[Loren's POV]
I walk silently out the door. It isn't Chloe's words that hurt me; it's the fact that Eddie left. I understand how he must have been shocked and probably relived some tough memories when he saw her, but still. I know he would never purposely hurt me, or anyone, in that case. It's just that he had to have known that Chloe would try to take a shot at me, but still he left. He ran away from his problems, and that's not something I admire.
I sigh again and allow Melissa to pull me to her new birthday car. She slides into the driver's seat and I follow suit, wordlessly settling down on the passenger side. The engine turns on and we pull out of the small parking lot.
"Lo, what's wrong?" Mel's voice interrupts my thoughts. I shake my head and focus on the scenery zipping past me, deliberately avoiding the side glances she keeps sending me.
"Eddie's what's wrong." I can't help but let the words roll out of my mouth.
"I understand that he was being a little dumb, but he's a guy. What can you expect?" She shrugs unconcernedly. A slight smile slips onto my face at her usual free-spirited ways. She hesitates. "It's not about the ice queen, is it?"
"Ha, no. I realize that Chloe's only intent is to break us up and get Eddie back, so that's not the problem. I don't know; I just wish he would've stayed. I want to be a little more sure of where we stand in our rela-friendship." I quickly change my word choice.
Melissa raises an eyebrow but lets it pass. "Alright, then. You do realize that he's probably even more confused that you are, right? Rock stars aren't exactly known for their impressive psychological skills." I laugh out loud at this.
"So maybe I overreacted a little," I admit sheepishly.
"Yeah, you tend to do that with anything related to Eddie, if you haven't noticed yet." I don't even bother to protest her claim, since I know it's probably true. Hey, it's not my fault I'm not used to dealing with world-famous rock star musician people.
"Okay, Mel. Really though, I just want a little time to think. We can talk later, alright?" I try to push off the thoughts and emotions currently crowding my brain.
She sighs now, but agrees. "Fine. But just to let you know, the only reason I'm letting you go right now is because Lisa is going to kill me if I don't get home now." A chuckle escapes my mouth at how overly dramatic she makes everything. We say a quick goodbye when she drops me off at my house and drives away, just pushing the speed limit.
I have barely walked in the door when my phone starts to ring. I pull it out of my pocket and try to put my bag down and close the door at the same time. The screen is lit and a quick look tells me that it's Eddie. I pause. Should I answer it? I feel bad for ignoring him when he probably has no idea what he did wrong, but I don't think I can deal with more problems right now. My inability to make a decision chooses for me. The ringing stops and I let out my breath, I know I'm going to have to figure it out sooner or later, preferably the latter.
I make my way to my bedroom and flop down onto my bed. My eyes automatically flicker to the poster of Eddie, lingering there for a few short seconds before I tear my gaze away. I grab my keyboard and journal, deciding to work on a few songs in order to get my emotions sorted out. I suppose something good can always come out of unnecessary problems.
I guess things can change
my world was rearranged
you told me you wouldn't leave
then turned your back on me
just when I trusted you
and thought your words were true
when I wanted to hold you close
I heard your voice say no
she tried to tear me down
you just let me drown
you stood and watched me burn
and now it's my turn
I'm not the girl I used to be
Hurt and pain only strengthens me
You supposed I would always come crawling back
But that's a thought, not a fact
she's someone I should be jealous of
with a perfect image that everyone loves
but do you – that's all I want to know
because you had better learn how to show
yourself in your own black light
to push danger away with all your might
that my trust is something you have to earn
it's all taken much too long for you to learn
I'm not the girl I used to be
Hurt and pain only strengthens me
You supposed I would always come crawling back
But that's a thought, not a fact
don't worry I'm not pushing you away forever
just until you know who I am and what I can do
I'm not your puppet, the lines are severed
you need to realize I'm someone new
I close my notebook and place it on the table next to me, closing my eyes and taking a breath. It might be a little harsh, but it's not like anyone else is going to read it. At least it cleared away a lot of the confusion and hurt in my head – I think. It really wasn't his fault. I know Eddie didn't mean to hurt me; he doesn't even know about most of what happened.
My thoughts wander back to that afternoon at his penthouse – just a few days ago, but it feel so much farther. I'm pretty sure his senses were on full alert at that moment. I can see his face leaning in, broken breathing and dark eyes. But more than that, I could feel his hesitation. His nerves were getting the best of him. I didn't think that could happen to a superstar. I don't blame him, though. It's a bit ironic that I'm the one who wants things to move faster, when everyone around me definitely sees me as someone to always take my time. I can't help it – Eddie makes me feel different; he makes me want different things. I groan again because of how much all this is making my head hurt. A sound in the kitchen distracts me. I get up and wander aimlessly down the hall, knocking on the wall when I reach my destination.
My mother whirls around in surprise. "Oh, hey Lo! What are you doing home so early? I thought you had work today?.." Her voice trails off questioningly.
I hesitate. "Um, yeah. But something happened and I got let off early." My smile is tight.
"Okay." She looks suspicious but doesn't say anything. "Did anything interesting happen today?" Her tone is perfectly innocent.
I laugh inside. Oh, you have no idea. But since I would rather not get a lecture from my just-slightly-overprotective-but-still-amazing mother right now, I answer simply. "No, not really."
"Loren, you know you can tell me anything." So maybe I'm not that great of an actress.
"I know, Mom. But really, nothing important happened." I paste another grin on my face.
She sighs and lets her head fall forward before looking at me again. I can see that she's way too tired to deal with it right now, so I make my escape. "I promised Melissa I would video-chat her later, so…"
My mom waves her hand, motioning for me to go ahead. I squeeze out a quick "thanks" and a hug before returning to my room. I roll lazily onto my bed and let out a breath. What did I do to deserve all of this? I laugh at my own dramatic self that appears every once in a while, that start laughing harder at I seem to be going crazy. I guess that's what happens when Hollywood gets into your life.
Now that I'm feeling a little calmer about this troublesome afternoon, I curl up on my side, hugging a pillow. My thoughts travel back to the first time I met Eddie – how supportive, charming, and sweet he was. A smile grows on my face. I really won't be able to stop myself if something happens again. With my head fogged up by glowing memories, I fall into a peaceful sleep. My tiredness from school, music, friends, relationships, etc. – it all fades away and I'm left with just my heart to hold onto.
A/N: I'm going to be gone for the next two weeks and pretty much unable to work on this story, but I'll try to get something out when I get back. Please review - it helps so much! [And if there was no notification, I edited the last chapter a little bit.]
- shimmeruponwishes