Warning: This chapter contains a somewhat dirty joke. Not too bad but I'm placing this warning just in case one of you guys is too sensitive. Well, let's continue, shall we?

Ralph and Vanellope headed back toward Moo-Juice Meadow, along with Taffyta Mutton-Fudge and Minty Zaki.

"So like, HOW did you milk those poor cows?" Taffyta asked, as she sucked on her lollypop.

"I just lifted them up and milked them into the bottles," Ralph replied, "Nothin' to it... except they must've been really full of milk.

"Are you sure they were GIRL COWS?" Minty teased.

"I checked," Ralph growled, "I assure you."

"Did you count the udders?"

"You know," Ralph yelled, "Despite what I look like, I do know how to count, Missy. So will you cut that out?"

"Whoa okay, okay," Minty said, "Calm down, geez."

"Like, what's eatin' him?" Taffyta wondered, "And come to think of it... what COULD eat him?"

Vanellope gave Taffyta a look that told her to shut up, then walked over to Ralph, who had run ahead, possibly to get away from the two comedians.

"Ralph, what's wrong?" she asked, "You've been a bit cranky today."

"Heh, I don't know," Ralph sighed, "A lot of stuff's happened tonight. You see the newcomer?"

"Didn't really get a good look at it. Is it dangerous?"

Ralph's shoulders drooped.

"Lemme guess," Vanellope said, a mischievous twinkle in her eye, "The new game is HERO'S DOODY 2 – CLOG CRISIS! Guess someone's gonna REALLY need to wash his hands now!"

Then she fell over in a fit of laughter.

"Look, kid," Ralph explained, "It's not that... it's Turbo Time."

"Turbo Time?" Vanellope asked, "You mean that nutcase that took over my world?"

Ralph nodded.

"I met him tonight... he's a big jerk, and I wanna keep him outta your world."

"You mean he just got plugged in and already he's mean?"

Vanellope thought for a moment, then grinned.

"I can be a jerk too," she said, "I can be quite a meanie if I wanna. So don't worry your scraggly little... er... not-so-little head, Stink-Brain, 'Cause if that guy tries anything, I'll have him EXECUTED!"

At the word 'executed', Taffyta let out a shriek.

"Oh calm down, Taffyta," Vanellope yelled, "You know I'm kidding! I'd probably just put him in my fungeon for awhile. Oh look, we're here!"

The cows all looked very displeased that Ralph had returned.

"Now," Vanellope announced, "Let an EXPERT show you all how to milk a cow!"

Q*Bert had to tell Ralph and Felix what he had learned about this Turbo. Looking around, he didn't see anyone on the race track. Hopping through the stadium, he suddenly heard some laughter. Wondering what was going on, Q*Bert hopped closer, and held the side of his head/body to the wall.

"Messin' with the code, huh?" one voice said, "I wonder if we could do just that."

"Yeah," another voice laughed, "We could delete Turbo and make this game our own!"

"But then how would we make up for a missing character? We need three racers!"

"Oh, we can improvise. Point is, we don't need Turbo. We can erase his memories and he can be just another little glitch."

Hearing this, Q*Bert hopped back over to Turbo's room and burst in through the door, trying the best he could to warn Turbo of this danger.

[I gotta get you outta here!] he yelled, but Turbo couldn't understand a word.

"Look, I know you're my friend and all," Turbo said, "But isn't this a strange place to play a guessing game?"

[NO! NO!] Q*Bert reiterated, motioning toward the doorway with his snout, [I need to get you out! The others are planning on rewriting your code! They're gonna kill this game and you with it!]

He hopped behind a bewildered Turbo and started butting the man with his head, trying to push him outside.

"Okay, okay," Turbo said as he was evicted from his room, "You can stay in my room for tonight... but what's all this about?"

Sighing, Q*Bert tried again, using simple words.

[Racers. Trying. To. Kill. You. Must. Escape.]

"Dead race cars?" Turbo asked, shrugging at the mostly indecipherable symbols in the word balloon.

[Videogame. Go. BOOM!]

"A bomb?"

Q*Bert shook his head/body and started pushing Turbo through the stadium toward the portal.

"Oh, no," Turbo said, turning to face his friend, "I'm not going out there! I don't wanna ever deal with that stinky Sasquatch ever again!"

Q*Bert's eyes suddenly grew wide in an expression that said 'Oh crap'.

"You ain't dealing with no one ever again, Turbo," a voice said.

Turbo turned around and a net fell on both him and Q*Bert. Two other racers dressed similar to Turbo stepped into the light and grinned.

"And we ain't dealin' with you neither, Turbo."

With that, both racers let out a guffaw.

"It's gettin' close to opening time," Felix noted, "I'll go look for Ralph, while you and your men go take a break."

"I guess you're right," Calhoun replied, "But we need to keep watch over this portal. If this Turbo comes out, we must track his every move!"

"You could keep watch alone."

"Yeah," Calhoun nodded, "But a good soldier always keeps a partner in case the going goes from tough to impossible. Besides, we all know what happened a year ago. That game-jumping maniac turned Sugar Rush into a nightmare mixed with Hades, baked into a cake that tasted like death warmed over!"

"They need a break though, and I'll be back to relieve you soon."

"Very well then," Calhoun sighed, "But I better see you and Ralph back here at 09:00. Is that clear?"

Her eyes seemed to say 'Please don't leave me alone.'

"Don't you worry," Felix promised, "I'll be back before you know it!"

As he turned to leave, Slick, Sam, Coily, Ug and Wrongway hopped frantically over to the group.

"What's wrong, guys?" Felix asked.

Coily replied in his usual Q*Bert-ese.

"Gone?"

More Q*Bert-ese.

"Gone where?"

Coily shook his head.

"And he never came back?"

The soldiers groaned. Another break was about to be canceled.

"Well we've got to find him!" Felix declared, "Calhoun and I will look for him at Tapper's. You guys spread out, and Markowski, Pivonka, you stay here to guard the portal."