Month's later, on December first, when we're sitting in the living room, someone comes banging on the front door.
Peeta and I were serious about adopting, we've already been checked and finalized and okayed that we can adopt, and we haven't told the family yet. We don't know the kid yet, and we don't know when we go and see the kids.
I rise to go the door, pulling it open. The women who did our Homestudy is there. The kids are at school right now, so thankfully, it's only Peeta and I here. It's snowing outside. I step aside and let her into the house.
Peeta has been practically kissing my ass since he said he would pay me, and I've told him countless times that it's fine because I know he was kidding, but he isn't listening to me. He stopped hugging me when he wants, or kissing me when he wants, or having sex when he wants. I hate it when I have to be the one to start the action, so we haven't had any action since before we left for Naked and Afraid. I miss him kissing my cheek from behind, or sneaking up behind me and making sure his hand brushes mine when he walks past, or me laying on top of him and him rubbing my back. I miss in the mornings, when I'm out on the balcony or looking out the window and he wraps his arms around me from behind and nuzzles my neck.
And I really, really miss his strong arms around me when we sleep.
And I refuse to tell him, but the nightmares are back. The ones I had from 9/11 till I was like twenty two. I haven't had one in ten years, and they're back.
"I'm just stopping in. I wanted to let you guys know that your completely ready to adopt. You can stop in and get your child whenever you're ready." Then she turns around and leaves.
I stare at Peeta, and he doesn't look at me, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He's in jeans without a shirt, and they're hanging down just enough for me to see the waistline of his boxers, where it says Hanes. I shut the door behind her and look at him again. "Your killing me." I say.
"What?" he looks at me now. His eyes are light.
"I said your killing me." I reply. "You're fucking killing me."
"How?" he asks.
"You…" I shake my head. "Never mind." I brush past him.
"Katniss, wait." He says.
Katniss. He normally calls me baby or babe or hon. Not Katniss.
I stop at the stairs and turn to face him. I'm not going to say anything. He knows what he's doing.
Even the kids are noticing, and Hallie asked me why Daddy doesn't hug me like he used to, or why he doesn't kiss me like he used to. She even asked my why he doesn't hold me like he used to.
And I told her I don't know.
"What?" I ask. He doesn't look me in the eye. That pushes me over the edge. "Peeta, do you still love me?"
"Of course I still love you." he says.
"Well then why aren't you showing it! You don't touch me anymore, you don't look me in the eye…you know what Hallie asked me? She said 'Why doesn't Daddy love you anymore Mama? Why doesn't he hug you, or kiss you. Why doesn't he hold you no more?' and you know what I said…I said 'I don't know'. And you know what? I'm starting to think she's right. That you don't love me, that your just staying with he for the kids. You won't even look me in the eye! You never call me those cheesy nicknames! You make me hate my name because it's all you ever say."
"You know I love you." he whispers. He won't look at me.
"No Peeta, I don't. It doesn't feel like it, that's for damn sure. What happened to you?"
"Nothing happened to me." his eyes drift to the window.
"I miss you. I miss when you hug me or kiss me. I miss you sneaking up behind me and scaring me, and then kissing my cheek while you laugh. I miss you wrapping your arms around me from behind and nuzzling my neck like you used to! I miss you holding me as close as possible when we sleep. You won't even look me in the fucking eyes! You used to say you could stare at me all day and never get bored. Peeta, if you've got somebody on the side, you need to tell me."
"Somebody on the side!" he finally looks me in the eye. "Are you crazy! I don't have anybody on the side! I would never cheat on you!"
"Well then why won't you treat me like you used to! Is this because you said you would pay me? I get you feel bad Peeta, but come on! It was three fucking months ago! I've told you it's over with! It was over with right after you fucking apologized!"
"Well I'm sorry." He says curtly. I shake my head.
"No you're not." I whisper.
"Yes I am!" he exclaims.
"Prove it then. I want to see you. Not what your pretending to be. Your starting to make me think your leaving me." I snap.
"You want to see me?" he demands.
"Yes! I want you back! I don't want the fake you! I want you!"
"Fine." He snaps. I cross my arms across my chest, about ready to burst into tears.
He's not going to give me what I want. He's not going to be Peeta again. He's going to be a fake Peeta. I shake my head and turn around, starting to go up the stairs.
I don't even hear him come up behind me. Suddenly though, I'm shoved against the wall, not roughly, but extremely gentle. He's got me pinned with his body. His chest and flush against mine. His hands caress my cheeks. "Stop running away from me. I'm not going anywhere." He whispers.
"Well it seems like you hate me." I whisper.
"I don't hate you. I love you." he whispers.
"Prove it. Show me."
"Show you?" he repeats.
"Show me." I say again.
"Yes ma'am." Then he kisses me.
….1….
It was fifteen times, going on sixteen until the alarm forced us to stop because we had to go pick up the kids. I almost decide to ignore it, but he shakes his head.
"You don't need clothes." He takes my clothes out of my hands.
"Peeta!" I laugh, "Give it here!" I make a grab for my clothes, but he pulls me against his chest.
"Did I show you?" he whispers.
"Yes, give me my clothes!" I rip my jeans from his hand and he just snickers.
"I'm definetly not giving you your shirt and bra." He says.
"Peeta Ryan-"
"I'm kidding." He barks a laugh and hands my my shirt and my bra. "I'll be in the car…it would be so much faster if you would just wear what your wearing." I flick him off and stick my tongue out at him. He snickers. "I'll be in the car." He heads out. "Miley Cyrus," I hear him mutter before he disappears downstairs.
"Hey!" I bellow.
"What? You hardly have any clothes on and you just stuck your tongue out at me!" he says.
"So what! She's got good music, don't go bashing her."
"Fine, but she's not that hot. She should have just left her hair long-"
"She better not be fucking hot," I call down to him. I can hear him laughing as the front door closes. I pull on the bra and the long sleeve shirt, and my coat and boots, because it's snowing outside. I rake a brush through my hair and brush my teeth and head out front, making sure that my chest is fully covered, just to drive him crazy.
He's already complaining when I get in the car, grumbling about how 'I have to show what I've got'
"Until other guys see it." I say.
"Then we pepper spray them." He says. I start laughing and he grins. He starts laughing too, and we're still laughing when the kids get in the car.
That is until I see Brennan's right eye. Which is black. And Hallie's cheek, which has a cut on it. And Bailee's arm, which is cut.
"What happened!" I exclaim. Peeta looks in the rearview, and his laughter cuts off. All three of them start crying, and Peeta pulls over when we're down the street.
"This bully hurt Brennan! I told him to leave him alone and he cut my cheek with a rock! Then Bailee told him to leave us alone and he pushes her down and she cut her arm on a stick!" Hallie exclaims.
"What was Brennan doing when he hurt him? I ask.
"He was playing catch with Justin!" Hallie says.
"What was his name?" I demand.
"Trent Miller! He's a fifth grader!" Hallie exclaims.
I get out of the car without a word and slam the door.
PEETA'S POV
First of all, the kid hurt my kids and I want him to get in trouble for it. Second, Katniss is beyond pissed, even though she stayed calm when Hallie told her what happened. She's going right back up to the school and I can tell by the way she's walking she's furious and she's ready to beat a bitch.
And it sucks because I can't go after her and make sure she stays out of jail for beating a child.
At least we have the money to bail her out.
KATNISS'S POV
"I want to talk to the principle or whoever is in charge." I say, forcing my voice to stay calm.
The lady can tell not to piss me off more, so she calmly tells me where to go and I walk down the hallway and knock on his door.
"Come in." he says. I walk inside. "How may I help you?" he asks.
"I'm Katniss Mellark. My husband and I just picked up our three kids, Hallie, Brennan and Bailee, who are in the first grade. Brennan has a black eye, Hallie has a cut on her cheek and Bailee has a cut on her arm. When I asked what happened, Hallie said a fifth grader named Trent Miller hurt Brennan, when Hallie told him to stop he cut her cheek with a rock and then Bailee told him to stop and he pushed her down and she got a cut on her arm." I say.
"Trent Miller?" he repeats, shaking his head. "Trent Miller is one of the best students in this school. He wouldn't hurt a fly." He says.
"Well obviously he would because he just hurt all three of my children." I say.
"Mrs. Mellark, let's be reasonable here. Your children are in the first grade. How do you know they're not lying?" he asks.
"My kids don't lie." I say crudely.
"Well…Trent wouldn't hurt them." He says.
"How could you possibly know that? Both my daughters are cut and my son has a black eye! They wouldn't lie! They may be young, but they know better than that." I say.
"Well they would lie because they're lying now." He says.
"Alright, you don't want to fucking do something, I'm just going to the school board and get something done about it." I snarl. He opens his mouth to say something, but I turn around and walk out of his office. "Oh, and thank you. For your consideration." I slam the door, ignoring the stares of the staff as I storm out of the office.
Now I need to get a ride. Peeta will be very calm and nice and it will probably just piss me off, Annie will try to calm me down, which will just piss me off, Prim will just try to talk me out of it.
That leaves Johanna. She'll get the bullets for me. I call her. "Yo Brainless!" she says.
"I'm at the school. Come pick me up." I hang up on her.
…A….
She's there in five minutes, literally. I get in the car and slam the door. "I want you to take me to the school board so I can go kill someone." I say.
"Cool, can I help?" she asks.
"Sure," I say. She stomps down on the gas as I start to ramble about everything that happened from this morning, including the sex, to right now. She;s silent for the most of it, snide comments thrown out about the people involved occasionally, or shakes of her head. And when I'm done, she;s furious.
"I'm going to get that fucking principle fired." She says. The school board is nearly an hour away. Peeta calls me a ridiculous amount of times, and after a while, people from the family start to call me too. I purposely leave my phone in the glove compartment as we walk inside.
"I want to talk to the boss." I say to the receptionist. She says something into a phone, obviously sensing Johanna and I's anger.
"He's on break until four. Do you want to talk to someone else?" she asks.
"What time is it right now?" I ask.
"Three thirty." She says.
"May we wait?" I ask.
"Yes, he said you can go sit in his office…" she looks around. "Katie, do you mind taking these two to the head?" A petite girl nods and leads Johanna and I off.
…..s…..
"Okay, I do apologize for my tardiness. This must be pretty serious because my assistant warned me that two very angry people were here." He says.
"Yes, this is about my three children. I'm Katniss Mellark." I say.
"Ah yes, youo two were on Naked and Afraid." He says.
"Yes," I say.
"Okay…well I'm Jackson." He says. "So what happened?" he asks.
"So…my husband and I went and picked up our three kids from school, from Derby Elementary School. They're all three in first grade. My son had a black eye, and my daughters had cuts." I go on to explain everything that happened, and he looks shocked when I tell him how the principle handled it.
"He didn't even try to do anything?" he asks.
"Not a single thing."
"So your kids, all three of them are being bullied and he won't do a thing about it?" he asks.
"Correct." I reply. He sighs.
"Wow…okay, I'll handle this. Don't worry about your children Mrs. Mellark, I assure you that this will never happen again." he says.
"Are you going to punish the kid?" Johanna asks.
"Well he's bullying not one, not two, but three first graders when he is in fifth grade. Of course he's going to be punished. He'll be suspended and possibly expelled." He says.
"Thank you," Johanna and I get up and head home.
PEETA'S POV
I'm honestly panicking now. The kids are asleep and I'm pacing the living room.
How long has she been gone? Two hours?
Three?
She walks in the door and I see Johanna's car drive off through the window.
"Relax, I'm not in any kind of trouble." She puts her hands up.
"Dammit Katniss! You're going to give me a heart attack!"
KATNISS'S POV
He hugs me tight against his chest. I grin, happy to have him back. He lies down on the couch and pulls me on top of him, and he starts demanding answers, and I give him all of them.
….s….
Today is the day, the day we get the kid. Peeta and I decided last night. We want a baby, but we're going to see all the kids. It's Friday, the family is down, and everyone is at our house.
After we drop the kids off at the school, we stop by our agent's house and she comes with us to Montpelier. This isn't a foster home thing, this is an orphanage with all different aged children.
I'm nervous and so is Peeta. We still haven't told our family, and we're not going to until they figure it our themselves.
We leave our phones in the car and head inside. Our agent takes us into a room and we're questioned by the head of the process.
"Okay, you're ready." She says. "Go on in, through that door."
And it's heartbreaking.
Kids running around, crying, screaming, shouting at one other. There's other people in here, looking to adopt. There's newborn babies and there's toddlers and there's kids Hallie's age and there's some kids, that are older than the rest. Their clothes are ragged and they look frightened and it breaks my heart. Peeta becomes preoccupied with a little boy, who is probably only a year old. He can sit up and he can make noises, but he doesn't smile.
Our kids smiled at everyone when they weren't crying.
Hallie even smiled at someone I was in an argument with one time.
This kid flinches.
I see a girl, who looks young, but is probably in the sixth grade. She's in a sweatshirt that's far too big for her and pants that doesn't fit. She's put herself in a corner, and for some reason, I feel an overwhelming urge to go and talk to her. I release Peeta's hand and walk away. He doesn't notice I left him because he's with the boy. I walk over to the girl and see she's writing in a notebook. She looks up at me and her eyes widen and she slams it shut and shoves it behind her. I sit down in front of her. The floor is cold and dirty, and I know this girl must be freezing. "Hi." I smile.
"Hi…" she whispers.
"What's your name?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "I haven't got a name." she says.
"You don't have a name? What do they call you then?" I ask.
"Her…or it…or thing…or girl. Mostly it."
It. They call this girl it.
"Oh…"
"Yeah…you probably think I'm weird. You can go away from me, if you'd like. I'm going to be here till I'm eighteen anyways. I'll have to go pick a name. I like Kilee, spelt K-I-L-E-E." she says. I smile.
"Well that's what I'll call you then, Kilee. Is that alright?" I ask. She smiles a little.
"Yes ma'am."
"I don't think your weird. I was in a foster home since I was ten." I say.
"Oh…why?" she asks. "If you don't mind me asking." She adds very quickly. And then she flinches, as if I'm going to hit her. My heart clenches.
"I don't mind. I won't hurt you, you know." I say. She says nothing. "But…you know 9/11?" I ask.
"With those burning towers?" she asks.
"Yeah…well I was there with my husband, I was ten and he was eleven. We got separated from our families and me, my cousin Johanna, my sister Prim and I got sent to a foster home with another girl. I almost got adopted and I knew my parents were alive…I was mean to them because I wanted them to leave me alone."
"Oh…" she says. "I was in those plastic things. Ten minutes after I was born, after my biological parents gave birth to me, they fled the hospital. The doctors found me crying. I've been here ever since."
I bite my bottom lip to keep from crying. "What's in that notebook?" I nod at it, where I can only see the corner behind her back.
"Um…the things I want. You want to see?" she asks. "You don't have to!" she flinches again, and I smile.
"Sure," I say. She hands me the notebook. I open it up and on the first page I see A FAMILY. I keep flipping through it. It's a ton of things a child should have.
It starts with the words in pencil she pressed real hard to put in bold that says It's Christmas List
It. She thinks of her name as it.
A blanket to sleep with
A teddy bear
A bicycle. Not pink though, blue. Like the sky.
My own room.
A Mama
A Daddy
A little brother
A little sister.
Posters of Debby Ryan to put on my own bedroom wall
Grandparents.
Aunts and uncles
Cousins
Some CDs of Miranda lambert, Christina Perri, and Blake Shelton
A friend
Clothing that actually fits me
It stops there.
I want to take this child home with me. "Can I hold onto this for a second?" I ask. She hesitates, and then she nods.
"If you're going to leave, can you be nice enough to bring it back to me? It's my only escape."
"Of course," I smile. I stand up and walk over to Peeta. He's holding that boy.
"I want him." He says.
"I want that girl over there, in the corner." His eyes look past me.
"She's like…eleven," he says.
"Peeta, please." I whisper. "Read this." I open the notebook and hand it to him, taking the child from his arms. I fall in love with him immediately, and I want both of them.
His face goes blank, and he looks upset.
"She doesn't even have clothes that fit her?" he asks.
"Neither does he." I say. This little boy is in clothing that could probably fit that girl.
"But…now I want both of them." He whispers.
"Me too." I whisper. He looks at the girl, and then at the boy, and then to me.
"So lets get both of them." He says.
I raise my eyebrows. "Really?" I ask.
"Yes. Let's get both of them." He says.
"Okay," I grin, setting the boy down.
"What's her name?" he asks.
"They call her it. She doesn't have a name. Her family left her alone in the hospital ten minutes after she was born." His eyes widen.
"How could someone do that to a baby?" he whispers.
"Goode question." I reply.
"Whatever, lets go get them." He starts to walk away with her notebook, but I take it from his hand and set the baby down.
"Hang on," I walk over to the girl and hand her the notebook.
"Thank you for keeping me company." She says. I smile at her.
She has no idea what she's got coming her way.
"You're welcome."
I walk over to Peeta and allow him to pull me away.
…..a…
After filling out paperwork for nearly three hours, I begin to get scared we won't make it home in time to pick up the kids from school.
"Okay, we can go get the kids and have them pack their things, or you can go get them and go with the to pack their things." The one in charge says. I quickly learned her name is Coin.
"We can go get them." I say.
"Okay, go ahead." I rise and pause outside the door with Peeta.
"I'll get her, you get him." I say. Peeta nods and we slip back into the room. She's scrawling in her notebook again, and she looks ready to burst into tears. She doesn't look up until I'm standing right in front of her. I squat down in front of her. "You should go pack your bags, Kilee." I say. She stares at me, not bothering to close her notebook because I've already seen inside of it. I can see the start of a drawing, that is amazing. Oh, she's going to fit right in, I can tell. She has brown eyes, lips exactly like Peeta's and hair that is straight, and it's my color, but a bit lighter, as if she has a blond father.
"What?" she asks.
"I said go pack your bags. I'm your new Mama." She continues to stare at me, as if she doesn't hear me.
"Your my Mama?" she whispers.
"Yes, if that's alright." I smile. Her eyes flood with tears as she closes her notebook. I stand up and so does she.
"Are you just trying to be mean and mess with me?" she demands. I smile again and shake my head.
"Nope, and see him, over there?" I point to Peeta.
"Yes." She whispers.
"That's your Daddy. Now, let's get your stuff packed." She hesitates at first, but she grabs my hand and pulls me through a door and upstairs. She has to literally hold her pants up as she walks. She walks to the corner or a musky, dirty room.
"I don't really…I don't have anything other than a toothbrush. I guess I should leave that, since I share it." She shrugs.
"What about those?" I point to some clothes on the floor.
"Those aren't mine. Neither are these. I can't take these."
I think of something I could possibly have in the car she could wear.
"I have some clothes in the car. I bet you'll fit them." I say.
"Okay." She says. Peeta walks in just then, with the boy, who I know is named Tristen. Kilee looks at Peeta, and he smiles at her.
"Hi," he says.
"Hi…" she's shy at first, put Peeta doesn't seem to mind.
"Can you go to the car and get that tee shirt of mine, and those jeans?" I ask.
"Yeah…we need to go the store." He says.
"Let's just call Prim and have her pick up the kids." I say.
"I'll do that now." He says. "I'll be right back." He walks away.
PEETA'S POV
I'm excited and happy.
I get the clothes from the car and call Prim.
"Where the hell are you guys!" Prim shouts.
"We'll be home in a few hours with a…gigantic surprise that is going to shock all of you. Can do you us a favor and pick the kids up from school?"
"Fine, but what are you guys doing?"
"Nothing, you'll find out later. You're all going to be surprised, just…get the kids, please."
"Fine." I hang up on her before she can ask any more questions. I take the clothes back up to Katniss, and she shoves me out the door.
KATNISS'S POV
"You don't mind changing in front of me, right?" I ask.
"No." she says. "I have to change in front of boys all the time. I don't mind." She says.
"Okay," I say. She takes the clothes from me and pulls them on.
"He can't take those either." She points at Tristen. "Is he my brother?" she asks.
"Yes, he's your little brother. You have three more little siblings. The oldest is Hallie, she's seven, and then there's the twins, Bailee and Brennan. They're six. And obviously Tristen, who's one." I say. I take off Haden's clothes and wrap him up in my coat.
"Cool. I've always wanted a family," she says.
I smile. "You have an Aunt Primrose. We call her Prim though. She's twenty five. She has a younger daughter, Olivia, who's two." I take her hand and head out. Peeta takes Tristen from me as we head to the car. "Then my parents and Peeta's dad. We don't speak to his mom anymore, because she's not a very nice person. Then Uncle Haymitch…he's bitter and…honest, but he won't hurt you, I promise. He may be mean sometimes, but he's going to be there for you in the long run." I go down half the list and then Peeta start filling in things as we head to the store.
"Wait, so Johanna is my second cousin but I should call her Aunt Jo?" she asks.
"Or just Johanna, I don't know, just ask her that. Don't be surprised if there's a lot of tears. Our family is very emotional." It's Christmas in four days. "And they're going to be clinging and it's going to get annoying, but they'll stop eventually." I say.
"Okay…" she says. "Where do we live?" she asks.
"In Derby. You'll have your own room. Bailee and Hallie are going to share. We'll get stuff to decorate it however you want, and we'll get everything you need. We have eleven acres of land, the house is five bedrooms, or four, I think it's four, there's three bathrooms." I say.
"I get to decorate my room how I want?" she asks.
"Yeah, of course." Peeta looks at her in the rearview mirror.
It's a good thing we took my truck. Our agent is staying with her family so she doesn't have to come back. "You'll probably get along amazingly with Audrey. She's twelve and you're eleven, so…" I trail off.
"Cool," she grins.
…..s…..
She gets light blue bedroom paint and white paint, she gets a white bed with drawers on all sides and selves on the headboard, we get her a mattress that she starts falling asleep on when she lays down on it, and a white dresser with a mirror and a futon couch, a corner desk, a bookshelf and a ton of books, a ton of clothing and everything. We get her toys, too. And a blue swivel desk chair. And her own sheets and bedding and shampoo and a scrubby thing for when you're in the shower and the little things that a girl needs. She gets shy when I ask her if she's started her period yet, but I pushed Peeta away first. She shakes her head.
Tristen is quiet for the most part. We get him a car seat and baby clothes and diapers and bottles and formula and baby things, but we don't get furniture, Peeta and I agreeing to just let him use Brennan's old things. When he's older he'll get to have what he wants, just like Kilee is. He's too young to choose now. He's asleep, anyways. I change his diaper and put him in his own clothes before we load him up in his new car seat.
Kilee doesn't need to know we spent almost three thousand dollars on her.
…..s…..
I can tell she's very, very nervous to meet the family. Peeta and I cover the bed of the truck and get out. "What if they don't like me?" she asks.
"They're going to love both of you because they love all the family," I assure her. I walk into the house and she hesitates.
"Mama!" Hallie runs for me. I ruffle her hair.
"Hey Hal," I smile. My family is staring at Tristen and Kilee. "Peeta has something he would like to say." He shoots me the 'you're going to pay for that later' look and I smirk.
"Well…I know you guys noticed how Katniss and I have been whispering about something and eevery time you asked, we told you to bud out." He begins.
"Yeah…" Johanna trails off.
"Well…we adopted Tristen and Kilee. Kilee is eleven and Tristen is one." Peeta explains.
"What's adopted mean, Mama?" Brennan asks me.
"Adopted mean that you three now have an older sister named Kilee and a younger brother named Tristen." I say.
"More brothers and sister?" Bailee asks.
"Yeah," I smile. "Now, Hal, Bai, you two are going to get to sleep in the same room now, doesn't that sound fun?" I ask.
"Yeah Mama! Like a sleepover all the time?" Hallie asks.
"Right, like a sleepover all the time." I smile. Kilee is silent.
"Hi Kilee! I'm Hallie! I'm this many!" she holds up seven fingers.
"Hi Hallie." Kilee smiles.
"How much are you?" Hallie asks.
"I'm this many," she holds up ten fingers. "Plus one. Can you do math, Hallie?"
"I think so. This many is…" she starts to count Hallie's fingers. "Ten!" she says.
"Right, and then add this to ten." Hallie holds up one finger.
"Ten plus one?" Hallie asks.
"That's eleven Hallie!" Brennan jumps up. "Hi big sister! I'm Brennan! I'm this much!" Brennan holds up six fingers.
"Hi Brennan," Kilee smiles again.
"Hi…I'm Bailee. I'm that much too," Bailee is shy why she meets new people. She always has been.
"Why isn't Tristen saying hi to me!" Hallie asks.
"He's too little, Hallie. He's littler than Olivia." I say.
"Oh." She backs up. "Will he get big?"
"Yeah honey, he's gonna get big." I say.
"Cool!" Bailee says.
"Well Kilee, I'm Annie." Annie stands up.
"Hi," Kilee waves.
"You can just call me Annie if you want to."
Everyone begins to introduce themselves, and yes, I was right when I said there would be tears.