In An Instant

Chapter 3: Social Networking for Dummies

GENRES: Drama, Romance, Humor, Tragedy, Angst, ...pretty much everything. So...gen?

MILD CHARACTERIZATION SPOILERS for Chris Colfer's Struck By Lightning!

WARNINGS: lots of mentions of Sex and a shit ton of snark. Also, sexual tension. As if that wasn't already obvious.

PAIRING: Jesse St. James and Carson Phillips AKA Jarson AKA St. Phillips AKA Jarson St. Phillips. There may be mentions of other pairings down the line, especially ones from GLEE.

WORD COUNT: 4377

Jesse St. James was probably as far from boring as it got.

He was, after all, a natural born star.

Which was why he wasn't surprised when the melodrama he so loved caught up with him a bit, and he found himself in Seth's car being driven back from Carson's school, the security guards still glaring bewilderingly as the rundown, patched together convertible chugged out of sight.

"Jesse, did you hear me?"

"Not in the least," Jesse replied vaguely and he felt Seth shift beside him.

"I asked why you were at that school…"

Jesse ignored him again, deciding instead to scroll through his iPod.

"I probably should have gone with something more classic… I think Metro Station's 'Shake It' was probably just too progressive and risqué for a small town library. Though they really should have been more appreciative. That place needed more music. And they could probably all use some sex. If they'd just listened to the message of the song…"

Seth sighed softly beside him.

"It's definitely too risqué, Jesse. Although I'm sure your cover was miles better than the original."

"Oh, it was," Jesse nodded, not looking up from his iPod's screen. "I'm pretty sure the librarian who called campus security only did so under the strain of the massive wave of jealousy my star power invoked in her."

"Good vocabulary word…"

"Word-of-the-Day toilet paper. I bought it after I met Carson. I'm pretty sure he'd be impressed."

Seth glanced at him from the side of his eye.

"Carson?"

"He's my new study buddy, and my soul mate. Just hasn't realized it yet. We're playing things very Kat Stratford and Patrick Verona. "

Seth's jaw jumped.

"He's your soul mate…"

"Without a doubt. We're meant for each other. Like Dolly and Horace, or Ron and Hermione."

Seth swallowed hard, and Jesse scrunched together his eyebrows two or three times in the mirror, vaguely watching the way the motion contorted his face.

"But you slept with me."

Jesse scoffed, now trying on various smiles.

"Seth, come on, it's been ages since the night we fucked."

"It's not even a month and a half," Seth said quietly.

The car was slowing, and people behind them were definitely getting pissed.

Jesse sighed and shut the mirror.

"Seth… You're straight."

"I had sex with a guy," Seth replied angrily and the car swerved sharply into the next lane, to the sound of five different horrified honks.

"You had sex with me, though," Jesse said patiently. "I'm such a sex god that preferences stop existing when you're with me. Also, you were drunk. Didn't we talk about this?"

"You called me back, and we've kept talking," Seth said definitively, shaking his head and the car with it.

Jesse sat all the way up, slowly.

"As exciting and dramatic as a car crash would be, I'd prefer to not attain fame only posthumously. I want to be able to soak it up, like the sun I am. Pull over, Seth. There's a Macy's over there."

"Macy's sucks, and I don't want to. We have to get back."

"I thought you wanted to be gay," Jesse muttered, and Seth turned sharply into the exit lane, cutting off at least three cars, and receiving at least six middle fingers in his direction.

"Wouldn't want America to lose its biggest star," he muttered only half-sarcastically, and Jesse nodded in agreement.

"And I need to pop Carson's cherry, as well as be in at least three major films before that can happen. Just enough to get myself an E True Hollywood memorial."

Seth scowled and swerved again in his lane.

"Why do you want some prudish kid?"

Jesse smirked.

"He's not really a prude. Just uptight. But I suspect once he lets go he'll be wild as fuck. And his ass is pretty amazing. And arms…"

"My ass is amazing…" Seth muttered to the steering wheel. "Or pretty good at least…"

Jesse chortled, brushing at his hair.

"Carson is a star, too. Even if he doesn't want to be one. Not like my kind of star, of course, since only I can be that, and he hates performing apparently. But still. He's unexpectedly fascinating for a non-performer."

Seth glowered at him, and slammed on the brakes when he almost hit a car as he entered the parking lot.

"You know that's just your insatiable sex-drive talking," he said with a quiet sureness. "And your ego, however justifiable it is. Once you devirginize him, he'll be nothing. He wouldn't be anything in the first place if you guys had just paid attention at the shoot instead of making stupid bets."

Jesse shrugged.

"Maybe it is. He's certainly dramatic enough in his own way though. Whatever happens- I live a showbiz life."

"So you agree you aren't soul-mates?"

Jesse grinned.

"I guess we'll find out."

Seth sighed again and pulled into a parking spot.

Then turned to stare deeply and determinedly into Jesse's eyes.

"I can make you forget. And then you won't care enough to find out, will you?"

He leaned in.

"Jesse! Boy! What the hell? You refused sex?"

"Hi Naomi," Jesse said blandly, not bothering to look up from his facebook chat with an apparently annoyed Carson.

"In a car, in a parking light, in broad daylight. You refused sex. You. This is ridiculous! I mean, I know it was Seth and he's straight and weirdly obsessed and co-dependent with you, so the sex would be totally creepy sober, but it's still sex! And now Lucas is pissed on Seth's behalf!"

Jesse laughed and typed something into the chat, then turned in his chair to give her a shrug.

"Look, Naomi, this is a classic reaction of jealous revenge. I'm not surprised he's dragged Lucas into this. But I'm in the middle of talking to Carson, so…"

Naomi frowned at him.

"How close are you to getting into this kids' pants?"

Jesse simply shrugged again.

"I'm Jesse St. James," he said, when Naomi continued to give him a searching look, and she laughed.

"Okay, okay. Are you at least passing now?"

"Starting to," Jesse grinned. "Carson's some kind of genius. I can never let him out of this deal. It's too perfect, on every level."

"Okay," Naomi shrugged. "I am kinda curious how long this lasts, actually. It's my extra credit for my psych class downtown. Everyone there loves you, by the way. Narcissists are a general crowd-pleaser, as long as they're not there in person. But I'm horny now, so I'm gonna go grab Lucas and head to Dippin' Dots. Have fun with your pre-schooler, J."

"We're meeting at Starbucks tomorrow," Jesse said triumphantly to the empty doorway. "I think I might honestly like this guy… and sex with him even more."

He laughed and leaned back in his chair, humming the opening bars of 'Written in the Stars' from Aida.

In the hallway, another curly head bowed then pounded once fast forward into the wall.

Jesse just didn't realize, did he?

Seth was so much more perfect for him.

They were both stars. Actual stars.

At least… Jesse was. And when Seth was with Jesse, Jesse made him one too.

No-one was taking that. He'd just have to be cruel to be kind.

Seth scowled at the wall.

See? He could make random 'Ten Things I Hate About You' references too. He didn't like vaginas anymore, did he? He'd told them.

He liked Jesse. As more than a friend or role model. He had to to be a star. One more time his head hit the wall, then he came away from it teeth gritted.

He'd do whatever it took to be important. He could play dirty.

Jesse might even like it.

And Seth would just apologize after. Once he was a star, and perfect, and Jesse realized they were the soul-mates, not him and this Carson kid.

He could do it.

It'd be worth it.

Jesse was his golden ticket, his fairy dust to fly.

Seth headed toward Lucas's room.

Fanning the flames never hurt anyone, did it? And real stars did it all the time, especially Jesse St. James. If Seth wanted to succeed, that was exactly what he'd do, too.

"Jesse, why is your phone out?" Carson asked with an amused, but exasperated glance at the other.

"Facebook," Jesse retorted. "I'm checking us in."

Carson's brow furrowed.

"We are not going to a hotel after this."

Jesse smirked.

"At Starbucks, not a hotel, though it's nice to know where your head is at."

Carson's eyes narrowed briefly, then moved back to the binder in front of him.

"It's good to know yours is as up your own ass as always," he retorted vaguely. "And that if anyone wants to find you and commit murder they'll have a nice road map laid out for them to find not one, but two potential victims."

"Or all my fans will get jealous and come after you," Jesse said just as easily, and Carson raised a brow at the stack of papers, not bothering to look up.

"Your Mommy and Daddy who always said how special you are don't count as fans here, Jesse."

"Ooh, bringing out the big guns, Casper?" Jesse grinned. "Cause if we're doing that I happen to have a big gun that really wants to come out."

"What an original and unexpected allusion to your penis," Carson said dryly. "Jesse, how many times have we been over that periods and commas aren't the same thing? This is atrocious. And you can barely see through all the red I've had to put on it."

Jesse turned an exasperated expression on him and Carson's eyebrows furrowed again at the strange role-change between them. Exasperation was supposed to be his thing.

"You need to learn to play along, Casper. You're so dull. Where's all the excitement?"

"You want to get excited?" Carson asked quietly, leaning forward.

Jesse's eyes blazed at him.

"Now we're getting somewhere…"

"Maybe you should try rubbing your personal-white out on this awful fucking paper, and get excited about fixing it to get yourself that big, fat, juicy B+," Carson finished, with an oddly stern nod compared to his innuendo-laden tone in Jesse's direction, and Jesse gave him a truculent glare, which melted back to the usual smirk.

"Now, I really see where your head is."

"Oh yeah? So, you're also seeing your head exploding right now?"

"Exploding in orgasm, you bet."

Carson raised a brow, clearly unimpressed.

"Fix this, okay? I've got to get home. I have other things to work on. We'll meet again tomorrow during my lunch break, but not at my school this time! Off campus! And I'll expect a completed rewrite of this paper, plus notes from the classes you have tomorrow."

Jesse gave a cheeky grin.

"Yes, sir."

Carson just rolled his eyes with some barely-concealed affection. Jesse saw right through it and grinned.

They walked out side by side.

"Did you get my work done?"

Carson nodded once hard, gritting his teeth at the feeling of fence digging into his back, an unwelcome change from that of bark.

"About that."

Jordan's eyes narrowed.

"What about that?"

"I did it," Carson said irritably. "It's done. But I don't really want to give it to you."

"Excuse me," Jordan hissed. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Ooh, what's with the latest battle scar?"

"I'm at war with a few drug lords," Carson replied nonchalantly, slinging his backpack over the back of the chair and eying the starbucks cup sitting in his spot, steam still rolling out of the vented lid, with no small amount of suspicion.

"If my own life weren't so amazing, I would completely envy the drama in yours," Jesse commented drolly, a little smirk still twisting at his lower lip before dropping off as much as it seemed it could. "But, seriously, you look like Tony did at the end of West Side Story."

Carson paid him no mind, beginning to pull out papers and his collection of red pens, regular pens, and highlighters.

"Tony's killed at the end of West Side Story."

Jesse sat up quickly straight, and moved forward, looking pleased.

"You know Broadway?"

"Honestly, Jesse, I didn't think I could judge you any more…"

Jesse's eyes narrowed in return, and his expression became more haughty than usual.

"Unless that is you've only seen the movie version. In which case, not only do you suck in a different way than the one I really like, but you also need an intervention pronto."

Carson snorted and rolled his eyes, taking another sip at his coffee.

"I haven't seen either, actually. It's called reading. And common knowledge."

Jesse crossed his arms.

"You're seeing it with me."

"As great as that offer is, I'm going with no."

His smirk became a cheshire grin.

"Your denial is unexpectedly adorable, Casper. We're going. Don't worry. Now, what's the story?"

Carson rolled his eyes over the lid of his coffee and tipped some of the scalding liquid into his mouth.

"Has anyone ever told you you're more than a little obsessive?"

"You tell me or I'll spend the next hour talking about how hot the bruising on the side of your face is and what exactly it makes me want to do to you," Jesse smiled. "And yes."

Carson twitched.

"We wouldn't want that…"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure both of us want it, just a little," Jesse smirked, spraying more whipped cream onto his coffee and then licking at the top of it with a wink. "But story first."

Carson laughed, flipping open a book instead.

"I already told you. I pissed off the local teen drug cartel/mafia at school by not being the dimwitted doormat they were hoping for. So they threw me into a fence and I got them suspended for recorded damage of school property. I finished rewriting your essay last night, by the way. Do you have your notes?"

Jesse's eyes gleamed, single-handedly sliding his phone back to his pocket.

"Tony?"

Carson gave him a hard look.

"My name is Carson, and you aren't pretty, witty, or gay, so pull your eyes out of the Broadway smog, St. James. Notes?"

"You're right," Jesse sighed. "You're not Tony. You're Kat Stratford."

Carson's head fell against his book with a thud and he gave Jesse probably the steamiest glower ever that could somehow be cute as well.

"Unless this Kat Stratford had a penis and no breasts, I doubt I could pass as her."

"Well, she did have a pretty flat chest…" Jesse mused. "And hey- how do I know you're not hiding a pussy? Come on, Casper. Whip it out! Unless you're secretly vaginal?"

Jesse's smirk had taken over his entire face.

"Stop talking."

"There are bushes outside where you could prove your manhood, you know? And I mean that both literally and metaphorically."

Jesse licked more whipped cream off his coffee and Carson closed his eyes a moment, listening to Jesse's phone beeping again and Jesse typing into it.

"Jesse, notes."

"Let me finish first," Jesse said distractedly. "This is becoming highly amusing."

Carson scowled and snatched the phone from across the table.

"And now it's gone. Look over my revisions, at least, St. James. You can have it back when you're done. But I have school, and I've got to be getting back soon. So- work!"

Jesse licked his lips, eyes doing that weird focus thing Jesse said he'd gotten from show choir.

"I love it when you get like this," he observed, his hand moving slowly forward to take the papers, and Carson rolled his eyes, one catching on the still lit screen of Jesse's phone.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Jesse," he half-laughed, half-groaned. "You're still commenting on that stupid post? I hope you know that all of you are being beyond ridiculous. Oh God- You're still trying to pull my cousin Amy into threesomes with your friends, aren't you? Jesse…"

Jesse flashed him a grin.

"Only because I want you all to myself."

Carson raised an eyebrow with stern amusement.

"Notes."

"Honey, I'm home! …Lucas… open up."

"Not happening, St. James!"

"Sorry Jesse!"

Jesse frowned. The first was Lucas, but the second was definitely…

"Seth?" he asked through the door. "Don't tell me you're trying to make yourself fall in love with Lucas now. I mean, I'm one thing, but Lucas isn't desirable enough or enough of a star to warrant-"

"Are you jealous?" Seth asked, and Jesse winced at the excitement tangible in his voice.

"Actually, Seth, now that I think about it, Luth Millmont is a fantastic portmanteau, and your story is really almost as romantic as that of Mimi and Roger from Rent, though still far behind Angel and Collins. Or perhaps you're more Tracy and Link… Lucas and you are absolutely the right people to turn each other gay and should start having sex now. I'll just go hang with Naomi or paint a cat mural or something. The stage might be empty right now, too. Bye! Have fun engaging in your chosen form of intercourse!"

"Jesse! There's no reason to feel held back," he heard Seth call out, along with fumbling at the lock. "Lucas may have just completely inadvertently taken your jail bait out of the running."

Jesse turned slowly from half-way down the hallway, a small part of him savoring the drama of the moment, though most of him just focused on getting back there and asking-

"…What are you talking about?"

"Seth," Lucas called from the bathroom. "Did you open the door? Fuck. You did, didn't you?"

"You know I can't keep Jesse locked out of his own room," Seth informed the door. "Besides, he thought we were having sex, but I'd only do that with him, so I didn't want him to get too jealous or upset for no reason."

"Seth," Lucas said angrily, the toilet flushing in the background, "We had a deal!"

Jesse scowled and moved towards the door, turning it hard twice to the right, before once to the left, so that it opened.

Lucas threw him a dirty look.

"I told you to stop doing that, didn't I? Bathroom doors get locked for a reason."

Jesse rolled his eyes.

"You have your pants on already, but I've seen your junk enough times before. It's not all that thrilling for me, Luke, honestly. What'd you say to Carson?"

Lucas shrugged, forgoing a towel and just shaking out his wet hands.

"What'd you say to the dude's classmates?"

Jesse's head tilted ever so slightly to the side.

"What?"

"You, Naomi, and your toddler had a threesome?"

Jesse grinned.

"It was pretty hot. You should've been there and helped us make it an orgy."

"Jesse," Lucas said tersely, "We may have already sorted that part out over facebook, but if you keep going, I won't stop myself from punching you."

"Matching bruises could be romantic," Jesse mused.

Lucas's eyes narrowed.

"I'm sure they would be, cradle-robber. Do you want to find out?"

"Violence against Jesse is completely unnecessary," Seth interrupted, reaching to place his hand over Jesse's.

Lucas leaned over to check his facebook and laughed.

"Especially when it looks like the kid is perfectly willing to do it instead."

Jesse pulled his hand loose from Seth's and moved toward the computer, raising an eyebrow when Lucas knocked the lid closed.

"We're officially good."

Lucas clapped him hard on the back, then retreated to his bed, Seth watching the exchange carefully, pleasure and pride already beginning to settle and tug up on his lips.

Jesse stared at him for a long moment, then: "What did you do? …Did you send him baked goods containing ipecac?"

"Unless this has suddenly become Days of Our Lives or The Sopranos or something, no."

"What about banana? Or walnuts? He's allergic to both of those. Though the worst allergy he said he has is peppermint. He said it's what gave him the idea to tell everyone that he was deathly allergic to Christmas when he was younger, but he regrets it now, since every winter he gets at least five candy canes stuffed in his locker every month until spring."

Seth's forehead was lined, his eyebrows scrunched together.

"How do you know all that?"

Jesse rolled his eyes.

"He told me, of course. If you're not sexting, you've got to be saying other stuff. Also, he had to go to the ER a couple nights ago because I gave him a sip of my coffee, which I'd put peppermint in. He yelled at me for postponing his work schedule. Carson's hot when he's angry and all anal about studying, but he's also pretty frightening. He's like Freddy Krueger minus the claws and psychopathy. Though you can just tell anger sex with him would be amazing… He can actually give Shelby a run for her money."

Seth's expression soured.

"You like when he's mad at you?"

Jesse paused, observing the others expression, then heaved a melodramatic sigh.

"I need to check facebook, don't I?"

Lucas's smugly pursed lips and stifled laughter paired with Seth's pupils dilating was beyond all the answer he needed.

Jesse pulled out his iPhone and went to its facebook app, anger flaring up at the sight of the first of two new comments on the post gone wild of him checking himself and Carson in at Starbucks.

Lucas Durmont: I still don't get why you're doing any of this. I've never seen you waste so much time on someone before, or try so hard. Just so you know dude, the bet's already been won. You're not getting that 50 back, even if you do get in the kid's pants now. Long over due, my friend.

October 24 at 6:25pm · Like

And, below that, Carson had replied:

Carson Phillips: A bet? Seriously, Jesse? How fantastically 80s romcom of you. Should I just give you the fifty and let you move on then? Must have been exhausting pretending to care so much.

October 24 at 10:01pm · Like

Jesse frowned at Carson's words, not liking what they suggested, but unable to summon any clue of how to respon-

Of course.

He'd do what he always did.

He'd blow it off.

After all, wasn't acting, especially acting cool, one of the many things Jesse St. James was best at?

(A.N.) For every review, Jesse will say exactly what it is that he wants to do to Carson... Also, Seth will take driving lessons.