IV.

RODNEY

"Stupid. Useless. Mind numbing idiotic…"

"Why is it that always when I find you here in your lab Doctor McKay, you're always mumbling about useless, stupid or any other synonym for these two words?"

"AAHH! Major Lorne what have I told you about sneaking around!"

"That I shouldn't do it, and that I should walk louder so that you won't get a heart attack because then there won't be anyone on Atlantis smart enough to save it."

"Exactly, so then why are you sneaking up on me?"

"Sorry, I did knock and I did announce myself but you were very into whatever you're doing right now."

"Oh really," said Rodney crossing his arms over his chest whilst looking at Lorne.

Lorne as usual looked calm and relaxed, as if there was not a single trouble in the world. Sometimes, yes observe sometimes Rodney was jealous of the Major's talent of staying calm and not get angry, or at least letting it show outwards what he thought. The Major's calm was a bit like Sheppard's emotionless mask that came up when he got mad or in a serious gunfire or something when they were off world.

"So why are you here?"

"I heard you're in charge of putting up the new…" for a moment Lorne trailed off not looking too pleased when he continued, "security cameras that Fields has gotten for us."

"Yes I am, and god knows why, we've got perfectly well functioning live detectors already up, that we've been using since we got here," complained Rodney sitting down in his chair.

"Well from what I've heard these cameras will be for Fields eyes only and possible other members from the IOA, be glad Fields isn't allowed to have them put up in our private quarters," said Lorne in a dry voice.

"What? You mean Sheppard wasn't joking when he said Fields had wanted it?"

"Nope, thank God Commander Mitchell got the man to change his mind, after all having cameras put up in every ones bathrooms would be a bit more than creepy."

"Oh you don't say!"

"Well I'm supposed to help you, so I just thought I'd see when you were going to do it," said Lorne.

That took Rodney by surprise. He had thought he was just going to be assigned some marine that would make sure nothing happened while he fixed the cameras, putting them in place but this was both much better and much worse. The thought of spending a few hours alone with Lorne, made Rodney's blood burn but on the same time he was worried. What if he said something odd? Or what if he totally embarrassed himself? Right now the only real communication he had with Lorne, was when the man came down to the labs or was assigned as the day's lab rat, or when they were on a mission together and Rodney did not want their somewhat odd and steady friendship to break. At least this was better than no communication at all.

"Oh really? And is it forced participation or will you be there from your own free will?"

"Don't you worry about that Doctor McKay; I'm not being forced to do anything. Actually I'm quite looking forward to it; it gives me the opportunity to spend a few hours out from my office that's not the mess hall or off world or sleeping, or the infirmary."

"Well they got here the day before yesterday so I thought I'd do it tomorrow, when most people are off world and not running around the hallways."

Most people not on duty, or more specific important duty like watching out for enemies and stuff had been invited to join the Athosians on the mainland to celebrate that they had now been allied for six years. Rodney had already declined when Teyla had asked him and now when he got stuck with this camera thingy problem it just made things easier. He knew she had been a bit disappointed that Rodney would not be there, but both Ronon and Sheppard would go as most other people, even Mitchell would be going. Fields like the real party pooper but to most peoples' happiness, would not be leaving Atlantis.

"You're not going to the festivities?"

"No, I had a lot I had thought I'd be able to finish when I'd have the lab to myself but now it seems the whole day will go to putting up cameras instead."

"Don't worry Doc, we'll do it quick then you can go back to your small projects. When do you want to start?"

"Everyone will leave after breakfast so then?"

"That's fine by me, I'll meet you in the mess hall," said Lorne a small smile appearing on his handsome face.

For a moment Rodney could do nothing but look, trying not to let his obvious lust for the man in front of him show. That would be a bit awkward.

"I'll see you then Major."

"You too doctor, don't overwork yourself."

With those words Lorne turned around and left. Rodney could not stop his eyes from following the Major's retreating form. He did not let himself breath before the door shut, taking a deep breath Rodney slumped in his chair. He was fucked. Falling in love with a man, a man who was straight and if he was gay then restricted by the DADT (although working on Atlantis did mean it was not as empowered here as on earth but still) was probably the worst plan he had ever had.

Okay the whole man part was not a problem for him, Rodney had known for a long time already that he was bi, but living on a place like Atlantis, where everyone lived so tight and where half the people were in the army, it kind of restricted things. Yes, Rodney knew there were a lot of gay people in the army, even if he did not know many couples on Atlantis, Rodney knew there were many of them but he did know that Stackhouse and Markham were a couple and they were both marines and he knew people knew he was bi but he tried not to think about it, he was not sure if Lorne knew but he tried not to think about 'what if…'.

Rubbing his forehead, Rodney went back to his project. Whatever Fields said, he was not going to put his ZPM project on hold, it was absolutely too valuable and important for that. Even Mitchell had said so, after the last wraith attack they were left with almost drained ZPMs. They had been lucky to find a half full ZPM on a deserted planet, but that was as far as their luck had reached before it had ended.

STARGATE: ATLANTIS

It was a bit sad watching everyone happily chatting about how fun and relaxing it would be to spend some time with the Athosians, but on the same time Rodney knew it was better to do it now than later. Or else he would never get the job done.

John, Teyla and Ronon had just gone through the gate, leaving Rodney alone in the mess hall where he was waiting for Lorne to appear. He had seen the man earlier that day, talking and playing a game of chess against Zelenka. Rodney did not get it, Lorne always lost when he played against Zelenka and still he continued to play, accepting Zelenka's challenge.

Eating his blue jelly, Rodney saw Fields walking towards him. A determined and somewhat displeased look on his face, sighing Rodney tried not to look too sour. The man had been on Atlantis for about a month and for every day that passed Rodney liked the man less. Fields had actually dared telling him, Doctor Rodney McKay what to do, coming into the labs setting up rules and regulations.

"Doctor McKay," greeted Fields.

"Mr. Fields how can I help you?" asked Rodney trying not to grimace.

"The cameras, when are you putting them up?"

"Don't worry about that, I'm doing it today when there are less people in the hallways."

"Good, I want them up and running as fast as possible."

"Yes sir."

And with that Fields walked away, ignoring the glares that were sent his way. That was if he even noticed them, the man was so self-centered that Rodney doubted if the man even saw or heard anyone else but himself. Under the weeks Fields had been on Atlantis it had become very clear that the man liked hearing his own voice.

"Charming, what did he want?"

Rodney did not look up from his jelly when he felt someone sit down beside him. He did not need to, the only person on Atlantis with that particular scent and a way of sounding sarcastic even if he was not was Lorne. Sheppard has more than once said that Lorne had mastered one thing the majority of all authors on earth would kill for, and that was being sarcastic when writing and that other people would understand it without one having to write it out. Lorne had an amazing ability of being able to make his text sound sarcastic, even some of his reports dripped of sarcasm, something Sheppard found funny but the higher ups (chough General Landry cough) did not.

"He was wondering about the cameras," said Rodney.

"Should we get started or…?" asked Lorne looking at Rodney's jelly.

"Yeah I'm done I was just waiting for you to show up," said Rodney defending his jelly.

Scraping the last of the jelly from the bottom with his spoon, Rodney put away his tray. He was ready to start, the faster they got going the faster they would be done. Atlantis was quiet, it was odd how little sound the city made, usually the halls were filled with sounds from people talking, to boots touching the floor, guns being loaded and now when almost everyone were gone except for a handful of people that were needed to keep the city running it felt odd. Empty and quiet in a way that was totally unfamiliar to Rodney, but on the same time relaxing it was nice walking down the empty corridors with Lorne beside him.

He was not listening really to what Lorne was saying but he also knew that if he really listened and answered the man then that would be like asking to be sent to the infirmary to get his head checked. It was a usual routine nowadays between them, which had been established off world. Lorne found it really annoying when Rodney went on and on and on about something but Rodney could not stand when it was totally quiet, his mind going on over drive. So Lorne had once just started to talking in that really sexy and calm voice about whatever came to his mind, he spoke about the weather, about his hobbies, the army, meetings whatever came to his mind at that point and Rodney had found it soothing, that was probably when he had admitted to himself that there were worse people he could have a crush on and his crush had evolved into feelings of love.

It took them almost an hour to get five cameras installed, they had over a hundred cameras that were to be installed and lots and lots of surface to cover, after all Atlantis was not a small city. Rodney installed them and Lorne held up pieces or just gave a helping hand when needed, and soon they fell into a comfortable routine making the job go much faster.

"Jesus, five done, a hundred more to go," groaned Rodney when he pushed the last button on the fifth camera, making sure it would turn on when all were set.

"102 if you want to be exact."

"You're not helping Major… Not at all…"

Rodney almost fell down from the ladder when he looked down and straight into Lorne's beautiful eyes, Lorne was smiling cheekily up at him. Gripping the ladder Rodney had to take a deep breath before he started climbing down. They did not waste any minutes by standing around, and so they continued down the hallway to keep putting up the video surveillance.

"I feel like some creep, I mean why does the cameras have to be straight outside the showers and personal quarters," said Lorne sounding disgusted.

"You're not the only one Major. At least we can take comfort in the fact that we're not the creeps."

"Yeah… It's just wrong, everyone have the right to their own privacy and Fields just… urgh…"

"Pisses you off? Makes you feel uncomfortable? Etc etc."

"Yeah, you know throughout my interview with him, he stared at me asking the rudest questions, and he would not stop looking at me in this really unpleasant way, it was unsettling to say the least."

For a split seconds split second Rodney swore he could see something in Lorne's eyes, it was as if all walls all everything fell off Lorne and he was in a none literal way naked to Rodney's eye, every secret and every wish laid open.

"I can imagine, he sure didn't spare any ammunition with me either," admitted Rodney thinking back on his own interview.

It had been a disaster. He had been in a bad mood that day and having to spend any time with Fields had put him in an even worse mood. Rodney could happily admit that it had been the worst forty-five minutes of his life, and he had since coming to the Pegasus Galaxy had quite the number of bad encounters.

Rodney did not like the way Lorne spoke of his interview, he seemed uncomfortable about it. As if looking had been the only thing Fields had done, it did not sit well with him.
Not that he could bring it up, without Lorne becoming suspicious. He had no idea what he had seen, it had been raw and natural and something told Rodney that if he understood that pain he had seen then he would understand Lorne just a bit better than he had done before.

He just did not like the small nagging voice in the back of his mind that was telling him it was not exactly a fun and happy story. Taking a deep breath Rodney did one thing he had never done, and after all he was doing this purely based on a hunch. And seriously, Rodney knew he was not the best one when it came to understanding other people's emotions and helping them.

"You know… you can talk to me about things right? I know we're probably not best friends but I do count you as one, even if we do seem to disagree on a lot."

For a moment Rodney swore he saw red coloring Lorne's cheeks but it was gone as fast as it had appeared and once again stood Major Evan Lorne, very competent and professional USAF pilot in front of him.

"Don't you worry about it Doc, we just had a small disagreement over a few things, nothing to be worried about," said Lorne.

"Oh, okay then let's continue I want to get this done today."

"Yeah."

God what was he supposed to do, he was getting some serious mixed signals from the Major. Rodney was not used to having to guess about people's feelings, and he did not like it either, mostly because he was kind of bad at it. At one minute Lorne's being all professional and cool headed and in the next, Rodney catches him staring with this odd look in his eyes.

The rumors about Lorne were not unfamiliar to Rodney. He had heard most of them, some of them saying the Major were gay, but Rodney found it stupid to label someone gay just because he liked to paint. NO, as long as there were no evidence to say otherwise Rodney would keep on thinking of Evan as straight. He was not going to take that chance of being wrong, not when it came to his love-life, or more accurately at the moment his non-existent love-life.

That was when it hit Rodney. He needed to make a plan to find out what the Major was feeling. But of course, he needed to be sneaky about it. Or maybe not sneaky, honest was probably more the word he was looking for when he was talking about Lorne.

Yes, he needed to do this. He could not continue being scared-Rodney; he needed to become brave-Rodney, because when there was a chance he would die in some nasty and gruesome way the next day, Rodney needed to be sure. For once in his life he could not let happiness slip through his fingers.

EVAN

"You know… you can talk to me about things right? I know we're probably not best friends but I do count you as one, even if we do seem to disagree on a lot."

It came out a bit stiff and most people would probably think McKay only did it to be nice, but Evan knew better. With the amount of time he had spent with the Doctor, he knew McKay never said anything he did not mean. Those few words made Evan happier than he had ever been, a small blush started to creep up on his face but he got it under control before it had the time to spread.

He did not want to blow his cover, so Evan forced himself back into his zen-state, afraid that McKay would find him odd or disgusted with him, just because McKay was bi did not mean he would be attracted to Evan.

"Don't you worry about it Doc, we just had a small disagreement over a few things, nothing to be worried about," assured Evan.

McKay looked still a bit uncomfortable and not totally assured but he kept quiet. Evan was too happy to notice it; he was still floating on small fluffy clouds from McKay's, no Rodney's, words. Rodney counted him as a friend.

"Oh, okay then let's continue I want to get this done today."

Forcing down a happy laugh, Evan looked Rodney straight in the eyes.

"Yeah."

After that they continued putting up the cameras without any breaks, for some reason Evan thought Rodney seemed to be caught up in his own thoughts, but he did not think much about it. After all he too had much to think about. Ever since his interview with Fields, Evan had had a hard time concentrating. Old memories threatening to break free, memories he had thought were well buried and forgotten.

Not that it was that bad, he was used to bad memories assaulting him, keeping him awake at night, it was the fact that Fields knew, that worried him. Of course, Colonel Sheppard had warned him about what he had heard from Mitchell, but no one and certainly not that woman should have gotten her hands on his old files. It was disturbing and not good at all. He was not very keen on anyone finding out his more than questionable and troubled youth.

Not that Evan was going to let Fields get to him. He was a soldier, a USAF pilot, he had been in Afghanistan and he had even been in Iraq before he was assigned to the SGC program, it would take a bit more than a few nasty words and wandering hands before he gave up.

STARGATE: ATLANTIS

Evan was tired; he had not thought it would take this long or that it would take so much energy. It had started to darken outside, and a few lonely souls who had morning duty the next day had come back from the mainland while the rest would be staying the night at the Athosian settlement.

Even though it had been tiring Evan was reluctant to leave, having enjoyed his day with Rodney he did not want it to end, but he had no idea how to ask for the other man to stay without it sounding weird. Shifting from one foot to the other, while waiting for Rodney to put away the last off his stuff, meaning his computer which he had used to switch on all the cameras they had put up, Evan was spared from doing anything of the sort as Rodney spoke up.

"You know it's not too late and really I don't have anything else to do, as everyone are still on the mainland so I just thought… maybe you'd like to watch a movie with me? I mean if you don't have anything else to do."

Evan was pleasantly surprised by the question, it was not as if he had anything to do, and the fact that Rodney wanted to spend even more time with him even after almost seven hours together, made a very warm and fluffy feeling appear in his stomach.

"I'd love to, there is only so much work one can do in one day," said Evan hoping he did not sound too eager.

"Great! Do you've got any particular movie you want to watch?" asked Rodney.

"No, but I heard they got in that Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer with the last Daedalus-run and I haven't had the chance to see it yet."

"Well I don't mind watching it, I haven't seen it either so why not."

"Your quarters, or mine?"

"Mine, I've got a TV screen I made myself so that I don't have to watch movies on my computer."

"Okay, just let me change my clothes to something more comfortable, meet you in fifteen?"

"Sounds good, I'll go see if there's still some food left, at least I'm starving."

"You're always starving, Doc."

"Shush you, you can't say Major that you're not hungry after not having eaten in about seven hours."

"Well I do feel a bit hungry, do you think they've still got some sandwiches left?"

"Probably," said Rodney with a nod, "well then, you go change and I'll get us something to eat, see you in fifteen then Major Lorne."

Smiling at Rodney, Evan did not say anything at the last statement, he was absolutely too happy. He was afraid that if he did open his mouth he would say or do something horrendously embarrassing, and that was not something Evan wanted.

Hurrying through the still empty corridors, it did not take long for Evan to get to his quarters. It did not take long for him to change from his BDUs to a pair of comfortable sweat pants and a t-shirt, shuffling through his clothes Evan even found a dark blue sweater to keep out the cold. It was loose on him, but as it had belonged to someone else before, someone who was broader over the shoulders than Evan, it was no surprise it was a bit big but he liked it. It covered him and it kept him warm that was what was important.

When he left for Rodney's quarters Evan got this really creepy feeling that someone was watching him, and the worst part of it was that he knew he was right. He had burned to his memory every single camera they had put up, and that meant he knew there was like two cameras only in this corridor where he had his quarters and that the corridor where Rodney had his quarters had two and a half camera.

Taking a deep breath Evan knocked on Rodney's door. It did not take many seconds after his fist had connected with the hard surface of the door for it to open.

"You didn't have to wait long, I hope?" asked Evan of Rodney when they were both inside and the door locked behind them.

"Yeah, I actually thought it would take you longer," said Rodney.

"Ah, honest as ever. Nah, I tried to be quick, I've really looked forward to seeing this movie," confessed Evan sheepishly.

"Good, I got us some sandwiches and they even had some popcorn to spare," said Rodney pointing at a bowl full of new made popcorn covered in butter.

They settled down in Rodney's sofa, the sandwiches disappearing fast. Evan had not felt hungry before, but when he took the first bite of his tuna sandwich it came crashing down on him.

"Major Lorne…" started Rodney but was interrupted by Evan.

"Evan, you don't have to call me Major when we're like this, I'm theoretically off duty so…"

"Oh, okay then you can call me Rodney, either way why aren't you being sarcastic? You haven't been near as sarcastic today as you usually is."

Evan wanted to laugh but smiled instead good-humoredly at Rodney.

"Do you want me to be sarcastic?"

"No, no it's just different from what I'm used to but in a good way."

"That's good… I think, right?"

"Yes Evan, it's good."

God, Evan loved the way Rodney said his name; it sent chills down his spine. If he could have his way then Rodney would never go back to calling him Major.

They had a relaxed evening, Evan could not remember when he had had this much fun. Even if every other conversation they had, was an argument, but it did not bother Evan. He could understand why Rodney and Colonel Sheppard were always "arguing" with each other. Not many really understood Evan's sarcasm, and it was nice to finally be able to talk with someone who was almost as sarcastic as himself.

They did not even notice how late it had gotten, between the popcorn and their talking, it was as if they were surrounded by a bubble, nothing mattered but the two of them. Evan had not felt so relaxed in a very long time, and it felt good. Sinking deeper into the sofa, Evan could have fallen asleep any moment, if it was not for the fact that he was hyper aware of Rodney sitting beside him.

"Tired?" asked Rodney.

"Yes, I had an early morning, what time is it?" Evan turned to face Rodney who was checking his watch.

"12.00 am." Exclaimed Rodney taking another look at his watch, "holy shit, I hadn't even noticed that it'd gotten this late."

"Neither had I," admitted Evan with a smile, "but don't they say that the time always fly by when you're having fun, right?"

"Huh…? Oh yeah you're right."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm totally fine," stammered Rodney trying to look everywhere else but at Evan, "I had fun, this was nice, you know, just relaxing the two of us…"

If this was a movie, and Evan the hero of it, then there would have been some kind of loud burst of music, with stars and fireworks. Not trying to hide his smile, Evan turned his hundred megawatt smile towards Rodney, who somehow seemed to completely have forgotten how to breathe, his mouth falling open. He was totally frozen to his seat, unable to look away from Evan.

"I liked it too, maybe...," started Evan but cut himself off before he said something he should not.

"Maybe what?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"Oh come on, Evan you can tell me!"

"I just thought, you know we could do it again…"

"W-would you like that?"

"Well yeah, I'd like it."

Silence crept onto them, neither knowing what to say or how to proceed. Evan had never thought Rodney would be interested in him, but somehow this evening had given him some hope and he hoped and prayed to God that he was not reading the signs wrong. He was not sure he would be able to cope with that.

"Then… maybe we could do this the day after tomorrow? Or do you have work?"

"No I don't, it's my official day off so I'm free for the whole evening."

"Good, good. Then I'll see you then at the latest," said Rodney.

Both of them stood up, it was time to retreat and get some shut eye, before the next day's chaos would begin. Bidding Rodney goodnight, Evan walked back to his own quarter's, his faced as calm as usual, nothing in his manners could have given away what had happened inside Rodney's sleeping quarters but if you watched good enough you could have seen a small swagger to his step that had not been there earlier.

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