Katherine Beckett (KBPOV)
I couldn't really tell you when it happened, but along the way I realized that some stuff meant more that it was to mean. When Castle and I hugged for the first time was nice, some skin contact with a man that didn't want to get in my pants, don't get me wrong, Peter didn't always thought or wanted sex, but I did. Any skin contact with Peter and all I could think was when we would have some time alone so we could have sex. So, in the four months of our friendship Castle and I shared some hugs, but none like that one.
When Castle left, Patricia arrived soon after, and we worked for the rest of the day, she kept my mind occupied so I couldn't think what was happening to Castle and me. I never understood how you know that the friendship changed for something more sexual, I never had that. Before my mother's death I was way too shy and self conscious about my body and my personally to get involved with someone, and when she died I didn't want to create ties with anybody that I didn't have ties before. With Peter since the beginning we knew that we were going to date and probably get married, we weren't try to be something or have something that we weren't or haven't.
It was clear for both of us that every date, every conversation, every moment spent was to lead for the final act: me walking on the church with an expensive white dress. It in the end didn't happen, but hey, it almost happened.
After 6 hours working almost non-stop I sent Patricia home, the poor girl worked too hard for her own good. One day she would end up like me, alone and broken, but I hoped not, it wasn't a beautiful path.
Not long after Patricia left, Lanie arrived bringing my clothes for the next day, when she called at the afternoon I instructed her to bring my highest high-hells and the most flattering suit I had. I wanted to make a big entrance the next day.
"Hey girl, who are you?" She said putting her bag and my bag at the floor.
"I am great Lanie, how are you?" I said putting a smile on my face.
"I am good." She said putting the chair by my side and sitting.
"Lanie, you know you don't have to sleep with me, I am fine. I am not going to cut myself again or something like that. Go home to your boyfriend, get some action, cook, I don't know; do whatever you want but no need to get a horrible sleep here just because your best friend is mental unstable."
"Kate, I want to sleep here, who cares if you are mental unstable? You are stable enough to be my best friend! And I know that you won't cut yourself again but we never know, right? Just let me sleep here tonight, tomorrow you will go home and sleep by yourself all you want."
"Okay, okay. Just don't complain about your bad back to me."
"Hey, I don't have a bad back!" Lanie said slapping my arm.
"Ounch, you don't have now but after two nights sleeping on a hospital you will have. We are getting old Lanie, don't be the blind one that never sees the truth. I don't have the age to sleep around anymore, and go crazy even if it is what I want to do. And you can't sleep in chairs or horrible sofas like you used too anymore either."
"Yeah, you are right. We are getting old." She said with a reminiscing voice and we stayed in silence watching or pretending to watch what was on at the TV.
Appeared to be yesterday when we would drive around on my new car trying to act older that we were; appeared to be yesterday when I lost my mom and went crazy. But was a long time ago, and I was still acting like it was fresh. Was at that moment that I had to drop the poor girl act, I had lost almost twenty years of my life trying to fix something that was broken, but yet, not that broke that needed to be fixed.
Yes, I had lost my mom but hey, things had turned up okay. I had a great job, I had a great friend and maybe I didn't have a husband or kids but I didn't need that.
When I was a teenager I always hated how people would act like woman are defined by how good they husbands are or how many kids she had. Thinking about it, I hated how people would act like woman needed a man by their side to be complete, I didn't need a man! That kind of thought was and is stupid; women don't need men, and vice-versa.
People usually thinks that they need a person by their side, what a ridiculous thought! Always looking for someone or something; always trying to be the life of the party, never wanting to be alone. The world is full of people like that, and it is sad. Some people aren't comfortable enough in their own skin that they need the approval of others to prove that they are good enough.
When I was a teenager I was always the unusual girl; I hated being the life of the party and I hated talking all the time about cute boys. I couldn't really tell you how many friends I lost because I was sick because they would always talk about boys. In fact, I remember a fight I had with my best friend of 4 years, it went something like that:
"Ruth, stop talking about boys, I can't take anymore! If you want to kiss him, kiss him! If you want to fuck him, fuck him! Let's talk about books, movies or I don't know painting or something like that, or gossip about somebody we hate. If you continue to talk about these stupid boys I am going to leave."
"Argh Kate, I can't just go there and kiss him, what if he doesn't like me? And talk about books? I am not a crazy reader like you, in fact I hate reading, and it's so boring!"
"If he doesn't like you, talking about him won't make he like you. In fact, will just make you sound stupid. And reading isn't boring! And I am not a crazy reader!"
"Are you on P.M.S today? You are mean and yes, you are a crazy reader! Kate, you appeared on the news because you read 261 books on a semester, if you aren't a crazy reader I don't know what you are!"
"No , I am not on P.M.S and maybe I am a crazy reader but this is my problem. Look Ruth, I love you very much but if you don't change a little we can't be friends anymore."
And this was the end, we were never friends again. We sometimes talked, like that small talk with someone you used to love but now you don't even know how you feel but yet you feel that you have to talk to them because of what one day that person meant for you.
Not long after Lanie arrived we fall asleep lost in our own thoughts. When the sun rose I was already awake staring at the clock and watching time pass by. After it rose I went to take a shower so I could put my clothes and go to work. Forgetting that I had a recent cut on my skin I took a shower with hot water and I felt a feeling that I thought that was long forgotten; the feel of my flesh burning.
Before 7 pm I was at work, when I walked in everybody looked at me like they saw a ghost, they had never seen me miss work, it was like the event of the year; so the first possibility for me missing work the day before was because I was dead. "I didn't die this time buddies, maybe next time." I whispered to myself and laughing at me own dark joke.
The work was almost as usual, even after I worked a lot of hours the day before I still had a lot of stuff to do. At 4 pm when I got some time to breath, Castle called.
"Hey Castle, how are you?"
"Hey Kate, I am great and you?"
"I am fine, back at work."
"That is good. Look, do you want to have dinner tonight at the loft?"
"hum… Okay, sure, fine." I said suddenly nervous, after our hug and his promise to be always with me I was a little bit cautious trying to understand where our relationship was walking towards.
"If you don't mind Alexis will be here, maybe my mother but with her we never know!"
"That's okay."
"Okay then, do you like what kind of pizza?"
"I like all kinds!"
"If you say so… Come at 8 pm! Bye, I am going to start preparing myself to make the pizzas."
"Make? Castle, you can order it!"
"Why would I invite you to eat at my house if I was going to order it? Not funny. Alexis and I love making pizza; you are going to love it! Don't be late!"
"I won't be late, bye." I hung up with a smile on my face, I couldn't remember the last time I ate a homemade food.
This chapter was a complete filler, sorry about that and it was also smaller, sorry about that too.
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Have a good weekend!