Katherine (KBPOV)

3 months later...

"Hey Castle." I said sliding on the booth in The Old Haunt; we have been meeting twice a week, every Sunday and Wednesday, since the article. I couldn't remember the last time I spent so much time talking with someone just for the pleasure, I always had a reason, money or otherwise.

"Hey Kate, how are you?" He said giving me one of his brightest smiles that I got to know in the course of the last three months.

"I am good, you?" I said giving one of my best back.

"I am great. How was work today?"

"Great, I got a new client, will be a tough divorce. But she will get almost everything from it, I will do my best." I said flashing him one of my confident smiles.

"Oh, I am sure my dear." He said winking at me.

Before he could say anything my cell phone started ringing.

"One moment Castle." I said picking up my cell.

"Sure."

"Hello." I said to the phone.

"Hey baby, it is me Peter."

"Hey Peter, what's up?"

"I am waiting at the door of your apartment for you; but you are not here." He said with an accusatory voice.

"Well, I am out."

"Obviously, where are you?" He said with an impatient voice.

"I am drinking with Castle."

"That fucking author?" He screamed at the phone.

"Yes Peter, that fucking author, one of my friends, remember?"

"Of course I remember, you two appeared on the paper together, remember? Saying that you were cheating on me with him, remember? Why are you still hanging out with this guy?"

"He is my friend, Peter."

"Yeah, but I don't like him. I don't want you to see him again."

"You know what Peter? I am coming home, stay put that I am coming." And I hung up.

"Sorry about it Castle, I have to go home talk to Peter, he is being a jerk. Do you mind? We can meet again Sunday, same time and place."

"Of course Kate, I am sorry about Peter. I didn't know he hated me that much, I thought he understood that we aren't together."

"Yeah, I thought so too. Sorry about this, Rick." I said with a sad face, I loved hanging out of Richard and I didn't like the idea of leaving earlier that I usually did.

"Hey, don't worry Kate. We meet again at Sunday." He said getting up with me and kissing my cheek. Those were my favorite moments, when we would say goodbye and he would kiss my cheek. If I had much to drink, I would be brave enough to kiss near his mouth and say with a sensual voice "Goodbye Castle."

The ride home was longer the usual, I knew what was coming, the end of my engagement. We had been fighting a lot in those last 3 months, screaming each other, picking up a fight in every opportunity; nothing that the other did was enough. Peter who usually was laid back and didn't try to control me, became more possessive than ever, didn't get conformable with the silence we used to live with, he wanted that every second of our time together to be fill with talking, but he wasn't like Richard, we weren't able to talk for hours and don't notice. He would push me and push me, but I thought that if I gave him time he would stop, see that I wasn't going anywhere. That although I didn't show, somewhere inside me, I loved him.

But the time only showed me that in fact, I didn't love him. I loved the idea I had of him, that perfect man, rich, calm, who just accepted what I had to give and nothing more, but he wasn't that, or maybe one day he was but then he changed.

When I arrived home, I already had the prepared myself emotionally and mentally for the end.

"Hey Peter." I said when I arrived at my door and saw him there; sitting on the ground and resting his back on my door, waiting for his fiancée, thinking he could get away with the way he had acted the last months.

"Kate, baby. What took you so long? I have been waiting here for almost an hour for you; don't do that again with me." He said with a serious tone and face.

"Right… enter please." I said when I opened the door and dropped my purse at the table near.

"Can you do something for me to eat? I didn't eat anything after lunch."

"No, I can't. Sit down Peter, we need to talk." I said with my court voice indicating to him one of the chairs in front mine.

"Are you going to fight with me because of that stupid writer? Darling, we know he just want to sleep with you; besides we both know that the moment he sees your scars he won't want you anymore. So why hurt our perfect relationship?" I won't lie; I flinched a little when he said that, with his stupid sweet voice, like I was a fucking baby or a fucking patient.

"Peter, our relationship hasn't been perfect for quite some time. And that is why we are breaking off our engagement." I said taking off my ring. "Here your ring, you bought it, it is yours." I said giving him the ring.

"You don't have the right to break up with me." He yelled. "You don't have the fucking right! After all I had to put up with during these last five years; you don't have the fucking right! You humiliated me several times in front of my family; you humiliated me in front of all New York where you appeared in that fucking paper with your fucking writer, and now you what to break off with me? Bitch, you don't have the right!"

"Peter, of course I have the right. Since you doesn't anything here on my apartment, just leave, will you? I hope your life is good with you and you find somebody perfect for you." I said with my voice cold and calm and got up of my chair to open the door for him.

"But baby, you love me, don't you? Why would you break everything off if you love me? What If I change? Be better for you, I am sure I can be!" He said with his apology voice; it was always entertaining how Peter would change his act in a matter of few seconds depending in how things were going for his side.

"No Peter, I don't love. I haven't been in love with you for quite some time. So could you please just leave?" I said opening the door.

"You don't love me? After all I gave you, all I did to you, you don't love? What is wrong with me Katherine, what is my problem? Why can't you love me?" He said with pleading eyes.

"Peter, nothing is wrong with you, let's just moves on with our life. Please? I am tired, I had a busy day. If you want, tell your family you broke off everything; hates me if it will make you feel better; but we can't stay together the way we are. I don't love you; you love the idea of me that you have in your mind. We are better off separated."

"Katherine, please don't do that to me, I love you so much."

"Sorry Peter, just leave, could you? Move on; find another woman to be your perfect housewife. I can't be that person, I just can't."

"Are you sure? Is really this that you want? End our engagement like that, end 5 years of our life like that"

"Yes Peter." I said with a serious voice.

"Okay then. Just remember that I will forever love you baby. And sorry for my burst earlier; but losing is aching very much. But I will do what you want, remember, I will always love you." He said standing outside my apartment.

"Bye Peter." I said closing the door.

Almost 5 years, I just gave goodbye to five years of my life. I waited for that empty feeling that I was waiting, but never came. Kicking Peter out of my life didn't hurt; I hoped that would hurt, just so I could prove myself that I felt something, anything.

I felt like Peter deserved something, like I had to give him a piece of myself as an apology for being such a bad girlfriend/fiancée.

I went to my bathroom, opened my cabinet and looked around for my favorite blade, I had never had the courage to throw it away; it was always so smooth on my skin and together we had cut so many good words.

I took off all of my clothes; and stood there in front of my full-body mirror looking at my image with just my little panty. The words carved on my body were so beautiful and ugly at the same time, how many times Peter had passed his fingers throw it, loving it. But maybe Peter was right, Castle would be disgusted with it and wouldn't want anymore, not that I was thinking about sleeping with Castle. Anyway, I had to honor Peter somehow, to prove to myself and for him, that what we had were good, that although it ended badly at some point we were happy. What better way to honor him than carve a word on my body just for him?

I knew that once I did, it would be hard to stop doing it, but I thought: "why not? I know how to stop; I am an adult after all." Taking the blade and preparing myself to inaugurate a new place at my body, I took off my panties and looked at my hipbones. I don't know why but I never cut there, maybe I was saving it for something special? I didn't know, but there was where Peter would be always remembered.

I took the blade and took a deep breath, I prepared myself to do it after 8 years without doing it, and I would have to carve my flesh well, so it would stay there forever.

The first time the blade touched my skin, it hurt. But I took another deep breath and whispered to no one in particular "this one is for you Peter, don't say that I never cared about you." The first letter was always the hardest, the blood running through my hands, my leg, but I couldn't stop; my body felt all those things that I had forgot that I felt. The adrenaline pumped in my veins, my heart started beating faster, my eyes didn't shed a tear, I could feel my lips forming a big smile, ahh the cut smiles, and how I loved how good cutting made me feel. My face couldn't stop smiling during the process, that pleased smile that I had on my face when I would cut myself, my mind saying "that is it Katie dear, punish yourself for being such a bitch, slut, cold woman." "Good work sweetie, I am so proud of you!" "Keep the good work, cut deeper honey, make this scar be there for the rest of your life." And I would laugh, I would laugh because it made me feel like I completed something, finally I made something of myself, finally I felt something. I looked at the mirror and read out loud the new word to my bathroom "End", I read it out loud a few times, trying the word, making sure that it was perfect for the occasion; I hoped Peter forgave me for the small word, but my hipbone didn't fit a bigger word and I felt that the word was perfect. Our engagement ended, and with it, ended also whatever we had, whatever we felt, was the end of everything that we built for almost five years, was the end of his relationship with someone that couldn't love him back, it was his freedom from something toxic that someday would consume him too.

Looking at the mirror, I wasn't satisfied with my work, I wanted more, and I wanted to carve my flesh more, make that feeling last forever. So I kept carving the word, each letter at time, and the blood running through my fingers, through my leg and it was like an affirmation of my good work. After thirty minutes carving my flesh I started feeling weak, and before I knew it I passed out.

Hey guys, i know this chapter is darker than usual, i hope you liked. I would like to remember that the road of cutting is sad and hard, I had almost been there myself and I don't recommend. If you feel that you want to cut or hurt yourself, PLEASE ASK FOR HELP!

Also, I said that I couldn't post again and that is why the last chapter was sloppy, sorry about that, but today was empty, without a lot of stuff to do, so here I am. I also know that I usually don't post two chapters so close to each other, but this chapter was screaming to be written. Wednesday or Tuesday will have a new chapter as always.

Remember to review if you can, make a girl happy.