A/N: theres probably a million typos in here. im sorry for the hiatus. and thank you everyone for the reviews and being such sweethearts! each and every one of them made me smile and encouraged me not to give up.
You were dreaming.
In your dream, you weren't much more graceful or less of a dork than you were in real life, but there was anime, and that was always something cool to dream about. A couple of your favorite different (bishonen) protagonists did what they always did, keeping evil at bay and all that, because you were never strong enough to do that, even in your own dreams.
These dreams were always cool, but they were pretty commonplace for you.
What really got your attention though, was a skateboard. There was a skateboard and there was Kurloz, and he was laughing and talking to you, and you were pretty excited about all this. So you climbed on that skateboard like a moron, and attempted to conquer the skatepark that happened to be nearby to impress your potential boyfriend. So off you went- you hadn't been too bad at skateboarding when you were little, it felt like flying- but you wiped out. You wiped out, landing awkwardly on a ledge and your skateboard flew off to god knows where, and you ended up hitting your head.
You also passed out, in your dream, even though you were already asleep, which is sort of strange.
Afterwards you woke up in a hospital bed; all wrapped up in some bandages and rolled up in some shitty hospital blankets. You're not too sure if it's possible to feel pain in dreams, but you sure did. You had felt the cement making friendly with your back pretty clearly, and the blow to your head that made you pass out like a loser. Now that you had woken up (in your dream) Kurloz was shaking his head at you, mumbling something about "not this shit again" and proceeded to fuss over you. It was embarrassing. You also had a huge headache.
Kurloz was not the type to be easily impressed, even in a different plane of reality, it seemed. Still, even if you had made a fool of yourself, again, something deep in your ribcage was swelling up. Something that felt like affection. Something, that when he put the tips of his fingers against your forehead felt a lot like affection. Something that felt a lot like lov-
The tapping was getting a little intense. It was making it hard to think. Also, some dull background noise, kind of like static was making it hard to focus. You groaned and rolled away from Kurloz, who just persisted more, tapping you lightly on the nose, on the lips, on your cheeks.
Until you had actually woken up, for real this time, in someplace you didn't recognize.
"What...?"
Kurloz actually was standing over you, though. It took a moment for you to notice him, but there he was. A small smile stretched over his thin lips and he reached into your hair and gave it a soft once-over, before he stood up to his full height, looking at you expectantly.
It also took you another moment to realize where you were. You were in Kurloz' bed, and you actually had a headache. It wasn't as bad as the one in your dream, and all of those phantom wounds you had attained were gone, but there was an ache somewhere up in your skull anyways. You wondered silently why you were here, in Kurloz' bed, with a killer headache, but then it all came rushing up to greet you, kind of like that cement in your dream.
Horrus.
"...What time is it?" You asked in a small voice. You felt much better after a nap, but if you'd forgotten to take Tavros home after skipping school, you were a dead man walking. Your dad would flay your corpse and hang it from the backyard balcony for the neighbors to see.
Actually, that wouldn't happen. Your father would probably just tackle you and wrestle you to the ground in some sort of headlock, and burn his knuckles into your bleached roots. Then he'd toss you onto your feet and give you a swift kick in the ass, and then he'd go and take a couple of your favorite mangas and dvds for a few days as punishment.
Sometimes, you dad just seemed ridiculous. His hair was still shades of red, although in much more muted tones than yours, and it wasn't out of control like yours, either.
Kurloz gestured to the electronic clock he had on his desk, reminding you of your current situation. It was half an hour past lunch, and you estimated you'd been passed out for maybe an hour. You kind of wished that Kurloz let you sleep longer, but this was his house and his bed, so you weren't the boss here. Then Kurloz handed you a note, which read, ["I made lunch. You want some?"]
You threw the blankets off with a half-groan and half yawn, sitting yourself up. You also nodded and heard a quiet noise that sounded like a laugh- you looked up at Kurloz and he bent down, and brushed some of your now-flattened hair out of your face and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. It had you blush a warm shade- you felt rather warm from both your dream and how unbelievably soft Kurloz' bed was, and then he had to be a jerk and kiss you.
Kurloz motioned towards the door and grabbed your hand, and led you out of his room. Now the rest of the house seemed rather cold, and it was still dark, though not nearly as dark as it had been earlier. Then a thought struck you- "Did you skip classes today?"
A low hum and a nod came from Kurloz and he made some sort of motion with his hand, and turned forwards again. This didn't placate you, and although Kurloz didn't seem annoyed or upset, it worried you. "You didn't...skip classes for me, did you? Shit...I'm sorry."
Soon you were both down the stairs and Kurloz led you into an impressive looking dining room. It was fancy, and it kind of reminded you of some Victorian animes and shit like that, and you kind of wanted to eat in here- but Kurloz kept leading you along and you tried to not look so disappointed. Then you were in an equally as impressive kitchen that had a smaller table in it, with some soup and sandwiches piled up on a plate. In response to your question, Kurloz held out a hand and looked over his shoulder at you and made a 'so-so' sort of gesture, which you figured was a yes and a no.
Kurloz hadn't been in class when he'd found you earlier, and he'd smelled like smoke, so- maybe he'd been skipping class already? You frowned in thought, but you sat down and pulled up some food anyways.
Of course there was already a pen and paper on the table where Kurloz sat, and as soon as you'd had a mouthful of soup, he was writing. Then he shoved the paper in your direction on the table. ["So, you feelin' any better now, brother?"]
A shade of red started to color your face- a trait Kurloz seemed to bring out of you, and you were starting to hate it. Horrus had stopped making you blush about a month into your on-and-off again relationship. "...Yeah. I feel a lot better now, actually. Thanks for letting me crash in your bed..."
Then there was that damn smirk of his. ["Anytime. You can crash there all a motherfucker pleases. Ain't the only thing he can use it for, either."]
Oh, no. This was going way too fast for your tastes. Sure- you'd be lying if you hadn't already gotten off to some thoughts of Kurloz, but- that didn't mean you were about to sleep with him. You weren't ready to fuck up another relationship, even if Kurloz seemed like the sort of guy who had all his shit figured out. You weren't the sort of guy who had your shit figured out, not by a long shot, you weren't even sure if you wanted to go to college yet.
Some sort of unmanly squeak left your throat and you didn't even know it was possible for a dude your size to sound that way. You slapped a hand over your mouth and dared a glance up at Kurloz, and- the asshole was just full out grinning at you. Then you picked up a sandwich and shoved it into your face before you tried to speak again, lest you make any more of those awful noises. "...Haha...uh...yeah. That would be...real cool. S-so, did you...skip class?"
A flicker of disappointment tugged at the corner of Kurloz' lips and he had some soup before entertaining you with a response. ["Yeah, brother. I ain't all that sure of your schedule and all that shit- you gotta drive your little brother home and all that shit, yeah? Plus we gotta get your shit outta school- and I'm assuming you don't wanna do that by yourself."] Your head shook a quick hell no in response and Kurloz' smile grew a little more platonic. ["Right. So as much as I enjoy having a hot brother all tucked in real sweet in my bed, we gotta take care of some shit."]
Kurloz was kind of reminding you constantly it seemed that you were complete shit at flirting. You stumbled with your words for a moment before something coherent came out. "Y-yeah. Uh. I would...really appreciate it if you could like...come into the school with me to get my shit. Like. I'm sure I could do it myself, I mean, I gotta drive Tavros home myself, so..." Kurloz' lips fell into a straight line for some reason and that bothered you. "...yeah. I just...don't know if I could handle running into Horrus right now...or...Damara, for that matter, either...maybe not Meulin either..."
Kurloz' smile was gone, replaced with a rather somber expression. His dark blue eyes wouldn't meet yours; he focused on his pad of paper and his food for a moment before he looked up at you again. ["I got you, brother. You ain't gonna talk to no one you don't wanna, I'll make sure of it. We'll get your little brother home on time and all that shit. In the mean time..."] Kurloz dropped the pen and sat back in his chair, looking thoughtful for a moment. ["I got two suggestions, cause we ain't gotta be goin' nowhere for a couple more hours. If you wanna stay here right now, that is."] You nodded quickly again. ["Aight. Well...you up for talkin' about what happened yet? Or do you wanna talk about somethin' else? I just wanna make sure a brother is feelin' okay, and all that shit."]
Well, that nap had done wonders for you. Being here in this (weird) house with Kurloz was kind of sobering, and it was making you feel completely removed from a bunch of shit you caused and- you actually felt rather safe here. Sure, you didn't really want Kurloz to know about your sexual history or about all the alcohol and drugs you abused, or your tendency to still sleep with Damara but- he was making you feel safe. Comfortable. After a moment of staring at Kurloz' eyes and wondering what he kept in his hair to make it so huge- a gun, maybe? You half-smiled at your own joke before you nodded in agreement. "...Okay. Well...uh...what do you wanna know?"
Kurloz' bony shoulders rose and fell in a lazy shrug. ["Anything you feel like spillin', bro. I ain't gonna judge you none or any of that sorta unrighteous noise. But...I would like to know what was all said to make you feel like you needed to be alone to cry like that."]
This time your cheeks heated up because...shame crawled its way back up along your spine and latched onto your shoulder blades and collarbones. You promised yourself, no, you told yourself you weren't going to cry anymore again today, so you swallowed that lump that had made itself at home in your throat and nodded again. "...Alright. Well...I had a spare second period today...and like...I guess Horrus does too? I kinda thought he had shop or some shit but I guess he didn't..." Kurloz nodded, to show that he was listening. "And he like...came up to me while I was just hanging out by myself outta nowhere and he like...started asking me if my phone was broken or something. Because I haven't answered his calls or messages in like...two weeks." A nervous laugh bubbled up from your chest.
"And I like...tried to tell him off easy that...I just wasn't interested anymore? I've told him several times already but he just keeps...pushing. He said that he stepped off to give me time to myself, so I could like...rethink the things I said and did to him that I didn't mean. As if I need his permission to have time to myself...you know?" You surprised yourself, because you sounded angry again, but the amount of venom that had tapered into your tone didn't seem to faze Kurloz. Maybe not outwardly. "And he just...kept talking. He never listens. He always goes off on his feelings, and he has to put his opinion into everything I say and he just talks over whatever I have to say...and doesn't give me any time to...tell him how I really feel. It makes me feel like shit. Like...my feelings don't really matter or...something."
You sucked in your bottom lip for a moment. Kurloz' blue-eyed gaze met yours evenly. Everything about this boy was even, and taken care of, except for his hair, maybe. Your breath was a little ragged and the pulse of your jagged heart hadn't been right since you fucked Damara over. You would be lying if you said you weren't a little jealous of how put-together Kurloz seemed. "So I...I got mad. I yelled at him. I've...haha, I've never done that shit before. I'm always...quiet, around him. He does all the talking...but I...I yelled at him. I told him about how I've been...cheating on him. How I...kind of dated someone behind his back." At this you lowered your eyes, holding your arm to your side tightly. You were afraid of what Kurloz was going to say, and what he was going to think of you.
"I wanted...to hit him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to like...shove him against the lockers. I ain't...never really fought, you know? Not for...myself. If some asshole decided to give Tavros shit...I'd fuck them over real fast. But...I've never...done that. The look on his face...he apologized to me and he kept trying to touch me and I just...pushed him away, and then fucked off." You laughed softly again. Your head hurt a lot. "I wanted to just like...go home or something, but I was a dumbass and forgot my van keys...and I wasn't sure if Horrus was coming after me or not...so..." Your breath cut short. "That's when you found me."
Kurloz still had apathy written all up over his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. After a few moments of your lightly jarred breathing, Kurloz reached over and gave the hand you had on your abandoned sandwich a squeeze. Then you looked up at him, really looked at him, but you didn't find the disgust or disappointment you thought you would find. Kurloz didn't squeeze your hand too hard, because it was still all wrapped up. Then he lifted it gently and bowed his crown of curls to you, and laid his lips over your knuckles and expanse of bones and veins on the back of your hand. What little breath you had caught escaped you again- then he kissed your bandages before he sat up again.
The pen was in his hand. ["I'm sorry, Rufioh."]
Well, you weren't crying or blushing this time, so that was an improvement. You felt a little vacant of all your insides, if anything.
"I'm...I'm sorry too. I feel so...shitty. I wish I could take it all back. He's...he's my best friend, you know? I slept with my best friend and then...did all that shit to him. I didn't mean for things...to go the way they did." You took your hand back, cradling it under the table, hopefully out of sight from the boy who sat across from you. "I'm sorry, Kurloz..."
A small sigh left Kurloz and he shook his head slowly. ["You ain't be needing to apologize to this here motherfucker, brother. If anything, you need to apologize to yourself for the way you been treatin' yourself. I been around long enough to...see the sorta shit that's been goin' on with you. Maybe you need to apologize to Horrus, and maybe the weeaboo chica but...not now. Only if you really want, man. Right now you need to be takin' good care of yourself, and that little bro of yours. Don't worry about all that shit, you can take care of that later."]
["...Okay?"]
Your head felt heavy as you nodded back. "...Okay..."
Silence filled the air along with the lack of oxygen in your lungs. After a few moments you remembered you had food and you started to eat again. The soup was almost cold, but Kurloz' cooking was good, so it made up for any loss of heat. As you ate you began to get lost in your thoughts again, and you hardly noticed when Kurloz started writing again. It was only once the note was pushed in front of you that you noticed it. ["I been wondering...would a brother be interested in learning some sign language?"]
Not long after Kurloz suggested it he took off upstairs again, looking a little excited. You'd agreed just about immediately, because you had been desperately wanting to break down what barriers existed between the two of you. Kurloz was an enigma to you, you felt as though you knew next to nothing about this boy who'd been unlucky enough to capture your attention. You were interested in learning- you looked up a few things about being mute online and some basic sign language, but you were unsure- you weren't sure if learning would be awkward and unwanted, so you had stopped your process prematurely.
Maybe you'd been studying sign language a little more closely than you had been studying your texts lately, but Kurloz didn't need to know that.
The books that Kurloz came back with were dog-eared and worn, and the spine of the books were all stressed. When you picked up a book Kurloz looked a little shy- reminding you of how he looked when you had first tried talking to him beforehand- but you offered him a smile. A smile, because you were a little excited yourself; Kurloz was sharing parts of himself with you, and if you kept at it, you would probably be able to maybe sign a few things to him and catch him off guard. Kurloz didn't need to know you were just a little ahead of where he probably thought you were. Not that you understood anything.
The books were kind of musty and they had some angry looking scribbles and doodles scrawled across the pages. For some reason Kurloz looked apologetic about them, but he didn't offer and kind of explanation for the sketches. They were kind of nice, but they also made you ache a little. You didn't know he was an artist, but you guess you should have picked that up from his style of dress and the nature of his face paint.
Kurloz walked you through some really basic movements- like "yes" and "no" and then to simple conversations, like "how are you" and those types of things. You'd looked up the hand movements before but you hadn't really understood them, because diagrams online didn't do any kind of justice to actual demonstrations- so you actually picked up the easy stuff fairly quickly. Kurloz seemed impressed.
Which is why he decided to play dirty, you decided. Then Kurloz taught you how to sign, "I love you", and he leant in to press a light kiss at the corner of your lips, catching you totally off guard. You'd been so focused on his hands and trying to impress him that it staggered you, causing your hands to fall slack at your sides and for you to turn about a million shades of warm colors.
"That's...that's not fair." You managed to croak after a moment of staring at the mute boy. Kurloz' shoulders shook in his cute wheezy laugh.
Oh, hell no. You weren't going to let him get the upper hand so easily- so you grabbed his hands, ignoring whatever he was going to sign to you, because you probably weren't going to understand it anyways. You leant in and pressed a firm but messy kiss to his lips.
A sound that you hadn't heard from Kurloz before left him, making you grin. You'd been wanting to kiss the hell out of this guy for a while, and now that you were doing it, you weren't sure you'd be able to hold yourself back all that well. So you shuffled a little closer and put an arm around his waist, tugging him up against you.
Kurloz seemed completely stunned for a moment while you did this, making you grin against his lips- but he seemed to recover after a moment, sliding his arms around your hips and your shoulders, deepening the contact.