5th of Frostfall

4E 201

We're in Whiterun. The joy. Ahkari decided that the caravan should travel with the Dragonborn for business, protection, and for some adventure. Okay I get the first and last, but what the hell! Protection! Isn't that why you hired me you bitch?

Kharjo stopped writing. Ahkari was right next to the Dragonborn, rubbing his arm and smiling at him. "Oh, you're so strong and fierce and handsome." She batted her eyebrows. The Dragonborn smiled and said, "You know for a trader you ain't that bad." He said, putting on his charm. Kharjo rolled his eyes.

So you're 'in love' with him is that it Ahkari? You know that as soon as you get the gold you need you're going to leave faster than a dragon flies. I know, I've seen it done, so stop pretending and just do it already, better now than later.

The Dragonborn stopped, causing everyone else to. He looked up at the sky for no apparent reason and was talking to himself. "Let's see, do I want Hack and Slash or Bone Breaker?" He looked slightly to the right, "or maybe I want to start archery?" He moved around in a circle. "Ooh, maybe I'll start conjuration, yeah, that'll be good." Kharjo walked over, confused as hell. "Um, pardon me but what exactly are you doing?"

"Leveling up." The Dragonborn said.

"Right!" Kharjo answered with sarcasm. The Dragonborn looked down and there was a compass rose like object directly in front of him. Kharjo looked around and saw that Dro'marash, was running in place, as if he were trying to catch up but not really going anywhere. The Dragonborn looked at Kharjo and said, "Do you guard the caravan?" He then sighed and said "I'm sorry I did not mean to press that button."

"It's okay I," Kharjo started to say before he instinctively responded with, "Yes, I was hired to protect the others as we walk the roads of Skyrim. It is a thankless task and I would rather be back home in Elsweyr, but I have little choice. Ahkari freed me from a prison in Cyrodill, and now I must repay my debt to him. A word of advice, my friend - do not mix gambling and drink. Taken together, they will empty your pockets of every septim." The Dragonborn was moving his thumb up and down as if he were squishing a bug in mid-air. "The A button isn't working!"

"What are you talking about?" Kharjo asked. The Dragonborn looked at him, "I'm sorry!" He screamed. "I don't know what this is but..." Kharjo was once again stopped by his instinctive random three phrases. "If anyone sneaks up on us, I'll smell them coming, or I might not, we shall see."

"I need you to do something." The Dragonborn said, "Damn it!"

"What do you need?" Followed very quickly by "What is it?" Kharjo sighed and cursed, "What the fuck is going on!"

"I don't know!" The Dragonborn said, randomly pulling his sword out causing Kharjo to do so as well. "But I don't much like this!" Unexplainably, the Dragonborn starting attacking Whiterun guards as if he were a member of the Dark Brotherhood. The guards in turn attacked him and Kharjo ran in for the defense. In fits of confusion, they were both apologizing, "I'm sorry about this!" They both would say as they killed, and were attacked by mindless guards who said the same thing over and over. "You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people, what say you in your defense?" Every single time, the Dragonborn would reply with, "I'd rather die than go to prison!" and the fighting would continue...

The Dragonborn is in jail and I'm waiting outside. I don't know what's happening but it's really weird. After our encounter with the guards the Dragonborn was sent to jail and the caravan moved on without us. Finally. I'll miss Zaynabi, but she'll be waiting for me later. I waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited. For a total of sixty seconds when the Dragonborn came out fresh a daisy. He turned to me for a second, and I said. "Khajitt guards your back." Which is true, but to be honest, if that sort of shit with the guards happens again, I'm leaving his ass behind.

Kharjo put away his journal as the Dragonborn entered Dragonsreach. Walking up slowly and causally to the Jarl, he was stopped by Irileth, the Jarl's Housecarl. She extended her blade and the Dragonborn rolled his eyes, apparently he's been through this before. "What is the meaning of this interruption? Jarl Balgruuf is not receiving visitors." The Dragonborn was about to speak when Kharjo stepped up in front of him, "Now look here bitch." Irileth slapped him in the face, hard, leaving a red streak. Kharjo stared at her evilly. "You are a real pain in the-" Kharjo said, starting to rebuttal but Irileth slapped him again. "Kharjo doesn't much like those who slap him twice." Kharjo replied, the first time he ever used his name in speech. He isn't an egotistical sort, but he felt the need to say his name. "What are you going to do about it?" Irileth said. Kharjo smiled. "This," he said flipping her off. "suck it, you pompous little whore." Irileth turned towards the Dragonborn. "What is the meaning of this interruption? Jarl Balgruuf is not receiving visitors."

"Riverwood is in danger." The Dragonborn said.

"That explains why the guards let you in, the Jarl will want to speak with you personally." Irileth sheathed her blade and led The Dragonborn towards the Jarl. Kharjo followed with a smug smile as he shifted his weight about his feet swaying back and forth. If he had a mallet, he would have one, just to be an asshole.

"So, you were at Helgen." The Jarl started to say. Kharjo shook his head, "He was, but I was at-" The Jarl looked at him, not really caring and continued with his automatic speech that Bethesda made for him. " You saw this dragon with your own eyes?" The Dragonborn nodded. "No shit Sherlock." The Dragonborn turned to Kharjo and playfully hit him. He then turned back to the Jarl. The dialogue screen popped up, and Kharjo very innocently whispered in the Dragonborn's ear. "The dragon attacked Helgen, and I slept with your wife." The Dragonborn stared at him. "I can't say that, I plan on joining the Legion." Kharjo nodded, closing his eyes as if he were in a comedy movie, "Yes but, look around you, this guy is a prick. Watch, in about three hours, when you've leveled up enough you're going to come back here and he'll say..."

" You might be a guest in Dragonsreach, but you're starting to try my patience." The Jarl said. Kharjo smiled. "What would you have me do?" The Dragonborn said. Kharjo shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know, but I do know that," he looked up and saw an XBOX 360 controller floating in the air and heard a voice that was speaking all of the things that he was. "Hey!" Kharjo said. "Yes?" The voice said. "Stop making me an asshole!" Kharjo said. "Oh alright, have it your way." The voice replied and stopped speaking.