VIII.

RODNEY

Rodney did not know what to think, or it was more like he was so angry that forming even one sane thought that did not involve slaughtering Norman Fields in the most painful way possible, was completely ridiculous. Never in his life had he wanted to hurt someone as badly as he did right now with Fields, the man had really overstepped all boundaries there was about proper human behavior. Tightening his grip he had around Evan's waist, Rodney walked as fast as he could to his own quarters.

"Sheppard?"

"What is it Rodney? You sound angry…"

"Oh I am, believe me John, I'm furious, just come to my quarters." After a brief silence Rodney continued, "and you've better take Mitchell with you."

"Okay… we'll be there in five minutes tops."

"Good."

Rodney was not used to being the one comforting or trying to keep someone calm, usually he was the one people tried to keep calm or safe, and so he was slowly freaking out but trying to stay together. He remembered vividly how when Teyla had been pregnant and how she had when trying to give birth stayed calm and in the process keeping him from freaking out even though he had done nothing. Yes, this was absolutely nothing he was used to but for Evan he had to try.

It was not far from the mess hall to Rodney's quarters and the trip was even shorter if one took the transporter but still the short distance had never felt longer. He did not dare look at Evan before they were both inside his quarters, the door closed and secured. When he did take a look, it felt as if his heart was torn from his chest, Evan was deathly pale, his breathing was shallow and his whole body was still shaking visibly. Rodney had never seen his newfound lover so out of it before, and it worried him. Not only that but there was a big bruise forming on Evan's right temple, it even looked a bit swollen.

When he tried to reach out and touch his lover, Rodney tried not to take it to heart when Evan first flinched away from him. Instead he was filled with a burning anger, but he had no time to wallow in it, as there was a rapid knock on his door.

"Oh thank god you're here!"

"Rodney, what's going on? You look like you're having a hemorrhage," noted John sharing a worried look with Mitchell.

"I know, I know, but that's not why I asked you here…," said Rodney taking a step back so that the two men could get a better look.

"Jesus! Why's Major Lorne hiding behind your bed?" whispered Mitchell.

"That's why I asked you here!" hissed Rodney.

From there on it only took Rodney twenty minutes to tell Sheppard and Mitchell everything he knew and what he had seen and for then the three of them to somewhat calm down Evan, who still looked a bit pale. At least looking a bit pale was much better in Rodney's book than the shaking and the starry look in those beautiful blue eyes.

Finally when Evan seemed to have pulled himself together and did not look like he would topple over at any moment, and was sitting on the bed rather than beside it in the corner between the wall and the bed, Rodney sat down beside Evan on the bed. John took Rodney's computer chair and Commander Mitchell stood, leaning casually against the desk, but Rodney could see that the man was angry; it burned like a fire in his eyes.

"Do you want something to drink? Water?" asked Rodney softly of Evan.

"No thank you Rodney, I'd rather swallow a bucket of bleach but I dare say not even that'll make the taste go away," said Evan and before he continued loud enough for them to barely hear what he was saying, "not even alcohol can make the taste go away..."

"What I don't get is the way he talks to you Lorne, he's been doing it since… I don't know, since the cameras came," said John, and Rodney had to agree with his teammate,
"Does he know something we don't?"

"He shouldn't… but he does… I don't know how he did it; no one's supposed to know…." Every alarm bell in Rodney's head went off at that one comment Evan made.

"No one's supposed to know what?" This time it was Mitchell speaking, his voice low and soft, comforting.

"My past," Rodney felt confused and by the fact that Evan continued to speak he had noticed the confusion. "I had a bit of a hard childhood and it did not end prettily, when I joined the army, all my files were locked and buried, no one should have access to them."

"If I may ask… what does he know of your past?" Rodney wanted to smack Mitchell but knew that would not go down well with John.

"It's a long story…," said Evan with a melancholy sigh

Rodney was not sure why he did it but he just could not sit there beside Evan anymore without touching him. Reaching out Rodney placed his hand on Evan's leg; he could feel Evan tense for a second before he relaxed. For a moment Rodney was sure Evan would not say anything that he would just clam up and smile but that did not happen, instead Evan took a few long and deep breaths before he started to talk, his voice monotone and humorless.

"My mother was only nineteen when she found out she was pregnant with me, to put it mildly she wasn't overly happy about it. My dad, whoever he is, was like all the other males in her life only around for a short while, the only thing different with him was that he was about as self-centered and narcissistic as she was and still is and so she did not get an abortion."

Rodney listened intently to every word that came out of Evan's mouth. Sitting beside Evan, Rodney wished he could do something to make the hurt go away, instead Rodney gently moved his hand in a small circle over Evan's thigh. He did not care what John or Mitchell thought about it, right now Rodney's whole attention was directed solely on Evan.

"Either way, although my mother decided to keep me, she didn't really care about me, too occupied with herself. Ever since I can remember she's had lovers, some staying longer some not even a whole day, what Elaine Lorne wants she gets," chuckled Evan darkly. "After a while trying to remember their names just wasn't possible anymore, and so I started to call them Skippy the only difference was the number that followed and the level of creepiness, some were worse than others."

"She can't have had that many men, could she?" asked John.

"Oh yes, believe me Colonel she could. When I was 11 years old, I was introduced to Skippy nr.76. I can't remember his name but he was a sleazebag, a total creep. He used to look at me and touch me when my mother wasn't around… it all ended with my mother coming home earlier one day and seeing him trying to kiss me she throws him out, not because he was a pedophile but because he had shown more interest in me than in her."

Rodney was in shock, his parents had not exactly been overly supportive of him all the time but at least they cared about him and loved him. What kind of mother let their child go through something like that and then blame it on the kid? He was appalled.

"Oh it wasn't too bad," assured Evan.

Rodney was not sure what to say; he just wanted to shout that, no, it was not okay for a mother to behave like that or for a grown man to sexually harass an 11 year old in any way.

"I learned to take care of myself, to cook and clean, my mother did not care what I did, where I was or if I even was alive, when I was thirteen I got into a fight with a guy from my school, usually people left me alone, not many liked my mother and so they didn't like me either. I had one friend, Henley and that was only because she wasn't exactly the most popular person around, but we were lucky mostly people let us be but not him. Roger Thompson, asshole extraordinary and the quarterback on the football team, my mother had slept with his dad a short while before and it ended in a divorce for Roger's parents, and Roger took out his anger on me."

A heavy silence filled the room when Evan stopped talking, Rodney was sure they were starting to get closer to the hardest part of the story, if the way Evan's body had started to shake again, at least his legs were trembling.

"My disagreement with Thompson continues and then when I turn fourteen, my mother has once again found herself a new man ready to serve her every need, Skippy nr. 108. He was not one to wait, and so three days after I had seen him sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee as if it was his own house, he started coming up with reasons to be everywhere I was, touching me and staring all the time. He even got into my room at night, I woke up with him standing over me staring after that I always slept with the door closed."

Rodney wanted to puke, to have one pedophile after you were disgusting enough but to have to go through more than once…. Looking at John and Mitchell, he almost flinched; both men looked ready to kill and once again Rodney was happy he was not the one on the receiving end of their angry glares.

"Skippy 108 stayed longer than most, maybe it was because he spent like a thousand dollars a week on mother or because he did everything she said I don't know why. But it doesn't matter, the longer he stayed the more obvious he got, he even started to touch me in public or trying to at least, I tried to stay as far away from him as possible," said Evan his voice was a bit shaky before he continued, "but the damage was already done…. Thompson and his cronies had seen Skippy 108 being his usual creepy self. At that time we were 15 years old and in high school, Thompson and his cronies the most popular guys in school because of the football and I was the guy whose mother had slept with 87% of the students dads', meaning everyone else but Thompson left me alone, not really caring what I did."

"That's kind of cruel," muttered Mitchell.

"That's life. Either way, as I've said my mother did not care what I did, and so I did exactly what any other fifteen year old teenager would have done, I partied, I drank and I smoked, I even tried some drugs but never thankfully got addicted, and that's when it happened…."

"What happened?" asked Rodney softly, not even daring to think about all the possibilities.

"I had had a major confrontation with Thompson two days earlier ending in him being humiliated not that it was my fault but he did not care, I was at a party with Henley, I was tipsy not having had much time to get drunk and Henley was completely smashed and so I took her home, it was February and it was freezing outside," Rodney felt sick, he hoped Evan was not implying what Rodney thought he was, "I wasn't exactly the biggest person when I was fifteen, I'm still not very tall… Henley and I lived about five kilometers from each other and usually when I was going home from her place I took a small detour, meaning I would not have to walk through the more crowded parts of town, Thompson apparently knew this. Three kilometers from home, between two old factories that were closed, they jumped me; seven against one isn't exactly fair."

Both John and Mitchell were listening closely too now, Rodney's heart was beating so heard he was sure the others could hear it. In his head he was chanting, 'please no' over and over again.

"At first they just hit me and kicked me when I was down, but then Thompson… he… he had seen Skippy 108, he called me a fag and many other words I won't repeat and then he…," Evan's voice broke at the end, "… I don't think his friends had expected him to do it, but he did and then the others couldn't be worse could they?"

"D-did all of them…?" asked Rodney softly, trying not to puke when he felt the bile rise in his throat.

"No…. Two of them refused, but that did not stop them from holding me down. It hurt so much… I'd rather walk through a fire than have to go through that again, and they just laughed as if they had not just raped and beaten someone almost to death. When they left I still laid there on the cold ground, head spinning and my whole body hurting… It took me four hours to get home afterwards. I don't remember much of the way home, only that I puked at least six times and the horrible taste of their cum in my mouth…."

Evan looked like a kicked puppy, and Rodney just wanted to hug him but refrained from doing so in front of John and Mitchell as both of them were Evan's superior officers.

"I was a mess afterwards, I didn't tell anyone about what happened, Henley asked but I didn't tell and no one else cared enough to ask, after this it was just one big downhill for me, I started to drink more, and sleeping around with anyone who wanted, trying to tell myself that it wasn't rape if I wanted it, right? When I hit the eleventh grade, I was in such a bad shape that I don't think there wasn't a day I wasn't drunk or hangover in school, and people had started to offer me money for the sex, I was the towns new whore…, we had a new teacher Miss McMillan, she was nice enough always trying to ask me how I was but she was knew in town and everyone just waited for her to find out about my mother and then change her opinion of me."

"Did she?" asked Rodney cutting off Evan.

"What?"

"Did she change her opinion of you?" Evan actually cracked a smile at the question.

"No, I was in a bad shape, I drank too much, I ate too little and I was depressed to put is simple I was so close to ending my own life that it's almost scary, in the end it was Miss McMillan who saved me. I was seventeen, and my mother was on Skippy nr. 124, he was abusive, well not towards her but me, he didn't like me and I didn't like him and mother only liked him because he was totally ripped and looked like sex on legs. He tried to grab me and I panicked, talk about epic flashback to the night Thompson attacked me, I got away and ended up drinking myself to oblivion, popped a few pills and had sex with some total stranger, then I freaked out afterwards and ran. Miss McMillan found me walking down the highway; she'd been visiting her boyfriend. I was a mess, half naked, crying and panicking looking like one big bruise… she called 911, it all ended with me in a mental hospital/rehabilitation center."

"You tried to kill yourself?" Rodney snapped out daze when Mitchell spoke.

"Oh yes, pills and about three days after I got to the mental hospital I tried to hang myself but was interrupted, which later I was very grateful for. I really was in a horrible shape."

"How did you get into the army, I mean how did you pass the psychological evaluation?" wondered John.

"I spent a year at the hospital it did me a lot of good, I spoke four times a week with a psychiatrist for the whole time I was there. I was eighteen when I got out, Miss McMillan had a friend in the army, his name was Jack O'Neill who offered me a chance in the air force, I've always loved to fly and so I accepted, so for a whole year I went to different psychiatrists, I ate healthily, I didn't drink alcohol and I worked out, I was slowly getting my life back on track. When I turned nineteen I joined the air force, I got a chance to study at a college, I still spoke to my shrink Helen, and I tried to live normally. When I was 22 I stopped going to Helen because it wasn't necessary anymore, all my records were sealed and buried, as a gift Jack got me into the SGC program."

"O'Neill, Jack O'Neill, as in General O'Neill? You knew him before you joined the army?"

"Yes and no, I got to know him better when I was still in the academy, he really helped me a lot, although I fear he was not overly enthusiastic about my one –night stands," confessed Evan.

"One-night stands?"

"I'm not very good at upholding a relationship, mostly because of my mother and the rest is my job, I'm a workaholic, and I love my job."

"Stop! Focus please; I know it's hard for you flyboys but try. Fields, this is what he's holding over you?" Evan only nodded.

"Slimy motherfucker," muttered John.

"I agree with you to a hundred per cent Sheppard," sniffed Rodney angrily, "Evan you need to tell someone, you can't let the man get away with this!"

"Tell who what? Fields is a member of the IOA, and although maybe not the most liked, people will still side with him, especially if they found out about my past and my relationship with O'Neill, they'll say I got my rank because of favoritism or worse that I slept my way up!"

"No they won't, everyone knows your super professional and good at your job."

"Thank you for that Colonel Sheppard but they won't let me stay, it won't look as good when people find out about my numerous flings, I've slept with like at least a hundred different people both male and female, I was an alcoholic or at least in the middle stage to become one, and I've got some serious baggage with me all the time, scars heal and fade but they don't disappear."

"No one will care Major, at least not here on Atlantis," said Cam jumping into the conversation.

"Oh yes they will! I'll never be able to look anyone in the eyes anymore! I'm damaged goods with serious commitment issues, what's so good about that?"

"No they won't, what people on Atlantis sees is a professional, smart and very likable guy who has saved their lives numerous of times," said Sheppard his voice firm.

"Please… just don't tell anyone, I couldn't take it…" begged Evan.

"We won't Major, but we still need to do something about Fields, he attacked you, hurt you and has illegally obtained information on you, that's not up for negotiation," stated Mitchell firmly.

"Yes sir…."

"You've got two days to think over how you want this to happen, either way we need to do something, Fields is a liability not only to you but everyone else on Atlantis too." Rodney agreed silently with Mitchell.

He wanted to strangle the man, feed him to the wraith, let Ronon kill the bastard, Rodney had hundreds of different nasty and painful ideas how to get rid of Fields.

"Yes sir."

"Good, then I think Colonel Sheppard and I will take our leave, McKay look after Major Lorne, if you need anything you can just call and we'll get it for you," said Mitchell ushering John towards the door, "try to rest Lorne, you need it."

With that the door opened and closed and then there was only Rodney and Evan left in the room. Looking at his watch Rodney had to take another look, three hours had passed and it had only felt like maybe half an hour tops. Evan did not look too happy, but then again ripping up old wounds never were a pleasant thing and Rodney was sure that Evan was also a bit bummed over having to make a decision in two days, about how to proceed. Not that Rodney was naïve enough to think that either Mitchell or John would let the matter rest before Fields was out from Atlantis and preferably rotting in a damp cell in Area 51.

They would probably have to be quick as Fields had now been on Atlantis for about six weeks and was almost done with all the personal interviews, the extra interviews with the people from the Pegasus Galaxy helping out and living on Atlantis plus all his extra checking on old reports, supplies and what not. Rodney let out a frustrated sigh, but did not say anything. Evan was just sitting there on the bed, staring straight ahead his body tense. It took a moment before Rodney noticed this, as he was too busy trying to stay calm and process everything he had heard and learned about Evan, his heart was bleeding for the other man.

"I think you should stay here for the night," said Rodney finally when he found his voice once again, "God knows what that bastard is planning."

"You sure about that?" asked Evan in a low voice.

"Yes! I'm not leaving you alone tonight, so forget it!"

Turning around from where he stood beside the bed, Rodney finally succumbed to the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him to hug Evan. Sitting down on the bed; Rodney pulled Evan into his lap, his arms around Evan's waist. At first Evan tensed trying to get away but then he relaxed and hugged back, sitting with his legs folded on either side of Rodney. They sat like this for a long time, neither one of them saying anything, they did not have to. Rodney hugged Evan harder, trying to convey all his feelings towards Evan through the hug.

Rodney was not sure how he did it, but somehow he managed to flip them both so that they were lying down on the bed, Evan was still holding on to him making it hard for Rodney to move. Not that he wanted to anyway, he liked lying there beside Evan, feeling the more athletic body press up against him. It did not take long before Rodney felt Evan's body relax and his breathing becoming more regular. His oh so sexy major had fallen asleep.

He was not sure if he would be able to fall asleep as easily, his mind was still reeling from everything he had heard. To think that Evan had gone through all that and survived it, being able to have a normal life was amazing, it really gave a new meaning to the words being a fighter. Closing his eyes Rodney inhaled the scent of paint and coffee, and slowly fell asleep listening to the ocean outside.

JOHN

"You know John, you think it's odd that people are scared of you when you're angry but I've got to admit I understand why," said Cam in an offhanded manner when they were both securely inside of Cam's office.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, you look like the devil, I sure as hell wouldn't want to run into you in a dark alley when you look like that."

"Do you have a point with this?"

"Yeah I do, calm down, I want to kill Fields just as much as you but for now we need to let Lorne make a decision or else Fields will get away with it."

"I know, I just… what he did was unforgivable, I just want to give him to the wraith," muttered John angrily.

"Me too, but I gave Lorne two days and we'll give him then… I won't let Fields get away with this, I promise."

"Good."

STARGATE: ATLANTIS

John was still riding on an angry wave of hate towards Fields the next day when he woke up. His anger was fuelled by the knowledge of why Fields was doing it and it disgusted him. If there was one thing John was not, then that was naïve, he knew how cruel the world could be and the people in it, but to hear it first hand and know the person in question was a totally different story. He had been shocked, horrified and on the same time sad when he had listened to Evan's life story and had to admit that he really did not know anything about the man before this, and it saddened him because obviously not many did.

Getting up from the bed John was coming up with different nasty and painful ways to humiliate Fields and hopefully hurt him too. No one touched one of John's men, and certainly not the one who took care of almost all the paperwork and made sure everything was up and running in the proper way. Most people said he was the one who kept the Atlantis expedition running but that was not true, yes he was the one who lead them to victory against the wraith but that was just a minor part of it all, it was Lorne who did the real job, who remembered when the Daedalus would arrive with new supplies and manpower and who talked with people and encouraged them and who made sure John did not slack off in his duties. So to put it simply, it was not John who kept the peace on Atlantis but Lorne.

It did not take long for John to get ready for the day and so he headed for the mess hall to get some food, because of yesterdays happenings he had not had the time to eat anything after his lunch and so was just a tiny bit hungrier than usual. There was already a whole bunch of early birds sitting down in the mess hall, eating and slurping on their coffees. Sitting down beside a few marines, John chatted with them, listening to what they had to say, like most people used to go off world every now and then they were bored, but there was not much John could do as long as Fields was on Atlantis. Drinking the last of his coffee, John stood up ready to start his day by filling out some paperwork that had to be done.

When he got to his office John was not surprised to find it empty and all the lights still off, he would probably have been more worried if the major had been there. All the lights and even the air conditioner started when he stepped inside, with a sigh John trudged over to his desk that had four stacks of paper neatly placed on it. Glancing to his side where he could see the Major's desk, John had to wonder how Lorne kept it so neat even though he had the most paperwork to do.

"Well John, I suppose there's nothing else to do than get started…,"said John to himself with a sigh.

Writing, writing and writing some more, John wished he had a stamp so that he would not have to sign his name over and over again and instead would save time by just pressing the stamp to the paper and voila. Then again, he was quite certain that would not be happening in a million years or so, but he could always hope. Sitting there in his chair dreaming about not having to sign papers, John was completely obvious to the door opening and closing revealing a somewhat tired looking Evan.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

"Huh?"

"Oh good, I thought you'd fallen asleep," said Evan opening the slide glass wall that separated their offices.

"I wasn't sleeping… just taking a small break," defended John himself.

"Of course sir, you were just taking a small break for fifteen minutes," commented Evan.

John glared at his XO but decided not to take it further as Evan was good at being passive aggressive and it was not very nice being the target. That was it. John's train of thought took a dive and changed tracks in a split second, and he could not help but smirk. Oh yes, passive aggressive was the word.

"Sir? If I may speak freely, you look like the devil in disguise when you smirk like that."

"Take a seat Major Lorne." Evan sat down still looking a bit worried. "I know you probably don't want to talk about what happened yesterday but as your commanding officer, as your friend I can't look through my fingers on this."

"Colonel… I appreciate what you're doing but in the end it won't matter, Fields is a sneaky bastard and technically it's his word against mine whether it was consensual or not, and if he tells anyone of my and let me quote Fields 'whoring days' no one will believe, I'll lose my job and my credibility."

"Yes they will! Evan you seriously have no idea how well liked and respected you're here and on earth, do you? We can't force you to tell anyone or to report him but please don't let him get away with this! The man is a creep and now also a rapist, what he did was wrong and he'll pay for it, one way or another."

"Sir," started Evan but cut himself off and instead looked down at his hands.

"Before you say anything or decide anything, hear me out, okay?"

"Yes sir."

"That's better. Now…" John leaned a bit forward resting his elbows on his desk.

In the end it did not take much convincing on John's part to get Evan to agree but if he was to be honest with himself he had not expected the major to say no either. Fields would finally get to experience first-hand why it was a bad idea to piss off both him and Evan. Hopefully the hardest part would be to get Cam's blessing, as John was not stupid enough to not talk to Cam about it before they began.

Three hours had passed and Evan had gone back to sit behind his own desk filling out forms. John was once again taking a break and was just back from fetching some coffee, as they had yet to get that promised coffee machine. Placing a big mug on Evan's desk, John stood there unmoving, not sure if he should ask his question that had been nagging in the back of his head since Evan agreed to the plan. In the end his curiosity won.

"Why did you agree so fast to the plan?"

"John, if I'd make a formal complaint against Fields, there would be dozen of people involved in the investigation, then everyone would find out something's going on and soon after everyone would know why, it's my private business and I don't want everyone to know, that doesn't mean I don't want revenge or to see Fields suffer."

"You've got a point there…"

"Of course I do, I'm the one who made it."

"Now that's better, you're starting to sound like yourself!"

"Thank you sir, now get back to work. You've still got a lot of work to do," said Evan and pointed at John's paper covered desk.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes sir, you do." With a sigh John trudged back to his own desk.

Life was not easy when one had an all-knowing XO. With one last hopeful look at the door, John really wished there would be a wraith attack or something, at least then he would not have to sit still, doing nothing all day long. Grabbing his pen John glared at the offensive paper lying on his desk, this was war and he would be damned if he lost against paper. With a determined huff, John attacked the paperwork and did not hear the snort like laugh coming from his XO who was watching the whole ordeal with an amused smile on his lips.

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