Katherine Becket (KBPOV)

2 MONTHS LATER…

I have been meeting my therapist two times a week for two months, and I haven't cut myself again, I was proud of my strength. The new word was completely healed and joined, for real, her sisters on my skin. I did a great job with that one. I will confess to you that yes, sometimes I found myself almost cutting a new word again, but in the last minute I didn't do it, I didn't have any words to really write, I was just searching for that rush again, that special moment when you feel that you are immortal and nothing could touch you again, that feeling that maybe, just maybe, everything would be fine in the end.

Castle became one of my best friends since Lanie became busy with her boyfriend; I was happy for her, it was good that one of us could really give our self to another person.

Since the dinner at his house when I met Alexis, I have been there a few more times and met Alexis a few more times, she was a sweet girl. I met Sarah a couple of times but it always was strange, there was always that fear of saying something wrong and I was always worried that at some point she was going to start blaming me for something that happened to Peter or decided that I was the bad guy in the relationship. Speaking of Peter, I never heard about him again, for someone that confessed his immortal love for me, he gave up quickly. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't going to go back to him but would be nice to see he crawl trying to get me back.

That day I woke up more tired than usual, without a reason. Maybe it was because my routine was always the same, nothing changed and probably nothing would or maybe was because Mackenzie ordered me to stop taking my sleeping pills for a few months while I took a new kind of medication for my eternal depression; and without my pills I couldn't sleep well; doesn't exist a better sleep than the one when you take a sleep pill, it is so deep and good, and nothing on earth can wake you up.

That rare kind of happiness that I felt 2 months ago on my balcony, didn't last. Sometimes the loneliness would be too big for me and it would eat me. The loneliness didn't have place or time, she would just come and embrace me, taking me in her big arms and making me feel that strange feeling of being alone in a world so big and so full of people.

The content feeling that came with the rare kind of happiness that I felt that day, also didn't last and she didn't come back a lot a times. Opposite to her friend loneliness, she did have a day and a time when she would appear; sometimes when I was shopping or often when I was with Castle, but she would go away the moment that I stopped buying things and the moment I said goodbye to Castle. She was a stupid bitch that denied herself to me.

Maybe the happiness was something overestimated by the society and I could indeed live an amazing life without feeling happy every day or even every month.

Some Saturdays during those 2 months when the loneliness would get too big for me to stay and my apartment alone or when Castle or Lanie didn't invite me for something, I would go to a bar or a nightclub, looking for company and mostly looking for sex. In the past, I discovered that sex could make you forget that you lived an ordinary life for a few hours, so every time that I needed to get out of my reality for a few hours I would have sex with anyone who wanted me. But those few times that I searched for company I couldn't bring myself to sleep with anybody, nobody looked appealing enough and sometimes, when I was very drunk and almost passing out alone on my bed I would wish that I was an ordinary girl, so I wouldn't have so much fucked up stuff going on in my mind.

Richard Castle (RCPOV)

I couldn't pretend anymore, I was indeed in love with Katherine. After 5 months of meeting and talking on the phone until late, Kate had convinced me without trying that she was almost a perfect human being and perfect for me.

I am not going to lie; when I discovered what she used to do and sometimes did with herself I freaked out but kept it cool at the hospital. At the first moment at hospital when she put herself so vulnerable to me and stood there naked, I didn't have time to really process the image and the situation; later I spent a lot of night awake on my bed trying to understand what happened, why she did that to herself, how I really felt about it and without wanting to, I asked myself how did Peter felt about it and what would he do if he knew what Kate did to honor his memory and the time he spent on her life.

At first alone on my bed I was shocked, I would never guess that someone so powerful and so apparently perfect would go through so much pain that would do that to herself. That was a reminder for me that I should never judge people for what they appear to be. After a few nights awake I found myself wanting to discover the meaning of every word and the reason but, at the same time, I didn't want to be part of her life when she cut herself again. When I imagined myself founding her again on the pool of her own blood and knowing why she was there, my heart ached. Just thinking about brought tears to my eye, when you love someone so much, you can't watch the person destroy herself that way; it hurts so much on you. So I promised myself that night: I would do everything that I could to stop Kate from doing it again, so I would never go through it again. I didn't know how Lanie could do it, the way she acted, was the way someone who have been through that a few times already acted.

After I had my feelings towards her scars really figured out, I tried to think when was the right time to ask her out on a real date, not the dates that we usually had, but a real date where we would dress up and the end I would kiss her. I didn't want to ask her while she was in a vulnerable position and I wanted to give her time to get over Peter, even after what she told Alexis the first time she came here, I wanted her to really be sure that she didn't love Peter and that she was ready for a new relationship, that in the case I hoped was with me.

Thinking about the first time she met Alexis, it made me happy and probably was the moment where I was sure that I loved her. I couldn't remember the last time that one of my girlfriends of the week or even Gina or Meredith were so nice and honest with Alexis. Sometimes I think that Alexis missed a mother figure in her life, a person where she could ask advices and question that I couldn't answer and probably didn't want to.

Sometimes when I would allow myself to dream about Kate and me together, it would always end up with Kate really being the mother Alexis didn't have.

After two months of waiting and trying to be the best friend I could to Kate, I felt that she was ready to start going out on a dates; so I decided to ask her. At first I was anxious and afraid, what if she didn't want to go on a date with me? How could we still be friends? I crossed my fingers that everything would be alright.

At 11:36am on October 9th, I called Kate.

"Hey Castle." She answered me with a tired voice.

"Hi Kate, are you busy?" I asked trying not to sound too anxious.

"No, I am not. Is something serious happened? Something happened to Alexis? You are sounding a little anxious." She said with an urgent voice confirming that indeed I haven't inherited my mother's genes.

"I have something serious to ask but Alexis is fine, nothing bad happened and I think my question is not bad either."

"Okay… you can ask it."

"Okay… Hum…. "I tried to ask.

"You can ask anything Castle, I promise."

"Okay." I took a deep breath. "Maybe you would like to go out with me?" I said fast, maybe too fast.

"What? I didn't understand, say a little slower please." Yes, indeed I said it too fast.

"Do you want to go out with me?"

"Go out like on a real date?" She asked carefully.

"Yes, on a real date."

"Hum… Sure, I would love too."

"Really? Do you want to go on a real date with me?"

"Yes Castle, I want to go on a real date with you." She said laughing. "Why are you finding it so hard to believe? You asked the question."

"I thought you would say no. I hoped you would say yes but I thought you would say no."

"Why on earth I would say no?"

"I don't know…"

"Well, I said yes, so when do you want to go?"

"I don't know; whenever you can, maybe this Friday?"

"Okay, choose a place and a time and I will be there Castle."

"Okay, I call you later with the details."

"Sure Castle, I can't wait. Bye. Say hi to Alexis."

"I will. Bye." When I hang up, I couldn't believe that she said yes and I couldn't believe how stupid I sounded, but I didn't have time to think about it, at first I had to find the perfect place for us to go because I had only 3 days to organize the perfect date.

I know I promised the kiss, but it didn't work out this chapter, next one I promise! See you guys on Friday or Saturday!

Please, be kind and leave a review. It makes me motivated and happy :)

PS: Hello Guest reviewer, I indeed use a software to correct some stuff, I will try to pay more attention, I promise. Thank you so much for your review, I hope you continue to enjoy the story :)