Guess who you didn't expect to see in your inbox! Terribly sorry for the hiatus, I've been pulling off some pretty awesome stuff in real life which took away from my fanfiction writing times. Alas, it is summer, and I have a lot of free time. Also, I am in the midst of redesignating my secret hideout to a thousand or so miles away, so bear with me if it turns out my hotels don't have internet.
What you've all been waiting for: Jerra! Haha, no. But Have some Jerra. I hope it's not too boring, I tried to make it as realistic to someone dealing with loss and an in-denial I'll-be-happy-so-you'll-leave-me-alone mindset as possible. However, I am an exceptionally happy person and have no actual feeling out that, so. ENJOY READING! EXTRA LONG FOR THE WAIT!
Jerra sat in the living room, wearing an odd combination of her uniform's black pants and boots and an old jacket that smelled strange.
She twirled an object in her hand, examining it thoroughly.
When Robin walked towards her, she thought he looked as if he were walking through a mine field.
The entire team seemed to be dancing on glass, scared to break her.
She sighed and glanced up at him. "Duty calls?"
"No," he replied, plopping down beside her, though she was perched on the arm rest.
"Just left like being here."
"Oh."
He returned to the object in her hand.
"Whatcha got there?" He asked, leaning in closer to get a better look.
"A gift," she said blandly.
"From whom?"
"The Joker."
Robin jolted and felt the need to yank it out of her hand and throw it before it exploded when he realized what it was.
"I already checked it for cameras, explosives, trackers, et cetera," she sighed, sliding the ring onto her finger. "It's not supposed to be a physical weapon."
He cringed. It had barely been two weeks since her grandfather's death.
The funeral had been small, and she had stared at the coffin blankly, as if she couldn't understand.
But maybe that was it, Dick thought. Maybe she understands too much, and nothing surprises her anymore. Not even the death of the only family she had left...
He looked back from his thoughts to see her staring.
"You wear it like that and people will think you're married," he joked. She smiled at him crudely.
"Because that's the first thing they'll think."
He looked away. It hurt all of them to see her cut off again. Robin blamed himself now. If he hadn't pestered her into joining the team, she would've never gotten on Joker's radar and everyone would be happy right now.
"I'm going to out-eat Wally," she stated, rolling on the balls of her feet and sauntering towards the kitchen.
"Wally!" He heard her call. "Gimme a spoon! We're having an ice cream throw-down. May the best girl win."
Alfred waited for his heroes to come home with a platter of freshly baked cookies. He smiled as the zeta beam went off.
"...And that's why she bet on me, not her boyfriend," Jerra smirked, ripping off her mask after a good day's work.
"I still believe you poisoned him," Dick countered, pulling off his own mask.
"Brain freeze doesn't count as poisoning since I warned him not to eat too fast."
Alfred smiled at their antics.
"Hi, Alfred," Jerra waved, dove at the floor with a handstand, and rolled to hop on her feet in front of him. She gave him a hug. "Bruce'll be home soon."
"I smell cookies." Dick informed his teammate.
They shared a look before racing off, yelling about cheating and tripping.
The laughter was nice in the dark place.
When she screamed herself awake, sobbing up a storm and going into hysterics, he made her spluttering heart stop altogether.
"God, you scared me!" She yelled, grabbing her pillow and throwing it at him.
Dick caught it coolly, keeping a blank expression in his terrifying Batman pajama pants and tee shirt. "Another nightmare?"
"I'm full of them," she growled, snatching away the pillow he held out to her and shoving it under her head, attempting to find a comfortable position. "And being the brilliant person I am, when they stop being scary, my beautiful imagination comes up with better versions."
"Who died tonight?" He asked, sitting on the side of her bed as she turned her back to him and wriggled under the sheet.
"Everyone." She curled into a ball and buried her face in her pillow. "Everyone died tonight."
"Technically, most of them died a long time ago," he said lightly.
"You died, too."
He reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder. "I'm one real ghost. Now, I'd just like to warn you, if you keep screaming like you do, you'll wake Jason. And that boy really is a demon."
He grinned, and he hoped she did, too. "Jerra," he sighed after the silence.
She threw the covers over her head. "Do you have any duct tape in your utility belt?"
"You're not gagging yourself to sleep at night, Jerralin."
"Are you just gonna keep coming in here and shutting me up?" She demanded.
"If you'll let me."
She peeked out of the covers. He sat there in his stupid little acrobat-agility version of cross-legged. She sighed. "Good night, Grayson."
"Night...ingale." He grinned. Jerra scoffed and thrust a hand out to smack him, which made him cackle and fall off the bed. He stole one of her pillows mid-fall, and contently snuggled up on the floor, listening to her breathing calm and watching the moonlight strain through the window.
Jason was socially awkward.
Really socially awkward.
Thankfully, so was Jerra.
"Kid, as much as I love knives, if you go up to anyone else, they'll scream and call the cops."
Jason sighed and put his giant pocket knife away.
"You guys didn't save me any cookies."
"You were already asleep, Jay," she smiled. "I thought you'd had some."
"He refuses to make them for me." Jason pouted. "Could you ask for some?"
"Alfred's pretty reasonable, Jay," Jerra smirked. "What awful thing did you do to put him on strike?"
He mumbled something.
"Hm?" Jerra bit back a grin.
"I didn't eat my vegetables!" Jason's face burned a color similar to Kid Flash's hair.
"I see." Jerra refrained from laughing at the tempered boy.
"I feel the only way to solve this is by eating vegetables, Jason."
"I don't wanna," he scowled. "He can't make me."
Jerra wasn't usually one for too much childishness, or reasoning with childishness, but she was thankful for the distraction.
"Why are you spending at Mount Justice?"
Dick thought this was a reasonable question. Jason had thought this was a reasonable question, and he has no sense of reason.
Jerra, however, did not seem to find this a reasonable question.
"I'm not in the mood, Robin."
She stalked down the hall, her footsteps anything but light. The acrobat jogged after her.
"Jerra, I was just curious-"
"What part of I am not in the freaking mood is so hard to understand?" She whirled on him, and Robin abruptly skidded backwards, out of hitting range.
"Will you at least eat dinner before Wally realizes Miss M restocked the fridge?"
"Go away!"
He ran down the hall and flinched when the door slammed in the distance.
Megan in the kitchen gave him a sad look. "At least she's dealing with it."
"Why won't she let us help?" Robin asked, pushing up his sunglasses.
"Get out of her bubble, Rob," Artemis said from the living room. "If I were her, I'd kill you for bringing up things I didn't want to think about."
"But I didn't ask her anything to do with-"
"Use that detective mind of yours and try to see how your question relates to the fact she doesn't want any memories of the fact she is now an orphan."
Robin faltered.
She stayed at the manor all the time when she knew she was too beat up to go home.
She even called it her second home.
Oh.
OH.
Robin cringed and mentally beat himself. "I offered for her to stay with us." He told them.
"What?" Megan asked.
"What?" Artemis demanded.
"Batman offered first!" Robin raised his hands in defeat. "And we all thought it was a good idea. She's stayed over a bunch of times." He blinked and clenched his fists. "But I guess she wouldn't want to go to her 'second home' now that she doesn't have a first." Robin walked towards the zeta beam quickly. He turned abruptly. "Would you..." Robin cut himself off, muttering. "Never mind. Good night." He sprinted through.
"Talk to her?" Artemis guessed.
Megan nodded with a determined look. "I'll bring cookies."
"Jerra?" Artemis called lightly.
"Mm hm." The girls peeked through the door. Jerralin was splayed across her bed, twiddling the ring between her fingers idly. She looked up with darkened eyes. Those black circles weren't from training.
"We brought food." Megan attempted a cheery smile, but it came out weak. She could feel the girl's sorrow, and it was affecting her more than usual emotions would.
"Thank you." Artemis and Megan shared a look.
"We also want to talk." Artemis stated.
"I know." She beckoned them to sit on the bed. "This is a lovely conversation, huh?" She smirked at them stealing a cookie. "Mm."
"We want to help you." Megan said. "All of us, we hurt for you. Just remember we're here for you, okay?"
"Obviously," Jerra rolled her eyes. "I don't know who else would just bring me cookies."
She grinned and stole a handful. "Your culinary skills are getting better, by the way."
"Thanks." Megan smiled.
"Beside the point." Artemis attempted to get them back on track. "Jerra, you can't just shut us all out."
"The door wasn't locked, was it?" She raised an eyebrow, gnawing on the chocolate chip morsel. "'M fine."
"You weren't fine when you were talking to Robin," Artemis noted.
"That's beside the point," Jerra quoted the older girl.
When the two gave her a questioning look, she elaborated. "You guys have no clue about my civilian life, right? Rob does. The creep knows everything about my personal life. He was a big part of it. I'm just trying...to let go." She looked up at them. "Get it?"
"That's not the way you should move on," Artemis countered. "We're your team, you shouldn't be normal around some of us and then go crazy-bipolar on others."
"Who says crazy-bipolar isn't my normal, and that I'm just an exceptional actor?" She gave them another giant grin. "Now, I'd like to go to bed. Thanks for the snack. G'night!" She shooed them off the bed and waved as they walked towards the door. Megan warily closed the door.
They both paused outside and listened to the muffled sobs that seeped from beneath the door.
It was probably creepy of him, but Dick really wasn't in the mood to care. He had stolen one of the pillows she'd flung across the room in one of her fits and was resting his chin on it as he sat criss-crossed on the floor. Jerra was sound asleep, but the tear tracks on her cheeks were still shining. She tossed and turned on the other side of the room. This is where Dick was at a standstill. Should he wake her up and talk to her, or just stay here until she needed him. She answered that question for him, startling him out of his daze.
"...Dick?" She slurred, rubbing her eyes and halfheartedly glaring. "Why are you in my room?"
"The door was unlocked." He said honestly.
"Do you want me to lock it?" She demanded.
"No." He had taken off his sunglasses and was holding them in his hands. "Are you mad at me?"
"No." She answered, pulling the comforter around her.
"Then why are you lashing out?" He asked lightly, trying not to provoke her.
"Because who else is there, Dick?!" She flared. "Out of all these people, only you knew just how alone I was in that moment. How many of our teammates can say they literally have no more relatives to rely on?"
"None of us," he replied. "We all have each other."
She rolled her eyes at that diplomatic answer. ""That doesn't change the fact that I had something, but then I did something to screw it up and I killed people."
"The Joker killed your grandfather," Dick said forcefully. "You did not."
"That's what I thought, too!" Jerra choked on sobs. "But then h-he d-died, and the only person to blame for the Joker ever choosing him was me!"
She threw the blankets over her head so he wouldn't see her cry again. "I broke the vials at the lab, which gave them a reason to kill my dad! I'm the one who was too afraid to take the bus home after the bad-people-are-out-there talk so my stepmom had to pick me up, the car ride that killed her! I was the one who was born, which seemed like enough reason for my real mom to die!"
"I refuse to let you regret being born Jerra." Dick growled, getting up from his position on the floor.
"I don't care."
"I do."
"That's great, because obviously loving me is the best idea ever."
"We all love you."
"Then you're all gonna die!" she snapped.
"Everyone dies!" he retorted. "It just seems to happen a lot in your life."
"Well, excuse me for not wanting it to," she crossed her arms and slumped into her pillows. "Dick, I need a break."
"We can head to the zeta beams right now," he offered, "Alfred's got your room ready and all your stuff moved in—"
"Dick, I want a break from all of you."
The silence that followed that statement made her regret saying it. "I'm sorry, but—I just can't do this right now. I need a breather. I'll-I'll fight crime, save some lives, feel better about myself. Then I'll come back."
"Where will you be doing all of this?" Dick asked lightly, twisting the pillow in his hands.
"Gotham."
He glanced up. "Will you come home?"
"My home's for sale, bargain price for the crappy appliances," she scowled. "I'll be working from a different location."
"The Batcave?"
"The gutter."
"No."
"You're in charge now?"
"Jerra, I know you're going through some hard stuff, but really? Can you even hear yourself? The gutter?"
"Jason did it."
"Jason's your new role model?"
"Just get out of my room, Dick," She huffed, sliding out of bed and opening the door for him. He looked up at her with confusion.
"Jerra, I just want to help," he muttered weakly.
"I don't need help."
With one last look, he stepped from her room.
The door slammed behind him.
The lock clicked into place.
You might even get the next chapter tomorrow, if you all comment and want one. I've been working on my writing, and I hope it's improved a bit (though I've had most of this chapter on my computer since forever but didn't have time to finish it).
I love you all for reading! Next chapter involves Jerra's "I need a break." I'm not sure how many more of these I have left. Actually, under ten more chapters, if I had to guess. Again, thanks for putting up with me.
-Auri the Awesome