked.
"Yes, why? Do you think I'm not?"
"It's only been two weeks since I found you. You've just filed the Blonski file in the G section. And you tossed your lunch into the trash and put your copy of the Prophet in the fridge."
His brow furrowed as he tried to recall doing either thing.
"Oh." He looked down into his trash bin. His lunch bag was indeed inside. "I'm a bit distracted is all."
"Did the counselor suggest you come back already? Or are you just being you."
Harry attempted a smile. "You know me well Hermione. But I couldn't sit around my house doing nothing for one more day."
"But something is bothering you, isn't it? Can I help?"
Shaking his head, Harry plopped down into his chair. Hermione took the seat on the other side of his desk.
"I appreciated your concern, Mione. There are some things I have to work out for myself."
"Is the counseling helping at all?" she queried.
"I'm not seeing the counselor anymore," he admitted.
"You need to talk to someone, Harry. Don't try to get through this on your own. I'm certain Ron would-"
"No, I can't talk to Ron. I mean, not yet."
"Harry, please, I can see that something is eating you up inside." Hermione reached across the desk to gently touch his hand. "You know you can tell me anything."
Nodding, Harry agreed. "I know. But . . . I hope you won't judge me too harshly."
She smiled. "I won't judge you at all." She paused. "You didn't tell the counselor anything of consequence did you? Is that why she let you come back to work?"
"I sold a boring story about being lost in a remote area and found by a kind muggle. I don't even recall how I told her I got back to Diagon Alley. Whatever it was, she bought it and deemed me mentally stable enough to return to my job."
"What really happened to you? Were you held against your will?"
"No, quite the contrary. I was well cared for, and free to go if I wished. Of course, I wasn't told the entire truth, so I feared leaving. I suppose there was some truth to the idea that whoever stole my memory could have been searching for me to finish the job, or do worse."
"So, you only felt as though you were free to leave. In reality, you were . . . brainwashed, for lack of a better term."
"I don't think it was quite that deliberate," Harry told her.
"Harry, you sound like a classic case. Quite often, a victim sympathizes with their captor, and takes blame upon himself. Whoever kept you committed a crime."
"It's more complicated than that Hermione." He looked away at nothing on a shelf. "I fell in love. And I would have gladly stayed forever if I hadn't gotten my memory back."
"But you did," Hermione said. "And that's the biggest problem, isn't it? You don't think you would ever have loved this person under normal circumstances. Is that right?"
Hermione always could figure things out better than anyone. He easily pulled the wool over the counselor's eyes. But Hermione was a different story, she cut right to the chase.
Harry nodded.
"Who was it?" she asked tentatively, knowing he most likely wasn't ready to tell.
He met her gaze, a very serious look in his eye. "You'd be surprised on more than one account."
"I said I wouldn't judge you, and I meant that. You don't have to tell me, but you might feel better if you get it off your chest."
Harry took in a deep breath and let it out quickly, causing his lips to puff out and papers on his desk to flutter.
"All right," he said. "The person who took me in is . . . a man." He looked away to avoid the expression on Hermione's face. Had he been looking, he would have seen her knowing smile, rather the look of disgust he was expecting.
"Do you feel better saying it?"
"No."
"Harry, look at me. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm glad you finally said something. I've suspected for a while now. Ever since you broke up with Ginny."
"You knew?" Harry was incredulous.
"Not for certain, but I thought perhaps there was something between you and Cortlandt Bartholomew."
Harry's face reddened. He had, in fact, dated Cortlandt secretly. Or so he thought.
"Briefly," Harry admitted. "It was too difficult. He was out and didn't want to sneak around. I didn't blame him, but I wasn't ready."
"Are you ready now?" Hermione questioned.
"Perhaps. I'm not sure how to, um, tell people."
Hermione smirked. "It's not as though you need to make an announcement. Just don't hide it any longer. People will figure it out for themselves. Not that it's anyone else's business."
"Thank you, Mione."
Hermione shifted in her chair. "Harry, the curiosity is going to kill me. Who was it? Who found you?"
There was a long silence before he answered.
"Malfoy," he said softly.
"Malfoy," she repeated blankly. "Draco Malfoy?"
"Are there any others running around free?" Harry asked sarcastically.
"Draco Malfoy took you in and cared for you? He tried to help you get your memory back? Draco Malfoy is the person you-oh." Hermione sat speechless after the revelation.
He could see by her expression that she wasn't sure how to feel about Harry's disclosure. Her eyebrows twitched more than usual, sometimes furrowing, sometimes raising. She licked her lips in preparation for speaking, but no words came out. Finally, Hermione cleared her throat and leaned forward.
"Are you certain?"
"Of course I'm certain," Harry answered indignantly.
"Sorry, stupid question. I have another one. Why, or how?"
Harry's demeanor softened, and his eyes had a distant look to them. A faint smile graced his face. "He's very different from the person we all thought he was. He's intelligent and thoughtful. Gentle, when he wants to be. Powerful when he needs to be. And as vulnerable as any of us. He still has the sarcastic wit, but you can see that he doesn't mean it most of the time. He has a wonderful sense of humor," Harry grinned. "One time, he played a prank on Mirabelle-"
Harry's smile dropped.
"I don't want to remember those times anymore."
"Harry, have you spoken to him since you've recovered?"
"Yes, just after. He'd apparently been searching for me for three days, not knowing you and Ron found me."
"And?" she prodded.
"And, I ended it."
"Just like that?"
"We talked first."
Hermione pursed her lips.
"Were you happy?" she asked.
"Yes. So happy." Harry closed his eyes briefly. "But that was before I realized what he'd done."
"No, I mean before you went to stay at Malfoy's."
He sighed. "Not particularly."
"And now you're downright miserable," Hermione pointed out. "If Ron and I let a few fights and hexes keep us apart, we never would have gotten married," she chuckled softly.
"There were more than a few fights between me and Malfoy. And our hexes nearly killed each other."
"All I know, Harry, is that the only time I've seen you smile recently is when you talked about Malfoy. Perhaps if both of you have changed, it could work."
"But he lied to me for months."
"Forgive me for saying this, did you do anything to confirm Malfoy's credibility? Did you question anything he told you?"
Thinking back, Harry had to admit that Hermione was right. "No, not really. Even though there were times I was sure he knew more than he was telling me. And he contradicted himself occasionally."
"So, a part of you wanted to live blissfully unaware."
"A big part," Harry confessed. "The day before you ran into me at the bookstore, I strongly suggested that he needn't try so hard to figure out how to get my memory back. I was ready to give up and stay with him."
"And now you're ready to give up on him altogether?"
Harry hung his head. "I don't want to. I miss him so much," he said quietly. "I miss feeling . . . loved."
"Then, don't give up."
〪o 〫O〬 o〭
Day eighty, Tuesday
Harry steeled himself and pushed open the door to The Dragon's Lair.
Mirabelle made her way to the front of the shop when she heard the tiny bell over the door. When she saw Harry's face, she frowned.
"He's not here," she said brusquely. "But the receipts are all in order. I'll get them." Mirabelle turned in a huff.
"Wait, I'm not here for that. Is he in the back?"
"No. He really isn't here," she replied. "Now, if that's all . . ."
"Mirabelle, please."
"It's Miss Goodwin," she corrected.
"Miss Goodwin, it's me, Harry."
"Yes, Mr. Potter, I know. People may think you're some kind of hero, but you hold no status in this establishment. I think people would be appalled at the way you've hounded Mr. Malfoy for the past few years."
Harry lowered his head, "You're right. I've come to apologize."
"Hmph. Well, you're too late."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean he's gone to set up another shop in- wait, why should I tell you?" She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Tell me, please," he begged. "Has he gone to Paris?"
"How did you know? Are you having him followed now?" Mirabelle crossed her arms over her chest crossly. "I don't care who you are, I'm going to report you to your superiors."
"No. He told me about it himself. I'm Harry. Drake's Harry. I was wearing a glamour while I lived here."
Her arms dropped to her side as her mouth fell open.
"That's impossible. I don't believe you," she said quietly.
"Then ask me something, something only that Harry would know," he challenged.
She thought for a moment. "What did he ask me to buy for him?"
"When?" Harry asked, already wracking his brain. Surely there had been several occasions when Mirabelle picked something up for Harry on a trip through the Alley.
Knowing the question may have been a bit vague, Mirabelle clarified. "Early on. He wanted to do something special for Mr. Malfoy."
A smile grew on Harry's face as he recalled what it was. "Among other things, I asked you to buy flour, sugar, baking soda and bananas. I made him homemade pancakes, the muggle way."
Once again, her mouth dropped open.
He reached into his pocket. "I never did get a chance to pay you back. Here." He handed her several galleons more than he had borrowed. Then he took out his wand and waved it over his head. The glamour he had worn while working in the shop glimmered into view.
Mirabelle gasped. "It is you!" She frowned. "Did he know that?"
Harry nodded. "He knew it was me from the beginning. But I really had lost my memory. I didn't know who either of us were. I suppose he didn't tell you the whole story."
"He only told me that you decided to leave and that your relationship was over." Mirabelle looked closely at the glamour faced man. "I take it you got your memory back. Is that why you left? Because, as Harry Potter, you couldn't live with Draco Malfoy?"
"I thought so," Harry told her. "But now, I think I can't live without him. If he'll have me back. I was . . . cruel when I last spoke to him."
"If you're sincere, I'll tell you where the new place is. He's there renovating now."
Harry removed the glamour. "I'm not going to hide anymore. I'm going to go to him as myself and everyone in the wizarding world can go to Hell if they don't like it."
〪o 〫O〬 o〭
For the second time that day, Harry found himself standing in front of an apothecary shop, nervously shifting from foot to foot. The sign on the door read CLOSED. He didn't know if it was closed for lunch, for the day or forever. There was no other place to look for Draco. He had no idea where he was staying in Paris, or even if he was staying in Paris.
He sighed, deflated.
After about the fifth or sixth time circling the block, Harry looked up at the building to see a light coming from the second floor window. He strode to the front door and knocked loudly. Harry waited patiently in anticipation of their reunion, apology at the ready.
The door opened, revealing a startled Draco. The surprise was quickly replaced by a slight frown.
"Potter," he said, without emotion.
"I'm not Harry anymore?" Harry asked, smirking.
"No."
The serious tone in which Draco answered took Harry by surprise. He decided to get his apology out straightaway.
"I was an arse. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone to you so soon after regaining my memories. My mind was a jumbled mess."
"No, Potter. You were right to break things off. I did take advantage of you. I didn't intend to do it, especially the way I did. The things that happened between us never should have."
"But they did," Harry protested. "And I can't forget it."
"I could Obliviate you if you'd like," Draco returned humorlessly. "My apologies. That was in poor taste."
"Drake-"
"Draco," the blond corrected. "Look Potter, I got what I wanted. And apparently so did you. You didn't have to come here to apologize for being honest with me. Whatever was between us, wasn't really us anyway. It was Drake and Redmond. All I wanted was for the man who seemed Hell-bent on tormenting me for the rest of my life to back off. And unless you're going back on your word, I got what I wanted."
"What about what I want?" Harry asked.
"You got your memory back. I realize that you could argue that no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't me that restored it. But I thought you were at least honorable."
"I'm not going back on my word. I promised not to harass you anymore and I meant it."
The pair stood in silence. The conversation wasn't going anything like Harry'd imagined. He could see that Draco was ready to walk away. He was back to the man he was in younger days, cold and withdrawn. Harry knew it was because of him.
"If that's all, I have a lot of work to do to open this shop," Draco said. He took a step back and began to close the door.
"I told Hermione about us."
The door stopped moving but Draco gave no verbal response. He thought Harry would have kept their affair a secret from the world, especially his best friends. For a split second, doubt began to leave his mind.
"She told me to come after you."
Draco sighed. "If you had to be told, then it doesn't matter. Does it?"
He closed the door, leaving Harry on the step, numb. Logically, Harry should have been relieved. He didn't believe the wizarding world would never accept them as a pair anyway. But Harry was unprepared for the way he felt-empty, as if the wind had been knocked out of him. And he wanted more than anything, to go back to being Harry Redmond, and crawl under the covers with his Drake for the rest of eternity.
〪o 〫O〬 o〭
I hope Hermione has redeemed herself in many of your eyes. This probably isn't the most satisfying way to end this chapter. But what's a love story without a little angst? Okay, a lot of angst :)
And you all were worried about how Harry was going to handle the situation. But don't be too mad at Draco.