Katherine Beckett (KBPOV)

"Wait, what? I didn't hear it right." I said looking at Castle and taking deep breathes trying not to freak out, much. I just woke up and Castle was already saying those things.

"I-I said that I think I love you, but I said it wrong, I am sure that I love you." Castle said looking at me.

"Are you sure, sure? Or are you almost sure?" I said trying to get up of the bed still drunk from my sleep.

"Hey, come here, don't run." Castle said grabbing my waist and pushing me gently towards the bed again. "I am sure Kate, please don't run."

"Oh God Castle, it's too early for you to start saying these things. It's early in the morning; it's early in the relationship." I said passing my hands through my face trying to really wake up and make sense of everything that was happening.

"I know, I was going to wait longer to tell you but you were sleeping so beautiful, so peaceful and I was thinking of how much I love you and then you woke up and I said it." He said looking almost embarrassed.

"Okay, just give me a few minutes so I can make sense of everything." I said getting up of the bed and walking towards the bathroom.

I passed through my closet and took a robe to cover myself, suddenly feeling nude. I entered the bathroom and sat on the toilet, resting my head on the cold tile behind me and closing my eyes. WHAT THE FUCK HAD HAPPENED? I didn't know, I knew that at some point he would say it, I was getting ready for the moment, but to say the truth I didn't know it would be so fast like that.

Should I say it back? I wasn't sure, I knew that I was learning to love him and maybe soon I would love him, really love him, like I should have loved Peter. So, what should I say now? "Hey Castle, I am going to love you soon, can you wait?" or "Hey Castle, I processed what you said and I love you too, or almost love you too" or maybe I should say "Castle, I heard what you said and I think that if you give me more time I will love you too.". I didn't know what to do; I liked to think that I lived by the saying that honest it's the best policy. But, I am not stupid, either is Castle and neither is you. We all know that I haven't lived by that policy for a long time, maybe I didn't even know what honest meant anymore.

I heard Castle moving around the kitchen, probably making coffee or something like that, and I tried to be less selfish and think if I was going through that dilemma, imagine what he was going through! I stood up and washed my face, and looked at myself on the mirror, I almost asked: "Magic mirror, on the wall, who is the coldest one of all?" Because inside I knew what I was: cold. And I have been for a long time, and I believed for a few seconds everyday that maybe Castle would be the one to set things right, bring me back to land of the living, since a long time ago when I had the same choice to make, the land of the living or the land of the dead, I chose the land of the dead.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I tied the robe once again; making sure it was closed and walked towards the kitchen.

Castle was lost in his thoughts looking with way too much attention at one of my mugs, and didn't realize that I entered the kitchen.

"Hey Castle." I said trying to use a smooth voice since I didn't want to scare him.

"He-hey Kate, are you alright?" He said with a concerned voice and face.

"Yes, I am alright." I said giving him a small smile. "I thought about what you said and… I thought about lying to you, but I don't want to waste another five years of my life and I also don't want you to waste your time in a relationship that was based on lies."

"Okay…" He said not knowing what I meant.

"So… I can't say it back to you; I can't say that I love you." I said and watched his face change for a sad frown. "But, I am not saying that I won't love you. I think that I am almost loving you, I am getting there you know…" I said giving him a sad smile. "I am a cold person, I am not going to lie or pretend it isn't truth, I am a cold person and you don't need to say otherwise. I am not saying that to you to get your pity, or to… I don't know, any other reason you can think about it. I am just stating the facts. But I am tired of being cold, a long time ago I had to make a choice, between death and life and we both know what I chose… and I don't know, maybe it's time for me to change my choice, because I can still change it, I didn't die yet. So, here I am, changing my mind about the choice I made almost twenty years ago and I am humbling asking you to wait for me, to help me in this path. Please Castle; help me choose the world of the living." I finished looking at him and giving a small smile, afraid of what he was going to say back.

"Are you sure that you want to change your mind? Are you really sure that you don't want to life in the world of the dead?"

"Yes Castle, I am sure."

"Kate, I need you to be really sure, because like I said early, I love you; and I don't want to sound… foolish saying that I love you like I never loved any of the woman before you and I can't lie, I had a lot of woman before you. But I promise you that I never loved any of them the same way that I love you now so, if you say that you want to change, you want me to wait for you, you want me to help you, I will. I will be by your side all the way, I will hold you when you start crying for things that you should have cried a long time ago, I will talk to you and hold your hands to stop you from cutting yourself, I will help you make emends with your dad, if you want of course. I will be there, but please don't lie to me if that is not what you want, because I will invest myself, and Alexis will invest herself, and my mother will probably invest a little of herself, we will all become your family, so please, don't make me a fool. I am not Peter, I don't want you to be something that you are not, I love you the way you are, and if you think you can stop putting so many walls around your heart and let people in, I will be there." He said with tears in his eyes, I have never realized how much Castle was involved in this relationship, he really was into it, and he really loved me. "So, I will ask you the last time, are you sure that you want to come back to the living world?"

"Yes Castle, I am sure. I am really, really, really sure." I said feeling something strange on throat, like I wanted to… cry.

"I am glad; I can't wait to have you here with me, with Alexis." He said putting his hands at each of my cheek and kissing my lips. "I can't wait to hear you say it back to me, but just say it when you really mean it, I beg you."

"I promise that will just say when I meant it, I promise you." I said kissing him back and putting my arms around his neck. "Honest policy." I whispered into his lips.

"I liked it, honest policy." He said smiling and kissing me back.

Ours kisses started getting more heated, Castle put me at the stool that I had in the kitchen and stood between my legs; he opened my robe, taking it off me and left just sitting on the pool of silky that it made, I passed my fingers through his chest that was nude since he slept on his boxers and didn't put any shirt on when he woke up; he took off the blouse of my pajamas and threw it somewhere in my kitchen.

"Castle, maybe we just move things for my bedroom." I said breathless between kisses.

"I couldn't agree with you more." He answered, I put my legs and arms around him and he put his arms around me and carried me towards the bedroom. We all know what happened for the rest of the day.

Hey guys, sorry that I couldn't post on Saturday, busy weekend! Anyway, I based a lot of the stuff of this chapter on the season 4 of Downton Abbey, if you watch it probably you will recognize some the expressions that I used. I hope you enjoy the chapter, and see you soon!

If you can, please review!