CHAPTER 9
DEATH WISH
Breathe in.
Breath out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
He is breathing so slowly that every single moment that is passing is a miracle he is still alive. I'm so afraid of losing him that I started counting the seconds from the moment he breaths in until the moment he breaths out. In that compulsive way, I had myself convinced that I would be able to react more efficiently if his heart was to stop.
It was the second day that Zoro was out after his lethal encounter with Kuma and not even a minute had passed without Robin being on his side. Her inspective eyes were examining his bruised body and physiological reactions-not that they were many, except his faint breathing. To her great disappointment, he hadn't even move one inch. And his breathing was too slow. He would take a breath every 6-8 minutes.
This could be damaging for his brain. Why is Chopper not around? Zoro could stop breathing any time now and I won't be very successful in taking care of him.
Breath in.
Breath out.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9
"Oh my god, Chopper, where are you?" the historian starting screaming " Chopper come here quickly."
The little doctor, who was just finishing his meal, started running towards Zoro after Robin's outburst.
"The last 16 hours he was completely stable. What could go wrong now?" he thought, but when he approached them and saw his black-haired friend he knew exactly what was wrong.
"Chopper where on earth were you? He's not breathing properly. You should be here with him in case something wrong would happen."
"Robin, be quiet, please. I'm checking on him and I can tell that nothing has changed for the last 16 hours. You see? He's breathing perfectly fine" he reassured her trying to cease her anxiety and then asked her "What about you?"
"What about me?" asked the archaeologist feigning ignorance. She knew that she was becoming obsessed and that she was acting out of character, but as a matter of fact, she found herself unable to help it.
She couldn't afford losing him, too. That thought was definitely self-centered but she was convinced that she wouldn't be able to keep on living without him. He was the only on that she was cherishing that much without getting anything back, but she didn't care in the least. She would sacrifice herself so that he could keep on trying to fulfill the promise he made. She wanted him to have a happy life too, but being a pirate and having chosen the life of a disciplined samurai that was hard and maybe redundant for him.
It's so unfair for him to die. And worst of all to die because of me… for me. Because he felt the obligation and need to save us by sacrificing his own life. But he didn't took into account that his life is worth two. His and Kuinas.
"Robin look at you. You're not ok. You haven't slept even for half an hour since we got here and you barely eat. Why are you sabotaging yourself in that way? What do you think Zoro would say?" Chopper was feeling really weird reprimanding his older and more mature than him friend but he had never seen her like this before and he didn't know what to do to protect her from harming herself.
"Chopper's right" said Nami who had been listening to their discussion "We're already concerned for that baka marimo, don't make it any harder."
Nami wanted to add something more at what she was saying but seeing Robin's apathy prevented her from doing so.
"I'm fine and I don't need your concern. I can manage. Sorry if I'm making you sad but I can assure you that nothing's going to happen to me. You can go now, Chopper. Sorry for disturbing you."
"No, it's ok. Call me if you need anything else" said Chopper as happily as he could and Robin sprout a hand on his back in order to caress on his fury head.
"Robin, sorry for being so persistent" Nami started saying in a more heartfelt manner this time "but if there's anything you want to discuss about you can count on me. I can see that something is bothering you. It's not good for you to keep things to yourself for so long."
"Thank you again for your concern, Nami, but I'm afraid that's the way I am and I don't really want to change that. I'm just a little bit worried about Zoro-kun."
"I see. It's your choice then. But, please eat something. Sanji- kun is depressed seeing that you don't eat" she said in a playful manner in order to lighten the situation and started walking towards the others outside the mansion but then it struck her.
"And since when it's Zoro-kun and not Kenshi-san?" she pointed out smiling somewhat wickedly.
"What do you mean?" she asked coolly. Now, she was feeling really uncomfortable. What could have Nami understood by calling him that way? She doesn't want anyone to know about the strange and yet so special connection those two had.
"Oh, it's nothing. It's not a good moment for such a discussion"
"Such a discussion? Oh my…" thought Robin and for the first time since their battle was at an end she understood how exhausted she was "I can't deal with her, too."
Four hours had passed. Zoro was still on the same bed, at the same position. The only thing that changed was his bandages as Chopper changed them with clean ones before going to take a nap.
Robin, on the other hand, couldn't even close her eyes. She stood up from the chair she had been sitting for the last two days in order to have a drink. A glass of red wine would be perfect, even on an empty stomach. Unfortunately, she couldn't find a glass and so she had to drink right from the bottle, something she had never did before.
She grabbed the bottle with the old wine and starting drinking while heading back to Zoro.
"Zoro drinks his booze like this. Maybe I should try sitting the way he sits under the mast." She thought and smiled lightly.
The next moment she noticed that Zoro's three katana were lying on a wall right in front of her. Theirs scabbards were on but it was obvious that they were still dirty and with blood on them.
Should I clean them? I can't stand seeing them like this. Especially, Kuina's blade. They should be clean and shiny just as their owner wants them to be. From another point of view, their state right now manifests what Zoro has been through for us and what's more he might want to take care of them once he wakes up. He'll wake up. He can't die. It's not like him to die."
She started drinking more wine in a desperate try to shake off the thought of him dying and she focused again on his swords and particularly the new one.
"I bet that for Zoro cleaning his swords is a very meaningful ritual. God knows how many symbolisms it expresses. Maybe for him taking the blood off the blades is a way of reliving the battle, assessing what he has gained in experience and what are his weaknesses and then getting mentally rid of the stressful event. He has to take care of them.
However, I would really like to hold one of his sacred swords and see what it feels like. What emotions and effects this ritual will have on me. I can try cleaning only one of the three, but which one?
I'd love to hold Kuina's, but everyone knows Zoro's connection with this one is indisputably strong, even if they don't know why. What about Sandai Kitetsu, the red one? It's the cursed sword he bought from Logue Town. I remember once Zoro saying that he can feel its presence even when out of sight. Truth be told, I find myself a little reluctant touching it. Maybe, the new one is a good choice."
She tentatively stood up and walked towards the black katana. When she was close enough she knelt down in order to be at its level and did nothing but stare at it for some seconds. She could tell by just looking at it that it was really heavy. She remembered that Zoro had blocked Oar's arm just by holding the blade horizontally.
She still had doubts about what she was up to but when she touched its scabbard with the tips of her fingers she felt more determined and resolute to do it. She couldn't tell if it was by desire, urge or need but the next moment she found herself holding the special blade with her bare hands without even realizing what she did.
Very carefully, she tried unseathing the sword, holding it horizontally but much to her dismay it was more difficult than she initially thought, it's heavy weight making the whole procedure even more excruciating.
She took a deep breath without taking her eyes off of it. Then she stabilized her grip just behind the hand- guard and finally she summoned all the strength she had that moment in order to take off its scabbard. Immediately, she heard that characteristic hissy sound she had heard millions of times when Zoro prepares himself for battle.
She continued taking off the black scabbard revealing slowly the black blade with the dried blood on it and she took the wet cloth she had taken with her in order to clean it.
"Such a fine blade" she whispered admiring one of the sharpest, if not the sharpest, things in the world.
Even when she was done she didn't put it back in its place. She kept musing about its beauty now that she had polished it.
And it was on that polished black blade with the sharp red edge that she saw something that made her entire body become numb. She saw Shusui's owner image, or rather furious image, that was reflected on the blade.
She cursed her bad luck that of all those days he was out he had to wake up that certain moment and the only thing she managed to utter was an inconspicuous "Kenshi-san".
"I heard someone unseathing my sword" he said bluntly making his irritation very obvious.
In less than a moment, one could say, she had already put the sword back on its place and turned her back at it in order to confront Zoro.
"Kenshi-san" she repeated "are you okay? How do you feel?"
"Just a little irritated" he answered as calmly as he could. His condition didn't allow him much freedom of movement and he was feeling really exhausted to push himself.
"I can clearly see that, and I am really sorry, but I was referring to your injuries."
"Which injuries are you referring to? I'm perfectly fine" he stubbornly said.
"I see. I'd better leave you alone" she said but before even taking a step he yelled.
"Like hell you'll leave , woman. What the hell did you do with my blade?"
"I just want it to clean it. I didn't and I certainly wouldn't touch the other two"
"You'd better don't do that again. It's my own responsibility and I'm rather glad of it."
"Of course, I know that. I'm leaving you alone now, so you can rest before we leave from that godforsaken island" she bitterly said reminiscing what they had been through.
"Hey Robin! However, if anything happens to me I want you to be the one taking care of my katanas. And if it isn't much of a burden I want you to have Kuina's Meito. She would definitely want that, too. The other will be buried by my side."
"Thank you Zoro" she said while a tear trickled down her face and on her faint smile "but I won't let anything happen to you."
She said and after finishing her sentence she gave in. Her legs too weak to carry her body betrayed her and she fainted falling gracefully to the cold ground.
Zoro ignoring his injuries and in how much pain he was he dashed automatically at her side while calling for Chopper.
"Zoro, you're awake! Are you okay? What happened to her?" said Chopper desperately while trying to bring the archaeologist around, but Zoro didn't hear him.
Seeing Robin falling like this reminded him of two things. First came to his mind that time when Enel had hit her in making his heart ache and the second one was back at Shimotsuki Village, when Kuina's laughter could be heard.
"You'll eventually learn how to decide who deserves your mercy and who doesn't" she had sternly told him that day.
FLASHBACK
That day Kuina was sick and she didn't come to practice at the dojo, or rather her father didn't let her to do so, and as a result Zoro started getting bored.
"Hey, Zoro, why aren't you practicing?" said Robin cheerfully seeing how moody the little boy was.
"I practiced a lot today. Now we should be fighting with Kuina but she's a little sick."
"Yes, I know. I was with her before coming here. Now she's asleep so I came to keep you company" the black- haired girl said and smiled.
"No, it's ok. Go and read something" he obviously didn't just want company.
"Hmm, what about I fight with you today instead of Kuina?" she suggested and she saw his face lightening up.
"But you don't fight. Do you even know how to hold a sword?"
"Well, I think I can manage. You can show me some basic things, too."
"Ok then. Pick up a shinai" Zoro said and she did so picking one that wasn't too heavy.
"Let's see. Do I hold it correctly?" she asked him sweetly.
"Yes, sure! Have you ever hold a sword again?"
"Nope, but I've watched you, Kuina and Sensei while training."
"So you're learning quickly" he said mockingly and then commanded "Attack me."
"Really?" she asked and reluctantly took a step forward. She knew that he was really strong for his age and that he had defeated other stronger and more skilled swordsmen but she knew that she was also strong, as a devil fruit user and assassin.
"I'd better don't let him see how strong I really am. It will raise unwanted questions" she thought.
"Come on, what are you waiting for?"
"Ok ok I'm coming" she said and attacked him. All three attacks of course were countered by Zoro.
"Is that all you have, woman?" he said while laughing and he attacked her this time. It was a really strong hit that took Robin by surprise and even if she could hit him back she decided to just give in by falling to the ground.
"Oops. I think I'm not good at all" she said and started laughing wholeheartedly.
Little Zoro approached her and gave her his hand in order to help her stand up again.
"I'm sorry for being so inconsiderate. I thought that you could counterattack. I'll be gentler from now on while fighting with you."
His words took her by surprise. That boy had such a big heart. It was killing her knowing that one day sooner or later she would have to leave him without an explanation.
"It's ok Zoro. I wasn't well prepared and you're really good at what you're doing. It's good to see that you're so compassionate even with your rivals."
"I don't think that it's always good. Especially if you want to be one of the best. Sensei once told me, too, that it's good to be compassionate but he didn't explain it to me."
"Maybe, he thought that you weren't ready to understand the whole meaning of it. But what I can tell you for sure" she stopped to take a deep breath and her expression became very stern "is that you'll eventually learn how to decide who deserves your mercy and sympathy and who doesn't."
Zoro was looking at her with wide open eyes and he wanted to ask her so many things but she didn't let him to.
"It was really nice passing time with you today, Zoro-kun" she said kindly accentuating the word "kun".
"Hey, woman, I don't like calling you like this. Will you ever tell me what's you're name?"
"Believe me, it's better that you never know my name."
"But why?"
"It's better that you don't know why" she said and she could feel his rage.
"Argh. You're getting on my nerves. Is your name that ridiculous that you're afraid of others making fun of you?"said Zoro angrily causing Robin to start laughing relentlessly.
"Stop laughing, woman. I'm serious here."
"Fufufufu. Okay then. I'll stop laughing but under no circumstances am I to tell you or anyone else here my name. And I'm very serious here."
"I promise you that I'll never tell it to anyone else."
"I believe you Zoro! But, it's not that I'm afraid of you telling it to anyone else."
"Okay, I'm giving up for today" he said while yawning and sat under a sakura tree to take a nap.
"You're a great boy, Zoro. I'm sorry."
END OF FLASHBACK
That was the last thing she had told him and that was the last time he had seen her.
"Zoro, you need to get some rest" Chopper told him bringing him back to reality.
"How is she?" asked Zoro seeing the black-haired woman lying on the bed in which he was lying comatose just minutes before "She looks like a mess."
"Indeed. She hadn't been eating and sleeping properly for two days on end. She was really concerned about you and she didn't leave your side for a moment. I told her that you'd be sad seeing her like this but she wouldn't listen."
"Damn you, woman. I didn't save you so that you can commit suicide" he thought angrily.
"I'll tell Sanji to prepare you something to eat"
"Thank you, Chopper."
Zoro looked at Robin's face. The whole situation reminded him again of the first time he saw her at Shimotsuki Village. So many years have passed and still she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever saw, if not the most beautiful.
"Come on, Zoro. Behave. Command your hand to stop caressing her cheek. Damn"
"Hey, Zoro, you're fine. I knew it wouldn't be long before waking up" screamed Luffy happily and hugged his first mate.
"Yeah, Luffy, I'm fine. Get off me, now"
"Hey, Zoro, why were you touching Robin's cheek?" he asked goofily but still making Zoro really uncomfortable.
"W-what? Uhm she had something on it and I just took it away"
"Oh I see. Come on, I'm starving"
"Yeah, I'm coming" he said and thanked god that it was only Luffy and hopefully not the thrifty orange-head woman.
Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo….
"Dinner is ready."