Okay, so this is a re-write of A Katy Or A Gaga. I've totally got rid of the New York stuff to focus on the Lima side, which I'm sure a lot of people won't like, but I feel like the Lima side has more going on than New York. So I've added some extra scenes and songs and hopefully y'all enjoy it.
And please review it, but please be nice?
A Katy Or A Gaga
"Let me autocorrect that for you. I tried to break into the Lima zoo to get us live tigers but - PLOT TWIST! Lima doesn't have a zoo! Why did we think it did?!" Unique Adams.
Mr Schuester walked happily into the choir room, where there was chatter, singing, and Ryder banging on the drum "All right, big week, guys. Come on. Gather round." When everyone started moving towards him, he said "I have here in my hand Drumroll, please. A secret list of the show choirs that we will be in competition with at Nationals in six weeks. Ooh Yes. Okay, let's see what we've got the Rust-Belters from Pittsburgh, the Thunder Showcats from Gainesville (clears throat) and finally, from Fort Wayne, Throat Explosion."
"No! Why, God?!" Tina yelled over-exaggeratedly.
"Uh, what? Throat Explosion? That's a joke, right?" Jake asked, obviously confused.
"Anything but." Blaine started. "They're the new supergroup the Show Choir Underground's been buzzing about. Their budgets for costume, makeup, hair alone are astronomical. You guys have read that Malcolm Gladwell book. Outliers, right? So, Gladwell says you can't possibly master anything unless you've spent 10,000 hours practicing it. So students can't even join Throat Explosion without proving they've logged in 10,000 hours of show choir rehearsal. They don't even go to just perform, every minute of every day. They live their art. They know no boundaries. They're constantly pushing the envelope, living and performing on the edge. They're like mini Lady Gagas."
"We're so screwed they're not like Vocal Adrenaline, who were unfeeling Borg robots. They're total outsiders and misfits, which used to be our niche. We can't compete with Throat Explosion anymore at that level because we lost our biggest Gaga when Kurt graduated last year. Look around, we're a room full of, like, Katy Perrys now." Tina complained.
"Oh, you best check your spectrum, Queen T, because orange is the new black, and Unique is the new Gaga." Unique said, referring to herself in the third person…Again.
"Well, not Marley she's a Katy Perry. So is Sam, so is Blaine." Tina said, looking at the three who were standing beside each other.
"I'm a Katy Perry and I'm proud of it." Blaine said, rubbing his hand through his gel slicked hair.
"Uh, the truth is, Tina, we're a potent mix of Katy Perrys and Lady Gagas in here. But it's not a liability it's the way we're gonna beat Throat Explosion. Some of us in here are, you know, - ambi-edge." Mr Schue said, obviously just coming up with the weeks assignment on the spot…as per usual.
"- Ambi-edge? You just made that up." Artie said, raising an eyebrow.
"Uh, some of us are more, you know, wholesome, innocent, romantic, all-American girl-and boy-next-door types. Uh, who in here would describe themselves as a Gaga?" The teacher asked. Kitty, Tina, Unique, Sugar and Jake all raised their hands "Okay, great. And the rest of you are Katys?"
"Is there a third option?" Ryder asked.
"We're gonna mix it up a little bit. We're turning our weaknesses into our strengths. This week, the Katys will get their Gaga on and the Gagas will bring the Katy. Throat Explosion does their one thing very, very well, but we need to be able to do both, impeccably, or else we're not gonna have a chance in hell of winning Nationals this year."
GLEE!
"Well, hi!" Nurse Penny said walking towards Sam
"Hey." Sam said, after closing his locker and turning towards Penny "What's up with your arm? Is that a tattoo?"
"No no, it's just a temporary one. I like to tat up when I go to Skrillex concerts. Last time I was there, he spit in a cup and threw it on me."
"Gross." Sam said, turning his nose up at the thought, but then saw the look on Penny's face and stuttered "Or cool? I guess I wouldn't have pegged you for the hardcore dance punk electronica kind of girl."
"I know, right? The last guy I dated I realize now he's a total dillweed but I kind of liked his taste in music. I think I have, like, a musical dark side."
"Whoa." Sam said, opening his locker, revealing the poster he had taped inside.
"Who is that?"
"Oh, uh, True Jackson, Lulu and, uh, Ryan. You haven't seen True Jackson, VP?" Penny shook her head. "Oh, my God. It's awesome. I have all three seasons on DVD. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you landed your dream job as a big shot of a major company and you were only 15? I mean, how would you decorate your office? Who would you hire? True Jackson gets the chance of a lifetime when she's hired by her idol and made VP of his fashion empire and then every week she has to navigate this scary new world because True Jackson's gone from homeroom to the boardroom." Sam said really fast, running out of breath by the time he had finished.
"Wow, Sam. This is not how I saw you at all. W Uh, weren't you a stripper?"
"Uh, well, uh, we prefer the term 'erotic entertainer'."
"Ah." Penny said, smiling sweetly.
"I was gonna ask you, uh, w-would you maybe want to go out this weekend, like, um, on a date?" "Um, actually, my ex is taking me to the Nine Inch Nails concert in Columbus this weekend."
"- Not the dillweed?"
"- Actually, yeah. I-It's cool though. We're just friends now, but he bought the tickets when we were still dating, and he really wants me to go and Anyway, look, I'll call you."
"True Jackson, VP? Is that even on anymore?" Blaine said, walking towards his best friend.
"No, it got cancelled. Evidently, the people at Nickelodeon don't care about quality entertainment.
Don't judge me, dude, okay? I'm bad-ass. I play football and guitar and I've been hillbilly handfishing.
I just I happen to like sweet things, too. They relax me, which is why I like her so much."
"But she just said that she's into Skrillex and Nine Inch Nails. So she clearly isn't exactly what she seems."
"Exactly! She seems like a Katy but she's secretly a Gaga, and she only dates Gagas and I'm a Katy."
"Okay, well, hold up. Penny likes Gagas and you're a Katy. But 's making all the Katys sing a Gaga song, so we bring Penny in to see it and she's gonna get all weak in her Skrillex-loving knees and forget all about her douche ex-boyfriend. Then you, my friend, will have a new love of your life."
"Yes." Sam said, walking in the opposite direction from Blaine. As the two seniors walked away, Artie and Kitty rounded the corner together talking.
"This Katy/Gaga lesson is killing me. It's like Mr. Schue did it on purpose to keep us apart." Artie whined.
"I don't think he plans that much ahead. I'm pretty sure he makes up these rando lessons a split second before he writes 'em on the board."
"Speaking of this week's lesson, are you still okay with dating someone so different than you?" Artie asked. Kitty laughed and leaned down and kissed her boyfriend. Then they heard someone blowing a raspberry. They pulled apart and saw Becky Jackson standing at the end of the hall looking pissed.
"I had Artie first, "bee-yatch"! You get my sloppy seconds. Oh, snap!" She said, before running down the hall. Kitty turned to Artie with her eyebrows raised and her eyes wide.
"I did not have sex with Becky."
GLEE!
Later that afternoon, in the Auditorium, the Gagas sat around on the stage, sheet music scattered everywhere.
"What about Born This Way" Marley asked.
"Done it. 2 years ago. We did a lesson about self-acceptance or something" Artie said.
"Bad Romance?" Ryder asked,
"Girls did it 3 years ago. Also in Gaga week" Artie said,
"Poker face?" Marley asked,
"Rachel and her mom sang a slow piano version that was just haunting. Or so I'm told by Kurt."
"Yeah, and you guys know how Mr Schue doesn't do the same number twice…unless its Journey." Artie said laughing.
"Guys, we need a song like, now!" Sam said, snapped.
"Sam, we're trying. But it's not easy." Marley said, running her fingers through her hair.
"Yeah, her music is just too good." Blaine said smiling.
"And we've already done all the best ones." Artie said.
"Not quite guys, I think I've found something!" Ryder said, bouncing up, holding the sheet music and handing it out.
"This is good Ryder," Blaine said smiling.
"This could work" Sam said, eyes getting a certain gleam in them.
"Wanna give it a whirl?" Artie asked, rolling over to her guitar.
PAPARAZZI
Performed by the Gagas
Marley:
We are the crowd
We're coming out
Got my flash on it's true
Need that picture of you
It's so magical
We'd be so fantastic, oh
Blaine:
Leather and jeans
Garage glamorous
Not sure what it means
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby I
All:
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that girl is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Ryder
I'll be your boy backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars
Yeah cause you're my rock star in between the sets
Eyeliner and cigarettes
Sam:
Shadow is burnt, yellow dance and return
My lashes are dry - purple teardrops I cry
It don't have a price
Loving you is Cherry Pie
'Cause you know that baby I
All:
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that girl is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
Artie:
Real good, We're dancing in the studio
Snap, snap, to that shit on the radio
Don't stop, for anyone
We're plastic but we still have fun
Sam:
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi
All:
Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
The glass doors of Sue's office sung open and Bree, dressed in only police tape, sauntered in.
"You wanted to see me, Principal Sylvester?"
"Would you care to explain why you're dressed like Lady Gaga?"
"Would you care to explain why you're dressed like Lady Gaga?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. If you're referring to my face cage, I'll have you know that tomorrow I'm scheduled for a routine colonoscopy, and this apparatus helps me avoid solid foods."
"Okay." Bree said, rolling her eyes. "Well, the Glee Club you specifically asked me to try to mess with is doing some Katy Perry-Lady Gaga week in an attempt to get 100% of America to not like them.
Anyway, Jake Puckerman's a Gaga, and he's all up in that girl Marley with the fat mom, who's a Katy, probably because her mom's boobs also shoot out whipped cream. So, I thought I'd throw a little Gaga his way, and see what happens."
"This practice of referring to oneself as a Katy or a Gaga the Glee Club will be doing this the entire week? Super annoying, right? It is the most annoying thing they've ever done. Ugh! Well, it appears Will Schuester has taken up the age-old question that has vexed creepy pederasts since Socrates.
Before Katy versus Gaga, it was Jackie versus Marilyn, Betty versus Veronica, Mary Todd Lincoln versus Martha Washington. Why must we always choose between female pop archetypes? Why can't we just be them all?" Sue ranted.
"I sort of don't know what you're talking about anymore."
"That's because, for the past eight gallons of saline solution. I have more salt water in my colon than Richard Simmons after a poorly-executed cannonball off the Fire Island Ferry. Now get the hell out of my office."
The bell rang and Marley ran down the hall towards Jake's locker,"Okay, we have to get to Breadstix extra early on Friday because they are having a Julie Andrews tribute at the Lima Limelight. Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, Princess Diaries, back to back. It's gonna be amazing."
"Yeah, that sounds really awesome." Jake said, clearly unimpressed.
"Do you not think it sounds amazing?" Marley asked, confusion evident in her face and voice.
"I mean, it's just, like, the same thing. Breadstix, movie, Breadstix, movie, Breadstix, three movies, weekend after weekend." Jake said, then sighed "I love you. I'm bored of doing the same thing. Let's just, uh shake it up a little bit, eh? Okay."
"Okay. Uh, forget Mary Poppins. We can do something else."
"Okay."
"Um, uh, they're having Orchid Mania at the gardens." Marley suggested, and Jake just looked at her.
"Uh, at the mall, there's a mobile cat adoption we could go to." She then suggested. Jake smiled.
"You are such a Katy. I don't know how you're gonna pull off being a Gaga."
"Why? Because I like cats and flowers and Julie Andrews? That doesn't mean I can't rock a bra made out of gloved leather hands or a dress made of totally organic free-range meat."
"Ooh, and I cannot wait to see that."
"Come on."
GLEE!
The Katy's sat in the choir room, as Jake walked into the room, kissing Marley goodbye.
"Okay, so Artie told me that they found the perfect song-we need to move our butts and find a song!" Kitty said, pacing the floor.
"Well, I think we should be singing one of her more upbeat songs, like California Girls or something" Tina said.
"That won't work" Sugar said.
"Why won't that work?" Unique asked, confused at the rich girl.
"Because although we lovely ladies would be able to pull of the vocals, Jake would totally suck at the Snoop rap in the middle…no offence. Aspergers" Sugar said smiling.
"That's kinda rude…But totally true" Jake said, the last part quietly.
"How about Waking up in Vegas?" Unique asked.
"Okay? But still not really a song that Jake could sing…" Tina said, looking at the boy who was sitting on the piano.
"You guys sing that, I'll sing something else…then we can come together and do another whole group number."
"Okay…Let's do it!" Kitty said "HIT IT!"
WAKING UP IN VEGAS
By Katy Perry, Performed by the Katy's
Tina:
You gotta help me out
It's all a blur last night
We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm broke
Kitty:
I lost my fake ID but you lost the motel key
Spare me your freakin' dirty looks
Now don't blame me
You want to cash out and get the hell out of town
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
All:
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Unique:
Why are these lights so bright?
Oh, did we get hitched last night dressed up like Elvis?
Why am I wearing your class ring?
Don't call your mother
'cause now we're partners in crime
All:
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Kitty:
You got me into this
Unique:
Information overload, situation lost control
Tina:
Send out an S.O.S.
Sugar:
And get some cash out
We're gonna tear up the town
Tina:
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Kitty:
Remember what you told me
Unique:
Remember what you told me
Told me, told me...
All(Unique):
(Yeah!) Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now(Oh!)
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
That's what you get, baby
Shake the glitter, shake, shake, shake the glitter, (c'mon!)
Give me some cash out, baby
Give me some cash out, baby
GLEE!
The Gaga's sat in the auditorium again, Sam pacing the makeshift runway they had in place.
"All right, Gagas, I'm taking over this Monster Ball, since I'm obviously the edgiest one in the group.
And as a former teen stripper, I understand the power of theatricality and performativity."
"Yeah, but what-what are they building?" Ryder asked pointing to the AV nerds behind them
"The future, Ryder, they're building the future. All right, we're gonna get scary and weird and controversial."
"Uh, hence the catwalk?" Blaine said sarcastically.
"We're taking it into the audience, Blaine, right in their faces and we're gonna drop-kick the fourth wall."
"Are those strobe lights?" Artie asked looking up
"Believe it!" Sam yelled, pointing at the wheelchair bound boy.
"Because some kids might be epileptic."
"Is it a seizure or is it just hardcore next-level break-dancing? I don't know."
"Probably as seizure" Blaine said, and Marley nodded.
"Come on, guys, I need sick ideas if we're gonna impress Penny, this thing has to be so crazy that it's declared legally and clinically insane. Paparazzi just ain't gonna cut it!"
"What if we had, like, sparklers but we're inside? That's crazy." Marley said, excitedly.
"Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or-or, uh, confetti, only shaped like human skulls." Ryder said, almost as excitedly as Marley.
"No! No, no, no, no! No, those ideas suck! You're not thinking edgy and fresh! You're thinking safe and tired and boring! Okay, look, here. Take the sheet music for "Applause," okay? Learn it. Own it. Live it. And then strap in because right Hey, hey, hey. We're not doing this for Glee Club. We're doing this in front of the entire school. And, yes, Penny the school nurse will be in attendance.
"I've never even heard of this one!" Blaine said, looking at the music.
"It's from her new album that's coming out in the summer. I tweeted her and told her the assignment and she sent us it, as long as we only do it in club and not for like a competition or anything." Sam said quickly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go guarantee a sold-out show."
"How are you gonna do that? The same way Gaga would: by recruiting some Little Monsters.
Sam ran through the halls of McKinley, looking for one particular person…Someone so influential, she could literally get anyone to do anything- "Hey, Becky. Wait up. I need your help with something."
"Bug off. I don't do handies." The smaller teen said rudely.
"What? Uh, no. That's not what I meant. Just stop for a second, okay? Look. I know what your deal is: on the outside, you pretend to be Katy, but inside your soul is pure Gaga."
"What are you talking about?"
"Lady Gaga."
"Who?"
"Katy Perry?"
"The governor of Texas?"
"Okay, Never mind. Listen. Just trust me. We're putting on a huge show in Glee Club, and I need you to get the word out to all the McKinley Monsters, okay?"
"All right, fine. Whatever. I'll do it if you just shut up!" Becky said, then groaned loudly and stormed down the hall.
"That was rude."
GLEE!
Later that afternoon, Jake walked down the halls with Marley, smiling. "I'm so excited for this weekend."
"Me, too.I was thinking we could add a little edge to it."
"Okay. Oh, I know! I can get us some John Mayer tickets. He's supposed to be amazing live."
"Uh, well, I'm-I'm sure he is, but Yeah, it'll be fun. Can't wait." Jake said, kissing Marley on the side of the head.
"Well, well, look at these two cuties." Bree said, appearing in front of the pair "Jake, I just wanted to mention that the Cheerios! Are working on something big and could really use your silky smooth dance moves that make an awkward attempt at combining hip-hop and ballet. You're the best dancer in this hellhole, and I need you to help me choreograph a number."
"Thanks, Bree, but I'm not really a choreographer."
"Babe, no, you should do it. You love it and you're so good at that."
"Really?" Marley nodded.
"Okay, sure. Why not? I'm in."
"Bad-ass. I'll text you rehearsal dates.'Kay. Thanks. Bye." Bree said, spinning around and walking down the hall with that irritating bounce in her step that all of the Cheerios seem to have.
GLEE!
The next day, in Mr Schue's history class, he was giving yet another boring lesson. "And a fun fact: the name "Ohio" originates from the Iroquois word 'ohi-yo'," meaning 'good river'."
"Attention, McKinley idiots. Here are your morning announcements that I didn't do earlier because I was busy publicly breast-feeding my baby at Starbucks. Once again, it's flea and tick season.
Please be sure to thoroughly inspect your overly hormonal, acne-riddled bodies." Then Sue was interrupted by the sound of a keyboard being played loudly.
"I am one of Mother Monster's devoted disciples, and I command you to open your laptops immediately." Becky yelled down the speaker. She then started to pay the discordant notes again over the P.A. system.
Everyone seemed to open their laptops, or tablets or phones where a loud booing sound appeared, then a techno beat started. Sam's face appeared on everyone's screens, wearing a clear plastic mask. Writing appeared at the bottom of the screens telling everyone about the performance.
"I don't understand this video!" Stoner Brett yelled. The music wound down, until it stopped.
"That's I mean, it's just a little teaser video you know, to get everybody psyched for our Gaga performance." Sam said, standing in the doorway of Nurse Penny's office. "It's at 3:30."
"Uh, I saw." The young nurse laughed
"So, are you gonna come?"
"I can't. I'm getting a new piercing."
"What? Where?"
"Oh! On my ear."
"Oh, well, th cool. That's yeah. That's weird, you know, 'cause I was actually planning on getting multiple ear piercings this weekend. We should do it together. That way, you know, you could catch our show today. You know, 'cause it's gonna be really crazy, like Gaga crazy. Especially me, you know, 'cause I'm all totally edgy and stuff."
"- Mmm." Penny nodded, smirking at the teen blond.
"- So? What do you say? Yes? No? Yes? - Yes? Yes?"
"- Sure." Penny said, and Sam's face lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Okay."
In the choir room, Unique and Tina paced the floor, while Kitty sat on one of the chairs, and Sugar sprawled herself across several. "I'm thinking of lions and tigers. We'll unleash them from the zoo. Now, that's 'Roar'." Unique said.
"I want to whip the audience and make them our slaves." Tina said, smiling sinisterly.
"Let's reenact a baby's birth onstage!" Sugar yelled out.
"Ooh, we can float in giant plastic bags of amniotic fluid. Puckerman! Are you awake?"
"We've been at this for five hours." Jake said, from on top of the piano, where he was lying down, almost asleep.
"And we'll be at it five more hours until we come up with the perfect idea." Jake jumped off of the piano and turned around to the girls.
" ."
"Where do you think you're going?" Tina asked bitterly.
"To the dance studio. I'm helping the Cheerios with some choreography." Jake said tiredly, and defensively.
"Who talked you into doing that? Let me guess. 'Breh?' She is the most vile human being on this planet. And, yes, I know that is saying something, coming from me." Kitty said to the girls and Jake, before he turned and walked out of the room. Unique raised her phone to her ear.
"Marley."
GLEE!
"I'm not saying that Jake's on the verge of cheating, but I'm not not saying it. Like my Aunt Felicia always says, a tiger can't change his stripes. Especially when that tiger's a man slut." Unique said walking down the hall with her best friend.
"Jake's not like that. Not anymore." Marley said, getting all defensive.
"I know he loves you and you love him, but that was pre-Bree. That girl is poison. She is whack like crack, a penis flytrap, Marley." Unique said, ranting. "She will chew him up. HashtagPreach." The pair walked past the dance studio. They could hear the techno dance music playing in the room, so they looked in and saw Jake looking pretty close to Bree.
"What am I supposed to do? I'm not like that. I'm not that kind of girl."
"This is your week to fight back."
"You need to go full Gaga and show the2m both that you can be hardcore, too."
"I'm not gonna get paranoid about Jake. Either he wants to be with the real me or he can go."
GLEE!
"Bring the edge! Entertain me! Entertain me!" Becky Jackson yelled, standing in front of her seat.
"Uh, Becky, Becky, sit down. All right. Thank you." Mr Schue said, trying to get her to sit down.
Applause
By Lady Gaga performed by The Gagas
Sam(Blaine):
I stand here waiting
For you to bang the gong
To crash the critic saying,
"Is it right or is it wrong?"
If only fame had an IV
Baby, could I bear (Blaine: Bear, bear)
Being away from you
I've found the vein, put it in here
Blaine:
I live for the applause, applause, applause
Artie:
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Ryder:
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause
Marley with Artie, Blaine, Ryder and Sam:
Give me that thing that I love (Sam: I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (Blaine and Sam: Make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (Sam: I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (Blaine: Make it real loud)
Ryder with Artie, Blaine, Marley and Sam:
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Artie: Make it real loud)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Marley and Artie: Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Artie: Make it real loud)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Marley and Artie: Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch)
Sam:
I've overheard your theory
'Nostalgia's for geeks!'
Ryder:
I guess sir, if you say so
Some of us just like to read
Artie:
One second I'm a Koons
Then suddenly, the Koons is me
Pop culture was in art, now
Art's in pop culture, in me
Blaine with Artie, Marley, Ryder, and Sam:
I live for the applause, applause, applause
Artie with Blaine, Marley, Ryder, and Sam:
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Ryder and Marley with Artie, Blaine, and Sam:
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause
Marley with Artie, Blaine, Ryder and Sam:
Give me that thing that I love (Sam: I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (Sam and Blaine: Make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (Sam: I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (Blaine: Make it real loud)
Ryder with Artie, Blaine, Marley and Sam:
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Artie: Make it real loud)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Marley and Artie: Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Artie: Make it real loud)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Marley and Artie: Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch)
Marley with Blaine, Ryder, and Sam (Artie):
(Now!) Touch, touch (Hoooh!)
Touch, touch now, (Oh woah! Oh woah!)
Now, now, now, now, (Oh woah!)
Now, now, now, now (Oooh!)
Marley and Blaine:
I live for the applause, applause, applause
Marley and Artie:
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Ryder, Artie and Marley:
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
Ryder and Marley (Artie):
The applause (The applause)
Applause, applause (Yeah! Yeah)
Marley with Blaine, Ryder and Sam (Artie):
Give me that thing that I love (Sam: I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (Oh whoa!) (Sam and Blaine: Make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (Give me, give me, yeah!) (Sam: I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (Put 'em up, oh!) (Blaine: Make it real loud)
Ryder with Blaine, Marley and Sam (Artie):
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Sam: Make it real loud) (Ooh!)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Marley: Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch) (Blaine: Make it real loud!)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Sam: Make it real loud) (Oh whoa! Oh whoa!)
A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E (Marley: Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch) (Oh whoa, ooh!)
Marley with Artie, Blaine, Ryder and Sam:
A-R-T-P-O-P
As the audience cheered, Sam turned around to Marley, who instead of wearing her Gaga costume, did the entire number dressed like Katy Perry ala California Girls. "What happened to the seashell bikini?"
"I wasn't comfortable."
"Well, get over yourself you think I'm just comfortable up here with no shirt on!" Sam yelled.
"Yeah, you probably are."
"Well, I'm not exactly loving this giant white thing that keeps getting caught in my wheels." Artie said, referring to the inflatable catastrophe that was attached to his chair.
"Yeah, and I look like Siegfried and Roy, and I still did it." Blaine said, referring to the fact he looked like a really bad drag queen.
"It was the assignment." Ryder chimed in from inside his cage.
"Okay, I'm sorry, you guys, but I am who I am, and I'm not gonna change that for any number - or any guy." Marley yelled, and Jake looked up, a look of sheer confusion across his face at what she meant.
"Marley, we're all trying to win a championship here, as a team, but you put your personal agenda above that. I'm sorry, but you're suspended for the rest of the week." Mr Schue yelled from the audience. Blaine nodded his agreement, and Marley scowled and ran out the auditorium.
"Oh, snap!" Becky yelled.
GLEE!
"Are you freaking kidding me? You just see what they did." Kitty yelled.
"I have literally giving you so many options." Tina yelled.
"This is not gonna work!" Sugar said, pointing at Unique's outfit.
"Stop it. Guys, we need to focus! It is now the day of, and we still don't have a strong plan for this Katy song, and I think - it's pretty obvious what the problem is." Tina said calmly.
"Uh, because we're a bunch of Gagas trying to out-Katy the Katys who just did a Gaga song featuring Marley as Katy? Besides, we did have a plan, but King Latifah dropped the ball." Kitty said bitterly.
"Uh-uh. Let me auto-correct that for you. I tried breaking into the zoo to get us live tigers. Plot twist: Lima doesn't have a zoo! Why'd we think it did? But I did get us a lion costume to make up for it.
Didn't I?" Unique said, pointing at Jake who was sitting on a stool dressed in a very bad lion costume.
"I'm really not okay with this." Jake sighed.
"Guys, the real problem is, we're thinking gimmicks and spectacle, and, yes, both Katy and Gaga share that, but what people love about Katy's music is it's fun and kind and real and girl-next-door.
We need to strip it down. No costumes, no special effects, no gimmicks just the music." Tina said smiling. The girls nodded their agreement, and they turned to Jake.
"Seriously, I look like a gay Thundercat." Jake said, then licked the side of his hand and ran it through his wig, like a lion cleaning itself. Kitty and Sugar grimaced at how cheesy it looked.
GLEE!
Sam walked into Nurse Penny's office, knocking on the door. She looked up and smiled"Hey, uh, you disappeared after our show. What'd you think?"
"Mmm well, I really liked the part where the girl got suspended."
"No, I about our what'd you think about our number?"
"I didn't hate it. Okay, I kind of did. But it's nothing against you, though. Lady Gaga just isn't my thing. She's just too dark for me."
"I thought you said you had a musical dark side." Sam said, confused.
"I lied. My exes have musical dark sides. Ever since preschool, people have said, sure, Penny Owen has beautiful, wavy, sun-kissed hair, but she's just so vanilla. So I started dating bad boys, and bad boys can be fun until they steal your heart, and your car, and everything out of your dorm. I'm done with bad boys. And my favorite artists are mainstream singer-songwriters, like Carrie Underwood, Bruno Mars and Katy Perry."
"Me, too! Oh, my gosh, I am so not a Gaga. Oh! I love Katy Perry. I'm such a Katy. Oh, it just feels so good to say it out loud." Sam said smiling ridiculously wide.
"I also still like the Jonas Brothers." Penny whispered.
"I still like the Biebs." Sam admitted.
"No." Penny said, cringing slightly. "You know, Katy Perry's going on tour next year. You want to hit up a concert with me, if she ever comes to Ohio?"
"Uh, y sure, yeah, sure, yeah. Uh, but why wait a year? Some of the Glee Club are doing a Katy jam today."
"Oh, yeah, that could be-" Penny started, but was cut off by Sam kissing her. When they pulled apart, Sam looked really flustered.
"Ooh, my gosh, Sam, calm down." He said to himself. Penny, feeling kind of dangerous, grabbed him and kissed him again. When they pulled apart this time, Sam just smiled, and held his hand out for her to take. When she did, they walked hand in hand to the auditorium.
Wide Awake
By Katy Perry performed by the Katys
Jake:
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
Tina:
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
Kitty and Jake:
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete
Unique (and Tina):
Falling from cloud nine (Jake: Falling, yeah)
Crashing from the high (Jake: From high)
I'm (letting go tonight)
Yeah, I'm (falling from cloud nine)
Kitty (with Jake):
(I'm wide awake)
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
(I'm wide awake)
Need nothing to complete myself (No...)
Oh
Jake:
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Out of the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end, yeah
Kitty and Unique:
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete
Unique and Tina (Jake):
Falling from cloud nine (It was out of the blue, I'm)
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (Yeah, I'm ready to go, I'm)
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine
Jake and Tina:
I'm wide awake! (Kitty: Thunder rumbling)
I'm wide awake! (Unique: Castles crumbling)
I'm wide awake! (Tina: I am trying to)
Hold on
Jake, Tina, Sugar and Unique (Kitty):
I'm wide awake! (God knows that I've tried)
I'm wide awake! (Seeing the bright side)
Unique (with Jake):
But I'm not (blind anymore)
Kitty (Jake, Sugar and Tina):
(I'm wide awake!) I'm falling from cloud nine
Unique:
It was out the blue, I'm
Jake and Tina:
Crashing from the high
Kitty and Jake:
You know I'm letting go tonight (Unique: Yeah, I'm ready to go, I'm)
Jake and Tina:
I'm falling from cloud nine
Kitty, Jake, Unique, Sugar and Tina:
I'm wide awake
GLEE!
Marley stood at her locker, still in her Katy costume, looking incredibly sad. " Well, I haven't seen a Katy this sad since the Russell Brand breakup scene in Part of Me."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just can't believe I wasn't allowed in there to watch your performance.
I've never been suspended before. I've never even been in trouble for anything." Marley said, clearly on a pity party.
"Well, I have. Plenty, actually. Yeah, but Hey, listen, why don't you come over after school today? Okay? We'll do something fun. My mom has Mary Poppins on DVD." Jake said, earning a smile from his girlfriend.
"Thank you. Okay, I'll go home and change first."
"No, don't. I'm kind of digging this whole Katy vibe." Jake said smiling.
"Seriously? Even the wig?"
"Especially the wig.
"Oh" She said, a little crept out.
"And my mom's working a double shift, so she won't be home until way, way late."
"Um, sure." Marley said nervously. Jake smiled and kissed her head and walked away, leaving the girl standing there really worried, and scared.
GLEE!
That afternoon, at Jake's house, the pair were lying on Jake's bed making out. Jake kept running his hand up Marley's leg, and when she pushed his hand away, he tried to grab her boob. Marley grunted, and pulled away from him.
"Jake, stop." Jake just rolled his eyes and climbed off of her, and sat at the other end of his bed.
"Can we have an honest conversation about this? The whole point to being boyfriend/girlfriend is that we hang out and spend all this time together so that we can appreciate and trust each other."
"I totally appreciate and trust you."
"And what better place is there to explore certain aspects of ourselves than here?" Jake asked, defensively.
"Are you telling me that the only reason you hang out with me and all that is just so I'll let you touch my boobs?" Marley asked, her eyes full of tears.
"What? No. No, no. Of course not. But I feel like you won't even consider it. Like you don't care that it's bumming me out."
"Well, what do you want me to do? I just don't want to be pressured into doing something I don't want to do!" Marley yelled.
"Who is pressuring you, Marley? I have been the most patient. The most understanding. I mean, I used to stop calling a girl if she didn't let me in her pants after six hours." Jake snapped, and Marley's heart dropped. He wanted one of those girls. It was obvious.
"Ugh! Then go be with one of those girls! Go! Have fun!" Jake tried to hug Marley, but she shrugged him off. He sighed and left.
He walked not knowing where he was going until he got there. The dance studio in the school. He saw Bree standing there, putting things away in her bag.
"Hey. Do you want to go somewhere?
"Where?" Bree asked.
"Someplace private. Really private."
"A private part of the school? I like private parts." Bree said flirtatiously. "Is your girlfriend going to be there?"
"Do you want to go or not?" Jake asked angrily.
Bree just laughed at him"I'll get my coat. We'll need something to lay on the ground. I don't want to get grass stains on my uniform." She said, grabbing her stuff and the pair walked out the dance studio and went somewhere to be alone.
GLEE!
Marley lay in her room, crying. She had texted Unique and told her about the fight. She had half expected her friend to show up within minutes. But she never came. Then the doorbell rang. Marley was home alone, her mom had gone to get groceries. So she climbed off of her bed and went to answer the door. She opened the door and saw Blaine standing there, smiling sadly at her.
"Unique text me and told me what happened." He said wrapping his arms around the girl. "She couldn't get out, her parents are making her stay for dinner. So I thought I would take it upon myself to come and comfort you."
"Thank you, Blaine."
"Now, I think we should take a leaf out of this week's lesson and sing about it."
"I'm not really feeling the lesson…also technically not really part of Glee club right now either."
"Just sing with me then?" Blaine begged, and the sad girl nodded.
Eh, Eh(There's nothing Else I Can Say)
By Lady Gaga performed by Blaine Anderson and Marley Rose
Blaine:
Cherry cherry
boom boom
GaGa
Marley:
Boy, we've had a real' good time
And I wish you the best on your way
Eh eh
I didn't mean to hurt you
I never thought we'd fall out of place
Eh eh, hey ey
Blaine:
I had something that I love long
But my friends keep telling me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
Both(Blaine):
(And eh,) there's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
There's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
I wish you'd never looked at me that way
Eh eh, eh eh
There's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
Blaine:
Not that I don't care about you
Just that things got so compliquées
Eh eh
I met somebody cute and funny
got each other and that's funny
Eh eh, hey ey
Marley:
I had something that I love long
But my friends keep telling me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
Both(Marley):
(And eh,) there's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
There's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
I wish you'd never looked at me that way
Eh eh, eh eh
There's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
Blaine:
Eh eh, eh eh, eh eh...
Marley:
I had something that I love long
But my friends keep telling me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
Eh eh, eh eh
There's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
I wish you'd never looked at me that way
Eh eh, eh eh
Both(Blaine):
There's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
I wish you'd never looked at me that way
Eh eh, eh eh
There's nothing else I can say
Eh eh, eh eh
(Cherry cherry, boom boom)
Eh eh, hey ey
Oh yeah
Marley:
All I can say is eh eh
Marley and Blaine laughed as they ended up bouncing on Marley's bed.
GLEE!
"Well that was…Something" Bree said, kissing Jake one last time.
"Yeah. It was a mistake." Jake said, feeling incredibly guilty.
"Well, if it's always that good, we can keep making the same mistake over and over again" Bree said flirtatiously.
"I've got to go." Jake said, grabbing his bag and walking away. His eyes began to fill with tears as he knew he had seriously screwed up.
Thinking Of You
By Katy Perry Performed by Jake Puckerman
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go?
I guess second best
Is all I will know
'Cause when I'm with her
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best?
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
She kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
She pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
'Cause when I'm with her
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...
You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know
'Cause when I'm with her
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay... stay.
GLEE!
"And that's why math and music will be friends to the end." Mr Schue said, obviously the end of another one of his boring lectures. The door burst open, and Tina ran in, dressed as Katy Perry.
"You guys! Throat Explosion just tweeted out that they're doing "Applause" as one of their Nationals numbers!"
"So? Big deal." Ryder asked. "We'll just do another Lady Gaga song."
"They're mocking us. They're saying they're so confident they're gonna win, they're even gonna give us a little head start by telling us what their set list is." Blaine said, nervous of their chances of ever winning.
"Seriously! We should just forfeit now." Artie yelled.
"Guys, guys! Just calm down. So our completion is good, so was Vocal Adrenaline. And the Warblers. And thank God for that. If there's anything we can learn from this week's lesson, it's that other people's greatness makes our greatness even greater. Gaga and Katy, they push each other to try harder, to get better, to be bolder. At the end of the day, all of the friendly competition between those two just means more really amazing music for all of us. I mean, I hope Throat Explosion is unstoppable, because then we know we have to be unstoppable too."
"You think he had that in mind all week, or did he just make it up on the spot?" Jake asked Ryder sarcastically.
"What are you talking about? Mr. Schuester's a genius."
"This week, we saw what it was like to face our weaknesses and turn them into strengths we split up. But now, for our last number, we are going to come together as one unified group."
"Oh please let it be another Journey song." Sue said, walking into the choir room laughing. "There's gotta be one left." She laughs again. "Hello, Glee Club. Hi, William."
"- Sue."
"You know, I was sitting in my office organizing my collection of custom-made bobble heads of my sworn enemies, and just to the right of Henry Kissinger and Drake, well, I saw your hair helmet just bobbling up and down and I realized, well, I haven't marched in here and brought down the hammer in way too long. You're all suspended for a week."
"What? Wait, Sue, you can't" Mr Schue yelled.
"I can do that and I just did it, William. There are rules about what kids can wear to school and these rejects from the cutting room floor of a Todd Browning movie are in violation of each and every one of them."
"Okay, what rules? I mean, the Glee Club has been walking around in costumes for four years." Will argued.
"Well, that was BS: 'Before Sue'. One week suspension, starting now."
"Sue, look it, look we have four weeks to prepare for Nationals."
"Right."
"We can't afford to lose one of them. You said yourself you wanted us to win."
"No, I said you have to win to remain a club. I don't actually want you to win, William."
"Are you seriously starting up this feud again?"
"Oh, it never ended, William. It's been hibernating like a polar bear in winter."
"You know, Sue, the problem with this war is that I always seem to find a way to win it."
"Oh Yeah?"
"Every time. And I wouldn't plan on that changing."
"Well, I am principal. Which means there's only one of us with an atomic bomb."
"Bring it on, Sue."
"It is well brung. Yet again. It is brung."
"Fine but you better get ready to hear the New Directions! Roar."
"Three, four!" The drummer yelled and the music of Katy Perry's "Roar" began to play.
"Even though I don't know your names, you band geeks are suspended, too." Sue yelled over the music.
Roar
By Katy Perry Performed by the New Directions
Tina:
I used to bite mytongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
Unique:
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
Kitty:
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
Jake with New Directions:
You held me down, but I got up (New Directions: Hey)
Already brushing off the dust
Unique with Sam and New Directions:
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake your ground
Kitty with Tina and New Directions:
You held me down, but I got up (New Directions: Hey)
Get ready, 'cause I've had enough
I see it all, I see it now
Tina with New Directions:
I got the eye of the tiger, the fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion
And you're gonna hear me roar
Unique with Kitty and New Directions:
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion
Unique (with Kitty) and New Directions:
And you're gonna (hear me roar)
Tina (and Unique) with New Directions:
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
You're gonna hear me roar
Blaine(and Sam):
Now I'm floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee, I earned my stripes
(I went from zero to my own hero)
Ryder(And Jake):
You held me down, (Oh) but I got up (Oh)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake your ground
Sam and Blaine, (with Jake and the New Directions):
You held me (down), but I got up (Jake: Got up!)
Get ready 'cause (I've had enough)
I see it all, I see it now
Tina (and Jake) with The New Directions:
(I got the eye of the tiger)
The fighter (Jake: Ooo, yeah!)
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion (Jake: Oh!)
And you're gonna hear me (roar!)
Blaine and Kitty with the New Directions:
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion (Kitty: Yeah!)
And you're gonna hear me roar
Kitty with the New Directions:
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Jake: Oh, yeah!)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Ryder and Unique with the New Directions:
You're gonna hear me roar
Kitty with the New Directions (Jake):
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Hey!)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (You'll hear me roar!)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Jake and Tina with the New Directions:
You're gonna hear me roar
Kitty and Jake with the New Directions:
Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar!
Unique:
I got the eye of the
Kitty and Tina (and Unique) with New Directions:
(Tiger), The fighter
(Dancing through the fire)
'Cause I am a (champion)
And you're gonna hear me roar
Unique:
Oh louder!
As the New Directions sung, Marley walked into the auditorium, where Jake noticed her, and his guilt mounted. It only got worse however when Bree walked into the Auditorium and stood beside the brunette. Jake got really worried but kept singing.
Unique and Jake with Blaine and the New Directions:
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion
And you're gonna (with Kitty: hear me roar!)
Kitty, Unique and Tina with New Directions:
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Unique: Yeah!)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Unique: Yeah, yeah)
Kitty and Jake with the New Directions:
You're gonna hear me roar
Unique, Kitty and Tina with New Directions:
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Unique: Whoa oh oh!)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Jake: You'll hear me roar!)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Unique: Oh, yeah!)
Jake, Kitty, Unique, and Tina with the New Directions:
You're gonna hear me roar!