A/N: Got this one done in between studying. Much shorter than the previous ones, but there was really not much point to letting this one drag on, and I need to get this one out of my head to study better. Yes, I suck at keeping my "No more chapters until X date" promises; sue me. As always, I do not own Ed Edd n Eddy, so stop asking. Yes, YOU. You know who I'm talking to. For SHAME.

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Edd stood in front of the boiler room's door, staring at it and feeling it stare right back at him. He'd ducked out of the class early, using the "bathroom" card once more. To his luck, Kevin hadn't been looking for him. He was thankful for that. He'd walked briskly down the short distance in the hall. And now, here he was. In front of the lions' den.

"Yup," he muttered. "All I gotta do now is knock on it!" He raised his fist, ready to knock, steely determination plastering itself on his face.

Five minutes later, he hadn't moved a single inch, and sweat was rolling down his face like he were stranded in the Gobi desert. Another minute passed. Then another. A small puddle of sweat was forming around him by now.

Then the bell rung, and people rushed out into the hallways, snapping Edd out of his frozen state. It was 9:00 AM, he realized. Time to face the music, one way or the other.

He heard some students wandering near the boiler room. He could feel the curious stares of some of them on the back of his head. They were curious, he knew. Curious as to why the best-behaved student in the school body was standing in front of one of the Kankers' dens. He could already hear the rumors that would be spreading through the student body by day's end.

He took a deep breath, and with all his courage mustered into a single instant, knocked on the door.

Marie finished her preparations around half an hour before the knock came. She looked around herself, making sure everything was ready. Rose petals on the floor… check. A table with a chair on both sides… check. Romantic lighting, courtesy of the boiler itself… check.

And, of course, her little tool, laying on the desk… check.

Marie checked herself quickly. Jacket was off, so the black tank top showed her curves nicely. Her hair was appropriately wild, and she knew her makeup was on right. All ready. She turned her head to the door atop the stairs and called up sweetly for whoever it was to come in. A devilish grin spread on her lips as she saw the door open. She was so close now…

Edd opened the door cautiously and was, to say the least, surprised. The hellish red lighting… the sweltering heat… the flickering shadows on the wall… the slight echo caused by the architectural design… the descending staircase…

"I really am at the gates of Hell,"he thought. Seeing the grinning young woman at the bottom of the stairs, her finger crooked invitingly and her hips thrust out to her right, only helped to cement his prior notion.

"She should have applied for the role of Mephistopheles," he thought somewhat incoherently, "or at least for stage decorator."Still, his foot thrust out mechanically, and he took his first step into Marie's own little inferno. He closed the door behind him, more out of courtesy and habit than anything else, and was sharp enough to catch the slight widening of the Kanker girl's grin at this. Still, he kept going down, until he stood in front of her, his back straight and stiff, his palms sweaty, and his face in a rictus of wide-eyed terror. Marie cocked her hips further and leaned forward a little.

"Well, Oven Mitt. Looks like you got my note!" she said, raising her hand and stroking the side of his face. Edd's only response was a gulp and continued avoidance of eye contact with her. Marie grinned. He was SO cute when he was terrified. "Well, let's get down to business, then," she went on, turning away from him and sauntering over to the table, a noticeable sway in her hips.

Her every move was calculated to make Edd look at her. And, he hated to admit, it was working. 'Cursed male hormones…'

"I thought about your proposal, Sweetpea," Marie was saying as she sat down on one of the chairs and gestured to the one in front of her. Edd gulped and cautiously stepped forward. "At first I thought it might be good for you to get the tar beaten out of you, but… Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, beats up on my man but me!" she snarled out the last part, and Edd was just a little too scared to point out that he wasn't, in fact, 'her man'.

"So," Marie went on, a bright smile returning to her face, "I decided I'll do it. I'll keep Jock Boy off your back."

"R-Really?" Edd almost didn't dare to be hopeful. A Kanker, helping him out of the goodness of her heart? The idea was inconceivable!

"Oh, Dreamboat. It ain't gonna be free." Of COURSE it wasn't. It had been too good to be true. Edd grumbled to himself and took his seat in front of Marie.

"Here's my deal," she went on, taking a businesslike tone. "I help keep you protected from Jock Boy until you get to the end of that play with Blondie, and for three days after that. Make sure you're in the clear and all that. But…" Marie's sly little smile returned to her lips. "As soon as that time's over, you have to take me out. One date per day I spent protecting you. Complete with kissing and 'public displays of affection', as you call them. If anyone asks you, I'm your girlfriend." She smiled slyly at him and pushed two papers at him with the tips of her fingers. "There's my terms. You can take it or leave it, 'cuz I ain't budging on any of them."

Edd cautiously picked up the papers and scanned through them. They were exact copies of the same document, he noticed. He took a moment to marvel at the penmanship. Marie must have called in a favor or two for these, he thought… He read through the paper again, and began to frown.

"Something the matter, Cutie-Pie?" Marie asked him innocently, her head perched on top of her steepled hands.

"W-Well… this seems a bit disproportionate… A contract isn't strictly necessary, is it?" he asked, holding the sheets of paper at arm's length, almost like they might morph into venomous snakes at any given time. Marie shrugged.

"You know how it is, Muffin. Don't want you skipping out on our agreement over a technicavity," she explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Technicality," Edd corrected in a mumble, purely on auto-pilot as he read through the terms again.

"Whatever," Marie shrugged, clasping her hands behind her head. She leaned back on her chair and studied Edd as he read the contract. He seemed less nervous. Probably because she hadn't actually jumped him yet today.

"Well," she thought, smirking to herself, "there's still time to correct that."

Edd finally sighed and set the contract down on the table, rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. He was obviously having a hard time making his mind up about this. Marie briefly considered pushing him just a little harder, but decided the possibility of him bolting was too much of a risk. Instead, she waited.

Inside Edd's mind, a small battle was being waged. On the one hand, Marie's protection would be invaluable to him for the duration of the play's preparation. He was, by this point, quite convinced that Kevin wanted to "talk" to him. Very loudly, and with his fist making up most of the dialogue. Plus, this meant he could kiss Nazz on the lips, something he'd been wanting to do since he was 12 years old and puberty began setting in.

On the other hand... this would mean Marie would basically be his shadow for most of his day, and he was uncomfortable enough with the Kanker girl sharing a couple of classes with him. Having her tail him for the entire day wasn't a prospect he was too happy with. True, it beat having his teeth knocked out of his skull, but execution by kiss wasn't an excellent ending either. Still... what choice did he have, at this point? He decided to try and bargain a little.

"Alright," Edd finally conceded. Marie's ears perked up. "Alright, I'll take your deal. BUT!" he raised a finger, apparently forgetting who he was talking to for a moment. "No public displays of affection until then, and no more interrupting the play's rehearsal. Okay?" The last part became a meek whisper when he saw how his tormentor was regarding him. Marie thought about it for a moment, pursing her lips.

She HAD been considering stacking the deck in her favor by sabotaging some of the rehearsals, forcing the play to be postponed (hey, nobody ever said she was a fan of playing fair) and giving her more time with her Oven Mitt at the end. Well, she supposed she could find other ways to prolong that. She'd just have to think about it a bit more.

What really bothered her was the "no kissing" rule he wanted. She couldn't just up and promise that! Still… if her reward was going to be -she did a few calculations in her head- around three weeks' worth of it…

She wasn't happy about it, though.

"Fine!" she hissed at him through gritted teeth, and thrust her pen hard at his waiting hand. A little too hard, maybe, since he yelped and brought his hand back, suckling on his fingertip. Marie blinked and saw droplets of blood well up on it when he brought it back out. She felt a small pang of guilt, but didn't say anything. Edd stared at his finger for a moment, then reached into his hat and pulled out a bottle of disinfectant ("Seriously, how much space IS in there?!") and rubbed his finger with a dab of it.

"There we go…" he muttered to himself, assessing the damage. He held his hand out again, and Marie gave him the pen. Edd looked down at the paper. He gulped and slowly, almost painfully, brought the pen down to its surface. Then, finally, he scrawled his signature over the dotted line. He pushed the first document aside and signed the second one, his hand shaking a little. Marie grinned and picked up the first one, looking at his signature carefully. She noted a few streaks of red among the black ink, and remembered she hadn't wiped the pen clean after basically stabbing Edd's finger with it.

"Signing in your own blood? How very traditional, Oven Mitt!" she quipped. Edd shuddered at that for some reason as Marie drew closer to him, her sly smile growing into a full-sized Cheshire grin. "Lucky for you, I love old-fashioned men."

"YES! WELL!" Edd was starting to panic now. The flickering flames… the contract signed (partly, at least) in his own blood… the blue-haired she-devil grinning wickedly at him… He was now almost absolutely positive Kevin had killed him in Math class and he was currently in Hell.

Marie snickered and rolled up the first of the documents, slipping it into her bag. She rolled up the second one and placed it in Edd's palm, making sure to touch it thoroughly with hers. Edd's profuse sweating only increased as he hastily tucked his copy of it away into his bag.

"Well, Oven Mitt," Marie purred, "I guess this means I've got to stick close to you from now on, huh?"

Edd shuddered again. This, he reflected, was going to be a VERY long month…

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A/N: Alright. Done with that. Expect the next chapter sometime next week at the earliest. I also MIGHT start writing a crossover between EEnE and a certain horror story. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Have a great day!