IX.

CAMERON

"You know, if it wasn't for the fact that I'd happily feed the man to the wraith then I'd actually feel sorry for him, it's horrible enough when the two of you decide to band together, mixing McKay into the equation… well I really don't know what to say."

"You could just say go ahead, have fun, make that bastard wish he'd never been borne?" suggested McKay.

Cam had been waiting for Lorne to appear to tell him about his choice when not only Lorne but also John and McKay had entered the room. He had been a bit disappointed when Lorne had said he did not wish to make a formal complained against Fields, but when he heard the reason behind it he could not help but feel proud of his lover, whose idea it obviously was to take down the IOA member a peg or two.

"Well, I can't really see myself trying to stop you, I still think you should report him Major but I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do either," said Cam with a sigh.

"Come on Commander," said Rodney with a huff, "this is Atlantis, we never do anything the normal way and we look after our own. Fields is one sleazy bastard who wants to shut down this whole project, if I can't do anything else then I can at least make sure he knows how I feel!"

"Rodney's right," quipped John jumping back into the conversation, "we can't just let him walk all over us like he's been doing since he came here and although he hasn't touched anyone else, he certainly haven't been nice either, just four days ago I saw him trying to bug Teyla but Ronon scared him away."

"Fine, go ahead with your Operation: Nemesis, just… be careful, if nothing else you've got about three weeks before the Daedalus is here again and about one and a half before we're back in touch with earth again, so use your time wisely."

John and Lorne left the office almost immediately after their small discussion was over as there seemed to be some trouble in one of the training rooms, between some of the marines, leaving Cam alone with McKay. Cam had kind of expected McKay to leave first like usual, spouting about his important work but instead the PhD doctor sat down in one of the chairs in front of Cam's desk.

"How is he really?"

"Well I dare say he's still a bit shaken but Evan's tough and he knows he's not alone this time. God I can't imagine not being able to tell anyone, not trusting anyone enough to tell them about something like that, keeping it hidden for what two three years," said Rodney sounding more tired and beaten than Cam had ever heard before.

"Me neither, then again we've both had good childhoods' compared to either the Major or John."

"Yeah…"

"So you finally got the guts to tell him how you felt?" Cam ignored the glare McKay sent him.

"Have you been speaking to Sage huh? You're really annoying Mitchell."

"Hey! I'm just trying to be nice here, and I'm glad for you or well I'm glad for Lorne, he deserves to be happy."

"Yeah he does."

Cam did not say anything and instead just observed the somewhat frazzled looking scientist sitting in front of him. It was odd, for most of the time Cam could not even stand being in the same room as McKay and now here he was telling the most annoying guy in two galaxies that he was glad he was happy, okay it had mostly to do with Lorne but still… it was just plain wrong, like Jackson and Vala being in the same room and something weird not happening. Shaking his head Cam forced his thoughts back onto the right track, letting his thoughts run away with him would only end with him getting confused.

"Either way I have to go, I've got work to do."

"See you later McKay," said Cam with a small wave as the PhD doctor left.

JOHN

John could not concentrate, sitting in his office chair flipping over some random papers trying to look like he was working, instead he found himself thinking back to his own childhood. It had not been a particularly happy one but compared to Evan's it had not been too bad. John knew that most of his insecurities about himself and his appearance stemmed from his father, who was always the first to point out all of his son's faults and misses and how stupid he was and how he could not do anything right.

He knew that most people in the army and the SGC program thought he had authority problems and really he did, it was just not because of him wanting to be a hero or whatever stupid reason those bastards wrote down in his file, no, it was all thanks to Patrick Sheppard. John shivered when he thought about his father; the man was a control freak and would get mad if something was even the tiniest of fractions different from how he wanted things. When most people saw a determined and stoic man you did not want to mess with who ruled his empire with an iron fist, they only saw a fraction of the man, because what people did not know was that the man had an even harder grasp and control over his family. Patrick Sheppard ruled in the Sheppard household like a dictator, from the age of three John had followed the rule, "What Patrick Sheppard says, you follow". His life had been planned into the smallest of details long before he had been borne, everything from what people he could associate with, education where he was supposed to study and what he would work as.

Not many people really understood it and so John had a long time ago stopped trying to explain it. Then again, how did you explain seven hours lectures of how stupid, ignorant and disappointing he was because he had only scored an A- in his test, which by the way had only happened once. Or how he was never allowed to be a child, play or run because it was not proper, how he was forced to learn how to speak French and German before he started school. His mother who had been his only bumper between him and his father high expectations had died of cancer when he was still young, leaving a huge hole in all the remaining members of his family, meaning him, his father and his younger brother David.

Thinking about his brother, John scoffed. David was as stuck up and arrogant as their father, to put it simply they had never gotten along. David had always looked up to their father, and why would he not? He was not the one being ridiculed and lectured or getting the dirty looks over their stupid dining table that told him he was nothing but a dumb looser who was ungrateful and rude. Even after all these years those remarks stung, because if Patrick Sheppard was good at something then that was talking and making people believe what he said.

It had been hell living in that huge mansion, knowing that the only ones that cared about him was the driver, the cook and the maid. Everyone always thinks money makes things better but that was the most stupid thing ever said, at least that was what John thought. All those fake smiles, and back handed comments from jealous neighbors' or business partners of his father, John had never felt more trapped in his life, his own private jail.

At first, when he was younger he had tried, tried so hard to earn his father's respect, he learned to speak and write fluently in French in one year, he took all the lectures, he learned ballroom dancing and etiquette, how to speak, pronounce and articulate words properly, how to sit and how to eat but it was never enough. Never getting anything below an A+, except for that one time in high school, and slowly John learned that nothing he did or said would change his father's opinion of him. He just stopped trying, all those fourteen hours he spent cramming for tests slowly decreased first to twelve then to ten, six and last two, in the end it did not matter studying fourteen or two hours did not change anything, he still got the same result.

Yeah, John knew a lot of people called him stupid or did not think much of his brain; after all he was just a lowly Lt. Colonel in the Air Force, but that was not really true. He was smart, like really smart he just did not advertise it like Rodney, who talks about his superior intellect every day at least once an hour apart. John had never told anyone how smart he really was before he met Cam and even with Cam it took a long time before he admitted it and it was all Rodney's fault because he could not shut up about that stupid MENSA thingy. His father did not know, but thinking about it John was sure the man would accuse him of lying, because obviously how could John Sheppard, the dim-witted son of Patrick Sheppard have an IQ of 162.

John chuckled but there was no humor in it. Even now, after his father's death he could not get rid of the old man. Every time he looked into a mirror, he could hear his father's voice telling him how his ears were too pointy or how his hair was too messy, that he was slouching and the list went on and on. It was funny; his father really was the master of talking the man could find a fault in everything John did, even breathing, either he was breathing too loud or too uneven.

Wallowing in his old memories John decided that maybe a small trip to the mess hall would do him some good. At least it would get him to stop thinking about his father. Flipping over some papers one more time, John headed straight for the door and the mess hall. He did not really want to talk to anyone and it probably showed on his face as no one tried to engage him in a conversation.

In the end he did not stay long in the mess hall, he stopped long enough to speak with Ronon and Teyla whilst he ate a turkey sandwich but did not stay for any small talk. He saw Evan enter the crowded room, looking like his usual calm and relaxed self, no one could have guessed what had transpired in that storage room/cupboard two days ago just by looking at him. Which was probably a good thing as Evan seemed determined to keep it hidden, not that John could blame the man if it was him he would want the same thing. It was just a bit weird, for the past week or two John had not seen Evan without Fields suddenly appearing or hanging in the background and now the slimy excuse of a man was nowhere to be seen, obviously lying low for a few days, at least John hoped that was why he had not seen Fields. The last thing they needed at the moment was more trouble.

His mood was slowly lifting and John found himself stopping to talk with Sergeant Riviera and Doctor Hume who were talking about extra shooting practice with different guns and not only the standard weapon given to the civilians on the expedition. John had to admit it was a good idea; Doctor Hume was not the only scientist who could do with some extra training, especially the newest scientists that had arrived not too long ago. John did not stay too long, but he could not help but smirk when he watched from the corner of his eyes Riviera and Hume. He would never have known that they were involved if it was not for Doctor Warner and Evan who had been talking about it when John was looking for his SIC. Doctor Logan Hume was an expert in foreign languages and had before coming to Atlantis been working closely with Doctor Jackson; he was about John's age, around 40. Calm and open, was two very accurate words to describe Hume, and with his broad chest and height most people mistook the friendly linguistic for one of the marines.

Sergeant Riviera was 25 years old and seriously gun crazy, then again that was why he had been chosen, the kid was probably the best sniper in the whole SG program. Lean and built like a swimmer Riviera was not the tallest of guys, and a head shorter than Hume, the two men really made up for an interesting couple. Not that it had anything to do with him, he liked both of them and if they were happy he was happy after all it would be hypocritical of him to judge Hume and Riviera about their relationship when he was dating Cam.

Slowly getting out of his bad mood John headed back for his office, still thinking about the different pairings that had appeared on Atlantis. Some of them more surprising that other, of course because of regulations and different rules about dating in the armies and the fact that half of the expedition consisted of civilians, it was not something that one spoke about too openly. It was kind of obvious that people knew, with the small population on Atlantis and the fact that even with freak storms, wraith attacks and oddities happening every other day there was always room and time for gossip, keeping something private on Atlantis was not an easy feat, especially if that something was a relationship. John grinned when he remembered when Stackhouse and Markham had thought they were being sneaky with their not so small affair, and almost everyone knew about it. Poor Markham had not been able to stop blushing for almost a week after Stackhouse had been in the infirmary after a mission and almost all women had approached Markham trying to make him feel better.

"Taking an unnecessary break again, Colonel Sheppard?" And there went John's happy mood.

"Mr. Fields," bit John out, forcing his hand away from his gun, "what is it that you want?"

"I don't see the Major, neglecting ones duty is not a very nice thing to have written in ones file. Then again when has the dirty little secret of men ever been important enough to care about?"

John had to bite his tongue hard so not to say anything he would regret in the long run and instead glared angrily at Fields. His anger was boiling inside of him, screaming clawing at him trying to get out but he knew he could not let go, letting go would end in a blood bath.

"Why don't you get back to work, after all I would hate having to report you too for neglecting your duties," drawled Fields before he spun around and left John alone with his fuming temper. He could not wait to show Fields how much he appreciated the man being there on Atlantis. Fields would wish he had never even heard of the SGC program when this was over.

Done and updated :) Reviews?